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Forgive me
If my eyes
Do not deviate from you
It is not everyday they see such beauty,
Your voice drifts
To my ears like glorious music
You take control of me,
I feel powerless,
I wish you were mine,
To love with all my soul;
To give you my whole being
To be yours forever,
One desire engulfs my life
Your love for me;
Knowing you would give all to me
Just the same as I,
Overflowing with passion
The feeling so strong
I can feel your lips caress my own
Your hair as soft as the smell of your skin
Nothing worries me;
As your warmth surrounds me
This moment only;
You and I
The world aside,
Never ending; forever lasting
I feel complete; I want nothing more
My heart beats loudly; impatient, desperate
No worse prison that the one within my mind,
When I wake up; reality is there, it saddens me...
© okpoet
I never knew this before.
But, there is a time in our life,
When we realize just how horrendous it is,
To be human.
We realize that , that one person
Who said they would never hurt you.
You believed it,
In fact you knew it.
And a first crack hits,
You see just how painstakingly selfish this place is.
You feel the crush in your chest and the years in your eyes.
At some point during all this,
There's the ones that are still there.
The ones that hold you up
Make you feel as if you are strong enough.
You again with your trust,
Have your guard down.
A best friend will not hurt you.
They turn away as well.
And, when that happens.
You realize that you will never again trust another humans feelings.
If the only people in the world.
That were thought to be your allies
Left you with huge scars.
Then the world is a much,
Much darker place than ever imagined.
That while these feelings of self hate,
And complete lack of confidence on your ability to be loved.
Respected, adored, honoured.
Thats when the thoughts come out,
All those feelings, they are what set you apart at times.
They are what sets you apart.
You look at yourself and you realize
Just how much you would have done.
What you never would have,
How you could never have thought or done
The pain that was given to you.
The world it seems is a much colder darker place
Than first assumed.
You have changed, you will never hold a relationship
With the same absolution ever again.
Spouses, family and friends,
Are not what you thought.
Good and bad,
This world will lift you up,
To pull you down.
To watch you fall.
Break and change.
When you get up and walk you'll smile again.
The world will be cold, dark
People will destroy you
But if anyone keep faith in yourself
When the world is heartless and cold,
Try to remember to feel your heartbeat,
And love the innocent souls you created
And hope they never ever feel like you do.
Hope the sun stays out
The dark clouds that encompass you,
Stay with you instead.
I just want you. Intimately, of course, but in every other way possible, too. You see, I've learned that there are very few things in life that consistently make me happy - my art, my words, my dance, and you. It's like I have this hole in my body, like I'm hungry. All my life I have been starving for happiness and love.
Now, every time I'm with you, every time I talk to you even, it's like there's this whole plate of endless joy right before me, but I always just get a taste of it. I never get to dive in and devour the whole thing.
I am this child starving for you; and it really aches on the inside because I see what is placed before me and I never get to have it all. What makes it worse is that I know you will fill me up and I will never grow hungry again.
And it's been like that for years.
Ever since the first time I saw you, and I mean really saw you, I knew that there was something different about you, and that you were going to change my life. You might think I'm crazy, which I probably am, but I can just sense these things out. My heart can sort of predict how someone will make me feel in the future.
When I laid eyes on you I was truly stunned. I had these flashes of emotions, and it actually kind of scared me. They were so intense I didn't know what to do. I still get these rushes all the time, except I understand them now. Not completely - but for the most part.
Do you believe in soul mates? Do you believe in twin flames? I think about it all the time. I read quotes, and theories, and myths, and lores, and when I think about you they all makes sense.
You see, I recently read something about connected souls. They don't understand what time or distance is, they just feel the others absence, and they ache and yearn for them to come back. It doesn't matter if they just left the room or they are in another state, the soul just thinks being away for five minutes feels more like a week.
How do you think my soul feels when you are gone for days? It feels like you are missing from my life for months, years even. I haven't seen you for three or four days and it seems like a weeks time has gone by. It misses you; I miss you. All I think about is how to pass the time until I am in your arms again.
I am not one who believes in reincarnation, but I feel like our hearts have been missing each for years. Like they have been wandering the earth for centuries searching for its other half, and now they have happened to stumble upon each other. Throughout my whole life, my soul has felt like it was missing something, and when I am with you it's like the waters become calm. The storm is over.
And I know I don't get to have you all the time, and any type of relationship we try to have is a battle that we usually end up losing, but I always try to think of the bigger picture. I tell myself, "you don't have to win the battles to win the war." At times it is easier for me to listen to my own advice than others - but I always do my best, and this is why.
I read a quote that made a lot of sense even though I didn't agree with all of it.
".... But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you every thing that is holding you back; the person who brings you to your own attention. So that you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. ....Souls mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave...
"
I always try to convince myself that the reason you come, and break my heart when you leave, is to rip down my walls and to show me another layer of myself. It really only makes sense if you think about it.
Every time I am with you, I, at first, try to be tough and mean but I can never go through with it. I know that I love you and that makes the whole act crumble to the floor. I am too comfortable with you to be like that. I get so use to the feeling of happiness and comfort and love, that when you're gone I feel like a different person. Every time I find another way to sustain myself while you're away. I discover a new part of me that I didn't know was there. I think I am going to be devastated when you go missing, but I surprise myself with the ways I find to push myself through. And then of course - the cycle starts over.
I know that one day, the cycle will end. It will be you and me, and our kids, and our house - just like you planned. When you talk about our future together, it assures me that it's worth the fight, and that things will be okay later in life. After these rocky roads together we will be laid our in our spot in the forest listening to the creek and feel of the cool breeze.

Darling, I love you more than the fish love the sea, and I know you love me too. No matter what we do or where we go in life, that is a fact that will never change. As often as out bodies are apart, I know our souls never will be.

"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There is nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than depression, and I am braver than loneliness, and nothing will ever exhaust me."
*-Elizabeth Gilbert
Eventually the letter that will be given to my special someone.
I** hate it.
As the warmth of blankets
forms a burn over my knees.

I lay restless,
thinking.
All I need is you.

Wishing it was different.
Wishing i could have moved your hair behind your ear just once.
Wishing i could see you smile like that time on the beach.

I think back to that time.
I see the waves and taste the salt.
But all i now feel is the burn of blankets
This is sick to admit
But when your hand brushed mine
Last night
In the most innocent way possible
I swear on the headstone
Of the mother
I really never knew
That it was the most alive
I've ever felt
In my entire life

It was odd
That second felt like a lifetime
And a nanosecond
All rolled into one

And if just a touch of your hand
Could make me want
To live just that much longer

Imagine

Just imagine

What a kiss could do.
It's so hard for me to try and find the right words to say.
I'm sorry we will never get the chance to meet,
the chance to see your tiny body and hold your tiny feet.

I have an image of you in my mind,
your gorgeous smile,
your beautiful eyes,
a picture,
an image,
something I'll never let go.

Every Christmas,
every birthday,
I'll do nothing but wish you were there,
right by my side.

A boy or a girl I'll never know,
this love I have for you,
I'll never be able to show.

You'll always be mummy's  special one and always daddy's too,
and we want you to know we will always love you.

I wrote you this poem to show I care,
this pain,
this hurt I cannot bare.

In time you will sleep my little baby,
one day,
some day,
I'll be able to hold you tight and give you that proper kiss goodnight.

Goodnight Sweetheart
Love you always.
i wait
and i
wait
and i
wait
for you to respond
and i watch you
and i think
wow
is he going
to say something
that he means
for once?
then you open your
meaningless
chasm
smile
shakily
tell me
goodnight
and that you love me
as an after thought...
sometimes i think our life consists of
the antics
of
an after-thought
theatre troupe
oh well
i guess i love you too
in a meaningless
sort of way
though we try to escape
this unkempt world
with its busy streets,
yelling men on street corners,
random outbursts from the impoverished,
advertisements peddling
face creams and running shoes
and lotteries and fried foods,
the noise of it all,
what silence do we hope to escape to?

a beach with sunset?
i can hear the wind
against the trees, the splashing
of these waves before me,
the birds, they're calling their
night songs, i hear laughing in
the distance,

what of empty church?
i hear the echoing of my footsteps,
the creaking of aged wooden benches,
and if i concentrate,
i hear the gentle flicker
of that row of candles, the
***** rings of past hymns,

what of padded isolation cells?
panic rooms, artificial solitude?
cling to them like supermen
only for emergent use,
close your eyes,
let the black envelop you,
meditate, if you know how,
relax, beyond earthly possessions...

when that mind begins to wander,
as it does, it's mandatory,
hear that voice inside your head,
telling you to stay focused?

telling yourself to stay focused
only starts the spin of things:

and then you hear the beat
of drums, african tribal rhythms,
or phil collins at the start of
"in the air tonight"
or the strings, is that pachabel?
i hear the start of "the sound of silence"
as if my mind is mocking me,
i hear the voice of my mother,
there's my father,
they're beside me and it's christmas,
i hear nat king cole,
i hear the sound
of knife through turkey,
i hear laughter,
it's yours,
i hear the sound of my
fingers as they run along your skin
and get tangled in your hair,
i hear a heartbeat,
direct through chest, then through
bell of stethoscope, i hear
the rocko's modern life theme song,
i hear thunder, i hear rain,
i hear the splashing of my shoes,
i hear the gravel, i hear cars,
i hear the city, the random beeping
indicating when to cross,
the sound of garbage being thrown out,
of doors opening, slamming,
metal against metal,
i hear applause,
after successful landing,
i hear recycled air above me,
i hear it all,

everything is right here,
there's no such thing as silence,
and that shouldn't be a problem,
in fact, i think it's beautiful.
lately i've spent hours a day
crying over you,
but that doesn't mean
you didn't make my life
so absolutely
extraordinary

(and it sure as hell
doesn't mean i'm
over you
yet)
****** poem, but hey.  i'm feeling better today.
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