my friends used to tell me
everything will be okay
things will get better
I promise

for the longest time
things got worse
my cuts got deeper
the drugs got harder

but today is a new day
it is my first day of college
and although I am scared
I know that everything will be okay

the thoughts in my brain
talk so violently!
they naw and hiss and claw

my skinny knees
shake so violently!
until they collaspe from under me

two small hands
shudder so violently!
as the razor screams into my wrist

no matter which direction I take
I feel it is never the right one
my family is never happy with my choices
and if they are, then I am not
they claim support
but I am met with downcast faces
and words of frustration
I just ask to cry alone
It hurts me when they watch me cry
I wish I made my family proud
they would talk to me with smiles
and brag to their friends about my success
but instead I am a worry
nothing but a concern
I feel so alone in my own family

my little fairy boy
sits at a marble table
he has a book to guide him
and help him overcome his disease
along with a notebook
filled with worries, passions, and dreams

my little fairy boy
is still wearing his pink dress
his sky blue hair
matches his eyes

everyday my little fairy boy grows stronger
instead of putting pills in his mouth, he draws my lips to his

and I know the high is much, much sweeter

my baby
Smokes Marlboro red cigarettes
And sways happily to his favorite songs
He reads me poems about his anxiety
and reminds me that it's not my fault
when he kisses me the warmth inside him flows into my veins and thaws my frozen blood
I am lucky
To have met him at this time of my life
I know that god introduced him to me
So that I could clearly see and know the path I want to take in life
Without him
I would be dead in a few short years
and that was not gods plan for me

why does my body ache when I lay down after walking up the stairs

why am I still laying in bed? It's 12:23

why can't I hold eye contact with my mom, she is so kind

many boys have touched me
and made me moan
but only one
has made my heart sing