Am I me
Have I lost my glow
I can see
a dark shadow
Chasing me
My girl,
where is she?
These lips, have kissed lies
and the sighs and the cries
Ring in my ears
Mocking me
What is this fear,
fear in me,
my girl,
where is she?

I live in my head, off the body of Christ's bread
His blood flows in my veins, which I'm prepared to shed
My workaholic dad said I'm lazy and better off dead
But I'm always wet as sweat burns my skin and bed
When I asked him to brave the fire of hell with me he fled
He couldn't stand the scorching red, he chose the easy path instead
Heaven my reward, money is where he got lead
In the end I'm a scapegoat who bled so they can stay the same
I shame myself so my folks go easy on the pain
They say I'm stupid and not on my best behaviour
As they **** my blood I think of my lord and saviour

There once was a time
or rather, a sight
Somewhat of a rhyme
yet also a plight
before the first dawn
before the first night
before God declared
let there be light
Children were born
shining and bright
though some were torn
between wrong and right

Now war was on the horizon
and all had to fight
Many chose a side
The forces of darkness tried
to overthrow the law
and take the throne
force goodness to scrape low
but commanded by the sun
the ground opened wide
and down they fell
upon the sound
of the trumpet and bell
and descended to hell
though once mighty hounds
defeated they were
Over it was
before they could tell
forfeited lives
they rest behind bars
in cell - like hives
no longer stars

We are human
and we're slow
we have the power to think
before it becomes so
we don't just wish for something
and it becomes so
though what side are we on?
We just don't know

We form a circle and stare at each other
Blaming the other who's on the outside
It's easy to raise someone up then
Just like it is to tear them down

Sometimes in bed I wonder
Are moments equal just like people
And why I keep thinking the same thing
A moment and everything changes

We stumble hard and then there's no turning back
We fall through cracks left by moral decay
And even if we make it to the top of the pile
We are not satisfied with it

How I wish we could live together
United as one, on the same page
No more fighting but on the same side
But that is a dream of a different place

I struggle to explain what I'm witnessing
What difference does it make, when you don't have a voice
It would be nice to talk to a human being
The lonely life I live, is only partially by choice

I can't let go of this feeling I have
It's one I've had since I was a child
Of the need to brace for constant attacks
Like being surrounded by scorpions and snakes in the wild

I come from a narcissistic family and it shows
I bear all the classic symptoms and traits
Evading reality is all I know
A lonely life is all that waits

My heart jumps at sudden noises
From a leaf rustling in the wind when I'm walking
To new messages, to new voices
It's always about me they're talking

Still I hope that in the end
All those people who betrayed me
Will change and be my friends
And we'll live as a family

Like with a brush
You painted a canvas
Intricately and exquisitely
To the voice of your will
And thus was I
I danced and was thrilled
Bending my soul
To the shape of your whim
Yet now I cry
For you put me aside

I will be loud
I won't  be hushed
To win you back
I will do much
From the heights
To the depths
I'll paint the world
With how I felt
I'll touch the hearts
And they will melt
Perhaps you'll remember me then

How long must it be
Realistically
Before you appear
And set me free
For I'm in hell
Now where I dwell
A shell of what I used to be
Under this spell
A brokenhearted fool
Without you

I needed care
And you refused
Said it's not something
I can choose
Said it's only for
an emergency
When I didn't want help
you forced me

Now I have nothing
no one to share
the passing days
only psychiatrist's care
a handful of meds
And then I sway
away from dreams
the only way