the white spaces in between the words contain all the answers,
   just read the silent lines of my poetry.

the bark is thin and wearing,
old with thin scrawny web-like branches.

and beneath the old soil
is buried memories of

me & you

(watched you fall from your
mind, and now
I am clinging to the air
watching the air slip
through gaps of my tangled fingers)

I’m awake, but I can’t still see you.

In a flutter, like a sprinkle of rain
     you entered my life

   leaving a trail of stardust, where it was
too dark
    and now,

    a glitter of lights shimmers in the depths of my soul

i can’t sleep the sun is going down, down a black void filling the sky and the nightmares are here

the silence was
heavy,
devoid of
everything,
empty.
i  could  hear  
nothing,
  yet the room
was

echoing loud.

i want to drown in your sound of sorrow
to try to feel something

but in the end,
there is nothing

but a soft beating, bleeding heart

that i can’t feel.

take me home / into the creeping silence / of ghosts / of death / and kiss me into sleep / i want to dream / of stars / of life / take me home / and slip me into sleep / with you in my arms / at home.

I can feel sounds die under my fingers

i trace the crumble lines that running marks of you / your white words on the blank paper / i want them tattooed on my skin  black / your words etched on my skin / bleeding ink poison into my veins / i want to die by your silent worlds.

today, i went out as the sun was burning bright.
and then,

i  c a m e  h o m e  i n  r a i n and
    t h e  s u n  w a s  w h i t e.

today, i went out as the trees and flowers were in bloom. i went out into a world in vibarant colours.
and then,

i  c a m e  h o m e  i n  r a i n. with
   c o l o u r s  d r a i n e d,
      l e a v e s  f a l l i n g.  l i k e  a s h e s  and

i  entered  a  dimlit,   empty  house.

// i want to die //

i want crumble under your soft petals of blue rose / as you kiss my pale sick skin with your ice-cold fingers / but as i reach to touch the blue moon with my bare hearts / as i set my teeth on the dark between the stars / and peer into night / your blue flowers have already withered away / you left your garden  / and i’m left to fall into the darkness of the sky again / between the stars / and to be swept by the rich colours of coming dawn

i want to die and yet...

i’m lying on the floor / my heart crying tears of blood / crimson rain that embraces the soul / yet kills it in the cold / it hurts / dancing in my rain / that sings for you / all dreams have died / and nightmares have risen from shattered ashes / devouring all that was left of me / as you left / with my doors open / i could see the sky / i could see outside / through the spaces you left in my home / the sky paling away / the leaves falling as their colours dulled away

autumn was coming / the winter was coming / and yet all i could feel is summer / spring / in this pit of crimson tear / as i drown / with you on the tips of fingers / slipping away like everything else

Is it laughable, how I’m still clinging on, still hanging on to what’s already fallen?Pathetically and desperately clinging on air.

Is it laughable?

Do you mock me?

(I do. Every single time.)

crashing waves. the ocean hides silence love in the folds of its wild waves.

i drown.

each part me of electrifying as i fall. And it’s pain/pain/pain

and it’s falling deeper, deeper deeper— in to depths of the sea.

the dark moonlight breathes like ash at bottoms of the sea like a reminder. spills like sunlight, caught in the depths of the sea—

like it’s silent love hidden in the folds of crashing waves.

you are—

dead.

And me: alive.

And,
I drown

deeper deeper darker darker

you are—

dead.

And me: alive.

and the sea water tastes sour sour.

yet. i can’t have enough.

blinking lights,
a glittering thousand of beating hearts
and,
i can taste mine,
burning stars lingering on the tip of my tongue
rotten-sweet

how many stars have died inside of you?

how many stars in you have lost their light?

lighting up your world,
in a confetti of fireworks
exploding in a flash vibrant colours
taking your breath, capturing your eyes
then,
gone
swallowed by the darkness of your sky
and you are left to stare at a
hollow abyss

tasting emptiness

each piece of you lost to life

and i can taste mine, vivid
lingering death rotting in my mouth

eroding each part of me, till there’s nothing left

but. an void of emptiness.

tell me,
how many stars have died inside of you?

how many stars in you have lost their light?

on fire. rose and ashes. brokenglass.
velvet stained. falling deeper.

CAN YOU HEAR
               my heartbeat?
   (the sound of your death)
rising fast, then,
            falling suddenly short.
ends in a drizzle of rain, that was  
   once thunder.

waking up to the
    sound of thunder
roaring in the sky above,
a hurricane raging in my heart
and
       you, in my arms.
silent and ice-cold.
  the taste of our last kiss—
      burning in my mouth.
where the empty space in between us,
     the stars did die.
as i did.
as you did.
    
fireworks exploding in reverse.

the sun is rising from the edge
the world is drowning in a spilling hot fire
my heart is falling i’m rising
i’m bleeding voilet you are drenched in sunlight
voilet is tearing at the seams the sun is rising
my heart is falling i’m rising
and everything is white  

oh darling, i can’t see anything

i lay my hand over my chest. press my finger on the spot that aches
and i can feel it,
a small beat
that goes thump under my finger

as i drown

the arrow is shot.
it pierces through the air as
it hits the mark,
dead centre

but barely scratches the surface of my heart.

I have tasted cold stars (and burned under your kiss)

I have seen fire pits of stars blazing in your eyes, felt them in the lining of your skin (and died in each one)

I have loved and hated you (and now I trace each scar with careful fingers)

And there’s only everything left in memory of you. Each piece of me.

(You are gone, but has never left)

rolling off your tongue,
words
      letters
twisted & bended
the ends, crooked
that it comes off short and
drops dead

hits the floor
   in a crash

your heart laid out bare

i can’t hear you
(i can see you)

darling,
what are you saying?

speak louder
   speak clearer

(there’s no use though
it seems
you forgot,
how to form the words

‘i love you’.
slipping on the tip of
your tongue

but.
never reaching me)

the silence is heavy

suffocating

in space stretched out between us
lays dead souls

remnants pieces of our soul

and I can the deafening silence

grinding my bones to dust

gripping my empty heart and

squeezing every little life left

till it shrivels and goes dead

(and you pick it

bury in the sand

watching it disappear

swallow up by the earth

drowning in golden grains)

and the silence is heavy

deafening

i can hear your silent whisper

crying from your lips

it's raining_

and i’m shivering

curling my self inwards

(you are dancing in the rain

slow steps. open wide. engraving each drop in
to your skin.)

and it's silent.

You’re a bleeding sunrise into a dawn sky.
kissing me as stars tumble from inside you
your breath melting on my tongue
filling me with light, I never existed

and darling, I am melting beneath the curves of your body.

.
.
.

all the golden stars had turned to dust,
you picked up the stardust
let it slip through the cracks of your fingers
they sprinkle on me, tangling into my heart,
   fluttering into my soul as you blow a kiss to my forehead
and now darling,

I am a golden star burning brightly in the night sky.

set your teeth on the rising dawn

darkness–
moonlight breathes down like ashes

The song howls. And I dance.

your hands can hold the world
     can they hold my heart?

closed fists in pockets

head down

the clouds fall above you

and the slow song of the rain beats
in your heart

pitter-patter echoes

the world around you drown

and it's all you can hear

the drum of feather touches against
your soul

closed fists in pockets

head down

you watch the drops of rain

slip into the cracks of the earth

(filling and filling, where he couldn't)

(but. she wonders, maybe...
it's the earth swallowing the rain inside

gulping the clouds

stealing it from the sky

till it's clear blue again

and she can look up)

jyou cut my soul and now there’s a
void i can’t fill

my heart bleeds tears
since my eyes can’t

(i have forgetten how to cry)

and i bleed blood
no one can see

through the wounds you etched on my skin,

they were kisses of warmth then you left,
and now they are only,
    kissses of cold

that hold no memories,
only a hollow void
i trace with lost fingers

(my heart bleeds tears)

and it feels like winter

white snow like ashes falling down as rain

the world,
my world casted in darkness

the sun hidden by the falling clouds

(but it’s summer.)

I reach my hand forward
but —

it falls short

and, there’s only
darkness and silence left in this gaping distance

between us

Baby, I am dancing in your mind
to your heartbeat
that drums out of beat
and my limbs are tangled up

I heard an ancient song,
once a upon time
singing in your bones but now—

now, I can only hear
silence

Baby, I am dancing in the dark
(when did the lights turn of?)
and my limbs are tangled up

I heard an ancient song,
once a upon time
singing in your bones but now—

now, I can only hear
silence

i once heard,
love

now, I can only hear—
death

The windows shatter

shards of glass falling down
like a sprinkle of snow

digging into my skin, into my veins

and the room is painted in shades of red
crimson, scarlet, rose and blood

and we're breathing in smoke

my fingers threaded into your hair,
your kisses are like sweets
sugar melting in my tongue

intoxicated with your eyes

your bones shivering under my sharp nails

baby, my lungs are turning charcoal black

There's a beat in my nerves
dragon’s breath, kisses of fire
blazing in my heart. I’m made of steel.
Sharp against the edges. Heavy.

  can you hold the weight?
(on your knees, crawling through burning flowers.. your shoulders are dropping down)
  can you feel the cut edge?
(prickle of blood, pain. let me see beneath the layer of your skin)

There’s a beat in my nerves
dragon’s blood running through my veins. Fire away at my skin, golden scales &
your words
                break
   apart.

can you break through?
(pierce through my armour & touch my bare skin and— shatter this steel heart)

sprinkle

light steps

i tiptoe over the garden of splintered glass

transparent. reflecting.

i can see dark. ugly. me

you can't see anything

i weave in-between the
complicated lines

jagged. harsh.

my dress floating in the air

and—

sprinkle

light steps

i tiptoe home

while you wonder more

lost in our heart.

(— hollow eyes)

there is blue caught
        in the lining of his skin,

he’s glowing in the dark

moonlight spills from his fingertips
as they graze the sky
his pale fingers dipping into the
black sea that floats over him,
followed by
    his hands, his arms, his head till
he is swollen whole

by the night sky

a ripple of stars
turning tsunamis worlds away

and the night echoes with
howls of wolves

as the moon sets into his throne
.
.
.

there is yellow caught in the lining of her skin
   she’s fire burning in the light
risen from the earth

her earth-stained fingers grazing the sky
her black eyes piercing into the
blinding blue

before—
she dives into up into the sea
                                 and spreads her flames

a hot white steam washes over the world
and clouds forms

a beat, then. the cloud breaks apart
rain drips down

the earth soaks up sunlight
  and spouts out flowers
blooming with a rainbow

as the sun sets into her throne
.
.

she—
             fell
up
      a nd

SUN DEVOURED

I drown in possibilities, in dreams
paradise stinging hot-sharp on my tongue
s l i p p i n g   a w a y
fading to ashes— and

today, the night is too loud.

i can’t see anything.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
cli­cking crystals. shudder. ice stars.
darker. falling deeper. breaths of ash. sliver
k i s s e s. rose glass. stained.
illusion. shatter. falling deeper. silver
k i s s e s. tonight. the moon
is black. your heart. darker.
falling
d e e p e r  into  
d a r k n e s s. — in
love.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

i am hidden in layers of flowers
can’t you see the thorns?
can’t you see me?

i am hidden in layers of flowers
pretty little things that spread across my
face in vibrant colours
why can’t you see my desperate smile?
don’t you see me?

i am hidden in layers of flowers-
wrapped around in vines
they are piercing my skin
digging inside

it really hurts

why can’t see you through my words?

(why can’t i speak?)

i am hidden in layers of flowers
in layers of pretty words that cover
my deep scars on my heart

everything i say is in metaphors

and you are captured by its beauty

(why can’t you see me?)

(why can’t i speak?)

and darling, the thorns are digging deeper into my skin

sprinkle. light steps. up. higher. fly.

once.
the stars
              collided

and I    burned.

             I ran  
                       ran
                               ran away from fate, from    
                                                         my life.

             ran away towards the sun, towards—
day light.

    I had forgot the sun was a star.

but then I remembered.

And then.

and then the stars had whispered: courage.   And then—

    m y   w o r l d   s h a t t e r e d

and then. I opened my eyes:

it was night time.

And I turned around and faced my memories. my star. my sun.

Him.

And it was:

day light.

echoes. of. splintered glass. run. closer, closer. petals of rain. white. falling
stars. burn. glass. you keep me locked by your words. sweet. shatter. echo. of. splintered glass. crimson stained hands. s i l e n c e. you keep me locked by your words. sweet. dark. and..
clip. clip. i fall.

the sunlight spills through the windows
like honey
creeping into my duvet covers and inside
my fortress of darkness
touches my closed eyelids. and

there

that day

in my dream

i dreamt of stars