Alive
Living life
I wonder what it feels like
To be
Actually be
Alive
I try
Lord knows I try
And still
It’s a struggle
To be
Alive

Living a life
Of not feeling
And having problems
Attaching to life
And those around me
All that abuse
That kept me
From being myself
And now
Sometimes
I float
Have trouble keeping
My feet on the ground
So many years
So much time
So far away from the abuse
And yet
I’m still
In it

I’m in the air
Floating
Feet not on the ground
Wondering where I am
I’m floating
Not feeling
Not aware of where I’ve been
Or where
I’m meant to be
Just floating
Floating
Floating

Silence
Can be so beautiful
Especially
When it comes
After a long time
Of
Thoughts

Around and around the thoughts go
With no beginning and no end
‘round and ‘round in my mind
Like a merry go round
Of life
And
It’s hard
To still

We sometimes wonder
What life
Is all about
I have no idea
And
I will never
Stop
Trying
To find out

Sitting
And waiting
For life to happen
While
Doing
Nothing
About
It

Poetry
Is a collection of words
That make sense
In the context
In  which it is written
And sometimes
The words
Mean
Nothing
At
All

Sometimes
I wonder
And then
I give
Up

Love is
Holding and caring
Making use of all our senses
Love is shaded
And holding
And pure
Love is clouded with doubt
And eager to please
Love is all there is
In a world
Where pain and suffering
Rule

Life is a lived experience
Of that which is
And that which is meant to be
One step at a time
Moving forward in time
To become
What we were always meant to be

Helpless
I drift
In a fog
Of non-understanding
The world is in a mess
And I can’t
Make
Any sense
Of it

Who let the virus out
It’s so much easier
To believe
That it’s
An act of man
Than to believe that
It’s an act
Of
Nature

Harmony
Involves making sounds
In different orders
And experiences
A blending
Of the good
And not so good
A weaving of difference
That eventually
Come
Together

Life
A never ending stream
Of experiences
Which take me
On a roller-coaster
Of living
A cacophony
Of sights and sounds
Experiences
That take me
To my next destination
Always in movement
Stasis doesn’t exist
Chaos and order
And always
Love

Today
I will stay on track
I will do all that I promised I will do
I will continue to grow, and learn, and be
I will enjoy life and live it
Today I will know that, if this is my last day
I have lived it
To its fullest

Time seems to have stopped
I look at my watch
And minutes
Feel like hours
I think I have slept
And only minutes have passed
Since I lay
My head down
Minutes, and hours, and days
Drag on
In never ending
Patterns
That keep me
From becoming
Whole
Living each breath
Anticipating
That
Which never comes
Used to be
That days went quickly past
Too quickly
To keep track of
And today
They seem like
The longest days
Of
My life

I drift
In a swirling world
Finding that my feet
No longer touch the ground
How am I to exist
Without the grounding
The necessary attachment
To the world
And I go elsewhere
Where feet don’t matter
And love guides the way
And my heart swells
And joins in the chorus
Of everlasting
Nothingness

Sometimes, Love is all there is

Something is happening
A shift
In my understanding
Of where I am
And where
I need to be
A change
In my placement in the world
And my bodies willingness
To accept
Change
I let go of so much
And empty myself
Of past inforgiveness
I thought I had to
And now I know
It was just my mind
Guiding me
In the wrong direction
And today
I don’t know who I am
Or where I’m going
And I have hope
That
Someone does

Kale my lovely friend
I hold you in my hands
Feeling the strength of your commitment to life
Knowing that your life energy
Will heal
My ailments
I place you in my blender
With the flax of health
And the water
That sustains life
And I allow the blades
To create the pulp
That sustains
My be ing
Kale, my beautiful green friend
Only those who have tried
Will understand how you
Have touched my ailing heart
And given it life
Only those who are conscious
Understand
The true meaning
Of
Health

It’s over
They took me away
Ever to be never
Longing to return
To the pain
Pain is better
Than
Nothing

What does death feel like
Is there consciousness in death
Can we feel
Like we do
In life
What is the difference
One day I am here
And the next
I am gone
And
Who cares
Who cares
Whether I’m here
Or not
I walk a fine line
Unable to comprehend
Feelings tearing at me
Drawing me down
Into the abyss
Of life
How am I
To choose

I am drowning
In sadness
Unable to understand
Where this pain
Is coming from
It is real
Authentic
Limitless
Perhaps
Just perhaps
It comes from a longing
For my self
Is this what angst feels like
I reach out
And feel the emptiness
Of life
Nothing has any meaning
Emptiness
Loss
Uncertainty
Of what is to
Become
Of
Me

I am bereft
Torn apart inside
Unsure
Of what this sadness
Has to do
With me
I feel it
Authentic
Reality
Pain

Why does sadness
Tear at the innermost
Feelings of my be ing
Why can’t I understand
What life is all about
And what I have to do
To make it real
What truly is life
And what does it have to do
With me
I don’t
Understand

My dog
Has a shaggy tail
And the ability
To make me love
All of life
In his innocence
He brings wisdom
To my mind
And
As he shakes his tail
I am reminded
That
Love
Is all
There is

What is change
But a new knowing
Of what life is all about
And the understanding
That nothing has ever been
In stasis
We
Along with all that is
Are forever
Locked in movement
Ever changing, never the same
A lone figure amongst
The many
I hold onto
That which was
While embracing
That of which
I have no knowledge
And I jump
Into the abyss
Never knowing
If I will hit bottom
Or learn
To fly

It’s that time of year
When the sun is shining
And the warmth on my skin
Causes the flowers to bloom
And the birds to return
To their nesting
And I want to jump and leap
Through the air
With the
Joy of Spring
But alas
I can’t go out
Into my joyous place
By the stream
And watch the birds
Celebrating the birth
Of a new world
I can’t share my happiness
With those outside
As I frolic in the mists
Of a new day
I have to stay inside
Bundled in my aloneness
Shrouded in the knowing
That the world is changing
And I
Along with it

Life is a mixture
Of true and false
Sometimes happy
And most times sad
Never quite knowing
How my day will turn out
I plow through the many tasks
I set for myself
Always heading
Towards a goal
Of unknown origin
And I think
What’s it all about?

I think
Sometimes I really
Think
About life
And about
Sorrow
And happiness
And how to find
Both
In
The same
Life time

Can anyone tell me
What life is about
How we came to this world
Conscious beings on route
To a better time
And a better place
Flowing so strongly
With love and with grace
Tell me please if you can
What path I must take
To know who I am
Can’t make a mistake
Or I’ll have to come back
‘till I get it right
Over and over again
Until I gain insight
I want to know
Yes really to know
Why I came here this time
With lots of crap in tow
And how can I move
Beyond this old stuff
So want to be clear
And say it’s enough
So I think I will pray
In silence of self
Meditate for a while
Take myself off the shelf
And get to know
All of me and no more
Embrace and with love
A pure self at the core

Have you ever had a day
Where nothing seems
To fit together
It’s like
I can’t find a place for myself
As I move
From activity to activity
And never quite
Complete
Any of
Them

It’s like
Trying to find myself
In a mind field
Of emotions

It’s like
Playing Russian Roulette
With an
Unloaded gun

Unsettling
To say
The least

So
How does one right themselves
As they fall from a high building
How does one attempt to complete life
In the slow down
Lane

How does one attempt
To live
A life that is
In stasis

Homebound
Twiddling my thumbs
Wondering
What to do
Next

So many days in solitude
So many days alone
Can only talk on SKYPE and ZOOM
Can only speak on the phone

I miss my social time with others
As we shared our hopes and dreams
Thought things would always be the same
And now life has changed, so it seems

My thoughts are wobbly
Don’t know what’s in store
Things couldn’t go on
As they were before

So changes are made
From the way life has been
More sensitive to
What has been unseen

We need to take care of
The Earth on which we thrive
Begin to understand
That love is prescribed

Until we make changes
Things will stay as they are
Unhappy and joyless
Was the old life on par

But now after being
Kept inside for so long
Our thinking has changed
From what was so wrong

Living in harmony
Is the way to go
Love compassion acceptance
Is the only way to grow

Into a new society
Where we embrace
All that’s same all that’s different
With love and with grace

I used to like
To sit and read
And eat great things
For ice cream I’d plead
And now I have
Only smoothies that are green
Veggies that are raw
And water that is clean
As I get older
My menu grows small
I want to live longer
Until I can no longer crawl
My hair is now grey
And my teeth they come out
With my low hanging body
My age I don’t doubt
When I was much younger
I never gave thought
To keeping myself healthy
And exercising a lot
And now that my walking
Has taken its toll
On chairs I can sit
On the floor I can roll
Getting up might be harder
Yoga’s not what it was
The bending and twisting
My head’s in a buzz
So aging ain’t what
I thought it might be
I think I’ll slow down
That might be the key

My lie is in chaos
My life is a mess
I’m starting to go CRAZY
And I don’t feel blessed
I don’t have the virus
I’ve been staying in doors
It’s been weeks since I’ve seen
More than tiles on the floor
I know I should be happy
And have blessings to count
And I’m getting so bored
And my bills they do mount
It won’t be long
Before this all will be over
A memory forgotten
As I sit on my mower
Enjoying the sunshine
And people I’ve missed
When when will this happen
Don’t want to get p*ed
I’m counting down weeks
Minutes hours and days
Would love to go out
Enjoy life and some plays
And instead I sit here
On my computer I write
Poetry to remember
From chaos to light

Now locked in and  bored
This virus keeps us inside
Hoping it will end

These times are so dreadful
I want to cry
Men hurting one another
I say with a sigh

Why can’t we imagine
A world without fear
A place to grow up in
That becomes very dear

But instead we move forward
With daggers in hand
We close up our hearts
And take a firm stand

When instead we could think
Of ourselves as a flow
Of loving pure kindness
And wisdom in tow

Perhaps then we
As a world could evolve
And all of life’s problems
We then surely could solve

Today
I went back to childhood
And I lay down
And just closed my eyes
And did
Nothing
How good it feels
To be
In a place
Of
Nothing
Ahhhhhh

Running running
So hard to keep  up
With life
Ever going
Always doing
This way and that
Filling in gaps
Busy schedule
Have to go
Have to do
Have to
STOP
And smell
The roses

How does one describe exquisite pain
The longing for the love
That sustains us all
The wanting to be in touch
With the God power
That exists within
Each and every one of us
With tears in my eyes
I remember the moments
When we were together
In sweet bliss
And I long
For those  times
To be ever with me

I’m at the bottom of a hole
Sitting on the floor
Feeling as low as the concrete slab
I’m sitting on
I don’t know how I got here
Or how to get out
So..I just sit
And feel, and long for more
What could possibly
Have placed me here
And the strength I need to climb out
Just isn’t there
So I sit, and wait, and feel
And time goes by
And nothing gets done
And I’m still sitting
Cold
On the hard concrete
At the bottom of a hole
Hoping
Just hoping
That someone will come along
With a rope
And help me out
And
It doesn’t happen
So again
Here am I
Alone
Sitting on the cold concrete
Waiting
Until
Just until
I can pull my self
Out

There’s a word that’s come
Into my head
Have to learn the meaning
Have to put it to bed
It takes over my thoughts
Has me concerned
Don’t know what to make of it
Don’t know if I’ve learned
I’m certainly concerned
That I’ll use it wrong
Maybe put it on paper
Make it into a song
It’s mindful, considerate
And caring too
Use it wrong and I’ll find that I’m
Inside  a zoo
So thinking so carefully
Eager with fear
Not sure what to do
And feeling quite queer
So….

I’ll repeat the dear word
Again and again
Solicitous, Solicitous
And now I am sane

The power is out
What shall I do
I’m in the dark
I have no clue
Why it is out
Or when I’ll see
The lights go on
In light I’ll be

The dogs are batty
They’re scratching the door
If I had kids
They’d be on the floor

What do we do
When the lights go out
How do we live
And walk about

I can’t cook supper
Or read a book
I’m on my computer
The power they took

Not time for bed
Or lying around
What do I do
With no light on the ground

Oh hum, o gee
I can sit and stare
Oh my, can’t see
Is that a bear

Please, come on soon
Can’t wait much more
Maybe it’s time to think
About going out the door

Oh yes, I think
It’s coming back
Ok, never mind
I can unpack

Today
Yes today
The day I live in
Forgetting about the past
Or the future
I want to
Live in the today
That I am
Creating

Have you ever played the game
Of hide and seek
With
Yourself
Have you ever felt
Like you want to
Start all over again
In a different way
What would you do differently
I kind of like
My life
Even though
It can get pretty lonely
And the only one
I have to talk with
Is
Myself
If I could change
Anything
In my life
I think I would
Be kinder
And more loving
To
My
Self

Sometimes
Just sometimes
My thoughts soar
And
Take over my Universe
And all that I have
Are
The thoughts in my head
And it’s so hard
To think
Over all that chatter
Sometimes
Just sometimes
I yell at my mind
To stop yelling
Inside of me
And taking away
My right
To choose
Sometimes
Just sometimes
I want
To be
In the
Silence
Without thought
Without action
Just
In the
Silence

Floating
On a bed
Made of spidery webs
And flowing
Water
I drift into sleep
Wanting to stay awake
And finding consciousness
More and more
Evading

All around me
Things are changing
And it feels
Like no matter what
I do
I
Can’t
Keep
Up

I want to say something
And words
Cannot express
What I am feeling
Now
I wish
I could understand
All that exists
Inside of me
And
I
Can’t

There is a place
To which I cannot journey
It comes from
A long ago time
And
Every once in a while
It comes back to visit
And disturb
My
Slumber