Where’s the research
on this physiological attack
that sends me back
Proof our brain changes in these moments
but no one
can wrap a ******* shred
of their head around it
yet it’s the very thing
that gives them
intellect to begin with
I’m sick of it
Don’t lower me to not meet your
unattainable standards
you haven’t met them either
Work on you
This work on me though
Suicide’s taboo
I’m suicidal too but
pretend I was quiet and gentle as
snow hitting rooftops when I spoke that
White face and blue lips you
had to see in the reflection of the
frost glow window
just to believe
there was a part of me
all along that I told you about
causes me to shout
Life isn’t fair
don’t want to see breath
in cold air means
I’m still alive
driving toward hope that
keeps speeding too far past
for me to catch up
and I stop the chase because
I can’t afford the ticket
Can’t stand living
in this body with a brain
that doesn’t work
it keeps turning on and off
And if this is all a dream
I wish I never fell asleep

~kb