The filter that is installed
Between her head and heart
Stops her before she can start
To reveal her melancholy art

She fears the words will go round
Circle the earth at the speed of sound
Only for them to roll
Back into her lonely soul

Tears in her eyes it brings
With stones attached to her wings
Then she steps out of her cage
And onto the stage

And her words
Soar in the sky like birds
With a resting place to be found
In this heart of mine

The things she said I look back on in bed
A resting place they find in my head
Immortalized in the air
Forever there

In the process of healing it's important to forgive people
You may say that some wretched people are beyond forgiving
Understand that we are all enslaved and in debt forever
We've reaped what we didn't sow, a world pleasantly delightful

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a cage or prison
At times like this I wonder who put me here
Was it people who used me as a stepping stone?
Or those who put me in their crosshairs and fired?

Yet the worst pain is betrayal from a trusted friend
How can one trust anymore after being misled and backstabbed?
Intentionally hurt by a person in a position of confidence
Is like a death blow to the soul, eternal pain

Some things are beyond our understanding, some folk without hope
We must pray that we be unyoked to this world
For we are ghosts and shades and spirits in flesh
Here temporarily on our way to a more permanent place

You gave me gifts, you didn't spare
I don't deserve, your loving care
When I was blind, when I was slack,
These things remind me you had my back.
I believed in you, and you made sure
That all my trials, I could endure.
You knew I'd fall, for I was inclined
I knew in my heart, but not in my mind.
I thought I was going straight, but I was careening
For upon others I was leaning
I wanted others to love me, but then I learned
Through trial by fire and getting burned
That since people hated you, they hated me
When I talked about you, they were angry
Then they looked upon the gifts you gave me with envy
And they sabotaged my gifts by any means necessary
So I let go, and away they went
Now I feel broken and strained and bent
So I looked and prayed, then I saw
The one who created the world and gave it law
He said we're born into sin, we're sinners from birth
Yet we should store up treasures in heaven, not on earth.
For our deeds follow us, yet to love God is a start
And all these things I hold close to my heart.

A passing spirit
Might hear it
When I talk to myself
Inside my head
I don't fear it
I cheer for it
I hide nothing from it
I open my soul to it
It changes me
It clears up the misconceptions
I talk to it
Lay before it
What I can't express
How my soul is stressed
Can't show my face
My lungs are full of toxic waste
My heart is venomous
My head suppresses it
A filter silences me
Truth is repressed in me
Words form in my heart
But are too revolutionary
My friends are distasteful
Speaking to people
Is a leap of faith
Some are like sheep
Most are stubborn like goats
I don't want to be an influence
Don't want to be heard
Except by the passing spirit
The passing bird
In my head

Watch where you walk, be aware of your path
The better you do, the more narrow it gets
It's like building a house of cards
One mistake and you have to start all over again
Some things you pick up and can't part with
Some people come along and you can't let go
You must learn to stand on your own
You must face yourself at some point
They can afflict you, they can abuse you,
but nothing will hurt like what you do to yourself

Some things are a mystery to me, like
Should I always speak the truth
Or if I should cover ugly truth in the name of love
Where I end, and where my surroundings begin
If other people can sense what I'm feeling
If I hurt others as much as my mind convinced me I did
Is everything going downhill, or if things will get better
Will there be a new revival, or are we in end times
Is life scripted

Something hidden from the wise
And yet to fools, is no surprise
The depth and gravity of yearning eyes
That magnetically spellbind with attractive lies

Puts black holes to shame
Different day different name
Those who see through the game
Flee the soul trap all the same

Yet when it dies, is a relief
For it is a power thief
Else it might live long enough to see
And know the truth, which is worse I believe

Nothing to do
Nothing to see
Nothing to live or to die for
Lay down your life
Lay down your soul
Reach in the fire and pull
Oh how the fire it burns

You never learn
You never turn
Now by the fire you burn
Nothing is true
Nothing for me
Nothing to give or to strive for
You're in a hole
I reach to the bottom and pull

Now you
Caught in the teeth
Of a fierce lion
Begging for meat
Whose never full
Who feels no grief
I reach out my hand to his mouth

I'm like a doe
Or like a raindrop
I go with the flow
Where the wind blows

I feel possessed
Under control
The more I think
The less I know

My mind goes from fast
To incredibly slow
And sometimes life
feels like a show

Tend to the earth
Help trees grow
Uproot the weeds
You reap what you sow

My matters are grave
My spirit is low
Someday it'll make sense
Gotta learn to let go

I would have loved if I had known
Love is not something you can hold
Everything's so overgrown
I cannot toil, I must control

For once I turn my back it folds
Like a house of cards it falls
Back to dust it slowly goes
Rust consumes within these walls

And like the dust that moves with air
One day It will settle down
I'll live my life without a care
And dig my roots into the ground

Had a good time
I was free
Did what I wanted
I had to reach
This point
To battle the spectre
That haunts me
I've been lazy
I've been reclusive
Most of all
Selfish
Now I live
With the results
For alas
I have no one
Not a soul
Who will carry the burden
Of all I've done
I'm alone
With my thoughts
But in the end
That's the cure
For my restless head
As I sink into bed

Not many men wear skirts
but many women wear pants
When women and children are leaders
no one is happy
Men worshipping idols
Women chasing money and independence
Turning our backs on the Lord
Afraid and in dismay
Men kneel before their mothers wanting to go back
into her arms to **** on her ****** once again

Men are catty and ready to fight for no reason
Women have *** with so many partners it's disgusting
We have ****** men who want wives but can't find one
Women are all on social media with multiple accounts
A successful marriage is like winning the lottery these days
The churches are being undermined and attacked by government

A government that labels Christians mentally ill
and medicates them till they are complacent
Obey and you're free
Forced to lie by the liars
It's what they're doing to the saints
Rubbing dirt in the eyes of God's children
I am against the world and the system
I am perpetually prepared for martyrdom
My heart's treasures are in heaven not on earth
They hated the the old prophets they hate me too

Lost faith in humanity
These bruises ain't healing
Why'd you expose me,
Make me walk around naked?
When you saw my deeds clothed me
You soiled my garment
So I threw it away
It was burning my skin
I have flashbacks of falling
And nobody calling
But my ears are still open
And I'm tired of lying
Gotta keep moving
This is no time for crying
Tell me the truth
What can I do
How can I help you

For all my life I have been shy
They pick on me I don't ask why
Their words are bullets that tear through me
I should get on a raft and drift out to sea

I sweat whenever I get scared
They never asked they never cared
Why my skin is red and swollen
Where is my pride, it has been stolen

I have answers yet the question is missing
The answer is obvious yet no one listens
Please God and the manna will be given
You will see worlds that you can live in

Where all your wishes materialize
Clean up your mind to find the prize
Sweep up the dust and wipe the grime
Live your life like it's for all time

For all my life I have been shy
But now I feel I have to try
No one should make me sweat or cry
The answer is obvious, the question is why

Long have I waited to escape the toxicity
Of the house I grew up in, my parents hypocrisy
I thought I could right the wrong if I was alone
Yet without a spouse, is this really a home?

I've done my best to keep out of sight
Stimulants in the morning, depressants at night
They make me smell bad and tarnish my beauty
Who can love someone like me?

I have an open mind, but a heart shut tight
I'm open to ideas, but against love I fight
I've been hurt and burned by love grievously
Who can love someone like me?

I ask for help, and get empty words
I hear their song, they sing like birds
To a shattered soul, it hurts and burns
Weep with me, and patch my wounds

Live with me, and hold me tight
Dream with me, all through the night
I promise to be loyal and true,
Like a stray dog, I'll forever love you

I want to say a thing
But nothing will come of it
There is no power in my words

So I feel hurt
Yet I don't blurt
I leave my speech unheard

I fight against myself
What for I cannot tell
Inside two warring birds

I don't have lavish dreams
I am no wanna be
Just want serenity

I'm like a boulder or tree
There is nothing to see
Like every human being

Like any other freak
Exhaling as I speak
There is nothing to see

What do you seek
I'll shut my beak
There is nothing to see

Take my strength, take my pride
Take my home when you need to hide
Take my heart, take my soul
You need to eat, swallow me whole

Now you’re gone, and left me bare
I lost my strength, and tore at my hair
Then I felt you did not care
But the truth is you were never there

I'm food for the crow, next to the worm and the mole
I've sunk very low, dug myself in a hole
People look at me, they stare and they gawk
Don't like what they see, they glare and they mock
I'm so full of sin, and so I don't talk
Let you under my skin, my mind is a rock
I cry all the time, only one who listens is God
I sigh for my crime, truth strikes like a rod
Evil surrounds, it strikes from all sides
The devil confounds, he taunts and divides
My mind is a blank, never making a peep
Yet for this I thank, and this memory I keep
I looked up, and saw a light
Through which evil couldn't pass, with all it's might
And it surrounded me while I counted the sheep
And I felt at ease, and I fell asleep

Light and dark
Good and bad
Male and female
Are not equal

For light dispels darkness
Good triumphs over bad
Male goes into female
Such it was and always will be

Love sees none of this
Love sees hope in all things
That work together
For the ultimate ******

So I will not be bitter
When suffering persecution
I await the storm's end
And let love work its miracles

I live in my head, off the body of Christ's bread
His blood flows in my veins, which I'm prepared to shed
My workaholic dad said I'm lazy and better off dead
But I'm always wet as sweat burns my skin and bed
When I asked him to brave the fire of hell with me he fled
He couldn't stand the scorching red, he chose the easy path instead
Heaven my reward, money is where he got lead
In the end I'm a scapegoat who bled so they can stay the same
I shame myself so my folks go easy on the pain
They say I'm stupid and not on my best behaviour
As they **** my blood I think of my lord and saviour

I live in the shade
A dark corner of the housetop
My actions and habits
Have all lead me here
I live in fear
of losing what's meant to be lost
and gaining what's meant to be gained
I sit in the dark

Light means exposure
From its pinnacle I have fallen
Into an abyss of my own doing
A prison of my own making
I want to leave
There's nothing for me here
except more of the same
Like eating the same food for eternity

I've decided to leave
Though I have no destination
I will scour the nation
And search for you
Lead me away from my burden
Take me away from myself
Refresh my aching spirit
Remind me that misery isn't centre stage

In this place
I try so hard
To show off
My better side
Under a correct light
I can shine so bright
Go so far
But there's a part
In my heart
That comes out
At certain times
Here it is
Then it's gone
Now it's back
It's like right and wrong
Day and night
Or white and black
I wave it away
Keep it at bay
It comes again
To attack
Need to pray
And unwind
To unify
My ruptured mind
But I know
In the end
By moving on
I'm left behind

I am earth and dust
I am life incarnate
I am beautiful and just
I go where I want
And say what I must.

So why did they ******
Me into prison
To be educated
To be brainwashed
What's the reason?

To me it's obscene
To gain knowledge
Yet forsake the dream
To be a cog
In the machine

I never graduated
And I'm proud
Yet the world scorns and mocks
And blocks
And doubts

I am a rejected one
An unwanted son
Yet my life is mine
And the dream can shine
So yes, I'm doing fine.

Truth likes to hide
Look for the clues
Good never mentioned
Death makes the news
Gossips and sadists
Whatever they choose
To feed a hungry race
Who can't refuse

The good things we do are overlooked
Counsellors and therapists, overbooked
We're all influenced by selected truths
It's what makes the news

Don't fall into the trap
Of being too negative
Evil isn't everywhere
You just care
Where is the good
From where does it flow
It's so simple
It's the status quo

If the past is set in stone, then what of the future?
I don't know, but of a few things I can be sure
We grow old
We die
It's hard to decipher truth from lie
Enslaved by my own impulsive drive
To give up
To let go
The garbage I leave behind
Out of sight, out of mind
Out the door
Done my chore
What do I have to show for
Years of wandering to and fro
Just let go
To be alone
Now I'm starting to see the light
I can rest my thoughts tonight
Into sleep
Into dreams
For I found what I was looking for
Life eternal is in store

On who is the plaything
Tonight the tables might turn
I can't hide the fact that
My feelings for you burn
You pulled my string again
Then like a wind-up toy
I danced to your tune
At the end of the day
It all comes out
It's because I care!
With tears in my eyes!
Love me
The people I like,
The people I care about
Its enough

I move through life uprightly
And judge my enemies lightly
Very few things spark my ire
I turn from base desire

I do not fuss or grumble
My spirit's low and humble
It keeps my feet from slipping
Ensures that I don't stumble

I don't have much to give
Though you don't need much to live
If I say no to what you want
I hope you will forgive

If someone steals my shoes or shirt
My heart will weep bitterly
For the people that I hurt
Not for the one who hurt me

I walk with God, when his light goes out I sit
And if I should die, so be it
For through my suffering I have made others strong
And so the Lord will put me in the right, not the wrong

Love is accepting
That's not what I gave
It wasn't love
But a harsh lesson from above
A desire to save
That put our ties in a grave
We succumbed to the hail
This love doomed to fail
My love has grown cold
And due to betrayal
Where once I was bold
I'm now just a baby
Or so I've been told
It put out my sun
I search for red flags
And see evil in everyone
Like they're hiding a gun
I
Trust
No
One

In my fallen state
I cannot do my job
I cannot sing or dance
I just mope around all day long

Nothing keeps my attention
Shifting but not dreaming
From point to point
Not enjoying the journey

Am I broken beyond repair?
Can nothing restore my happiness?
Where is my pride?
Cast down with no one to help

My family is one
My love life is two
I've burned all bridges
There's no way through
My home life is three
My work life is four
I can't do my chores
I remain poor
Four walls surround me
And there's no door
I am wounded
Disturbed to the core
The only way out
Is either up or down
Which way I go
Is out of my hands
I am too badly hurt
And uncomfortable
To plan anything
Let it all crumble
The grave awaits
Desolate yet humble
I await good news
And then I stumble
I want to go
Wanna pass away

Many people are born of blue skies
A star in the sky belongs to each one
A dream forms in their sparkling eyes
They follow a destiny that begins in their vision
Calm and secure, they are free to roam
To walk with light that guides their paths

I was born of a different sky
On a rainy and stormy November morning
Cold and damp, I knew to rebel
My destiny was to go where others would not
I died each time I was put under light
Only to be reborn through a desire for the end

But now the blanket of darkness has been lifted from my heart
And I see that in all my pain was a comforting nothingness
Despite my loneliness I never lost my strength and courage
The coldness caressed me like a nurturing mother
In her womb I dwelled while others saw depression
And anxiety and nervousness and laziness and sloth

I feel relieved that the demons have left me alone, if for a while
I am not being harassed spiritually by nightmares and terrors
My methods of relief are not needed
It is at this point that I cease judging others
I see the blue skies, and they are numbing the pain
And with the blue skies I understand that it is time to act

I never had a goal or a dream
Except to live and gaze at the beautiful skies
To live in peace and security
In harmony with nature and God and with people
I have sat alone and in despair for so long
I am thankful for a moment when the sun parts the clouds

Nature is pretty, scenery turned red
The sky is grey, with raindrops it bleeds
The bird feed is gone, the leaves fell to the wind
All that's left on the branches are abandoned nests

As crimson leaves with the wind soar aloft
Up to the sky so high, only to land so soft
Into roads soaked and full of puddles yet cool
Reminds me of life, and how fate can be cruel

Soon when winter comes with its white snow
To cleanse the earth with its cold air flow
I will think of the memories I had
And it makes me sad

I hope to have more time
To right the wrongs, a season in my prime
A new year for which I can now prepare
The start of a new life, and this time I'll care

If I'm quiet
No one listens
If I shout
Then I'm crazy
Told to let it all out
Not to bottle things up
But no one cares
How I fare

A narcissist's dreams
Have selfish themes
They see the future
And plan their schemes
But when they see me
Full of joy
They do their part
To break my heart

And thus I fall
Into a well
Into a hole
Into a hell
I have to yell
A cry for help
Cause no one cares
How I fare

I've been thinking a lot
On how to succeed
For I'm ashamed
Of the life I lead
There are many books
One can read
Some say pain is gain
To sweat and to bleed
Others say success is measured
In every good deed

Yet I say success begins with the heart
It must have root
That's where it should start
Not by habits of hand or foot
It must be broken apart
It must be thought through
A strong foundation
Uniquely you

I want to forsake my possessions
I must straighten what's bent
And begin my sessions
Of enlightenment
Or these distractions
I'll take to the grave
Only to find out
They cannot save

If my belly could speak, wonder what it would say
It grumbles and tumbles and hurts all day
Perhaps I should quit smoking, perhaps I should fast
I know deep down the problem is caused by curses cast

I fed on competition, I savoured violence
To outwit and outdo made sense
At last it's a dead end
It's not how it works, I haven't a friend

I've regurgitated my memories and vomited out poison
It took some years, hardest years I've ever seen
I want to turn back and repent against sin
I want to sober up, so I can be healthy again

To love someone who flirted with you
without feel a thing
To love someone who deserted you
after taking everything
To love someone who hurt you
and left you on the floor
Takes more strength than anything
I've ever done before.

No one can see it
But I feel it inside me
When I look at myself
Can't help but cringe
Placed on a pedestal
Where one shouldn't be
It was crooked and sloped
A balancing act
For all eyes to see
A throne of tears
I was placed up high
On a foundation of sand
And when I fell
The pain that I felt
Made everyone uneasy
I just hope in the future
You understand
And don't laugh
But understand
Please understand

I don't believe in coincidence
but luck and chance
Random encounters
where no pre-thought exists

You can try to foresee things
or play out your fantasy
Yet the best things in life
will come unexpectedly

In a world of points and lines
it's hard to believe
in unexpected joys
and what one can achieve

My patience has grown thin
With those who don't listen
They're beyond reproach
Like cockroaches in human skin
They eat so much fat
Yet remain thin
They exercise sin
And squirm out of any situation
They see but don't perceive
They laugh when others grieve
They're too busy with their employment
They've ****** all enjoyment
Out of my life so I'm stagnant
To the point it's poignant
It concerns me
How I'm up against an army of worms
It burns
Being alone cause everyone is like stone
A job is to earn money
But they sell their souls
For money they burn
Till they're in the hole or the urn
And then there's me
Who was never free
Poor as can be
But I know it's all vanity

No worth
To earth
Low birth
No use
Short fuse
No hope
Just dope
Unsure
Impure
Uncured

I learn
God's word
Now I'm
Assured
When I'm through
Hands of love
Will take me
Away from earth

And I
Am ready
To take
The voyage
New world
New birth
To heaven
Where someone
Is waiting

Philosophy will wane
Protect the status quo
Take off the chain
Throw off the cord
Focus on gain
You will get a reward
Someone will teach you
You will become a commodity
Something of value
You won't have to worry
No need to confess
You're free to laugh
At those that have less
Take what's theirs
Steal their ideas
Neither loser nor winner
Neither master nor beginner
There are all types
Of shadows that walk the city
Who take comfort in mediocrity
You will be surprised
You may even be shocked
When you realize time is money,
You will make friends with the clock
A time to sleep
A time to get dressed
Brush your teeth
Go to work, without stress
A time to play
Do the same thing every day
No excuses, money to spend
A time to unwind
A time to throw a rubber band
Into the eye of your friend
In the end
No need for a sharp mind
No need to understand
For we're all just putty
In someone else's hand.

Don’t ask what to buy to brighten a room
Just change your mindset to lighten the gloom.
It’s a choice to trust and lust
After things that will turn to dust.

An object fought for will be forsaken,
A thing sought after will be taken away.
Look how it goes to waste,
Losing its smell, losing its taste.

Search your soul;
Have you noticed those pinned to the floor?
The things they bought have come to life,
Cutting and slashing their hope like a knife.

Walls can shrink,
And ghosts dwell in places you wouldn’t think.
Remember those ghosts, which things couldn't save;
For what they loved most, has become their grave.

Slowed to a halt
The cringe is a knot
I try to untangle
the intrusive thought

My mind doesn't match
what I do with my hand
I'm due to snap
Like a tight rubber band

There are two sides to me
Many things come in twos
I am so stuck
I simply cannot choose

It's the war
that I wage within
It keeps me poor
And beggin'

Eternal fight
Always the same
Yet there's the door
New memories are calling my name

Your eyes are my thunder
Your gaze sets me loose
It's really no wonder
I do what I choose
Yet there's something about you
I feel it in my chest
You set me free
To try my best

The passion was palpable
And so unforgettable
Too bad it ended
So regrettably
Lust's unpredictable
You're not always able
To know someone fully
Soul mates improbable
The start indescribable
The end so despicable
Leaving me so unstable
What I did was laughable
Falling in love so deceivable
But what you did was evil
Playing games like the devil
One day so huggable
The next unloveable
Now I feel so uncomfortable
My life so unliveable
Yet I gained a new level
I feel more untouchable
I will do what is viable
And be indestructible
We will both find a new place
It is undeniable
We will close the file
And not live in denial

I'm waiting for a day that does not exist
Where I can reunite with my loved ones once more
I am trapped in a loop, routine dictates my nights and days
The more time passes, the more I know I've lost them forever

Melancholy haunts me as I go about my business
Estranged friends pop into my head at times
I've failed them, just like I failed myself
The only thing to look forward to is death

Yet there's a dim ember inside me
That come the end, there will be a new beginning
And I will see the ones that I love, alive and well
And what once tore us apart, will no longer be

There are certain corners in my mind I can't go
Memories of the past distorted and concrete
When I try to open my mind
To let love inside me
They pop up
Obstructing

I run, dash and dodge around these memories
I try to focus on the good times
As hard as I try I can't forget
And if I try to face them
I get eaten alive
Then spat out

They say I should leave the past behind and move on
That I should have more compassion on myself
But it's the way I am and can't change
Some scars are simply eternal
And won't go away
Until the end

Enamoured and stricken
by love out of nowhere
It started with a dare
Now I'm writing letters of care
I playfully write them
for we are an item
Thus I'm yearning for nothing
and have no need of wings

As the world turns around us
we satisfy our lust
Blind to the mess
of others' distress
This house is so nice
yet I'm starting to think
we live like mice
in hidden vice

My friend,
I must be honest and lend
you the truth in my hand
The letters I send
are not entirely honest
for you are my end
I hope you understand
You're all that matters

Your eyes are deep waters
Without you I'm burning
The way I bend for you
is stomach-turning
The day we fell in love
was the day I stopped learning
Thus I am cursed
by longing and yearning

No amount of water, no amount of soap
No amount of scrubbing with hygienic foam
Can clean me of my crimes,
So I indulge in wines
I drink the fire so clear and rank
To null the inner stank.

No amount of guilt, no amount of shame
No amount of planning in this God-forsaken game
Can free me from your hand,
You are like slippery sand
I think of us and all the fuss
that made me such a wuss.

No amount of wealth, no amount of fame
No amount of telling myself my past will be regained
Can stop me from my aim,
To clear my innocent name,
As the pain falls down on me
so heavy I can see

What benefits are there for knowing God?
You get no applaud
Maybe a cross on the wall and a bible on the shelf
It will be something you keep to yourself
No one will share in your belief
Unbelief will come like a thief
Wicked thoughts will spring up like weeds
On the ground where you've planted good seeds
More than the sand on the shore of the seas
Forcing you to fight an endless battle
You will be a shepherd in a field of grass and cattle
Trying to keep your mind pure where snakes rattle
Normal people will no longer be on your level
You will no longer be indifferent to evil
Suffering greatly fighting the devil
You will notice those who distort truth
You will know them by their fruit
The devil will send demons both spiritual
And in human form to mislead you
You will belong to a whole different kind of family
Once they knew you, now they don't see
For you are no longer the person you used to be
You will be called crazy
The world will make you an outsider
Though you open your arms wider
The world will reject you for sure
For you are no longer the world's, or worldly in nature