I know things hurt you and weigh down on your soul.
And people have left you and just let you fall.
I know I've been one of them a time or two.
But I swear on my life, I'll be better for you.
I would give you my own heart,
though it may be more torn.
I would find you a rose to hold
without any thorns.
I would read up on jokes and things to make you smile.
And lay on the couch and just listen for awhile.
I would listen to your problems, your dreams, your hopes.
I would listen to your secrets and not let anybody know.
I would give you my whole self,
with both of my hands.
And follow in your footsteps wherever you ran.
We would go on adventures to just forget the world.
Play in the grass, watch the clouds swirl and swirl.
And when the sun finally set,
like the fire in your eyes;
I would be there for you to just let you cry.
Cry about whatever;
but I would hold your hand close.
And tell you I love you and never let you go.
I would lie down beside you whenever you fell;
fight off the demons of your personal hell.
And in the morning I'd hug you as soon as you wake;
and whisper, "Keep smiling. Today's a new day."

The only thing that bothers me is that
               you don't trust me with these things.
                           Always second to find out but first
                           to offer comfort, advice, and love..
               You don't trust me with these things.
That's the only thing that bothers me.

I am scared. I am scared of failing, of never prevailing; of being let down and being let go. I'm scared of you hurting, of never really learning, of not being here to get to watch you grow. And tomorrow: who knows what it brings; thousands of things, that seem to sing, and scream, and claw at my head. Making my eyesight swallowed in red. And it's  said; I won't forget you I know that it's true. But the days pass by and I'm almost through. Why can't you, just come with me when I go? Just drop everything and come and hit the road. But I'm selfish, for even thinking such things. The emptiness consumes me and I want to just scream; your name, my anchor, my truth. The one one who made me believe, that's you. And I know, I overwhelm you and put the stress in your back. And I say things I shouldn't and I never relax. And you get quiet or maybe don't reply; and sometimes I sit here just waiting and die. It's not your fault.. I know I'm too much. I guess I just have an issue with trust. I have an issue with forgetting, with just letting go. Especially when I remember everything you don't know. I'm okay with being loved how I am now. Of sometimes hitting cold shoulders and frowns. Of watching you drown; even when I throw you a rope. Even when I try to give you some hope; a smile, my shoulders to lean. But I don't know if you listen to me or anything. I tell you I love you, that you're my whole world. I don't just say this to you to give you a whirl. To hear something back; though I admit it'd be nice. I haven't heard it for awhile; maybe once or twice. See the truth is, I'm pathetic. But it's the way that I am. Holding onto your words with both of my hands. I'm terrified, to ever let you go. Though I have a friend similar and she says she knows; that when I go, it'll never be the same. That you'll forget my name and from where I came. From who I am, and how I act. She said that all I'll see is your back; as it turns from me and walks out the door. I think if that happens I'll just sit on the floor. Give me a jacket to hug myself and a pinwheel to blow, spin round and round and see where it goes. Because that's what I'd be like; just spinning round and round. Waiting for you to come back around. To visit, to text me, to call me goodnight. I'm not gonna hold you back from your life. I want you to grow, to meet somebody new. To have a best friend who can be there with you. I want you to go on adventures and laugh in the sun. Someone to be there to let you have fun. And not be so protective as I always was. Let you lean on them and give you their love. I'm preparing for my last night to be a final goodbye. Just because what if it is, and I never got to cry? Or tell you how I love the color of your eyes; your humor.. There's so many things. So many things that I'll always sing; and keep in my heart. Together forever and never apart. Well, I guess apart. And like I said I'm scared. I know you'll see this and won't say a word; it's not how you are, of that I'm sure. Just know that I spent an hour, lying in my room. Trying not to call you and tell you I love you. Trying not to text you, just to say sweet dreams. Trying to not think of you and everything you mean; to me. I'm terrified and I have been every day. And I will be every night until I go away. And I'll probably sit in my room there, a few hours up the state. And write about the way you are on another hundred page.

I hope you know that I'll always hold you;

always catch you when you fall.

You're so strong, with your proud chin hoisted upwards.

No one would ever see the slouch in your shoulders,

unless you wanted them to.

The tiredness of your eyes;

deep purple smudges on your eyelids.

Your smile may settle in a delightful curve

but it doesn't set in your eyes like the sun.

I will catch you, I promise;

If you should choose to fall, do not be wary.

You won't hit the hard ground, the cold earth.

But you will hit my arms.

And you can just rest there.

Rest there, my dear.

And don't worry about anything.

You don't have to speak;

I will listen to the way your voice sounds,

sincere or not;

I will catch you, darling.

If you should ever fall.