i used to stare at the ceiling all night
the darkness never bothered me
after all,
he was my only friend

when i slid razor blades against my
hips
wrists
throat

he was the only one who saw
and he kept my every secret

some people say he is a monster
a deceiver, and a liar

but I disagree

darkness covered me
he smothered my cries in an inescapable embrace

when i woke up on the floor
gasping
the belt around my neck
snapped in half

i knew he must have cut it
after all,

he was the only one there

my socks are thin, glittery, and
pink
i love them because
they look like your
cheeks
and hopefully
they will soon
resemble your
hair
as well

i write it out on paper
But it's not
Okay
I call I call I call
But there is no answer

I am waiting for the day
I lose myself
Completely

I know it's coming
It looms over my shoulder
Whispering ***** sins into my ears
telling me that
I am worthless

I wish you would pick up the phone
I wish I wasn't a drug addict
I wish I wasn't a ****** person

I need peace
where is my mind?

his hands were touching me so
softly
and somehow my lips
touched his
and his hands were down my pants
and his teeth were on my neck
and my moans were in his ear

but I knew he wasn't
you

rob has
soft hands and a soft heart
not to mention
a lovely soul

I can see into it
through his hooded blue eyes

After the first glimpse I had of paradise
I never want to look away again

I heard our song today on the radio
the one we blared together in the car
while having ***
through the chaos of our poisoned "love" affair in the late hours of the night

and for the first time
my heart wasn't heavy
no tears came to my eyes

just a quiet nogstalgia

and I am so happy
that you are gone

but I am elated
that the feelings have finally passed too

I look at her
And I worry
I have always been a sorry replacement
I hope this time
Things are different