paint your face
not too much but just enough to look like it's not
dress up in your costume
smile
laugh
say the "right" words
and move your body in the "right" way

you say you are an open book
that you trust too easily
but baby
that is so far from the truth

your distrust has armor that holds up expectations of perfection
you protect yourself from others seeing you
the real one
not the fabricated
societally conditioned Barbie
at the dispense of others' real-life fantasy

fu*k perfection
authenticity is being starved
and you are the one that is refusing to open your mouth

speak up
and live life boldly

Can you open up the door?
Let your feelings out
Let put all the tears?
Realise yourself from the drought?

Can you open up the door?
Let me go inside
Let me know the feelings
You’re always trying to hide?

Can you open up the door?
Tell me all what is wrong
Tell me what to sing
So I can hear the right song…?

I want you to psychoanalyze me
Tell me what’s wrong with me
So I can fix it

But that’s when I paused
Shocked by my own revelation

I may have never said it
But in between my words
Laid the belief

I am a problem

This is the root of my desire to be psychoanalyzed

This is the problem

oh words
I am sorry for my neglect
it is as if my body has turned against me in the most deprived way

I remember the delicate time in my life where
poetry spilled from my lips
flowed widely and untamed
into the whispers of night's dark company
who listened and graciously opened her arms to my many suppressed emotions
to my light and my own darkness

she whispered my name tonight
oh so sweetly
after too many lonely nights
where I've left her to see me in my silent struggles
close yet too far away from me
a helpless bystander in my own demise

but not tonight
tonight
she has held my hand warmly
brushed the tears trailing my cheeks softly
and calls me home

I hope whatever you’re hoping for
In this experience
Meets you there

Numbing the pain
Is so much easier than feeling it

I wanted to take a few shots tonight
Sit in the buzz
And not the grief and sorrow
But I’m afraid I’ll get lost in the toxic substance
Just like many others in my family have
It’s why I don’t keep it in my place
I don’t want the option
So I eliminate it altogether
For nights like these
Where I want to numb myself