Giving, giving: endlessly pouring

the best, purest of me,

rising, rising: falsehood behind

reaching truths only,

spreading, spreading: brightest lights

lighting darkest corners,

being, being: just for you

to hold when you fall,

pledging, pledging: heart and soul

Life, I'm giving all,

truly, truly: I am yours

Wonder, now if you'll be mine?

Windows open, no curtains or blinds
midnight ,
a half moon wanes
darkness seeping through the glass panes
nudges me, I behold
a beauty: this Night,
she looks at me
starlit eyes, gowned within Milky Way
Venus sparkling on her crown,
infinite sky
echoing its flute
serenades her,
but she chooses me
takes me in her arms
kisses my eyes,
we fall asleep
together in peace.

We don't want Dawn to come.
Let us be, Night and me.

There is no poem today
only my silence
against the loud call of the eagle,
a hush
to greet the changing season.

I am digging, going deeper
all my energies in,
have to find
have to put my hands on it,
Google, Wikipedia, Webster
none could help.

Forgot the whole world
so that I could find it,
but
within that time
you were gone
on my silence
you banged the door.

I wanted one word
for the love I felt
for you,
my:  one special.
Or so I thought.

It was a lesson
I learned a lot,
you taught
without meaning to,
but
thanks a lot.

Life is
as it is
it was
what it was
it will be
what waits to be.

So what
is the big deal?

Let it all seep in
this life, I mean.

Your ember lips
on rosy mine,
your dark eyes
in the blue of mine,
you my night
me your sun.

But my love
your blood is red
and so is mine,
and my heart feels
yours in rhyme,
we are not two
but just one
in body
and soul.

Countless meteors falling

drifting, zigzagging down,

each, a part of someone

coming to me

through the infinity

a love that he was

and continues to be.

The difference is:

meteors today

are not only in my soul

but have come alive

in the sky as well.

Meteors mean

more than Earth's crossing

path of a comet,

it's someone coming to me.

This warmth that flows
between you and me
is not of spring, summer
nor a bonfire or an electric heater.

It's warmth of a different kind
one that radiates,
no matter where we are
makes us cozy
and feel one whole
even on cold winter nights.

You hold me not
nor I you, yet
we feel a volcano erupting
between our  hearts
its core put into flames,
that my dear
is no ordinary warmth at all.

It's tender yearning
of two hearts
for each other.

Its so often that i cry & don't know why

tears well up in the eyes

& before I can hold

just slide down & I don't know why.

They came when came

birth cry of my first born,

they came when I was very alone

and then too, witnessed

my confusions & chaos.

At times pillows soaked

or boxes of tissue gone,

and sometimes

they just came, streaming down

like a happy brook

or summer rain,

but they come

without fail.

My tears, always there

and they will be

till the end

maybe the Tear Ocean

flows right behind

my hazel eyes,

and my lashes, in empathy

open the gates

when I cry.

Ever heard of that Tear Ocean?


I don't know, really not

why I cry.

Ah, you are shocked, thrilled
or repelled,
I do not know.
But as I kiss you
my lips captures yours,
do you think
love is born just now?

It all began long ago
on the first sight of you,
the heart moved
but the physical being
came in slow.

The heart, the mind
kissed you long ago.

There's this thing you know
have tried million ways
to clean
hard detergents, dry wash
home and laundromat
and other ways
tried to erase
to delete
but know not
what will work
on this stain, a mark
its so deep
inside
somewhere in my heart.

Advice please,
do you know
how marks of betrayal
can fade? ©

I know I'm forever lying
when I say
I want just one more breath,
in truth, I want
more than one,
in fact
want to go on breathing,
forever,
in total honesty
I want
countless breaths.
God,  how can I be
a liar to myself?

Delicious wind blowing,
snow melting
water falls,
drop
drop
and a crocus
rising head,
peeps
peeps;
hi
spring.

I cry and cry
don't know why,
you look at me
and ask me why
I know not my friend
what makes me cry.

I walk in pouring rain
tears streaming down
that's much better
raindrops and tears
run down together.
Now
you will not see me cry
to ask again and again
why do I cry.

Are angels pouring
oceans of water
to douse the flame
burning within?
I don't know
why I cry, why.

Time, how could it be
you befriend me,
promise me life
and then,
when my heart pauses,
too weary to go on,
you do not wait,
but flow on.

You will never look back
even if my heart stops,
I love you time
but you love me not.

This time of the year
its a different waiting.

When will tulips bloom,
and daffodils too
and the grasses will be green?
So that when you come,
your bare feet
will walk beside mine,
while we feel the cool blades
tickle our feet
we'll be lost for words
and lie down,
waiting for the spring breeze
wrapped in each others arms.

A different waiting indeed.

Life might have been easier
if childhood and youth
had accepted the truth;
things are imperfect
life is not permanent,
and so not spent time
on saying or writing
over and over
" Love is forever".

Now time moves on
and love dies
incomplete forms
while hopes bow to
countless deaths.

Life's hourglass stands quiet;
        smiles and tears
             entwined
                    in
             moments,
     taking my whole life
in its incomplete continuation.

In this age of technology
when switches and buttons control all
I just wish, just wish
there was a control panel
to control my emotions
so I could laugh and cry
or hold on to my pensive moods
as I please.

My eyes stare at the brown branches
at those stubborn snow,
reluctantly the body takes in
those icy wind across the meadows,
there is a wish crying, shouting,
another banging its head
on the doors of spring,
while futile wishes ring bells
asking again and again
"Oh,  snow when will you melt
and sweet spring breeze,
when will you be blowing ?"

I wish and wish
that my impatient heart
could strike a note
on the strings of spring
to make it sing
all the tunes it is hiding.

The thought room
where is that,
inside the chest or the mind?
Its too crowded with
unwanted beings
too many I want
to sit and have tea with
and too many again
I feel like driving out
so don't know
what to say.

Perhaps I should ask to dinner
those who stand with ambivalence?
What do I say to them all?

Its my body I know
but how they crowd me
is the cruel reality,
what do I say?

Do I dare even utter
that deep inside
I just want to be alone?

too many bad memories crowd
in the chapter of the past,
want to erase
no eraser works,
want to delete
keyboard doesn't click,
drink wine
to be out for the night,
gin, red wine, champagne  
none work,
sleeping pills give nightmares
of those past days.

I am chained
to bad memories,
please past
go, go away
and let me live
in freedom
a day without you
for just a day.

hey poetry, lovely words
good moods, sweet smiles
where have you gone?
Troublesome life washes away
waves of gladness
found in poems
and instead delivers sand
to my clear streams;
streams of happy thoughts.

Hey sweet poetry
please, turn around
come back to me.

Snow and cold may have given
aching bones, shivering body,
frostbites and numb states,
but deep inside
in my heart, in my soul
there is warmth
of a special kind,
a spring breeze
with a delicious touch,
for every snow-day
you hold me tight
and whisper those words
" I love you"

Polar Vortex can come
with all the snow it wants
but the fire inside
will never be out
you know.

Oh, my Johnny
I don't want snow to go,
for life will take
when spring wind blows.

When gusty wind blows,
snow piled on branches
spray wildly, like powder
let through the blower.


Struggling under weight of snow,
does the tree ask the wind
to take her white dresses away
so she can dress in colors of spring?

Or
maybe the trees feel elated
in their white,lacy gowns
and feel threatened
when the wind rips them down?

But there is a unique love affair
in between,
in consent OR protest;
when snow goes
spring, the queen of colors
enters the scene.
©

Love, at times finds no expressions
just not enough to say
how much, really how deep
you love.

As you ***** for words
in between the times
love gets lost,
for not finding the right words
at the right moment.
you curse yourself,
"****, I couldn't say it."

Heart said everything
that lips did not,
eyes did too
but she saw not,
now ears listen
to banging doors
as love leaves
on clicking heels.

It’s cold outside
icy wind, freezing rain
and with snow coming in
Polar Vortex is giving
its hardest kisses again.

I open the door,
step out
breathe deeply
feel a chilly grip
on my heart,
but its good, soothing
for
there’s fire burning
in my betrayed heart.
I prefer freezing outside
than have cursed love
burn my body and soul
when I am inside.
Winter, kiss me, really hard.

Over snow covered paths
I walk along,
the winter wind
like blades of steel
slicing right through.
My breaths freeze
deep in the lungs,
I gasp for air
but only snowflakes
gently, lovingly
engulf me
in their falling game.

Chilly winds caress
till I feel certain,
I’ve lost bones and flesh
to an icy built,
and  am united
with the frozen land.

Its a full-moon night
silver light drapes bare trees
where snow has left its lacy touch
the ground covered in whitish glow
a coyote howls far
unable to contain its joy
of so beautiful a night.

Its a full moon night
nocturnal world aglow
in fiery light,
fairies in silver wing fly,
I look on,
eyes stare in wonder
and
my heart is empty.

It was cold and windy
snow piled high on the ground
as if adding to the grimness
of a bad weather day.
Every breath threatened
to freeze my lungs
and the ears went deaf
icy wind blown into them,
eyes cried helplessly
fighting with stinging cold.
And yet, somewhere, the heart melted
as I watched a tiny bird
singing on the bare branches
heedless to winter's rebukes
it was singing to life.

My lips unfroze
I whistled to the bird
and stomped on the snow,
happy to be alive
blessed to witness
yet another winter,
wind, blow, blow
as hard, as chilly
as you can,
so glad you found me,
breathing still.

You are crazy you know
just plain crazy,
telling me so many rules,
so many norms
filling my heart
with so many hopes and dreams.

You follow
telling me that,
love is fair and square
and then taking back
all the words
uttered in solemn promise
you desert me,
while alone I stand,
confused
with your sudden flip
to other side of the coin.

What am I to do
you crazy, crazy thing
when you take me in
in your elusive games?
For once, LIFE
please be straight
don't play your crazy games.

Snow falls, drifting, slowly
piling on hills and meadows
chilly wind , really cold,
but I am in eternal spring
held in your *****
heavenly warmth
a touch of spring
while snow flakes,
peeping from outside
pile on window panes.

I cried all day, today
no particular reason
and yet so many things
overwhelming life
to the extent
when I stop trying to figure
why I cry,
I just cry
at the futility of life
and  in irony
call my tears
nonsense tears.

God gave tears for a cause
and so perhaps
its best I shed them
with the pain
that also came
for a cause,
that is to make me cry,
I will cry more
and more
to shed my
nonsense tears.

Crashing waves, rolling water
take my heart
carry it down
deep under the sea,
allow it to be lost
in that unknown world
flora and fauna of another kind
life big and small
and then roll
and carry me on.

Take my heart
oh ocean
let it be carried high
with water drops
that rise with evaporation
and form into raindrops
and rides on the milky way,
to the moon and back
to fall back on earth
like tears of my pain.

There is fire
inside this chest
the heart is burning.
oh sea, of ocean
take my heart
give it some respite
in your endless dreams.

There, somewhere it all hung
soul and heart bursting
to come right out
and say it all
of how I felt.

Yet, it remained unsaid,
and they hurt really bad,
as I watched you walk away
words remained sealed,
with tears gushing down
I whispered to the wind
" I love you..."
and kept hoping, praying
perhaps you will hear
and turn
I wait and wait,
three words,
only three words
still not said.

When the world sleeps
deep at night,
I hear the train passing by.

Rickety rick, rickety rick
captures my heart
and I get lost
to distant lands,
the soul wanders
with night travelers
moving in the dark.

There is definite welcome
in the train whistle
breaking stillness of night
to wake me up
and take my heart
to the unknown.

My heart and soul gone
the body lies on bed,
then sleep settles in
and the train takes form
in my wild, wild dreams.
©

I yield to death
not to acknowledge defeat
nor the end,
but for the naked truth
that I love life
in all aspects,
and death happens to be
just one part of life,
an inevitable happening
and so I am in peace
waiting for life to bring
death when it wants.

I love life too much
to let it down.

I don't like this station of life
nor do I desire the one that awaits.
Somewhere in between
lies a place in a void,
assuring me perfect choices,
forces allure  every way
up, down, right and left,
yet when I want to go,
that faceless space
in dreams says yes
and in reality says no.

The heart cries
the body cannot go.

Yesterday passed by
procrastination held the sail
and left the words in my mouth
left to be said.
Today I shall anchor
on a new shore,
but alas
I remember not
what memories had led me
to this distant harbor.



.

Oh my soul,
so restless today
like the fluttering wings of the dove
before it soars to the sky,
like the rustle of leaves
before the gusty wind,
like the calm of the sea
before the gale comes
like the stillness of the cloudy sky,
before summer storm breaks,
like the hush of winter snow
before spring enters with songs,
like the deepest breath
announcing the end.

Oh my soul
be restless as you please,
patiently I wait
for all that your restless will bring.

Awakening was not left behind
in the last step taken,
its not coming ahead
in the walk forward,
it's right here,
right in this beat of my heart
in the blink of my eyes.

I am awakened
are you?

Weary, lonely, totally lost
I wonder why, why
this soliloquy,
the thought train
rambling on,
lifeless, aimless
a total nowhere,
for you
are not listening.

A futile day,
meaningless sunrise,
oh,
you didn't say,
"love you too."

Moonbeam falls on me
penetrates into heart
into soul
ti's full moon Love
I've sent the silver light
to where you are
in my soul
in my heart
we share, we share.

Deep in the night
darkness surrounds,
I walk, my lonely walk;
in the infinity above,
twinkle stars in millions,
smiling lazily, a half moon
winks at sleepless me,
night breeze sweeps by
kissing my wide eyes.

The world sleeps,
I walk on,
enchanted by the beauty
that night beholds,
awake I will remain
a company to the sky,
I've heard her call
to be by her side,
to sing the song
of her starlit, silver beams,  
I cannot sleep
cannot miss
the magic of this night.

I have opened all the doors
countless doors of my heart,
spring, winter, summer, fall
through wind and rain
in snow and hail
fall and foliage
and when cuckoos call,
how long do I wait
for you to find
your way,
so that we become:
you and I
WE.

At the moment
I vision my heart,
it's a sterling's nest
where last spring
the  sterling had sat
all alone
while summer came
and still alone
and then came fall
still alone'
he flew to another land,
hoping to find
the mate of his heart
while snow and ice
plundered his empty nest.

How can I ever tell anybody,
how you murdered me,
without a single weapon,
without lifting a finger,
yet you killed me.

I'm dead inside,
burnt in my soul,
with fire without flame.

How can I tell
that the ME is cold and gone,
what proof I have
when people see,
I am whole outside?

Have so many tear bottles
yet none can hold my tears,
they hold the watery drops
but not the reasons,
so why the tears bottles?

Blast it, they only add
add to more tears
that flow in the heart
who sees that tear ocean?

Dream catchers, ten of those
hang overhead
ten sizes, ten colors,
but no dreams come true,
the happy ones you know.

Dream catchers fail
and nightmares trail
all my daydreams,
I sleep on
hoping, dream catchers will catch
some cherished dreams
and put the nightmares
in the tear bottles,
the fears will be lost
in those false hopes
of finding meaning in unhappiness
in the tear bottles
while tears and dreams
play their game
in tears bottles and dream catcher's whims.

Let death come
bringing smiles on my lips,
taking the last breath,
happy , knowing life was good
having lived the best of self,
intentions clear with the Creator
He, who sees me through
knows all too well.

Let death come
the smile on my icy face
bring tears to others' faces
warming their hearts,
for they hold me dear
deep in the fondness lane
yet cry from the heart.

Let death come
with irony and dance,
I shall leave in peace
and bid adieu
between tears and smiles.
©

I wear this wedding ring
But I really don't know why
never thought really
until you asked,
the ring is there, sure thing
but where is the marriage?

No one looks into my heart
eyes falling on the diamond ring,
they see the "taken" sign
in assumption retreat,
perfect gentleman
respecting ******* of this kind.

I wait,
maybe some day
someone will see beyond
what social etiquette means,
see a heart in that ring,
look into my eyes
read the feelings behind,
dare to invade
and become my knight
in shining armor,
conquer sleeping feelings
beneath that stone.

Captive in my ring
I am a chrysalis,
the butterfly trembles
waiting to fly,
who will see
beyond my wedding ring?