maybe my heart has a self-defense mechanism
so that when i am the only spire left on a collapsing castle,
i still won't feel anything.
nothing but weird
i have come a long way.
old days and young days became one and the same,
feeling prodded with those saccharine persuasive words dripping off your tongue,
i hid from my future and your past.
i entertain the thought now
that i take pride in the legacy of my grandparents,
in the foundation laid by my family,
and in the quietly powerful strength
sometimes a push is what you need.
does blowing bubbles in boba tea just make it bubble tea squared?
you cannot tell me i'm wrong
i am flooded,
up to my neck.
how come every metaphor to do with having oodles of work conjours images of my fluttering hands, framed in a deathly silence over a languidly receding ray glimmering, glaring, off the waves ?
i promise im not obsessed with drowning
if there are some secrets you don't even admit to yourself,
is it your heart that knows they're there?
or is it your mind?
logical or emotional omission?
you were funny and pretty
danced to ****** pop music like the whole pool wasn't watching
rested your arm on my shoulder and dared me to challenge you on it
wore sunglasses as strikingly blue as your eyes
taught me basketball with a peeling ball and disintegrating net
got my naive, slow heart racing faster than it has in years
talked to me like we'd known each other years longer, instead of the five hour shift you picked up at my pool
so i did what i had to and told myself you spoke to everyone like that; used everyone as an arm rest like that; showed everyone sports like that.
i am not special to you.
but you were to me.
(whips) it aint a crush if you convince yourself there's no hope !!!!
i know exactly what drowning feels like.
dagger sharp tugs at your lungs,
making your chest convulse.
desperate, bloodshot eyes,
suddenly immobile limbs,
stiff and useless.
i know exactly what drowning feels like,
so why can't i tell what's holding me under?
i'm a little lost