I don’t want to
Open my mouth
Because I’m still afraid
The truth might come out
And if it does
If it really breaks free
You’ll see what I am
You’ll see the true me
The one I hide
With jokes and lies
I’m a terrible person
All jokes aside
You don’t seem to know it
You don’t seem to see
Even a glimpse of that person
That I know to be me
I’m such a good actress
I hide it so well
Cover it with a laugh
And you’ll never tell
You see depth in my eyes
You see love and emotion
But what would you see
If I ever did open
I can’t bear to find out
I can’t bear to show
The me you don’t see
The me that I know
If I let it out
If I let it be
I know for a fact
That you would hate me.

I strip the sheets from
My lonely bed
I tremble with anguish
At what remains unsaid
I panic again
The aloneness wins
I can’t seem to bear
Its various sins

Nothing is wrong, yet
Everything’s awry
Beauty surrounds
A Mystery Sky
Please help me, I pray
Help me to be
Alright and steady
Wondrous me

If I’m beautiful
In the forest
And nobody sees me
What happens then,
To my lustrous beauty?
It’s so immaterial
An unneeded question
Beauty is a trick
It’s not the bastion

I’ve been seeking
Nor is Love
Nor is your touch
There’s just only me
Always “too much”
It makes no sense
I swim in these waters
Dead cold fingertips
Lamb to the slaughter
Sickening sinking
Shaking and sweating
You’re no good for me
You are everything

Am I ok in this moment?
Yes, I am whole
Terrible minutes and hours
The dark, dark hole
I sink into when he’s gone
Is useful in a way
It helps me to rise
Again, above the fray
There, I contemplate
The relentless gutting pain
Of this loneliness creation
This hollow empty frame

My angel, my guide
My source, my pride
My energy, my love
Come fill me up, don’t hide
Your energy from me,
I need it so desperately
To set my heart free
To set my heart free

Night wrapped in silence
not a single soul in sight
but the wind's moaning