Stripped off my identity
Taken from my own sanity
Is this a rebirth?
Cause it feels more like death
Who am I?
What am I?
My spirit has too grown weary
My heart too heavy to carry
Soul drifring far away into despair
This doesn't seem fair
Where is my sun light?
I have lost my own sight
Holding on with the tip of my finger
How much longer will my essence linger
In this dark, cold dwelling
I long for smooth sailing
For peace and serenity
I want my identity along with my sanity

Dead inside. I feel nothing
Nothing but self loathing
My heart is ice cold
I watch the darkness unfold
My soul is dead
Emptiness is my daily bread
Happiness is a distant thought
My hatred is self taught
I despise life
Slit my throat with a knife
And I will feel pain no more
I have nothing to live for
I am dead inside
No where left to hide
I am dead inside

My hatred for you consumes me.
I hate you for what you did to me.
It is not just what you did,
It is how you did what you did.
As much as I can try to understand why you had to.
The way that it broke me is the reason I can't forgive you.
But me not being able to forgive me feeds on my soul.
The way that you ended things was foul.
You said that your love for me had diminished.
Those words had my heart and my whole being finished.
It was as if you ripped me apart.
I am still picking up the pieces of my heart.
The ones that you left behind.
I still can't fathom this in my mind.
You left me. Broken pieces and all.
Tears falling down my face and all.
You broke me. All the love and loyalty I gave.
I had no choice left but to cave,
To this sudden decision you had made.
How did your love for me just fade?
Was it ever there to begin with?
Or was your love for me just a myth?
You ended me. As much as I hate to admit it,
You took everything from me and left me in a dark pit,
A dark pit of despair and guilt.
Everything we had built,
Had crashed in front of my eyes.
All this because of your lies,
Your lies about loving me forever.
I watched that get washed in the river.
It is like you were even there.
I regret the day I met you with every shed tear.

Barely existing
Drifting through space
Can't feel my face
Barely existing
Surviving on intoxication
Need a paid vacation
Barely existing
Consumed by my own thoughts
More tequila shots
Barely existing
Lord hear my cry
Help me get by
Barely existing
What am I living for
What am I here for
Barely existing
Can't see purpose
Dead inside I suppose
Barely existing
Barely living
Need saving
Somebody help
Please anybody help
Help me get by
Lord hear my cry
I'm barely existing
I need fixing
I am broken
Have I been forsaken
Barely existing
I need healing

Evert night at 2 AM
Different poems are written
Different words are scribbled
Different papers are crumpled
But only one thought she had
Yet, word can't help her convey the feelings
"Empty" has much more than herself
"Sad" is not sadder than she thought
"Broken" is more whole than her
"Hurting" ain't just bleeding just like her
And when words can't take the role
It's the blade that play with her
Every cuts has meaning
Everything is her unreleased feeling

My demons
They consume me
My body, mind and spirit
No living being could ever comprehend
I could scream at the top of  the highest mountain
Bringing out my loudest vocal cord
No one will hear me
Even God Himself
The one who created me
He can’t save me
I don’t have control of my own thoughts anymore
Another force has taken over my life
I pray to God
And the dead
To help me
Save me
Lead me into the light
All I see is the darkness
I lay awake all night
Staring into these walls
As if they have the answers
The split second I fall asleep
I see them
Things I don’t want to see
Things of the darkness
Save me!
Somebody
Anybody
Please save me!
From my mind
From the pain
From the confusion
These demons
They demand my attention
I fear the unknown
I see the unseen
Blurry visions of the future
Encrypted dreams of the past and the present
That I can’t interpret
I wake up in a new body
Day by day
I can feel my being drifting from my soul
Day by day
Make it go away
I want to feel like a person again
I want to feel love and respect

Lost and alone.
So much to offer,
Yet so little faith.
No self-belief.
So much potential,
Yet so much pain.

25. Where has the time gone?
Where are the blessings and fortunes,
We were promised in our young days?
Work hard they said.
Those who don't give up shall prosper,
They said.
Our mothers told us we are the kings and queens.
We deserve nothing but the best.

But 25 years later,
Of working hard.
Giving it our all.
Yet no luck.
Days are dark.
Friends are few.
No one is true.
Where is the happiness,
They assured us?

25. You should be married by now.
What have you achieved?
What are you working towards?
Where do you see yourself in the future?
Why are you not doing anything?
What is wrong with you?
Why are you not like other kids?
They ask.


25. Half way to 50.
So young,
Yet so old.
So many decisions to make,
Yet so little time.
Not enough resources,
To make it through.

25. Don't give up.
You are 25.
You still have time.
It gets better.
They all say.
But what if I don't see the light?
Do I hold on to the darkness,
And pray to see the sun?

25. So much to live for,
Yet suicidal thoughts,
Are more and more regular.
Prayers are less and less.
Am I praying to the walls?
Is there a God?
Where is He?

25. Unanswered prayers,
And self-doubt.
Could there be other forces,
Bringing me down ?
Forcing me in to the darkness ?
Who do I pray to?
For salvation and light.

25. I have been waiting for you.
I have been picturing you all my life.
And you are not what I imagined.
At all.
You are confusing.
You are filled with dullness.
You make me not want to live anymore,
25.

So many questions.
No valid answers.
People just say what they want.
No true direction.
Not real inspiration.
And I see other 25s,
They have it figured out.
Who did they pray to?

25. No compelling purpose.
On a path of despair.
A path to depression,
And anxiety.
A gloomy route to hopelessness.
When you lay down you can hear,
Your demons whisper.
Are they ever going to leave me alone?
These demons?

25. I am not fond of you.
You make me want to turn back the time,
And choose not to never meet you.
What will my mama do if she found me,
Dead in my shower because of you.
And your beasts.
I have had enough of you,
25.