Something

I haven’t done something for myself
not in a little while
too scared to go out the norm
so afraid of the hostile

I’ve done it for society
I’ve done it for school
I’ve done it for my parents
I’ve done it ‘cause I am a fool

Now I see it, as bright as the northern star
something I want for myself
it’s sweet, beautiful, and comfortable
it brings out the self I never tell

I’m afraid of what others think
that it won’t be what I imagine
that if I reach, I’ll realize it’s too far out
I’m fearful that, to it, I’ll just be a distraction

I haven’t done something for myself
I’ve forgotten how to try
too scared to leave the flock
So afraid I’ll change my mind

I'm not still alive because I want to be
I'm alive because I couldn't leave knowing the gaping hole I'd rip out
I help you because I'm selfish

You could never hurt me more than I've hurt myself
I love you

I get told the same thing over and over again
Get more sleep, manage your time better
Have you try meditating? How about yoga?
I've been trying to get better for four years and nothings work
saying it again won't help me
It won't work now if it hasn't worked before
I just want to be fixed.

The world is blurry again
Nothing feels real again