i love you
           read at 1:47 a.m.

the television is a haze of
grey black white
and it's TOO ******* LOUD

oh.

how peculiar,
the tv wasn't plugged in the
whole
****
time

must be the silence screaming
again
must be the hallucinations
again

i long for tranquility

I know that he's hungry
for the missing crumbs
that had fallen from your lips
when you had tried to
c o n s u m e
me.
But what do I have left?
Just an empty cracked dish
from your mother's china cabinet.

all my life
i've watched many leave me
my first love
my father
the guy who i thought
was the love of my life
what is it about me that is so
unlovable
why am i so easily
forgotten
do you think they will finally miss me
when i am gone

it's not that nobody loved me
my mom always stuck around
when my life would spiral into addiction
she loved me unconditionally
when my father abandoned me
i have the best family i could ask for
my brothers, my sisters, my friends
they all love me
they've given me the best life they could
but why is that not enough for me?
i can't bring myself to put in the same effort
it's almost like my life is on repeat
every. single. day.
i am so tired of fighting my demons
i am ready to let them win
and drag my soul to hell

brown eyes and
slender thighs
used to belong to
me

i can't remember
when or why but
i gave them away for
free

all the letters
and the phone calls
crying about
everything
yet nothing

because in the end
that was all we were-
nothing