lips like poison,
eyes as green as envy,
one word and you have me
falling to your knees.
one kiss and i have blood dripping
from my own lips.
you chase me,
until i’m intoxicated by lust.
your body finally intertwines with mine.
yet i wake up feeling loved,
but to no one around.

looking into your eyes
reminded me of a galaxy,
too far to discover.
you were venturing your thoughts
while i was locked out.
looking at your lips
reminded me of the clouds
on a stormy day.
so tempting to touch,
yet so dangerous.
hearing your voice
brought me into a blissful peace
i have yet to discover on my own.
everything about you
screams into my soul,
reminding me that you are
my forbidden fruit.
but oh what I wouldn’t do
to take one more bite.

in the thoughts
of everything that has been
and everything that could have been.
looking back at the storms
caused by uncontrollable weather.
how selfish of me to compare my situations
to weather that is no one’s choice,
like I didn’t make the choice to create
the tornado in a bottle.
i feel as if i am God,
but only bringing havoc.
i’m so far down in a rabbit hole
of nothing but chaos
i’ve forgotten how to grab a branch
and slow myself down.
get it together
is such a small phrase
but a much larger task.

Looking into those eyes
And trying to find hope
Is a task in itself.
You scour fields
And hike over mountains,
You find puddles
Of lakes left behind
From dreams forgotten.
You try to re-emerge the memories
Of that dreamer child
Who promised herself she’d be a doer.
Looking at those hands,
Studying the calluses
You’ve made from the strength
You’ve tried to gain
Makes you self aware of your journey.
You look at all the scars
From the years of an adventurous childhood.
You think of when you weren’t so secluded,
When you weren’t so scared to live.
You look up and wonder
How you slowly lost yourself
And didn’t notice until it was too late
To go back.

I keep saying “believe in yourself”,
but i won’t believe in me.
to expect you to do this,
how much of a hypocrite would i be?
i’m in a garden
of roses
But still see a ****.
I’m expecting to grow,
but won’t move to new soil.
every time i have the opportunity
i recoil.
it’s time to notice my worth
instead of viewing myself as the dirt.

A part of me rests in your hands.
It took me great strength to give this up.
You carry it around carelessly,
As if it were a gum wrapper
You’re ready to drop.
You slowly discard these pieces
As i follow behind
Picking them up,
And once again
Placing them into your hands.
See that’s the thing about being blind
About one sided love.
Do this for decades,
And here i am.
Cleaning up MY mess
YOU made.
And still I never leave.

The fear of isolation overwhelms me
As tears stream down my face
For no one to see.
It seems as if they are in competition,
Who can run faster?
They leave my cheeks,
Because even they
Don’t want to keep me company.

I am ashamed
At how broken i am.
I apologize
For the amount of stress
I may cause in the midst of your
Efforts of trying to keep me held together.
I apologize
that i continue to fall apart
Before your glue has time to dry.
I apologize
That every time you pick a piece of me up,
Yet another breaks.
I am trying.
You are fixing me slower than i am breaking,
And i am ashamed.
Thank you.
Thank you for not giving up
On a broken piece of nothing.

Actions speak louder than words.
You won’t fully understand this
Until you’re standing in front
Of a broken heart
From the lies you’ve told.
You won’t fully understand this
Until you’ve turned the light drizzle of rain
Into a hurricane.
You won’t fully understand this
Until you’ve watched someone’s trust
Leave their body and crash
Into a million pieces below.
And you won’t fully understand this
Until you’re standing in the ruins
Worse than Athens
That you’ve created from those actions.

It’s hard starting over,
Especially when you’ve grown
The slightest sense of familiarity.
When you hate the way you’re living.
But then the slightest ray
Of sunshine is sent your way.
Your walls tear down,
Hope begins to flutter.
Then that ray burns out,
And you’re left once again
Starting over.

I am standing on a tightrope
As you’ve taken the net from beneath me
Once again.
See one wrong step,
One wrong move,
And i’ve ended it all.
So as your words
Shoot arrows past my head,
I haven’t the time
Nor the energy
To dodge them.
So please,
Take the net,
Shoot the arrows,
And hope i survive the outcome

I seem to forget i am only temporary.
I forget i am just the bandgage
On your miniscule wound.
And when you heal,
You leave me once again,
Vulnerable,
Waiting for my next broken heart.

I apologize.
I’m sorry that all of your responsibilites
Are washing over you,
Pushing you into a worrysome bout of aggravation.
I’m sorry thar you don’t feel you’re parenting well,
Not keeping me satisfied 100 percent of the time
I’m sorry that i’m so much to handle,
Adding onto the unbearable weights you carry.
I’m sorry that you feel meaningless
When you’re my world,
My inseperable half.
And most importantly,
I’m sorry I haven’t been able to help you.

Depression is
Invisible.
Depression is
Not a joke to be made to friends.
Depression is
Like being in a car
Going to fast.
Uncertain of the destination.
Depression is
Drowning in water
You could save yourself from
If you would just STAND.
Just
Stand
Up.
Depression is
Lating in the same water
Weights tied down on you.
Depression is
Being trapped in your own prison,
Everyone you love surrounding you,
They can’t reach you.
If you would just REACH OUT.
Just
Reach
Out.
Depression is
Laying in your fortress of solitude
Rotting away.
Depression is
A drop of water in a drought.
You are useless.
Depression is
Not a feeling.
In fact,
There’s no feeling at all.
Depression is
Finding out who cares the most
When you’ve shut yourself down
And they still care for you.
People
Still
Care.
I promise.

Some nights i sit up and wonder
If you think about me the way i think about you.
If i race across your mind like lighting
If i make your heart skip a beat
When you hear my name.
If the butterflies in your stomach
Let you reach the clouds when you see me.
But most nights i sit up and wonder
If you even cared enough
To remember my name.

And you were the apple
I couldn’t help from poisoning myself with.

Its been a long time
Since i even searhed for the real me.
Instead,
i’m too busy apologizing
For not being the person I used to be.
I miss her too,
Don’t get me wrong,
But i feel like at this point
She’s too far gone.
I wish i could go back
To the simpler days,
Where the only thing to worry about
Is what song I’d sing on Sundays.
I can’t focus and i can’t see.
Which is why i’ve given up
On finding the person i used to be.

Sweetie,
You’re a sidewalk daisy.
It takes a certain special
To notice your worth
<3

My advice to you:
Feel with your heart,
Love with your mind.

He was the sun
On a cold day.
She was the shadow
On a sunny day.
Working hand and hand,
Making the world go round.
But sometimes,
It just didn’t work.

I’m enjoying myself.
Living freely.
But when you come in
Your booming voice
Runs through my veins.
And next thing you know,
My wish is your command.
Oh, what love does to me.
I know you don’t care.
But I tell myself you do.
Then when your through,
Im here.
Again.
Broken hearted.
Then I build myself up.
And I’m enjoying myself.
Living freely.