One day
You'll meet the person you were meant to become
But didn't
Maybe because of bad decisions
Wrong life choices
Poor impulse control
Sheer laziness
Selfishness
Crippling addiction

You'll meet that person
And flounder in the tearful aftermath
That quiet devastation
Of the could-have-beens and what-ifs
Wither in the fallout of regret and remorse

They don't tell you these things in school

That if you'd just reined in your temper a bit
Had been more generous
Overlooked life's little injuries
And spread goodwill instead of vitriol

What a difference it would have made

You realize these things just a little too late
When your life is half-spent
Frittered away
On petty squabbles and noxious grudges
Like cresting a hill
Only to see your path end at a sheer drop

If you're lucky
You'll be too far gone
Drowning in your pit
To even realize
The incarnation of foregone potential
Staring at you in the face
And so
Pass the rest of your days
In blissful ignorance

They don't tell you these things
Or how to at least maintain composure
When you get waylaid
By these belated revelations

If I breathed my last tonight
Do not grieve long
I will always be with you

If you woke up tomorrow
Fallen out of love with me
I would regret nothing

If your moon dims
If my sun dissipates
The spectral stars still stare from afar

Because
I never held back from you
Not a drop of love
I gave you free rein
All my love
Never counting the cost

So that
Should my life or your love end
I can walk back into the darkness
Unencumbered by the shackles of regret
Knowing that I gave my all

I know why ghosts exist
And I refuse to be part of their ranks

Separated
By the will of our Gods

You serve yours
I serve mine

Of separate allegiances

The sun yearning for the moon
Its burning touch begging
For her cool gaze

Just what does your heart desire,

My ancestors ask
Their pagan eyes boring into me.

I desire her, of course
Her warm, soft flesh
Her melodious laugh.

What is it that you seek,

My ancestors demand
Faces cold as ancient starlight.

Her, with her idiosyncratic appetites
And her languid temper

All of her, body, mind, and spirit.

You dishonor us,

They thunder

You are weak.

Ah, but the lilt of your voice
Echoes into the abyss of my unconscious
However foolish my answers be
However weak my resolve is.

And you have no idea how much the sight of you
Banishes the accursed doldrums

Yet we both know
That despite all this

We are meant to be

Forever apart.

If Dawkins were right
And faith is a farce
A human construct
If Nietzsche were right
And man has outgrown God
As a child outgrows his toy
Then all this
Hemming
And
Hawing
Would have all been in vain
All ****** folly
And this time could have been put
To better use
Courting you
And we would be
So very happy
Together.

~

Yet if the scriptures were right
And we are spirits made flesh
Having appointments with divine destiny
Then you are but a thought
A temptation
Testing me
An exaltation against His knowledge.
A boon you are not
But a bane.
And I am to nail it all
To the foot of the cross
Just as how I am to nail my flesh,
My sinful nature,
To this altar.
And in Him
Shall I find all-transcendent peace.
For putting the Kingdom first,
Shall I receive His best.

~

That is,
If.