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Babe please don't be mad I'm doing this because I care.
I never want anyone to hurt you again.
Not even lay a finger on your hair.
I know it's scary not knowing what's going to happen next.
But ill be here though it all, at your worst and at your best.
I just can't stand the thought of you being hurt anymore.
Since you told me the story I've had night mares of police showing up at my door.
All too vivid dreams of that day the phone rings
GIRL FOUND DEAD AT SCENE.
I can't let this go and I can't pretend that I don't know.
I love you more than you could ever comprehend.
I can't watch this anymore, the abuse has to end.
I shouldn't feel this good.
I shouldn't feel this much relief.
Dragging steel across my skin,
then staring as it bleeds.
I've been trying to articulate how to tell you how I feel about you in a way that is both unique and makes sense. It seems I get lost in the words as soon as I open my mouth and I close it before uttering 'I love you'. When I look at you it makes my eyes damp and my mouth dry and my heart burn with the fire of one thousand magnificent suns. I become obsessed with the curve of your spine and the way you smile and I silently beg you to stay a while. Every time I look in to your eyes I feel like I'm drowning in the most beautiful way possible. I feel hopeless without you, as if I'm a broken mess once again the second you're gone. You make me whole. It's as if I'm under some kind of spell, in love with your eyes, your skin, your smell. I'm in love with the way you draw circles on my ribs with your fingertips as if you could somehow reach my heart that way. I'm in love with the way you are more interested in opening my heart than anything else. You are like the trees in that you keep me breathing even when I don't want to. I love the way you look on a sunday morning, with your sleep filled eyes and messy hair. It seems that even after all of this, I still don't know how to tell you 'I love you' in a way that is meant just for you. I'm so terrified of rejection. I'm so terrified that you won't love me the way I love you. I know I'm not simple or easy to unravel but I promise I'd love you more than anyone else ever could. I'd love you irrevocably. I'd love you more than anyone smart would choose to love someone. I think I already do. I guess I can't figure out a way to tell you how I feel in a way that makes sense. I guess I'll just have to say 'I love you' and hope it's enough. I love you.
I talked to a cat the other day,
No, that’s not lingo for dude,
I literally talked to cat,
I asked this cat,
“Hey cat, why are you always laying around?”
And it said told me,
“Because human, sometimes you just have to relax,
Stop moving all the time and take a moment to breathe.”

I talked to a dog the other day,
I asked,
“Why is your tail always wagging?”
He said,
“Because I find happiness in the little things,
I’m joyful because I have food to eat,
And because someone loves me.”
“But sometimes your owner gets mad at you,
Why do you go back to him?”
He said,
“Life is too short, it isn’t worth hating,
Forgive and keep on smiling.”

I talked to a rat the other day,
I didn’t have to ask him much,
“What’s the point of living when you’re known as ****,
What’s the point when you’re just a rat?”
He told me,
“Man, life isn’t about what anyone else thinks,
It’s about choosing to be who you want to be,
Accept that fact and you’ll be free.”

I talked to a bird the other day,
I asked her,
“Why are you always singing?”
She told me,
“Because music brings me peace,
In times of pain, it rescues me.”

I talked to a man the other day,
I asked him,
“What’s the purpose of life?”
He stared blankly for a few moments.
And then, with his head down,
He uttered three simple words,
“I don’t know.”

Sometimes its alright to look to the simple creatures,
Instead of the almighty man, for a little bit of wisdom.

Of course,
None of this actually happened,
Because animals can’t speak.

Or can they?
4/2/2013
I hope you know.
I really hope you know that right now,
you're by far one of the only things keeping me holding on.
I hope you know that the simple little things you say,
they make my day.
My bestfriend doesn't even say things like that to me.
I hope you know you're keeping me holding on.
Even at this place I call home
I feel completely alone

The ones I love most
Know nothing of my troubles

I act like everything is alright
But the second someone comes near
I raise my walls
Prepared for a fight
Holding in every last tear

I can’t be myself
I can’t let them see

So I bury it all
Deeper and deeper
Within me

But hiding only brings more pain
5/15/2012
It’s on nights like these
You feel like it isn’t worth
Going on another day
It hurts too bad
When you try to stay
It feels like your only options
Are the razor blade
Or leaving this place

But before you give up
Let me tell you a story

This isn’t an ordinary story
It’s a true story
But at the same time
I’m making it up right now

There was this girl
Her name was Abigail
Abigail was a caterpillar

She was born with many siblings
Lots of brothers and lots of sisters
They were a pretty happy family

But when they were still young
All of her siblings were murdered
As were her parents
Abigail was left completely alone

It took her a little while to get the
Hang of surviving on her own
But eventually she did

It was just after she got used to living on her own
That it seemed like things when downhill again

Abigail liked food. A lot.
She couldn’t control herself
She tried eating healthy things
Like salad and fruit
But she ate so much that even
The healthy food made her gain weight

She ate food
She dreamed food
She lived food
Abigail became obsessed with food

As if being overweight
Wasn’t bad enough
She was constantly made fun of
Because of her eating habits

Abigail’s biggest dream
Was to fall in love
But it seemed impossible
Because she was always torn down

She used to think that
If someone would just give her a chance
They would maybe possibly like her
And someday they might even
Fall in love with her
She was sure that true beauty
Was stored in her heart
Not in how thin her body was

But as the bullying continued
She decided she wasn’t beautiful
Not even on the inside

It was at this point
Abigail decided to commit suicide

She didn’t have pills
She didn’t have a knife
She didn’t have anything that kills
Or anything to take her life

She was sitting in her room
When she decided to die
And the only thing near
Was a silk blanket

She decided that she would suffocate
Herself with the blanket
Slowly, she wrapped herself in silk
She took one deep breath
And she squeezed her eyes tight
As she released that last breath
Her eyes relaxed

But she didn’t die
She opened her eyes
When she awoke
She felt like she was in a new life
She looked in the mirror
Abigail was a butterfly

She had to endure the trials of life
In order to become the beauty
That is a butterfly

In the deepest pain
Abigail found life

Just when the caterpillar
Thought her world was over
She became a butterfly
1/11/2013
The same girl who always cares about everyone
even if nobody cares about her;
is the same girl whom her friends tell her she's pretty
but she thinks otherwise.
Is the same girl who seems to be happy,
but has scars that show otherwise.
Is the same girl that when she looks herself at a mirror,
finds every flaw on her body
and has no fingers left to keep counting.
Is the same girl who finds difficult to sleep at night
because she can not stop thinking
about things that have happened in the past that still hurt her.
Is the same girl who mortifies herself
by what people think.
Is the same girl that can be surrounded by thousands of people,
but always feel alone.
Is the same girl who helps everybody
knowing who most needs help
is herself.
Is the same girl who hates her face, her body
and everything about herself.
Is the same girl whom you will see smiling of happiness,
but most of the time
she will be filled with sadness.
Is the same girl who's looking for happiness,
although happiness
is not looking for her.
And another day will go by the no one notices the girl wearing a sweater in warm and sunny weather
Another night thinking
of all the times
you were there
when no one else was.

Now
you're actually here
with me
and it feels like
no one ever was.
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