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 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
what began as a choice,
ended up as an addiction.

-love or drug
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
Waiting,
        Waiting,
               Waiting,
For someone that is not coming back..

Or is he?
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
O kind sir,
What do you do when
home
abandons you?
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
Devil
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
With tears
streaming down
her face,
she finally
said,
"I can't do
this anymore."
His furrowed brows
were
no longer
angry.
Instead,
he started laughing.
"I treated you like ****,
and it took you
this long
to walk away."
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
Ironic
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
You told me I didn't love enough,
So I changed.

I told you you didn't love enough,
So you left.
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
Every time we meet,

There's an awkward pause between each word said
as if it was rehearsed a thousand times in our heads.

There's a tension that pulls us together,
but keeps us apart forever.

You look at me
no longer with love.
Searching to see
an opportunity to leave.

"I miss you. I always have and always will. Please come back to me."

Of course, I don't say this out loud
because I know you don't want to hear it.

As a matter of fact,
you don't care enough to not want it anymore.

Instead,
I make up an excuse that we both know isn't true.

But you let it go
because us being friends is all for show.
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
She lay naked and raw in the back of his car with all her clothes on.
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
After all this time,
It wasn't you breaking my heart.
I held the hammer even when you were gone.
 Oct 2017 girl diffused
soyun
There is a certain Beauty in Brokenness
And Purpose in Pain.
for L. J.

<•>

first time my heart crushed, and
pieces broke off,
and rode the interstates of my body,
the very real kind,
was somewhere
in my later teens.  

many breakings came
all life long later.
remember each face.
different kinds of breakings.
some mean and ugly,
but the ones,
that made me weak and mournful,
those hurts are in a steel case kept
near my left ventricle, with copies in
my sewing box
full of handwritten poems.

you want to know if there was  (like yours)
that one, that still sneak peeks
into your eye's fantasy
when you lie next to
your woman of the last decade?

thankfully, no.
but the flavors of the regret,
the highs of
pain so awful, never forgot,
are ensconced, recalled, memorialized
only in my love poetry.

touchstone ribbons and knickknacks,
I have hid so well, don't remember where,
but not the who or the when.

hear your ask, the answer plain
the title encapsulated.
but when I accidentally hear
Johnny Rivers sing
"Baby, I need your lovin'"
strangers do not understand
why this man who has
seven decades and a day of poems kept,
walks down the street weepin' and smilin',
but you will ken, as I well ken your askin'.


amend my title.  

easier, someday. easy never.  
ever.

5:58am
10/1/2017
Johnny Rivers Lyrics

"

"Baby, I Need Your Loving"
(originally by Four Tops)

Baby, I need your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'

Although you're never near
Your voice I often hear
Another day, another night
I long to hold you tight
'Cause I'm so lonely

Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'

Some say it's a sign of weakness
For a man to beg
Then weak I'd rather be
If it means havin' you to keep
'Cause lately I've been losin' sleep

Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'

Empty nights
Echo your name
Sometimes I wonder
Will I ever be the same

Oh yeah, when you see me smile
You know
Things have gotten worse
Any smile you might see
Has all been rehearsed

Darlin', I can't go on without you
This emptiness won't let me live without you
This loneliness inside me, darlin'
Makes me feel not alive, honey

Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'

Baby, I need your lovin'
I got to have all your lovin'
Baby, I need your lovin'
Got to have all your lovin'

Writer(s): Brian Holland, Lamont Dozier, EdwardHolland Jr
AZLyrics J Johnny Rivers Lyrics
"Rewind" (1967)
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