Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
287 · Mar 2018
Bastardo For President
I wondered the desert a lone luchador exiled from his home country .
I missed many things .

A warm bed to romance my many senioritas and a hot tub to enjoy underwater exploration .

The great dictator had banished ******* to wonder the dessert .
All because of the lack of a green card .

He was a evil man with orange hair and a small ***** but a man who understood sometimes you simply had to grab life by the ***** .

I admired that .
Although being a outcast in this desert made me wish I could challenge him to a no holds barred ******* match .

Wear I would wrestle him.into submission .

I thought to myself ******* how can you allow this old lesbian to defeat you?

I decided to turn back and march myself to Washington for i was a man amongst many oiled and **** .

I tweaked my ******* and called across the desert .
Well actually I just called a uber. 

I was off to challenge my opponent to a true battle of mono e mono .
A great debate on public access television .

For I ******* was going to run for president of the untied states .
I would change many things .

Making all drugs legal allowing free trade with Canada and finally allowing there people to cross freely into are country .

I would of course build the wall around New Jersey so no more terrible reality television shows could be produced .

I would issue all people knives and guns and make all vegans leave taking there ****** food with them.


I would also close all schools so as to prevent shootings and allow television to teach all the children what needed to know.

I would make ****** harassment punishable by spanking .

And I would make minimum wage a hundred pesos a hour .


I would rise to the level of other great presidents like Orson Wells and Elvis Presley. 

Ole Ole Ole .

A vote for ******* is a vote for ******* what else do you think it is sugar britches .

— The End —