Lies line breaths like prison stripes
Barred up behind a story to memorize
Shifting eyes scream louder than a bullhorn
Wring hands red and rags to sinful water
Soul starts to drip disdain into veins
Inject a bit of guilt for good measure
A visceral polygraph deserving of reverence
Vanquished when eyes conclusively meet
The deliberate intent to deceive
Judgement that peace can befall only one
Biding time and ignorance
just to sacrifice both
Threads of trust fray and split
Left with life unraveling and
one knot to save it
Too busy cutting ties to learn

~kb

Put convenience over necessity,
and necessary dies.
It can be seen upon the moon,
in sad and disappointed eyes.

~kb

Seek your approval but
looking at it all wrong traveling
to the wrong places
end up in tight spaces
claustrophobic and regretting
once again the choice I made to
let you invade
any part of me
because now I see that what I seek
was never in you and was always in me.

~kb

In a world of seven billion perceptions
I can’t wrap my head around
Someone telling me
I misunderstood them.
I understood in my head just fine,
didn’t miss a thing.
If I don’t understand as you do
Who are you to
Call me wrong?

~kb

Elusive love, for years I beg.
Stop tossing my heart
to your pile of dread.
I deserve the stars, the moon, the seas;
I deserve a place beyond my knees.

Offbeat heart ticks,
cards on bike spokes;
lust, impulse and,
my nerves are stroked.
Unaware you are bearing
your soft sequenced soul.
I read your frequencies,
and take control.

Just entertain this idea awhile.
See if your lips can part a smile.
If they do, take me away from here,
to the places banned
from thought and fear.

-kbww

When I said I hate you,
I meant I love you and please
tell me you do, too.

When I said I was fine,
I meant I’m breaking down
a bit. Just hold me close.

When I didn’t speak to you,
I meant I’m so sorry, I was wrong
I just, don’t know how to
tell you.

When I looked you in the eyes,
I meant tell me what to do
because you’re pushing away.

When I said we can’t communicate,
I meant, you don’t seem to know
what love is, you don’t know
how I need to be loved.

When I said goodbye,
I meant goodbye.

~kb

My soul is a cannibal.
Eats my words,
spits them out on a page
in such a delicate way
that I don’t even
know
the words aren’t mine.
They belong to the cannibal,
not my intelligent mind.
I regurgitate its’ feast
in slowly played rhymes.
And every shot at my soul
creates a hole
in my brain.
I’ve tried
to become
linguistically anorexic
to starve the monster
and no longer write
so it has nothing to
bite.
But the clamoring thoughts,
like a symphony of bells,
calls my soul to dinner,
and keeps my words
spilling
out of it’s ugly mouth.
I just hope someone hears
me in the writings
before hell drives me south
and the soul’s mouth
reaches up
for my heart.
The end will
be my start.

~kb

I’m numbed out by all the meds.
My creativity’s in shreds
It feels as though I’ve lost part of me.
Sure it was bad, but now I can’t see
the imagery that comes into view
when darkness comes passing through.
But people get a different cue
that this time I won’t make it through.
So they drug me up and leave me be,
a catatonic version of me.
I’m sick of playing a pill popping puppet.
I’d rather be sick to my stomach,
purge your pills until darkness returns.
Free of your drugs creativity burns.
This darkness is where I’m meant to be.
You can be concerned, but know I am free.

~kb

I wanted to bash my phone against my
skull until the right words could
fall out and you’d finally understand
because obviously what came out
of my mouth wasn’t clear enough for you. Sigh.
And all I ended up saying was sorry.
I took what should’ve been
your guilt and shame
and I owned it, along with my own.
And now you’re right, once again,
and the cycle continues
of this back and forth chess match of opposing opinions, except,
no matter the moves,
you get checkmate every time,
even if your King’s not even
on the board.
I’m bored of feeling disrespected
and called stupid.
I am lost in this relationship and
at a loss for words.
This present circumstance
is not what I wanted,
but thank you for the gift,
of knowing that I’m strong enough
to walk away,
despite your vile strategies
that keep me close to a monster.

~kb

Everyone in town
wants to cast you down
to the Bible’s hell
to your own ghost town
because you cast around
spells and demonic tongue
on your own home ground
and they want you strung
you and your young
on oaks and sway above
all the damage you’ve done
we don’t need any witches
and you are one

~kb

I lie awake again in bed
The same worries fill my head
That kept me up the night before
Any problem I’ll look for
They’ll pop in my head drives me insane
Keep pressing the light switch
To try to shut off my brain
The strobe light attempt
Tells my brain it’s exempt
From having to overthink or worry
Just let my head go blank and blurry
Let me sleep just one night
Let me gain some strength to fight

~kb

There was a light in her
like I’ve never seen before.
That purity in a person,
the kind you can’t ignore.
She’d call me from
her bedroom floor
to talk about life,
what we're here for.
But I knew all along
a monster played in her head.
We tried to keep it tamed,
but she was hanging by a thread.
You seemed so content
when you called me those days.
I felt ok for you,
you’d find your way through the haze.
But the next call from you
wasn’t your voice.
It was someone else’s
telling me of your choice.
I cried and fell weak
to the unforgiving floor.
I wouldn’t be hearing
your voice anymore.
I know that you suffered
so greatly, my love.
Just know that I know
you’re smiling down from above.

~kb

Everything at my disposal
And that’s exactly what I do
Throw away your help and advice
And then blame my garbage life on you
You don’t know that I can’t see
Any lines on this Snellen chart
So when I squint to hear you speak
I end up in the dark
It’s not that I don’t want your help
I just don’t comprehend what you say
I follow the mental recipes
But it bakes up different every day
My white flag’s been up a while
But I get mad when it’s flown half staff
When you tell me just to smile
And show the world that I can’t
You expect me to fail but hope for the best
You’ve exhausted energy and time
But those are things I don’t have at all
I’ve hit the end just before my prime
I’ve wanted guidance for so many years
How to navigate these paths
Of the black labyrinth inside my head
Leaving bread crumbs to get back
But it’s already been said
I’ve heard the truth:
‘There’s just nothing more
we can do for you.’
So I’ll eat my bread in fear
Instead of dropping it as I travel
I’m forever sentenced to this labyrinth
Mind’s already slammed down the gavel

~kb

One of the most intricate organs
in the body, we give so much credit to,
but can’t use it to acknowledge
it can be sick, too.

~kb

Vague, this peace is temporary anyway
Search for logical sense,
so much hay for such a small needle
There’s nothing logical here
Tread through straw
find cold ground the sound
of loneliness has filled this home
No fairy dropping in to leave a dollar
and take the pain
Groundhog Day
Drop sustenance into sputtering machines
Triple layers, unable to get warm
Take in sugar and light and nicotine
and, I can never make sense
of this brick pattern
Sit hours with sun and pen
Occasional interruption
Waiting for the night to turn
animal instincts into visual resistance
and drunken written phrases
that are surprisingly good

~kb

wingspan wide flies over
soft forest cries from
fires that turn family to embers
this cold december
branches cut off leaves no
hiding a polyfil frost over
ponds in dead woods
branches wet crack slow under
footsteps
each snowflake holding its own
clumped with cousins but
unique as me
and I cling tightly to
your exposed tree
cover your bark
hang tightly to your trunk
wait until I dissipate
from your sap wounds healed to
spring’s tune wanting nothing to do
with a lonely melted crystal
I need it to be winter a while
so I have your smile
and I walk the miles
trudging through snow
to find what I know
that tempered tall tree is
waiting for me
to remind me
winter ended
and as one single flake I could’ve never
defended my tree territory
to the urging of the sun
it’s number one
tree takes care of self pushes me to a
puddle
and grows in good health
and now the trees look the same
and I play a frustrating game of
finding my tree they all look alike
with friends and flowers
you purposefully hide yourself
and I’m left wandering
a drop of water alone just
waiting for the cold.

~kb

I wanna
cry, cut, smoke, sleep,
drink, run, ****, breathe,
live, love, kiss, scream.
Anything but this.

~kb

When do I know it’s a choice?
There’s so much darkness inside
Yet I still have a voice.
But, when is the voice mine?
Is it really me,
Or the evil’s disguise?
When is the choice
Between strength and that voice?
The illness says I’m weak
The choices I make will always be bleak.
So even if I had a choice
It can never beat that evil voice.


~kb

Resentments can ****,
renting their space
in a head full of anger,
a desperate place.
They attack all cognition
and leave you left with impulse
at those who leave you
disgusted and repulsed.
But the only beat down
to your death is done by you.
Only you hold fatal anger,
they haven’t got a clue.

~kb

Past becomes sole happy moments
As future possibilities entice my
Present circumstance
And I’m sure this dance
Is forbidden
Smitten with attention
Darkness acquires my arm
Impulse shows no objection
Intellect is blurry
And I seem to be in this
Unsure hurry to sabotage it all
Mind goes blank and strings
Attached to me
Pull it all down
Yet I’m fully unaware of everything going on
Around me
This sound please
Just make it stop
It’s drowning me

~kb

I’ve tried every box,
every brand, every store.
It’s 2018;
We make technological advances galore.
We make phones that recognize
people's faces.
There’s cars that drive
On their own to places.
We have implants for hearing
to give those in silence some sound.
And I bet we hold some of the best work
in a secret lab somewhere underground.
With all of that said,
there’s something way out of order
if I can still never rip the cellophane
without destroying the cardboard corner.

~kb

Sullen face
Faded eyes
Pointed up
Midnight skies

Light stars
Heavy heart
True love
Lies apart

Shattered glass
Broken dreams
Tattered souls
Ripped seams

Moon glows
Sun’s mirror
Thoughts slow
Mind clearer

Now living
With stars
Moon love
No scars

No darkness
Just light
No you
In sight

~kb

Hidden inside me something
hides me from you.
And it’s about to come unglued,
like a poorly but proudly
school made piece of art.
My macaroni intestines start to
come apart and
split at the seams.
And I anxiously await my anxiety state.
Await the insomnia and formula
my body follows so closely to begin
and weigh in on my
current life sins.
Business as usual for the
sensitive ones. Life relayed by
internal dictators through the
broken neurotransmitters and
weak gut.
But,
though the cycle continues,
interrupts the cycle that’s happening,
the cycles combine,
and I’m no longer trapped in me.
The cycles have finally
allowed me to move.
And I may not ride
life’s bike like you do,
but at this present moment
it’s enough to stay glued.
And like the curious kitten,
I peep my head out,
to show you what’s been hidden.
Show you my bicycle’s route.

~kb

I can’t stand

I fall every time

The clock ticks your heartbeat

Sinus rhythm with mine

Blows up to my brain

Releasing strange chemicals

A reaction so soothing

Rub my back pet my hair

Lengthen every second you are here

There’s no question the connection

Four seconds and I knew

Love was meant for this

The intertwining of two.

~kb

Where’s the research
on this physiological attack
that sends me back
Proof our brain changes in these moments
but no one
can wrap a ******* shred
of their head around it
yet it’s the very thing
that gives them
intellect to begin with
I’m sick of it
Don’t lower me to not meet your
unattainable standards
you haven’t met them either
Work on you
This work on me though
Suicide’s taboo
I’m suicidal too but
pretend I was quiet and gentle as
snow hitting rooftops when I spoke that
White face and blue lips you
had to see in the reflection of the
frost glow window
just to believe
there was a part of me
all along that I told you about
causes me to shout
Life isn’t fair
don’t want to see breath
in cold air means
I’m still alive
driving toward hope that
keeps speeding too far past
for me to catch up
and I stop the chase because
I can’t afford the ticket
Can’t stand living
in this body with a brain
that doesn’t work
it keeps turning on and off
And if this is all a dream
I wish I never fell asleep

~kb

Sway swiftly, silent heart.
Your brain connection is
closed.
Stare at your toes or Mars
or the stars, just,
don’t look in the mirror.
You won’t like what you
see there.
It’s two way and you are still
only looking at yourself.
A roundabout way to
end the day, circumference
in the way your soul stays:
Closed, and *****.

Open firmly.
Deflect the dread of
thoughts from your head that
do not lead to salvation.
Sit alone, no phones or
mindless calamity.
Just you and the alchemy
of your swift heart.
Cut the art of disconnecting;
soul begs to stir the light.
Become the start of life
transcending.
Be your beginning,
never your ending.

-Ww

One poet asks another, “Is it quite possible that some of us are just stuck in a game of loving too much?”

The second poet answers, “My dear, we wouldn’t have poetry if we were in the game of loving too little.”

-Kbww

Someone once told me
Just because I have an opinion
Doesn’t mean anyone needs to hear it

If people didn’t share opinions with me
I couldn’t be free to speak eloquently
And maybe disagree but get back on
Track and shake hands at the end
And feel my mind bend at new information
It’s the best way to learn and a
Human connection
As long as my input is true and kind
I often feel it necessary to speak my mind.

~kb

I love the Joker and Harley Quinn,
but I don’t want to be so harsh.
We can be just like Luke and Leia,
but that’s gross and, kind of dark.
Bonnie and Clyde were badass together,
but I don’t like to hurt anyone.

So right now, just be my glowing moon,
and I’ll be your beaming sun.

-kb

What I wish was a beige ocean
is a darkened tan lint filled
swamp
of mismatched socks and
yoga pants in every color
White hairs tether themselves to
black clothes
making the world look pretty grey
A guest to the canine
Empty orange glazed bottles
with white caps fill gaps
between clothes
Orange cones that hold chemicals
diverting traffic in my brain
A working pattern fails to come through
And workers turn their fingers blue
day and night trying to
form an intelligent route
Cars just keep
colliding in the meantime
A sanctuary of sorts
At least the walls aren’t padded
though a missing feature on drunken nights
And I’m afraid
if I leave this safe dark place
I’ll never come back the same,
or worse, I will.

~kb