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I close my door
Reach for my blade
And begin the routine motions
That now feel meaningless
Like my black and white past

I still look for silly reasons
Any excuse
To justify my actions

Just to get a quick feeling
Of anything at all
Even if that means it will hurt
Because if I'm numb for much longer
I might just...
Brought up beautifully 

Accept no scrutiny

A precious mind 

Reality isn’t so blind

Pedantic views

Ground breaking news

You have lost your mind in the thrill
Ensure each day you take your pill
Chemical levels are imbalanced 

This life is a game, level advanced
You play it well for a girl who’s fell
Down the never ending spiral

You’ll live each day like you’ll get another
Cruising by wanting to cause no bother

The world is just the art of alienation
One would call it an  insane creation
I'd almost forgotten the blanketing beauty of sorrow
and the unbearable lightness of joy
that leaves you wondering why you were so happy
this must be what she felt when she decided to let go
I don't remember when I decided to stop trusting the world
or when that decision seemed foolishly myopic
but when I picked up my mat to walk it felt heavy
if there is miracle in healing, it is the miracle
of seeing yourself die, or at least an older version of it
then comes all the newness that really isn't new at all
like reminding myself that this is the first time
to hear our song, now that she's gone
or remember the way she loved the ocean
because I saw a seashell in a fisher's net at a restaurant
when did I ever start liking U2? Maybe she played it too much
and when did forever become yesterday?
maybe I saw the end coming, like a wave spotting another
breaking on the shore and disappearing never to be seen again
I suddenly felt my trough deepening, my crest folding
I felt my own demise inching closer to the rocks
reminding me of the pier in Longbeach where she said goodbye
they don't teach you how to have a broken heart
anymore than they teach you how to fall in love
then again, no one thought to tell the wave that it is the ocean
They bring happiness in your life when your
ever egocentric world starts to feel small.
(...it is)

With that easy gaze of comfort
they invite you in to enjoy this moment
which has become so dull in your view.
(...it is)

With their warm intent, they wrap you
in blankets of cozy rainy-day fog that
hide the oppressive wall being built
brick by brick
by your own hand.
(...it is)

By their guiding hand, they carry you
through that fog,
back to your wall of all-trouble.

The hazy fog obscures its weighty size
from your fearful eye.  

With that caring look you have come to love
they stir the fire within you
to look carefully,
courageously
at the bricks you have laid down.

They point to the mortar you have used
to help you realize the frailty of a glue
made from little-thought.

With the strength of their body they help
you push down your  monumental
(...it is not)
wall.

In the light of their radiance
you begin to see the beauty in this dull
(...it is not)
moment.

Held in the arms of their eyes
you begin to see how wrong you are
about your small
(...it is not)
world.

In their smile of hearts
you can see the all-joy of living
and wonder how you can ever do enough
for them in this one life you have.
(...it will always be so)
 Dec 2013 Trisha Faye Velasco
Red
when we're younger we feen for love
we crave something we've never felt before
hence why I was obsessed with Twilight novels
and cried during every Nicholas Sparks film

this is when we're barely growing *******
and boys are fascinated by bras and thongs
only later to love what is underneath them

we get older and experience grows
we eventually fall in love
maybe once
or maybe a hundred times

and every time it happens
it just gets harder and harder

we all let that one person in
they see all of our dark crevices
you parade the skeletons in your closet

and for a moment
sometimes longer
we think that this might be that person

but things get shaky
and we say things we don't mean

some of them move across the country
and others escape inside themselves

the ones we love are not always lovable
or they don't love us back

we build this thick skin
we hide behind drugs and alcohol
and we get too ****** up to remember when he held you in the middle of that field

we build up these hard walls on the outside
only because we are afraid to admit our innards are mush
and we can't take anymore heartbreak

because we gave ourselves to them
every achy memory
and they held us there
as we sobbed
and screamed
and punched away our demons

so now we are all afraid to love
because the purest thing we ever did feel
turned its back on us

love morphed into a demon within us
revealing its ****** teeth that were plunged into our hearts

we tell ourselves that we will never love again
for it hurts too much
and we are all too broken for anyone to love us again

that reassurance he gave you
disappears
it does not matter what he told you in that early morning shower
or how the warmth of your bodies came together in a foggy car

that is all the past
no matter how we reminisce we cannot get the love back
the purest of it has left us

so why is it when playing the field, we become so scared and insecure?
putting up this confident, independent front
where in reality we're praying for your acceptance?

women read loud magazines with advice columns
because we can't get the one on ourselves anymore
we're too insecure
and advice columns from a loud magazine somehow fit all of our situations

those bright words in that loud magazine can't fix the emptiness he left you with
when all you wanted was to be loved
and he couldn't give you enough of him

because he was broken too.

Sometimes those loud magazines are right
only the instance when they tell you to "be yourself"

it worked the first time didn't it?
a questionnaire in Cosmopolitan didn't tell you how to act that summer
your tactics from Manthropology 101 didn't get him to sit by you

it was your smile and the up turn of your eyes that made him fall in love with you
the sunshine in your hair and the freckles on your shoulders

he might have went away, but only for the fear of getting hurt like we all have
it wasn't you the second time around
one day you will need to accept that

So just be yourself
because that boy staring across the way at you
he isn't interested in your flirty planned out text messages
or the new lip stain that Glamour's guy panel has raved about

it's the blushing in your cheeks,
and that contagious smile
that got them all before.

So why stop that feeling again,
although you're scared to love,
why stop something that made you feel so complete before?

If he can give you butterflies again, an old self would call you foolish,
foolish for not taking your chance on the nice guy at the center.

*"It is a risk to love.
What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does."
- Peter McWilliams
So much condescension filling up their eyes
Quick! Look away before she sees
Accidental moments quickly ruin lives
Block her out, shun the diseased

We are outcasts amongst the proud
Their naïve minds too simple to see
The physical too insufficient to **** their doubt
Watch her fall and melt to her knees

She is damaged, feed her to the beast!
The blood hungry demon desires his next meal
Burn her! Cut her! Give our god his feast!
She’s unique and strong so, for this, ideal

Rubies rain to a flesh filled ground
Feeding on her body tearing it to shreds
We sigh in relief as we hear her screaming sounds
No more conviction of the thing that we most dread
A hidden truth that resounds in our head
A hatred for her strength that has to go unsaid
An idea reflected in the life that she has led
That the strength to live free, sadly, in us, is dead
I won’t melt when the rain falls down
I will sing and dance around
I shall grin I shall not frown
And when it floods I will not drown

If the lightning strikes my head
It’s not something that I dread
Because it can’t make me drop dead
It ignites my mind instead

Thunder does not frighten me
It’s drums that make my dance more free
As it resounds threateningly
My feet will glow vibrantly

And as my light sees the sky
It shall sprout wings so it can fly
It will rocket up so high
And rain joy down on passersby

The sun will see and fight the clouds
Rising again to defeat rains shroud
I’ll light up again and scream so loud
And share my delight with all the crowds

One day warmth will cover you
The ones who dance are very few
We’re all bright colors with a unique hue
Some are purples, greens, reds, and blues

And if we all just could shine bright
We would overcome the night
The battle is never a fair fight
But friend, you’ll win if you’ll shine your light
Live your life

All your own

Be yourself

Not a clone

Think your thoughts

Dream your dreams

Show the world

It’s fine to scream

With bright colors

And bright lights

Show them love

Make futures bright

Don’t hold back

Or change your mind

It’s your own essence

Your unique bind

With this life

You’re only one

But your dreams

Can shine like the sun

If you let them

They will bring

Joy and peace

A song to sing

Love it all

Whatever the size

Life is special

Life’s a prize

And once you see

What you can do

Teach the world

How to do it too

So human beings

Will finally see

Their unique worth

And the power of dreams
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