i wish you knew how my mind worked. i wish you could understand. i'm not sane all of the time. unstable and lonely. the places my mind goes to are dark and scattered.

you're a heartbreaker and as much as i try to keep from falling,
my vulnerability seeps through my pores.
loosening my grip,
sweating out my insecurities into puddles on the concrete underneath me.
so don't slip,
on the melted walls i once built to hide the fact that i'm alone.

Often over exaggerated and far too elaborated,
I over think.
Every outcome is weighed for possible gain or loss.
My mind works in a way where I cannot,
Strive without suffer.
I return to pain to remain the same.

i feel like i'm going crazy inside my head.
dark thoughts with lucifer,
he stays under my bed.
peel back my skin,
i think i'm already dead.
no time to waste,
i gave my soul to the devil instead.
creepy crawlers under my skin.
demons filling me with sin.
trying to hold back the monster within.
myself.

I like how you dance to no music,
looking around so no one thinks you're a lunatic.
And how you get mad at the wind for messing up everything, mostly your hair.
I can't help but smile, mostly because you're unaware,
of my selfish thoughts that you'll never leave.

Rub my face in the dirt, tell me I ain't ****.
You treated me less than a human, it's hard to admit.
That I,
still feel lonely in the dark and I cry out to you.
The pain bites like a shark, ripping the life from you.
I tell myself,
I need drugs to calm my rage
and fear my mind is older than my age.
I purposely deprive myself just to feel but I can't find a reality that's really real.
I'd like you to,
Explain to me how you came up with the idea to drown me in air.
I thought not but I guess you never know if people really care.

The masks we wear
hides the lies we share  
with a generation that does not care.
I think I messed up when
my mind let no one else compare.

Take over my mind and interrupt my boyish thoughts. I am unsettled within. Deny me fear and see the way I strive without the help of a corrupt society. I am no longer that young boy distracted by the squirming insects in the corner of a classroom. Poisoned, swept into the corner, and left to dissipate into dirt. What if they had wisdom to teach us? We never even asked but instead we assume the worst. Disgusted by the sight of anything with lesser intelligence of a selfish mind. Still lost in the way of a day dreamer but focused on a path, I walk cleaner.