I pick up a controller and play
Every single day
Till I can't feel my head
Till my eyes turn red
I get ******
Then I get owned
The same old games
Of renown fame
just like so many others
I forget my name
Through these cords
I live a fantasy
Without any consequences
or rewards
It made me happy
when I was a kid
who had an imagination
but deep down inside I wanted to get rid of it
A life I could have had
like mom and dad
Now the cobwebs are forming
And the world is turning
And my passion isn't there
And I'm starting to care

Masters of reality
Adding spark to the bland
You give them your money
They stimulate your pineal gland
They live out your fantasy
They did something grand
Live like a celebrity
Fame, status, and...?
Now you feel like a nobody
Time's slipping through your hand
Yet when the clock turns a degree
You will understand
That time comes like a sea
Sweeping the land
To shift honour and dignity
Destroying foundations of sand

I saw the traps
Yet went right in
She hunted me down
Chewed me up
And spat me out

She was there when I went down
She was there when I was made a clown
She turned her back as I drowned
I begged and cried, don't let me die
She just sighed and said goodbye

I am the darkness she locked me in
I am possessed by what has been
Disturbed by what I continually see
I refuse to let go and break free
Yet there's still fight left in me

I will not rest
I will not cease
I'll devise a plan
She'll come crawling back
On hands and knees

Then I'll beat her till she's sore
I will make her beg for more
Ensure the pain sinks to her core
And when she knows she's done for
I will strike a blade through the *****

Starting from the bottom I wanted to scale the ladder
Tried to hone my craft and turn out the winner
They pyramid was tall and I knew I could fall
In the end I understood nothing at all
For they sabotaged my efforts so I failed in my tasks
Discouraged and lost I turned to the flask
Drinking and high all washed up and burned
In examining me they left no stone unturned
Humiliation set in every waking day
I was put away, but in the end I'm just clay
They tried but couldn't break my hope
The thought of death actually helps me cope
I know the end is better than the start
And I hope in heaven you and I have a part
Evil and corruption come and pass
But these things are but a kingdom of glass
Naked and scared, all will know their sin
Nowhere to run, they will be exposed just like I have been
And they will learn nothing to them was ever owed
While those who walked in purity will be clothed

What's the use
I do no harm
I do no good
Locked in my room

What's the use
Keep my head low
I have these feelings
I cannot show

Yet in my head
Behind the soot
There is a spark
That life is good

But what's the use
I do not choose
I don't consent
I don't refuse

What I'm seeing
An inner war
For the core
Of my inner being

What goes inside me
I feel within me
Wanna breathe out the old
And smell something new

There are certain corners in my mind I can't go
Memories of the past distorted and concrete
When I try to open my mind
To let love inside me
They pop up
Obstructing

I run, dash and dodge around these memories
I try to focus on the good times
As hard as I try I can't forget
And if I try to face them
I get eaten alive
Then spat out

They say I should leave the past behind and move on
That I should have more compassion on myself
But it's the way I am and can't change
Some scars are simply eternal
And won't go away
Until the end

I'm waiting for a day that does not exist
Where I can reunite with my loved ones once more
I am trapped in a loop, routine dictates my nights and days
The more time passes, the more I know I've lost them forever

Melancholy haunts me as I go about my business
Estranged friends pop into my head at times
I've failed them, just like I failed myself
The only thing to look forward to is death

Yet there's a dim ember inside me
That come the end, there will be a new beginning
And I will see the ones that I love, alive and well
And what once tore us apart, will no longer be