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Diana Sep 2020
This is the subconscious belief
That marketing today uses
It feeds off of our insecurities that it knows we have
We search for acceptance from it
So we extend our naive necks to its fangs
Until it bleed us dry
Pocketing our money for its own greed

Makeup
It tells us that in our natural state
We. Are. Not. Enough.
That blemish
Cover it up
Those sparse eyebrows
Draw them in
That wide nose
Slim it down
You’ll become beautiful
I promise
Just give me $150

High heels
It tells us that in our natural height  
We. Are. Not. Enough.
You may be 5’ 1 or 5’ 7 but wear this
It might add maybe an inch or two
It’ll be worth the pain
I promise
Just give me $70

Push up bras
Tell us that in our natural size
We. Are. Not. Enough.
Whether you’re an AA or DD
An extra bit of padding and lift
Will make you more desirable
I promise
Just give me $40

These are only a few products
There is still
Plastic surgery
Fillers
Waist trainers
Facetune
Photoshop
The list goes on and on

When are you going to make the decision
To learn to love yourself unconditionally
To demonstrate acceptance towards yourself
Since nobody else can
Because they too are stuck in this vicious cycle
Make the conscious decision today
Instead of giving it to society subconsciously for forever
Diana Sep 2020
When we physically touch one another
We are acknowledging each other’s physical existence
When we mutually share pieces of ourselves through language
We are acknowledging each other’s nonphysical existence
Diana Sep 2020
There are not many statements
That can apply to all humans
But
The desire to be unconditionally
Loved
Accepted
To have your existence be genuinely acknowledged
The desire to be enough
Is at the core of every human

We look to others from our own places
Of insecurity and rejection
Thinking that they have it all
That they feel unconditionally loved
Accepted
Genuinely acknowledged
Enough
Forgetting that they too
Are most likely acting behind a
Perfect facade concocted by society
Searching for this unconditional love
For acceptance
The the feeling of being enough
But they project the version
That the world says is enough
Is worthy to be loved
But that love is conditional

We are taught
You need to become something or someone to deserve love
This love won’t satisfy anyone in the long run
It is conditional

If you sat down with the people you admire
The people that you think have it all
That if you were them you wouldn’t have anything to complain about
You’d feel enough
You’d feel loved and accepted
If you sat down with them
And had an honest conversation
About each person’s insecurities
You’d realize that everyone is broken
Trying to search for unconditional love
Acceptance
Acknowledgment
Yet we look towards one another
Forgetting that those that appear to have those things in fact don’t
And are also searching
Just like you
Sep 2020 · 84
Untitled
Diana Sep 2020
“I don’t hate you
I just lost respect for you”
-anonymous
Sep 2020 · 90
Living Memories
Diana Sep 2020
I find it quite interesting
How I am currently living in a phase
That I will one day
Look back on and reminisce
It’s almost as if
Living in the present is a form of the past
Diana Aug 2020
The idolization of an individual
Is a form of dehumanization
It places an insurmountable pressure
To live up to an expectation
And disregards the downfalls and limitations
That make us all human
So anything but perfection is not permitted
The static perception of an individual
In itself
Is a form of dehumanization
As time moves along and changes
So do humans
We evolve and grow
But to place the identity
Of who someone was
Ten years ago
One year ago
Six months ago
Onto the current version of who you see
Is a form of dehumanization
To not acknowledge the change
And to stay static in your perception
Is a disservice
Not only to the other
But to yourself as well
Because your perception of others
Is a mirror for one’s inner judgement
Of the self
Aug 2020 · 89
Self Love
Diana Aug 2020
My beauty
Is not found within conformity
My beauty
Is found in embracing my originality
Aug 2020 · 125
For most women
Diana Aug 2020
An aesthetically beautiful woman
Is more intimidating to them
Than an aesthetically beautiful man
She will make her question
Her beauty
Her worth
Her value
Way more than the man
Aug 2020 · 183
Socrates would be proud
Diana Aug 2020
Reflection and poetry are synonymous
To be a poet
Is to be reflective in nature
To be a poet
Is to disperse sparks of wisdom
Within the space of letters and lines
Through moments of inner monologues
“The unexamined life is [a life] not worth living.” - Socrates (Plato)
Diana Aug 2020
What makes you feel the most beautiful?
  ->doing whatever the fu€k I want
edit 1: I usually thought this way, but now I would say when I’m worshipping or praying
edit 2: I would add it is when I am completely vulnerable. It is a different kind of beauty. One that is emotionally strong
(usually a person will say when they look a certain way which is sad to an extent because it reflects the way in which they associate beauty immediately with an external reflection; however, most people think this way)

2. Who do you love the most in your life?

3. Who has shown you and made you feel the most loved?
—> I had a 11 year old ask me this once

4. What would you do during the summers as a kid?
—> it can reflect the socioeconomic background one comes from

5. Do you think you’re an aesthetically  beautiful person?
—> this is quite interesting, bc if a good looking person says yes, then they’re proud and stuck up; if they say no, then they’re obnoxiously oblivious and seeking attention; if a not so good looking person says yes, then they are praised for their confidence; if they say no, then they are pitied and encouraged, the best answer is to give an answer back: do you believe that everyone should feel aesthetically beautiful?

6. Do you have any siblings? If so, how many brothers and sisters, and are you the oldest or youngest?
—> learning about birthing order can be huge! Oldest tend to be protective, responsible, mature at a very young age, selfless, and carry more of a silent burden and stress, introduction to adulthood is rather quick. Middle child is often overlooked and will seek a sense of family/community elsewhere with friend groups and such; they feel like their thoughts/existence goes unseen by the ones that are supposed to care the most youngest tend to seek the approval of others especially of those older than them, outgoing, irresponsible, and babied. They can have a harder time managing task without it being done for them by others.

7. When we fall asleep, where do you think we go?

8. What is a thought that has kept you up at night?

9. What was the most humbling moment you’ve had in your life?

10. What is a piece of advice that you still hold today that transcends time?

11. What’s a favorite quote of yours?
-> the unexamined life is a life not worth living; don’t take yourself too seriously; come back home to yourself and choose to show up authentically; growth is a dance not a light switch; Harriet Tubman- I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed  a thousand more of only they knew they were slaves.

12. Who has impacted your life the most? How and why?

13. What is an overlooked or under appreciated strength that you have?
—> honesty, forgiveness

14. How do you give love? How do you receive it?
—> 5 love languages: words of affirmations, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, gifts

15. How do you communicate when in repairs after a rupture has occurred?
—> discuss as soon as possible, take a five minute break, wait a few days, words, touch, gifts, silence, etc. so you never repair after a disagreement?

16. Do you enjoy the late hours of the night or the early hours of the morning?

17. What’s your favorite type of weather?

18. Do you prefer exploring and staying in the gray, or the black and white?

19. Of you could study anything what would it be?

20. What are ways that you work on your emotional intelligence and character?

21. What type of communicator are you?
—> words, touch, actions, silent, loud, stoic, expressive, curt, bombastic, blunt, passive, etc.

22. Would you say you have a better face or body?

23. What is a moment where you felt a supernatural appreciation for the earth due to the view you saw?

24. How do you handle seasons? The ends and beginnings of them?
-> journal, reflect, avoid, acknowledge, cry, run backwards, move forwards, etc.

25. What book had a huge effect on you? What was it about the book?
-> all the bright places, Fahrenheit 451, the curse of the good girl, it ends with us, great gatsby, the voice of archer, etc.

26. What is the worst thing you can take from another person?
-> their time

27. What’s the greatest act of love (that you can do for another) ?
-> to die for another since the greatest fear is death

28. What is something that brings you peace that not many people do or notice?

29. What is the worst form of loneliness?
-> when you are uncomfortable with yourself

30. When do you feel the most vulnerable?
-> sleeping, expressing emotions, sick, crying, etc.

31. How do you handle seasons? The end and beginning of them?

32. Liquid or bar soap?

33. Have you ever closed your eyes, plugged your ears, and listen to the noise that comes when you let the water from a shower head pour over your skull

34. What is the most beautiful sound you have ever heard?

35. Do you think your parents are soulmates, or do you question their love for each other?  

36. What are important qualities to have in any relationship (platonic, romantic, etc.)?
-> trust, love, loyalty, respect, empathy, compassion, boundaries, autonomy, differences, effective communication, etc.

37. What are qualities that you look for in a romantic partner?
-> thoughtfulness, observant, confidence, wisdom, romantic, humorous, self-driven, self-discipline, humility, grace, etc.

38. How do you know that your (insert name/ relationship) loves you?

39. Would you rather be hated or alone?
-> interesting philosophical question in regards to being hated would mean that there is a recognition of your existence as opposed to being alone

40. How did you learn to ride the bike? Ice Scate? Snowboard?

41. When was the last time you felt rejected? By who? For what?

42. When was the last time you cried?

43. What has a kid said to you that has made you stop and reflect?

44. Which is a worse fear: the fear of dying or the fear of not being worthy of love
-> Jordan Peterson claims that the greatest fear that humans have is not death because then how would we explain suicide...the fear of death is a subcategory for the greatest fear which he believes to be the complexity issue (people **** themselves not because they want to die but because their life has become too complex for them to handle emotionally and/or physically)

45. What is the most destructive thing a person can do to themselves?
-> to deny themselves; to place the responsibilities of loving and accepting themselves onto others such as lovers or family members; to believe they are not worthy to be loved

46. What is something you want to experience/feel in a relationship
-> unconditional love; lol I have a while poke dedicated to experiences

47. Tell me about a dream that you have had multiple times

48. What do you like most about yourself?
-> my mind/thinking process; understanding, and open to conversation

49. Would you be friends with yourself

50. What is the worst thing you have done or said to another person? How old were you?

51. Why do you choose to wake up and participate in society?

52. What makes a woman or man their gender? Their body/attitude/characteristics?

53. Would you let your child date someone that has the character of you?

54. What makes you special? Since the beliefs you hold and the personality traits that you have aren’t exclusive to you?
-> it’s the combination and ratio that makes us unique

55. when was the last time anyone ever told you how important you are?

56. what are things you do when you need to feel nurtures?
->hot bath, foot rub, curling up in a comfy chair with a comforter and a good book, or making a *** of soup or a nourishing hot drink

57. what are ways that you neglect your physical and emotional well-being?

58. where in your life are you not protecting what is precious in you?

59. what adjectives describe your relationship with your mother? do you like the closeness or is it uncomfortable in some ways and hard to fully accept?

60. What do you do when you cry? do you try to stop it, cover your eyes, in the dark, into a pillow, silent, loud, sooth your body?

61. What was something that someone said to you that made you feel seen for the first time in a long time? what is something that touched you heart?
-> you are do brave, you have a courageous heart, you are a natural teacher and psychologist, you lean towards healing, you do not realize how much you impact other people's lives

62. what is a go to song that you could listen to at any moment in your life?

63. What do you do when you feel lonely?

64. What is something that puts a smile on your face?

65. What smell brings you joy?

66. would you rather get caught or catch your parents?

67. what is one of the biggest lies you have told yourself?
-> you are unworthy of love

68. what is a memory that reminds you of the beauty in life?

69. what is your favorite word to pronounce?
-> tantalizing, satiate, revere

70. what stereotype do you think people put you in when they see you?
-> pretty, (not super smart) blonde

71. what are things about you would shock other people?
-> first generation. youngest of five, 4.0 student, write poetry, love to read, not active on social media, don't like taking pictures, never been kissed, played the violin and cello, struggled with insecurity

72. tell me the accomplishments that you might be hesitant to share bluntly in fear that it comes off as being a show off?
-4.0 since sixth grade to nursing school in college, won a poetry competition in senior year of high school, got a full ride to UW Seattle and declined, won best dressed in high school, squatted 225lbs, muscular body, sang in a few songs (good at singing)

73. how do you interact with others when they are invading your personal space?
-> don't do anything, interrupt and tell them to move, slowly do something on your own without saying anything to them

74. what do you do and how do you feel when someone cries next to you?
-> hug/touch them, talk to them, remain silent, get stiff and uncomfortable, try to get them to stop crying, walk away

75. how do you regulate your emotions when they are out of homeostasis?
-> don't know how to, take deep breaths, walk away from the situation so the stimulus/source is not in front of me, cry

76. name as many emotions as you can
-> reflects their ability to accurately label their emotional experiences and can possibly be a marker/indicator for their emotional intelligence/maturity

77. how do you feel about death, do you talk about death, do you see others shut down or open up when you express this topic?
-> isn't it ironic how death is an inevitable event yet so many humans are uncomfortable with talking about it. I believe that it interrupts the natural grieving process. I talk about death with my dad and he is more open with talking to me about when he passes; my mom gets uncomfortable and gets upset and tries to switch the topic.

78. would you rather eat any form of noodles or burgers for the rest of your life?

79. when was the last time you sat in silence and was comfortable with it (excluding before you fall asleep)?

80. when was the last time you had a conversation with yourself about something deep? what was it about?

81. what is a revelation in your life that made you cry?
->only God can provide me with unconditional love; no one else can

82. what do you think is the root of all fears? what do you think can remove them?
->ignorance; distraction/knowledge -> unconditional love

83. What is the most unique response you’ve received when you’ve asked someone how they are doing?
-> still breathing

84. Do you think humans are easy to love?
-> I don’t think they are easy; it is complex just like they are

85. When was the last time you read a book? What was the title called? what was it about? Why did you read it?
-> the emotionally absent mother by Jasmin Lee Cori

86. If you’re comfortable with sharing, talk to me about the life of someone that has passed away? What were they like? How did they make you feel? Who were they to you? How did you cope when you realized they passed away?

87. Who are addicts? What do you need to do to be one? Do you think everyone is an addict to some extent? Why do you think people become addicts?
-> whenever faced with such questions it is imperative that we must ask ourselves the question of why! Yes, I believe all of us are addicts to dopamine; our brain is wired that way. But when we think of addicts, we forgot to ask the question of why they are addicts. Life became too difficult to manage and the body found a way to stimulate the mind in such a manner that it either numbed the pain or provide sensation to a chronic state of numbness

88. Other than the lips, where do you like to be kissed the most?
-> forehead, cheek, behind the ear, neck, top of head, hand, nose, shoulder, chest, back, collarbone

89. What type of kiss do you enjoy the most?
-> slow, fast, French, peck, open mouthed, short, long, sloppy, hungry, passionate, affectionate, sweet, etc.

90. it is easy to agree with the statement that dehumanization is not okay, but is it more gray than we think? is there a degree of dehumanization that is okay or needed? if so, what is that degree? also, do you think we commit acts of dehumanization regularly? if so, when and what are these instances?
-> i believe that as humans we have a tendency of wanting to see our light and ignore the aspects of ourselves that are casted in that shadow. to have a light is to also have a shadow; i believe that we dehumanize almost every time we meet someone by limiting their mystery to small snipits of who they really are; also, sometimes it is very difficult to handle and hold such emotional space that our minds need to shut off and dehumanize for our own sake of well-being

91. are soul mates meant to be with each other?
-> A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, platonic relationships, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, ****** activity, spirituality, compatibility and trust

92. what are ways that you can take a break from reality?
-> sleep, reading, gaming, showering

93. do you have people in your life where their presence is enough? no conversation is necessary, just each other's presence is comforting enough.
->celesa, kristina, michelle, marta,

94. what is a memory you like to relive time to time?
->dancing with celesa at the bistro to adore you; trinity; late night phone calls with close friends

95. how would you describe your relationship using 5 adjectives or phrases with your best friend, sibling (if you have one), and care giver?
-> "If you love yourself, you love others. If you hate yourself, you hate others. Because in relationship with others … the other is nothing but a mirror." - Anonymous

96. how would you describe yourself using 10 adjectives?
-“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best." I like this quote because it acknowledges the negatives of who we all are. we aren't all only happy, funny, bubbly, hard-working, etc. we are also grumpy, boring, rude, and lazy. we are a combination of every adjective out there; it just depends on how aware we are of our expressions of these adjectives. So, notice the kind of adjective the person uses when they respond and also note the context and circumstance of your relation to them.

97. do you prefer a hot drink on a cold day or a cold drink on a hot day?

98. if you could be famous would you? famous for writing, acting, food, music, sport, YouTube etc.
-> for me personally it depends on the exposure i get. if i get a lot of focus on myself then no (music, acting, etc.) but if my work gets more focus than i do and i can still live a "normal" life then yes (writing, food, etc).

99. which musicians or artists do you think deserve more recognition?
-> emotional oranges, Justice Der, cigarettes after ***, the 1975, pink sweat$, A. Chal

100. what is one of the most thought-provoking questions or statements you have ever heard?
-> "not all of us can afford to be romantic" - Pride and Prejudice;
"when will it be enough; how much more do you need to finally be happy"- My dad; "do you believe that everyone deserves to look and find themselves to be aesthetically beautiful" -My brother

101. Favorite piece of clothing?
-> yuriy’s wedding: the dress I had, red socks, fuzzy sweater

102. What’s your full name?

103. What’s the weirdest saying an old person has said?
-> don’t go spending your money in a wooden nickel

104. What age would you consider a person to be old?

105. Do you believe that life requires s purpose?

106. What is your purpose?

107. What is one of your biggest fears that you believed in (as a child, adult, etc)?
-> that I was unlovable at some point in my life

108. When you are in an emotional emergency, do you have someone you can call? If so, who is it and why?
-> I don’t really...I try to stick through it...weird since I have had people tell me that I could call them but I still don’t feel comfortable to talk to them...

109. Do you have relationships where you felt valued, a sense of belonging, calm, accepted?

110. What is your earliest memory of feeling left out?
-> the social pain overlap theory (SPOT) describes the overlap between the pain of being physically hurt and the pain of being left out. In our bodies, there is literally no distinction between the two.

111. If you could only have one for the rest of your life, would you choose to keep limes or lemons?

112. Have you ever experienced the relational paradox? If so, with whom?
->  when you’re convinced that your friends won’t tolerate who you really are so you decided the best way to be excepted is to leave a part of yourself out of those relationships; By hiding yourself you may preserve the friendship but at the cost of feeling that you don’t legitimately belong but if your friends can see who you truly are they would cut you loose

113. Have you ever done a relational mindfulness exercise?
-> set a timer for 10 minutes, and then stare into each other’s eyes silently. It should sync your cardiac systems as well as your respiratory systems. Hold each other’s pulses to identify; I find it weird how we get stared at lovingly when we are babies and then that goes away as well get older...

114. What is a secret that you have kept from your partner, family, or closest friends that you believe if they found out they would reject you?

115. Do you have a person in your life that can be categorized as “the one that got away”? Someone you either dated or never dated?

116. Is there someone in your life that you don’t see anymore that you would like to have a conversation with? Dead and/or alive.

117. Sunset or sunrise?

118. Do you want children? What is your opinion on men who don’t want children; what is your opinion on women who don’t want children?

119. Have you ever felt forced to do something that you didn’t want to do or say? Like give a handshake, hug, take a picture, have a conversation, give a number, compliment someone, disclose personal information, go on a date, say I love you?
-> there’s a difference between not wanting to do something and feeling forced to do something, and I find it interesting that we all do things that we feel are forced upon us when no one is directly stating that we have to do it; it’s like an invisible force

120. what is something that another person did that made you uncomfortable but you never addressed it?
-> sing terribly while they are genuinely trying, get physically close to me, compliment me in a creepy way, talk in a movie theater

121. What is a pet peeve of yours?
-> leaving garbage on a table after you eat (not cleaning up after yourself), having poor etiquette with servers or cashiers, saying “mom” instead of “my mom” if I don’t share the same mother as them (missing the possessive pronoun before a parent).

122. Who is someone that you find attractive that is the same *** as you?
-> Arbby, Irina, Jessica, Sara, Valentina

123. What is the most sweet/****** compliment you have given to someone?

124. What is the biggest plot twist you have ever seen in a movie or book?

125. When did you  feel the most loved (in your entire life, this week, by me)?

126. what is something I have said that you have always remembered?

127. Blue or red Gatorade?

128. Star gazing or sunset picnic?

129. What is something that is underrated?
-> our bodies (specifically our our hands, eyes), stars, cologne/perfume

130. have you ever tried to impress the other? If so, for what reason and when?

131. Which do you prefer: breakfast, lunch, or dinner for the rest of your life?

132. Are you missing someone right now? Do you think they miss you?

133. What was the happiest meme out you have had this year?
-> dancing with Celesa at trinity, at the apartment, after hours at the bistro, French dip at lost like with Celesa, holding Lorenzo, seeing a birth and colostrum, making my first song and listening to it for the first time, board game with Hayden, D.E.A. Hat guy, Fourth of July with kristina -> ride back with questions, eagles falls, yuriy’s wedding and gelato boy, euphoria makeup with Bella, painting with Michelle at green lake, reading books

134. where were you born?

135. how many states/countries have you visited?

136. what color would you use to describe your life

137. would you say it is better or worse to listen to sad music when you are sad?

138. what is the #1 factor that predestines people for failed relationships?
-> no examples of healthy relationships

139. what is the weirdest ice cream flavor you have ever tried?
->black licorice, peppercorn/caramel/goat cheese

140. What’s the most exciting dream you have ever had?

141. What’s the most peaceful dream you have ever had?

142. What’s the most terrifying dream you have ever had?

143. Who is the most misunderstood person you know?
-> Mark; he wasn’t well liked, but I remember thinking that the was just misunderstood...

144. Who in your life are you misunderstood by?
-> my mom

145. Do you prefer handshakes or hugs?

146. Do you prefer movie nights or dinner dates?

147. When was the last time you read a paper book for pleasure?

148. What is a comment that someone said to you that you were honestly shocked by? Like, you couldn’t believe it came from their mouth?
-> when I was in sixth grade and my friend’s mom said, “aren’t you jealous of [her daughter/my best friend’s name] ****”?; “do you even know what wings are”?

149. As a kid in elementary school, where did you play during recess? Tetherball, four-square, hopscotch, jump rope, soccer, basketball, slide, monkey bars, swings, sandpit, etc?

150. What otter pop flavor was your favorite?
-> the pink one

151. When you brush your teeth, are you messy or clean? Meaning, does the toothpaste get outside of your mouth at all?

152. What do you remember about elementary school in terms of field trips, punishments, recess, fun run, day of activities, lunch food, movie nights, fundraisers, assemblies, and reading points?

153. what do you remember about middle school in terms of the change from elementary school with no recess, classes, $ex ed, lockers, assemblies, P.E., lunch food?

154. what do you remember about high school in terms of the change from middle school, classes, assemblies, P.E., sports, lunch food, standard tests, dances, friends from your first year to your last year?

155. what do you think is a poet's aphrodisiac in the form of a person?
->intelligence, originality, mystery, intriguing personality

156. what is a bad habit that you know you should quit ( can be a substance, activity, or person)?

157. How often would you say you reflect on your life? with the mundane activities and the more impacting activities?

158. what's a song that you are replaying right now?
-> redbone x childish gambino by Jospeh Solomon

159. what is the most random food combo that you really enjoy?
->mashed potatoes/gravy with corn; hot dog with jelly

160. who is a person in your life that was the most mysterious to you?

161. would you say that you were shown healthy relationships throughout your childhood? in particular, your parents' relationship?

162. would you say that your family made you feel seen, heard, and understood? if not, would you say that you subconsciously expect this in your adult relationships? what have you done to unlearn this mentality?

163. would you say that you are always the one doing the caretaking in your relationships?

164. do you have a hard time listening to others?

165. do you act differently with men than with women?

166. do you get hurt easily and withdraw when there is conflict; what are you like during conflict?

167. what are you like when you don't get your way (aggressive, sad, quiet, loud, irritated, calm, unbothered, indifferent, annoyed, happy, frustrated)?

168. what are the molds for your ideas about how relationships are supposed to work?

169. what do you believe you're entitled to within a relationship (any/ friend/ romantic/ family)?

170. what was your closest experience with death?

171. do you prefer cauliflower or broccoli?

172.  what's the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?

173. what are your favorite tv shows or movies?
-> bridgerton, pride and prejudice, law abiding citizen,

174. what is the most controversial thing you have ever done?

175. what is the most controversial thing another person has done?

176. what is your superpower?
->there is no one on this planet that is quite like me

177. what do you believe is the purpose of a romantic relationship? Marriage?

178. do you think love is needed to marry someone? would you find yourself ever in a situation where you would marry someone that you did not love?

179. what is your weirdest talent? hobby? experience?

180. do you bring your phone with you when you go to the bathroom? if so, when was the last time that you went without your phone?

181. what is something that most people have done but will not admit to?
->eat a ******, smelling their **** out of curiosity, ma$turbate, blame a **** on someone else, etc.

182. do you believe that there should be aspects of yourself that no one else on this earth except yourself should ever know?

183. what's the weirdest conversation you've ever had with someone?

184. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Describe the situation? Who made the first move?

185. What is the spiciest thing you have ever eaten?

186. what is the most bitter thing you have ever eaten?
-> unripe pear!!

187. what is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done and/or said?
->eagles falls with kristina, lorenzo's birthday with selesa

188. how would you want a girl/boy to shoot their shot at you?

189. if you could be someone else for a day (someone you have met and know) who would it be?

190. if someone wasn't interested in you, how would you want them to rejected?

191. do you prefer buttered popcorn or the sweet kettle popcorn?

192. what is the rudest thing you've wanted to say but stopped yourself from saying?

193. what is the most genuine, heart-felt compliment you have received from someone?
-> you are courageous/brave; you are a natural psychologist and healer; you're my best friend, I can tell you anything

194. what is an experience you look forward to in life?
-> walking down the aisle and maintaining eye contact with my man the entire time until I have to hug my dad goodbye; my wedding night; going on vacations with just my husband; going to Jamaica; holding my baby in my arms for the first time; watching my husband play with our children on a beach as I sit under the shade; trying fruity cocktails on my 21st; going on my first date; my first kiss; moving into my house

195. what is a moment that you tend to relive in your mind?

196. what is something that you have learned to accept in life as you have gotten older?

197. who was your first crush? how old were you? what about them made you like them?
->ruslan at church; I was maybe four; he was really sweet to me and I thought he was cute; at yuriy's wedding, I saw him and told him about it which made him get really excited

198. what is something that you hate to eat? you've tried it and you know that you will try to avoid it at all costs.
->parsley, celery, beets, ginger

199. at what age would you say you lost your child-like innocence?

200. your turn. create a question!

201. how old were you when you found out that santa wasn't real? how did you handle it?

202. what is something that people hate, but still choose to participate in?
->beauty standards

203. what super power would you wish to have?
->time control

204. if you had the chance to have the superpower of mind control, would you accept it?

205. how would you decorate your ideal house?
-> different vibes for different rooms; monochromatic black room with lava lamps, white room with dark brown wood accents and lots of plants, pastel light pink with neon glass decorations

206. who is a person that had made you cry?

207. what is one of the most scariest thoughts you have had run through your mind?

208. what is one of the most sad thoughts you have had run through your mind?

209. do you believe you should have to pay to live on a planet you were born on?

210. what is a candy that you hate?

211. what is a song that you try to avoid because it is too personal?
-> apple bottom jeans

212. would you say that you are alive or merely living?

213. what is something that someone said to you that you have never forgotten?
-> you have a lot of knowledge, but you lack experience

214. what is an example of a person that you thought was good but turned out to be a genuinely bitter, horrible person?

215. When was the last time you felt truly understood by somebody? Who was it? What did they understand?

216. Can you think of someone in your life who understands you better than anyone else?

217. Is your relationship with yourself healthy or unhealthy?

218. Growing up, the relationships I primarily saw were healthy or unhealthy?

219. Do you attach guilt with growth?

220. Have you spent too much time today comparing yourself?

221. When did you feel the most trapped?

222.who do you feel most yourself around? Why?

223. what parts of yourself do you need to break up with?

224. what is your favorite conspiracy that you believe in right now?

225. do you prefer to work with people are are the same or opposite gender as you?

226. what was the most intense experience of $exual tension that you have had?

227. what activity do you do that makes you feel most at home/ yourself?

228. what was the most painful truth you have ever been told?

229. who is someone you will never forget even though you have only had one encounter with them?

230. when was the last time you felt adrenaline pumping through your veins due to excitement?

231. what about you feels easiest to love (physical and character)?

232. what about you feels hardest to love (physical and character)?

233. What kind of love feels more familiar to you -> peaceful or chaotic love?

234. to what extent to you feel your appearance is the most important aspect of who you are?

235. do you think being attractive is a privilege? are you nicer or meaner to people you find attractive?

236. what was the hardest thing that you forgave someone for?

237. how would you define forgiveness?

238. who have you farted the loudest or most often?

239. what is an embarrassing story of when you really needed to **** in class but struggled to hold it in?

240. what is something that made you blush really hard?

241. if you had the opportunity to be famous, would you choose to be?

242. what is the longest you have not dated someone (or was flirting or thinking with someone)? In other words, what is the longest you have been alone?

243. what separates us from God?
-> ignorance (spiritual) and death (physical) - Jordan Peterson

244. what is a message that everyone deserves to hear in life?
-> "you deserve someone who's going to work hard to find ways to care for you." You are worthy of unconditional love.

245. what is a difficulty in your life right now?

246. what is something you've always wanted to try but haven't yet?
->fall in love, go on a trip by myself, go to Europe with Itzhel, drink a mimosa at brunch in a sunny place

247. what are qualities that you really admire in people?
-> attentiveness, observant, thoughtful, thought-provoking, mysterious, charming, honest transparency, vulnerability, calm curiosity, humble confidence

248. what is one of the most important connections you can have in life?
->your relationship with yourself

249. what memory comes to mind when you think about the ocean/beach?

250. what memory comes to mind when you think about carnivals?

251. what memory comes to mind when you think about water balloon fights or snowball fights?

252. Do you think your parents have thought about killing themselves?

253. Do you think your best friend has thought about killing themselves?

254. How often do you think people have thought about harming or killing themselves.

255. Do you believe in the concept of marriage?

256. what is the worst advice you have ever received?

257. was there ever a time where you were vulnerable and regretted it? if you are comfortable with it, what was the situation?

258. if you could go to any concert, who would you go see?
-> chase atlantic, post malone, cigarettes after ***, ariana grande, the 1975

259. why do you think people protect their pain? what does that look like - to protect one's own pain?

260. what is an acoustic version of a song that sounds better than the studio version?
-> like a rockstar & what u call that & cassie - chase atlantic

261. what is an experience that you wish to never experience again?

262. how do you feel about silence? is its presence comforting?

263. have you taken any drugs? if so and you feel comfortable sharing, what are they?

264. what is advice you would give to your 15yo self and your 40yo self? (a much younger and older version of yourself?)
-> younger self: you are worthy to love; you are worth getting to know and understand; you will one day believe that you are enough and choose healing with a life filled with authenticity that will get challenged; you'll be more unconventional; your way of thinking will not be like most that are around you - this is okay and expected
older self: I hope you are happy and live a life that you chose and not one that you compromised on for the sake of other's happiness and comfortability; I hope you live authentically and continued the process of living actualized as Maslow would saw; I hope you married your best friend that is your match in his own unique way; i hope your communication is better and that your relationships are healthy and boundary enforced

265. if you knew you were going to interview God for thirty minutes and could ask him only one question, what would it be?
-> who am I?

266. what would you do if knew you could not fail?

267. how are you, really?

268. how would you behave if you were the best at what you do in the world?

269. are you finding your dream job or are you creating it?

270. if there was a solution to your anxiety, what would it look like?

271. why are you worth knowing?
-> well, you're sitting in this seat listening to me

272. when was the last time you did something for the first time?

273. how do you treat people who can do nothing for you?

274. do you stack the plates and clean up your table when at a restaurant?
->analyze SES and their behavior to working class

275. what or who lights you up?

276. what would your perfect day look like?

277. what is an underappreciated fruit and vegetable?

278. what is something that guys/girls are insecure of that guys/girls do not really care about?

279. tell me about a time where you threw up in public?

280. tell me something illegal that your family did?

281. what is a word that would always make you laugh whenever you heard or said it when you were a kid?

282. what is the first cuss word you started using often in your vocabulary?

283. if you could be one animal, what would it be?

284. what insect were you the most fascinated by as a kid?
->ladybugs, dragonflies

285. if you could blow one thing, what would it be?
->paint, slaughterhouse, firework stand

286. what emotions would you associate to every color in the rainbow including pink, brown, black, and white? If that is too much, if you could choose one color, what emotion would you assign to it?

287. what is the saddest thing that a person has ever said to you about themselves or their life?

288. if you could be any pair of shoes, what would it be?
->professional rock climber, work boot

289. would you consider yourself to be an addict?
-> I think we are all on a continuum and are all wired to be addicted to dopamine and love we just go about it different ways.

290. if you could have any dog in the world, what would it be and why?

291. if you had to describe love and what it feels like to a young person, what would you say? OR
if a kid asked you what love feels like, how would you answer them?
-> able to feel no judgment and feel free to be who you are without the fear of rejection

292. how would you define healing?

293. how would you know that you are healing or healed?

294. where in your life have you compromised and lived for someone else?

295. what is a thought or idea that scares you?

296. why do you think people protect their pain?

297. how would you like to be cared for when you are experiencing an emotional crisis?

298. what is something that you were told when you were a kid that you have never forgotten because it provoked you so much?

299. who is a friend in your life that you know you should stop the friendship with but you struggle to?

300. what is a motto that you would tell your kids that you have lived by?
->be the man/woman that you would want your daughter/son to marry one day

301. when was the last time anyone ever told you how important you are?

302. Who have you spoken the most genuine I love you to?

303. What social situation are you the most anxious of?

304. What is something that people would never think or associate with you that you’ve thought or done?
-> I love to binge on romance novels, I played the violin and cello, I’ve never been kissed/had a bf, I have a song on all platforms, I’ve had a 4.0 most of my life, I tend to write ****** poems, I was in a drill team for five years, I wasn’t born in America, I love country music

305. What is something you’d like to say to someone who has already passed away?
-> Robertson: I hope you’re proud of me in the way that I am; thank you for supporting me in more ways than one

306. What is something you’d like to say to someone who hurt you badly?
-> i deserved better than your projected insecurities, but I was too naïve to understand any better

307. If you were forced to only listen to three songs on replay during the deed for the rest of your life, what would it be?

308. Like all of us, we are replete with contradictions -> we are walking contradictions. What are yours?
-> a desire for intimacy and a fear of touch/commitment; a desire to be known and a fear of vulnerability

309. Do you think you ever turned a teacher on?

310. What is the greatest lesson that the other person has taught you?

311. if people could not take pictures, do you think they would still drive to the tulip festivals?

312. why do you think we met?

313. which is the hardest for you to say
(1) I love you
(2) I was wrong; I'm sorry
(3) Worcestershire sauce
(4) I need help
(5) I appreciate you

314. what is one of your favorite lines in a song?
-> hoodie on low cuz I stay focused yeah, hard to stay low when everybody notice
-> heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved; I don't feed her fears I feed her habits; type to make you f*ck 'till you finish
->said you needed this heart then you got it turns out that it wasn't what you wanted

315. Are you struggling with your mental health right now?

316. Are you afraid to admit the things that go on in your head?

317. Have you ever met a person that made you so nervous that you avoided them at all costs due to the way that they look?

318. Who is the most selfish person you know?

319. Who is the most selfless person you know?

320. How many Costco hotdogs could you eat in 45 minutes for a hotdog eating competition?

321. What do you put on your Costco hotdog?

322. What’s your favorite cereal brand?

323. Stargazing or sunset?

324. What is an underrated aspect of life that is mundane to most?
-> breathing, eyesight, touch

325. If you could only keep two out of the five senses, which ones would you choose? What if you could only keep one?
-> taste, touch, smell, eyesight, hearing

326. Would you consider yourself to be more black and white or gray in terms of your thinking?

327. What was your favorite kind of candy cane: the peppermint, chocolate, or fruity ones?

328. What’s an American tradition that you do not follow?
-> I'm not a huge fan of chocolate chip cookies, PB cups, peppermint candy canes

329. what do you love most about your family?

330. what is something you would like to change about your family?

331. what is a fashion trend that you think is overrated?

332. what is an aspect about people that you have only encountered a few times in your life?
->humble/ confident authenticity, thoughtfulness

333. what do you think is the ugliest trait one can have?

334. which is worse to be super insecure or to have an inflated ego?

335. would you call yourself a good person? how do you define good?

336. what is something that fascinates you that you think about time to time?
-> reality doesn't really exist; it's our perception of the stimuli in our life that we come to understand as our own reality which is only one side of the narrative. Also, people have conversations that are quite incompatible in the sense that their definitions of words and their life experiences impact how each person enters the conversation. It is like there are two conversations that are being shared and understood in the same space.

337. what is a job that you think is much more difficult to do/live with?
-> acting: how do you separate and keep hold of your authentic self and the characters you play if you can play them really well. Does life become your stage?

338. what is a movie or song that is about to release that you look forward to seeing/listening?

339. how do you feel about your inevitable mortality?

340. what do you think about graves? how do you think society has shaped or challenged your opinion of them?

341. what is a reason for why you cried?

342. when was the last time you laughed so hard you couldn't breath?
-> talking to Bella's family and Devin jumping into the conversation with his friend that his lactose intolerant when we were talking about birth control

343. what is the best vacation that you have had? what made it so special?

345. what is the greatest lesson a friend has taught you?

346. what is the greatest lesson a parent or adult has taught you?

347. what is the weirdest thing you have done with someone in public?

348. have you ever looked at someone while they're doing something like driving, laughing or eating and just smile because they mean so much to you? If so, who?

349. what do you think is the most influential relationship that you have that impacts all other ones that you have?
-> yourself or with your parent(s)/caregiver(s)
-> "never forget that the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for the relationship you have with everyone else. If you want to work on your relationships, start working on yourself"

350. what was a phase of your life that you would go back to if you have the chance. why?

351. what is a warning that you wish you got before knowing me?

352. what is a question that you have wanted to ask someone but got too nervous to announce?

353. talk about a time where you needed toilet paper but it wasn't there. what did you do? were you in public or at home?

354. what is an instrument that you think is harder than it actually is?
-> the drums!! that is multiple rhythms to keep up with...

355. describe a time where you thought you were going to cry but tried really hard to keep your composure?

356. when you would cry as a kid, what would your parent(s) say? other adults? if they shamed or shut you down immediately, do you still do this to yourself today?

357. what is the craziest drug you have ever taken?

358. what is something you would miss if your home burned down?

359. if you could move anywhere, where would it be? would it be in the city or country?

360. what is knowledge that you wished you knew when you were younger?

361. what is the most expensive item you have bought that you regretted?

362. if you could hug anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would it be?

363. what is the most messed up thing you have seen another person do to another?

364. what do you tend to think about during the time where you are laying in bed and trying to fall asleep? where does your mind tend to go to?

365. what is an event in the future that you are looking forward to?

366. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

367. If you were diagnosed with Alzheimer's and you could remember only one memory, what would it be?

368. What aspect/version of yourself are you the most ashamed of?

369. What aspect/version of yourself are you the most proud of?

370. Is there someone in your life that you hide aspects of yourself from? Do you believe that if they knew all of you unfiltered that they wouldn’t accept you? is this true love?

371. Do you know how to swim? If so, how and where did you learn to?

372. What is a song that makes you cry/emotional? W

373. What song reminds you of another other person?

374. What is the name of a song you will not listen to again because it is too painful?

375. Who has emotionally hurt you the most in your life?

376. When was the last time someone told you that they loved you? How did it make you feel?

377. What did you dream of last night? If you do not remember any dream, then what was your most recent dream?

378. If you had to either eat and **** out of your mouth or *** which one would it be?

379. What's something a stranger said to you that you remember to this day?
-> I think that your body is perfect

380. What is a lesson that the earth has taught you?

381. What is a lesson that your body has taught you?
Feel encouraged to add on in the comments.
Diana Aug 2020
To hate yourself
Is to love the world
To love yourself
Is to hate the world
Aug 2020 · 54
Untitled
Diana Aug 2020
I thought I knew pain
That was until I watched you cry
Jul 2020 · 78
Rebel Everyday
Diana Jul 2020
In a consumer driven
Defining itself over one another
Capitalistic society
Which feeds off of instilling
Insecurity into its victims
With the desire for more due to
A sense of inadequacy
A sense of never being enough
The most rebellious and revolutionary act
One can do
Is to love oneself
Because it facilitates so much joy
Not happiness
For joy is not externally dependent
Like happiness is
Jul 2020 · 125
what’s my fantasy you ask
Diana Jul 2020
My fantasies
They consist of the little things
The intimate moments
That don’t cost much
Or require grand gestures in front of many
I dream of
Holding hands while you kiss my knuckles
Forehead kisses
Lifting my chin up to catch my eyes
Piggyback rides
Wearing your sweatshirts that you sprayed your cologne on
Going on a calm walk together in silence
Where we enjoy each other’s presence
Slow kisses that are filled with passion
Rubbing your thumb across my cheek
Outlining my smile
Hugging me tightly around my waist from behind
Placing your head in the crook of my neck
Lightly kissing me to tease me
Going to the beach at sunset while
Eating ice cream in a waffle cone
From the back of your trunk
Wrapped in blankets with music in the background
Playing competitive games
Cuddling for hours
Where you finally let me be big spoon
Closing your eyes as you let me
Explore your face with my eyes and hands
Because you know I get shy
Going to the movies and sharing popcorn
Car rides in the rain as we listen to music
Singing at the top of our lungs to one another
Having you braid my hair
After I teach you how to do it
Massaging your back
Working out together
Going to a bonfire and sitting on your lap with a blanket covering us
Coming to my house at random hours
Of the night to take me away
On a spontaneous trips
Watching the sunrise together
These
Are a few of my fantasies
I just want the free intimate moments
With you
The basics of a relationship
That typically get overlooked
Those
Are my fantasy
Ones that I want continuously
Even after we get married and have kids
I’ve realized that these are the moments I look most forward to in relationships. I enjoy the simple moments because they speak much louder to me.
Jul 2020 · 119
looks shouldn’t be enough
Diana Jul 2020
some treat attractiveness
as if it is THE  deciding factor
to date someone
when it should be
one of MANY prerequisites
Diana Jun 2020
I enjoy poetry
I enjoy reading poets' poems
The excitement
Of knowing that there are
Living
Breathing
Walking
Poems
Lurking in the minds of others
Ones that have yet to be written
Ones that they play around with currently
And poems that they have stored from the past
Diana Jun 2020
The idea of perfection itself
Is an illusion
Utopic myth
Diana Jun 2020
So you have a pretty little face
But how about that brain of yours
Can it stimulate my mind too
Diana Jun 2020
Everyone has a mind
But
Not everyone uses it

How do you know
If your thoughts
Are the product of the expression
Of your independent mentality
Or
If you’re just a parakeet
A house animal who
Repeats the words and opinions
Of those around you
That have trained you to mimic them

How do you know if you’ve reached
Enlightenment
Are you truly able to think for yourself
Or do you rely on the thoughts
Of others
More than your own
Because you don’t have any originality
Since you’ve never exercised it before
Diana Jun 2020
When will you start believing
That you are enough
Because it’s getting to be too tiring
To continue being you
Diana Jun 2020
It’s crazy
To think so much
About how I wished we met
In different circumstances
In a different environment
With a different context
You see
Where you meet someone
And who you’re with
Have a heavy influence
On the way in which you converse
And interact with another
Especially if you’ve never met before
For example
If you’re in a bar or dance club
You’ll interact with someone differently
Than if you met that same person
In a church or classroom
Because the environment has such a sway
In conversation etiquette and topics
If you’re hanging out with your older brothers
And their friends come over
The way in which they talk to you
Will be different because of your relation
To those around you and their presence
So even if they find you attractive
Even if they are known to be **** boys
You’ll get to see a different side of them
That you would have never seen
Had the environment and people been different
So I can’t help it but wonder
How our conversation would be
If we met in a different environment
Surrounded by different people
If you’d hit on me
If you’d be polite
If you’d be disrespectful
If you’d be quiet
As we spoke to one another
So next time
Be conscious of the environment you’re in
Of the people you’re around
Be conscious of the conversation etiquette
Of the approved conversation topics
Use it to your advantage
Or don’t
Either way
Just be conscious
Diana Jun 2020
I want to be
A collection of truths
A vessel of adages
A fountain of proverbs
A time capsule of thought-provoking
Statements
Questions
Facts
to be a brain filled with the thoughts of others while making room for my own to grow and flourish
Diana Jun 2020
It’s as if
Every word
Every phrase
Every thought
That escapes your lips
Is something that can be captured
And worthy to frame
Worthy to be quoted
Worthy to be printed and shared in books
May 2020 · 86
phantom feelings
Diana May 2020
my heart bleeds
for someone that I have yet to meet
Diana May 2020
I love the mystery
In knowing that I haven’t met
The love of my life
Yet
In knowing that all of it awaits me
In being able to explore the what ifs
Exploring the unknown memories
I’m excited
To explore each stage
And simply exist in each moment
Without wanting more
Knowing that it will come
Eventually
I’m excited for the early stages
The rush of excitement in seeing them
Without knowing their name
The blushing
The smiling
The subtle flirting
The “thumping heart rates
But trying to appear calm” moments
I’m excited for the friendship stages
The jokes
The “hang outs” not called dates
The adventures
The unspoken knowledge
That we both like each other but still
Try to pretend that we’re just friends
The nervousness
The wondering if the other actually likes you
Or if you’re making it all up in your head
The playful flirting that is questionable to people claiming to be “just friends”
The early dating stages
The butterflies in asking them out
The excitement in getting ready
For the first real date
The awkward moments here and there
The innocent firsts
First time holding hands
First kiss
First cuddle session
The later
More intimate stages of dating
Moving towards marriage and the honeymoon
Watching life play out as you live together
Attempt to spice up date nights
Moving to children
The pride in his eyes as you carry and grow his baby within you
The excitement in being parents
To the product of your love
Moving to actual parenthood
Sneaking alone time
Watching your spouse take care of your children
Watching him swear off all boys with violence when he stares into his daughter’s eyes
Moving to when your children all leave
And your left alone with the love of your life
Just like in the beginning
To when you both look wrinkly
Move a little slower
And sit in silence more often
To when you mourn the loss of your spouse
Knowing that one of you
Would die first
And the other will be left
Alone
Only for a while
Until you reunite again
This is the beauty
Of a romantic relationship
That awaits
Who knew
That the boy you saw across the room
The one you just hit your friend for
Just so you could point him out to her
Would be the boy
That would become someone you knew
More than just a good looking stranger
But someone who knew your name
Who becomes your best friend
Who would create beautiful memories
Who would be the cause of many laughs
And tears
Who would be the guy that gave you
Butterflies from asking you out
Who would be your first kiss
First everything
Who would be the one who marries you
And has children with you
Who knew
All of that
And more
Will come from the stranger across the room
This is the mystery
That I keep replaying in my head
Excited for all of the stages in my life
Except maybe
For the last one
Diana May 2020
I am a castle
I’m a mystery to everyone from the outside
Many are eager to find a way in
To escape undetected from my security
Climb their way only to judge the interior
Compare it to the exterior
Which is the only image I’ve allowed
Them to judge
However
No one
Will see the real me
That locks herself away from the
Destructive and dehumanizing eyes
Of those that secretly desire
To be the castle
A price too high
For anyone
To live with
Once the truth is unveiled
Inspired by another poem I  read.
May 2020 · 65
reflections on beginnings
Diana May 2020
there is something nostalgic
something monumental
when you think about some of the most influential people
in your life
(whether that influence was good or bad)
when you think back to the first time you met them
it's almost as if there's a running joke
like ha
if only you knew
how much of an impact this stranger before you
the one that you've just met
will have over your life
it blows my mind
from time to time
for some
i wish i could tell myself that this will be the beginning
of a beautiful journey
filled with joyous memories
for others
i wish i could tell myself to run away then and there
before all of the hurt
would submerge beneath the surface of my skin
but then i remember how the pain
led to healing
which later birthed strength
that i would not have had
had i never met them
skimming through tumblr at night inspires me
Diana May 2020
i wanna dive
into the field of your thoughts
that is your mind
i wanna drive
through the emotions fighting and declaring war
in your eyes
i wanna swim
in your laughter
that transforms your entire body
to such a warm hue
i wanna touch
the glass that your heart coats itself in
so jagged yet fragile
i might get cut
but i know that you are a beauty i wont come by again
in this lifetime
s           o

what do you say     
                                       a
                                   e        p
will you take this l                 with me

live in the m o m e n t 
                                                      g
stop t                                      n
             h                          i
                    i            k
                          n
and just
e
    x
  i
     s
t

with m  
          e
Diana May 2020
people treat you
based on how you treat yourself

it's typically unconsciously done

when we meet others
for the first time
it is a mixture of a few things
place a neutral facade over yourself
while you wait on continuous feedback
from the other
which dictates which version of yourself
you will expose
however
the point is that this version of yourself
is dependent on the feedback one receives from the other
if the other is humorous and talks colloquially
then you will imitate that persona
if the other is stoic and uses bombastic language
then you will imitate that persona
if the other disrespects themselves and is insecure
then you are more likely to disrespect them
abuse their insecurity
if the other reveres themselves and is confident
then you are more likely to revere them
feed into their confidence
and are less likely to disrespect them
you cannot abuse something that doesn't exist

much of this is typically unconsciously done

remember
others do onto you
in the manner in which they unconsciously wish
would be done to themselves
Mimetic Theory by Rene Girard. Look it up! It's life-changing.
May 2020 · 163
Say it to my face, baby
Diana May 2020
You mouth
I love you
Against my lips
Because you’re too shy
To look me in the eye
And proclaim your feelings
Scared of the emotion
Which is all too foreign
To the likes of someone like you
But that’s where you’re wrong
Because if you just lifted your face from mine
You would see the genuine emotion in my eyes
As I tell you that you are worth loving
As I tell you that you are capable of receiving love
As I tell you that you are loved
Because the fear of rejection
Is the result of chronic insecurity
To love oneself
As they are
Unconditionally
Diana May 2020
Your body
Is a living breathing masterpiece
Your eyes
See with such precision and depth
Your hands
Feel with such sensitivity and awareness
Your ears
Hear with such distinction and volume
Your lungs
Breath with such complexity
Your kidneys
Filter and excrete with such complexity
Your liver
Metabolizes and produces substances
With such complexity
Your bones
Grow and decay and store
With such complexity
Your muscles
Contract and relax and grow
With such complexity
Your heart
Beats and contracts and relaxes
With such complexity
Your veins
Contract and relax and respond
With such complexity
Your lymph nodes
Filter and protect
With such complexity
Your brain
Processes and stores and sends messages
With such complexity
You
Are
Complex
In every image you see
In every object you touch
In every sound you hear
In every movement of your limbs
In every heartbeat
In every thought you think
In every single breath you take
In and out
There are billions of activities working
Within you
Never allow yourself to forget that
Understand
It’s harder to hate a masterpiece
Once you know all of its beauty in detail
anatomy + physiology and microbiology in college have taught me something 13 years of public school
never did -> SELF LOVE
Diana May 2020
Why
Why is everything falling apart
Come back
I feel as though I’m scrambling
To piece together the control
I thought I had
This quarantine has forced me
To look in the mirror
Because all other directions
I tried to escape to look
Have lost their charm
I no longer find the thrill
In binge watching movies
Scrolling through social media
Reading romance books
Working out
I feel like everything is slipping
And I can’t control the natural path of the fall
That’s disregarding my defense mechanisms
And now I am forced
To look in the mirror
And truly look
At what I’ve become
Who I’ve been afraid of confronting
And explore why it’s taken me this long
To finally
Come back home to myself
Diana May 2020
You intimidate people so much
That they feel the need
To lie and change
Who they are
What they’ve done
Because they feel as though
Their true authentic self
Just isn’t enough
In your presence
So they concoct  a version of themselves
That they think is worthy of you
Diana Apr 2020
My mother
Made it harder for me
To find my identity
Because she shamed autonomy
Which is why
I struggled to separate
My opinions and behaviors
I didn’t know
If I liked and disliked things
Because she made me believe in such
Or if it truly was my decision
Apr 2020 · 66
manipulating the ignorant
Diana Apr 2020
notice
how the chandelier
trembles and shakes
above you
as you enter the room

you have the potential to intimidate
anyone
those that are
old
young
wise
naïve
female
male
rude
kind
popular
wallflower
ev­en the chandeliers in your life

because people desire to be reflected
mirrored in their actions and emotions
but if you’re aware of this
you can interrupt the pattern
and be the one with power
regardless of the other’s characteristics

you can make the other intimidated
you can make the other tremble and shake
adopt a stoic face
consciously withhold the feedback
that the other unconsciously desires or expects
and watch
as they tremble and shake
in the midst of your confidence
in the midst of your newfound power
Diana Apr 2020
if you only knew
the addiction that you're feeding
with your compliments

my body that you praise
the toned muscles "in all the right spots"
it's the product of
binge eating episodes
compulsive measuring of
every
gram
of
every
single
meal
i
ate
throughout the day
painful joints
from pushing past what should be safe and acceptable
paranoia and overwhelming anxiety
from missing a workout
or feeling as if i didn't push myself "hard" enough
when in the gym
the stress that followed me
when i couldn't count the macros in a meal
so i would bring my meal preps
everywhere
with
me
at sleepovers
and even restaurants
this
is the ugly side of my body and healthiness

my clothes and makeup that you praise
it's a mask that holds up my confidence
the one you say you admire so much
my attempt to cope with my insecurity
of believing that I was ugly
so much so
that at one point
i never took photos
looked in mirrors
or took off layers of jackets
i kept on my body during the summer
this
is the ugly side of my "envious" makeup and style

my grades that you are shocked by
how can a girl
that looks like you do have
consecutive 4.0s from middle school to nursing school in college
they have been my attempt to cope with an insecurity
of believing that i was dumb
and would never surmount to anything
they are the product
of my unintentional weight loss that fluctuated
in middle and high school
because my chronic stress would take away my appetite
lunches were comprised of library study sessions
i would throw up
dry heave mostly
in the mornings
before exams
because it made my nerves go away
having night terrors with school
where i would wake up sweaty and scared
my heart beat pounding in my ears
endless hours of crying
wishing i was "normal"
whatever that means
never taking the time
of admiring my accomplishments
because the fear of the next assignment
consumed me
not knowing how to answer the question
what do you do outside of school
to take care of yourself
and being shocked by the silence
that lingered for way too long
and the tears that quietly ran down my cheeks
not knowing what self-care was
because i was so consumed with my grades
truly believing that i didn't deserve to go to school
if i got an A-
when i was in sixth grade
this
is the ugly side of my academic achievements

i guess some would say i'm someone that
"has it all"
but tell me this
why is it when i had "everything"
the face
the body
the style
the grades
the personality
the talents
when i felt like i had absolutely nothing
when i felt like i was absolutely nothing
my story is not for everyone
not everyone can relate
but everyone can see the ugliness in carnal perfection
it's empty
but appears to be filled with substance
like a hot air balloon

when i had "everything"
i was at my lowest
and now
i'm learning what balance is
what self-care is
what it means to be original
and not a carbon copy of society's perfection in the flesh
i work out
but for myself and not for numbers
i don't track anything
i wear makeup when i want to
and dress how i feel like dressing
slowly learning to have a genuine confidence
and love for myself
i don't study as much as i used to
i take that time and invest it into others hobbies
like when i featured in a song
went dancing to a club in the city
went to a Kevin Gates concert
i'm finally learning who i am
i'm finally living for myself
i hope you are as well
Diana Apr 2020
How much
Are you willing to do
For lust

Would you follow them into their black hole disguised as an enticing mystery

Endure suffering
Inflict emotional slashes that rip and tear
Through the flesh of your mind and body

Would you shatter yourself
Pick up the pieces of you
That they need
Only to be left incomplete
Because you’re used to being the fixer
And never the one fixed

How far would you go
Where would you set your limits
They’re not as black and white
As one might believe

How much
Are you willing to do
For lust
Or maybe
I’m the one confused
Maybe
I’ve mistaken love for lust
Due to an incapability of believing in love
Maybe
Just maybe  
But still
How far is one willing to go
For love
Or lust
Diana Apr 2020
No longer
Will I mimic others
Without listening to what I want
I am my own person
I take up space
I have thoughts
I have opinions
I have desires
I have dreams
All of which I ignored
For the sake of being a mirror
Of someone else’s reflection
If I want to drink
I’ll drink
If I want to go explore Seattle by myself
I’ll go
If I want to meaninglessly flirt with a hot stranger
I’ll flirt
If I want to dance sensually
I’ll dance
If I want to show off my body
I’ll show off my body
If I want to talk to someone
I’ll go talk to them
If I want to study psychology
I’ll study it
If I want to break cycles of trauma
I’ll will break them and heal
If I want to have a boyfriend
I’ll be with him
If I support ****** education
I’ll support it
If I want to have ***
I’ll have ***
If I want to attract attention
I’ll attract it
If I want to wear a tight outfit
I’ll wear it
If I want to show off my stomach
I’ll flaunt it
If I want to go eat
I’ll eat
If I want to be loud in public
I’ll be loud
If I want to pretend I’m someone I’m not
I’ll pretend and win an Oscar
The point is
I am my own person
I am my own entity
I am not my mother’s copy
Or anyone else’s
I am not society’s poster child
I have differences
In my opinions
In my thoughts
In my desires
In my values
And I own them
I was never meant to be anyone’s mirror
But my own
I will do what I want
Because I embrace who I am
And not care what others think
To a certain extent
Because I am my own person
Who wants to express what that is
Life is too short
To not do what you truly
Deep down inside
Want to do
Because the values you had before
That you adopted from other people
Were never truly yours
To begin with
So
What do you want
Who do want be be
Is it who you are right now
If not
Then what’s holding you back
Find out who you are
Be you want to be
Apr 2020 · 69
Not a Poem pt 2
Diana Apr 2020
I love the human hands
They have so much beauty in them
And often get overlooked
But not this time because
As I slowly lower my hand to your chest
I’m aware of the 15,000 sensory neurons
That light up as my fingertips brush against your goosebumps
That quickly break out on your skin
Your quick intake of breath causes me to lift my gaze towards your dilated pupils
Which is drowned in lust
I focus back on my hand
Which begins the journey of descending towards your stomach
But as I near your happy trails
Eager to touch
You grasp my hand in yours
And lift it to your mouth for a light kiss
As you flirtatiously laugh
While shaking your head at me
I then begin to take both of my hands
And mold them to your jawline
Once my hands slide along your neck
Feeling your pulse beneath my fingertips
Making their way to your collarbone
I lift my right leg over your hip
Until I’m straddling you
You quickly grasp my hips tightly
With both of your hands
Warning in your eyes
While mine carry mischief as I bite my lip
You shift me forward so I’m no longer aligned with you but your belly button
But in doing so
You let out a restrained moan
Which spurs me on
Easy baby
You whimper
And my hands begin their new journey
Which lights up my mind
As I explore
The beauty that is you
In silence
In eye contact
In touch
Pt 1 posted in my account; pt 3 coming soon.
Apr 2020 · 64
Not a poem pt 1
Diana Apr 2020
And as we lay together
Face to face
Nothing but silence and eye contact
I start to linger on all of your other ****** features
That compete for my attention
I get lost in the way your tongue quickly moves against your bottom lip
Which soon lifts at its corners
To form a smile that I hope is sensual
Only to be redirected in my gaze
When your fingertips delicately lift my chin
Eyes up here
You say gently with amusement in yours
I blush and try to hide my face in my pillow for getting caught
But you just pull me closer to your chest
I love how you let me be in my emotions
Knowing when to intervene
And when to let them take their course
No one has done that before
And as I muster up the courage to lift my head and ask you a question I’ve been dying to ask
You murmur against my ear
What is it
I then boldly look into your eyes
Wait a few seconds
Soaking in the beauty that is uniquely you
And say on an exhale
I want to touch you
I want to examine your beauty slowly in silence
You attempt to suppress your shock
But nod and place my hand on your chest
Have at it
Just tell me what to do
I grab at the soft cotton in my hand and begin to pull it upwards
Which you help me with
I then push on your shoulders
Until you fall back onto the bed
I take my time
Etching into memory the slopes and curves of your torso and arms
I look into your eyes and blush
Mesmerized in the reverence I see reflected towards me
I look at the way your chest rises and falls
In tune to my heart rate that’s also gradually speeding up
This is what I’ve always wanted
These moments of connection with no words
A lover that understands me
And yet I find myself pinching my arm
To ensure that I’m not dreaming
And that you won’t be an image that is gone once I open my eyes
I love romantic imagery, and romance novels feed my addiction. Pt 2 posted on my account.
Apr 2020 · 84
Contained Helium
Diana Apr 2020
She’s broken within
A chaos floating in the wind
A balloon with no ties
Head filled with nothing but a high
She’s broken within
A chaos floating in the wind
Diana Apr 2020
Head lost in the sky
Thoughts under water
Searching for lost dreams
Only to drown in wonder
A sight before you
Unlike the mess beneath the flesh
The (used) lyrics of the song I wrote ->
When you fly
Head way up in the sky
Searching for lost dreams
Come back down
They’re with me
Found in reality
Can’t you see
I’m your remedy
Baby please
Grab my hand
**i prefer my unused lyrics, but it didn’t fit with the beat of the song**
Mar 2020 · 68
Untitled
Diana Mar 2020
In order to share myself with someone
It implies that I know myself
So before I go into a relationship
I must first know myself
I must first know how to date myself
How I respond
When I’m excited
When I’m mad
When I’m sad
What my love language is
What my apology language is
What my remedy is when I’m down
How to label my emotions
And engage with them
So that I can accurately communicate
Them with another
Diana Mar 2020
Empty
Devoid of any human experience
Regarding the beauty
In sensual physicality with another soul
One that deeply revers me
To the point of supernatural ecstasy
Found in the quick secretive glances from across a room
To the beautiful throes of passion
Which is only a black dark hole in my brain
Since it does not present itself as a reality
My reality
Yet
So here I lay
At 1:26am on a Tuesday night
During my spring break
As a sophomore in college
Listening to ******* by pink sweat$
On repeat in the dark
Writing poetry
As I feel the ache
Of never experiencing the sensual ache
Caused by the
Sounds
Looks
Touches
Of another
Of anyone other than my own *******
But one day
I’ll read to you
My love
All of my poems
Where I ache to be with my soulmate
Because I know you’re out there
It’s just not our time
Right now
In this moment
As I lay on my bed
Writing poems about missing you
And your touch
Which I know I’ll love
So
Until then
[insert name of soulmate]
Title is from the song “*******” by pink sweat$.
Mar 2020 · 65
Self Love vs. Self Hatred
Diana Mar 2020
It’s quite sad
When you realize
That you trust someone else
A hell of a lot more
Than you trust yourself
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