i would chase away
all your demons, if that would
help to change your mind.

out of the blue you asked me if
the reason we don't talk anymore is because
both of us are supposedly "busy"
or if it is because
i'm trying to get better
while you're still trying to die

i quit beating around the bush
and told you the honest truth
scared to death
of hurting you even more
than you already are.

"it's okay, i understand. see you on the other side."
was all you said.

it breaks my heart to know that there are
two connotations
to that answer
and i might never find out
which one you were
referring to.

As I am dreaming, I start to feel you.
Soft small hands patting my face.
You pull on the blanket,
you pull my hair.
You've got my attention,
I know you're there.
I open my eyes and what do I see?
Cute bugs smile casted on me.
You giggle and coo;
and giggle some more,
you lose your balance and fall to the floor.
I smile a little and let out a giggle too,
because although I hate being woken up,
I could never get mad at you.
That mocha skin,
those big brown eyes.
That squeal of excitement when you are surprised.

So goodmorning bug,
I hope you slept well.
You are the reason I keep trudging through this hell.

once i read that when it rains, the angels are crying.
why doesn't it rain when i cry
i'd hug you when you're sad
i'd yell at that boy who hurt you
even though i'm afraid of confrontation

once i talked to a boy for you
i was scared out of my mind
i wanted to run away and never come back
i still don't know where that courage came from
maybe it was you

you're my best friend
you taught me to fight dragons
jump into the ocean
talk to strangers
leap at the stars and grab them with both hands

without you
my dragons would have burnt me to death
i would have drowned in my ocean
my strangers would have never heard my voice trembling and shaking from fear
so much fear
without you
i wouldn't know what stars looked like up close

so maybe when it rains, you're the one crying
because you're my angel

I really do just want to scream

and shout

and let it all out.

*But I can't because people won't understand.