How can i find the silver lining when there's no cloud
It's all rainbow and sunshine and we're singing out loud.
Quickly i try to find a tunnel to walk, hoping to find the light at the end
is it just so happens that my luck, found me a tunnel which never seems to end.
Was i wrong to thought it was a chains of events in serendipity,
Or to hope this happiness to last beyond the infinity?
It's like starting fire in the rain, hoping to find a warm comfort,
Instead what i got is pain, and the rain won't wash away the pain suffered.

AS 03/19

I want to start as fireworks but there's nothing to burn.
I want to cross the river, but the bridge is burned.
I want climb the height, but i have no ladder.
I wanted to give you a call but all i got was "please try again latter".
I want to hold you tight in my arms, dancing in the dark.
I want to share with you my warms, cuddling till it's dark.
I want to hold your hand so tight, our fingers intertwined.
I want to kiss you good night, but you're not mine.

They said that time will heal
But it's been forever, why my heart still ill?
They also said someday I'll find someone better
Maybe thats why i keep comparing everyone with her.
They said, someday I'll be happy again
This air of melancholy be blown away and
I will somehow find my zen.

But that day is not today.
Today, my head is still on my arm,
Hugging my knee close to my chest,
Snugging at the corner of my room,
Still sobbing while asking myself
"Is this really for the best?"

I wrote her a letter, But it never finished.
I don't plan to either, because I'm not sure what will it accomplish.

"You are my siren, you drew me in
With a voice like an angel and the softest skin
Your eyes shine like diamonds and your smile melts my heart
We're like the star and the moon, and nothing could tear us apart"

That's what i wrote, and just let me say
Even though the last line not true, but I'll never throw it away.

"You make me smile when no one else can
It just makes me happy to be your man
But it hurts me deeply that we have to be apart
I thought we would last, but we need to do this, sweetheart"

I could not end it, could not write a "goodbye",
Not with the ink, just the thought of it could make me cry.

AS 73/19

I don’t know.
I don't know anymore.
I don’t know
What is good, what's bad
What's alright, what's not
What's yes, what's no
What's okay and what's not okay
What's life, what's death.
He'll, I don’t know
What's hell in death or heaven on earth.
What's drowning in love to someone you don’t deserve?
What's gasping for air when air is everywhere?
What's dream about sky when we have no wings to fly?
From all of the rest, why her you have to put to rest?
When her son first contact with sun,
When the fly finally able to fly
Five hours later
Come the rain of pain
Come with cloud, carrying storm with it already a house
Flew across the field of Haiti,
Killing lives, destroying things.
No more plate to put my food on
No more spoon, no more fork,
Hell, even no more spork.
So I have to use my finger
This ***** little finger
I used it to have some fun with myself
I'm gonna use it to eat now
Gross as ****.
But do I have choice?
Yeah, do you have choice?
Can you pick a and forget what b can give?
Or vice versa.
Or maybe we are too settled with A that we forgot that there is c?
Or perhaps, d until z?
Hell, even we maybe have 1,2,3
Too much choice? Pick one and regret
Pick another and repeat
Make another and make it great.
Tho my flow doesn’t actually flow,
And there's no story being told.
It just thoughts
Like a train
It went fast, faster than the rain.
Ain't nothing stopping it,
Not you, not her, not that not a thing.
Like why do you think that?
Why you? Why her? Why a thing is a thing?
Why couldn't it be a lot of bread
Or a pack of ****

.

Its unspeakable but i think my eyes spoke
Its Unthinkable but my mind thought.
Itll never happen but here i am, hoping

Sometimes i still thinks about you
I think about the places we've been
The places that you force me to go with
Even if you have to carry that iv bag around with
The beach, the club, the parks and the church
I think about the ***** we've done
Dancing in the crowd, laughing out loud
I think about the the foods we tried
The shop that we came too early that haven't opened yet
We wait by the door end up we make friends with the owner

Sometimes i still missed you
I missed your warm embrace around my arm
Your cheeky tounge playing around my ear
Whispering ***** seduction
I missed slapping your round **** when you're in the kitchen cooking our food
I missed the drunken night when you'd cry about your past boyfriend and you'd describe me as a godsend from heaven

Sometimes i still dream about you when i sleep
Last night was the dream i can't forget
You came in my dream telling me that now you're happy
Finally make peace with god, having fun with angels
In heaven you created your own
I'm happy to know you're happy
I'm happy to know you found your peace.

I still remember the last words you said to me
"We are real. Our love is real. As real as yesterday can be.
And when I'm gone, I'll ask god almighty for tomorrow
To take care of thee. Don't blame yourself that we can't go far, you can put all the blame to the fault in our star"

Rest in peace, baby.