I tried to find the poem
That poem about you.
You know which one
About a radio
About Electricity
I tried to find you in it.
I've looked and looked
For Anything
That could ever
Fill me up
Build me up
The way you did.

I'll find it someday.

Until then
I went and Bought
A pack of L&M Shorts
The Blues
Like you like

I couldn't bring poetry
So I brought
The Next
Best
Thing

Three steps of
True love

Step one means
Finding your drink
A can or a bottle,
Open over a sink

Step two is the pour
Down your too dry throat
Flows the liquid through body,
Teaching how to emote

Step three is the fall
To a darker place than you meant
Passing frozen stars and the dead
Finally feeling your intent

What do you mean there's
Got
To be a reason
I hate myself?

I've wished her well as best I could and yet
I know my words reek of a poisoned kiss
Between a soul so split in half they lost
True meaning ere she ever knew my heart.

Reconciliation means I've lost my
Purpose? If I ever truly had one.

I fell in love so fast, possessed of life
Liberation in her mind, her fingers
Twined and tugging on my breath, her beauteous
Words. Words, words, words. So many words for me.

Forgiveness comes to those whose trust is spent
Deserving of a death by loneliness
Found burning in the hottest hours of light
Cooled by the hands of those they've hurt so bad

I know everyone has an inner fire
I just wish mine didn't try to burn
The World
Down

I drank away my early seconds
Praying that'd it'd douse out that fire

I wanted reprieve, respite
A resplendent relapse into a
Regal rotunda

A joy that has waited so many years
To be

For the longest day
I've watched the sun pretend
At twilight
At a time for my rest
At a time when I wasn't
Obsessed with
Time
Waited for twilight
For darkness
To let my fire burn
Bright without
Competing against a
Burning world.

Burning more constant than our
Ever slowing sun

I'm getting the hang of this 
Whole heart 
                       Less 
Thing I've heard so much about.

I'm terrified
I might fall
                      For you
I want to land and
I don't know
                       I will
You are perfect
In this moment
                            For me

Horoscopes are *******
Always were, always will be.
My fate was never decided by stars or monsters
Living in my head

And then one night the stars went dark
Leaving me alone with the monsters

Horoscopes are *******
But I'm still a Gemini
The twins
Outgoing and introverted
Lover of every bit of life
Lest it means I'm required to commit.

When the stars went dark
It was time to stop pretending
The stars didn't matter.

Breathe
                           Always
Breathe

Through dreams and nightmares
Joy and anger

Breathe
                               Just
Breathe

Let me tell you
a thing
or two
about Mothers.

Mothers love their children
Fiercely.

Mothers will tell you
all about
Their 18 year old son
or
college aged daughter.

Mothers will do this
while making out with
You
the 25 year old
They thought was cute
at the bar.

Wars burnt me
Out on everyone's problems.
"You promised."

I'm not a man of my word
I'm not supposed to be your hero
I'm not anyone's savior.

But I promised.

She followed me
From gray skies to gray skies
Timbered trees to dark forest.

The gray skies made her talk
The dark forest made her feel safe
The terror wasn't quite so terrible.

Because I promised.

One was a mistake
Two was being lonely
Three was when I hurt inside
Four wanted something to do
Five I don't even remember

I don't know what started all this
Mucking about.

I know it wasn't you.

Blue, blue, blue.

                              The eyes.

                                                    I could never
Forget her eyes.


                                                                 Or heart.

My brother told you,
"I spent my whole life
Trying to get close to you."
You're not the kind of person
Who knows how to get close.
You hid so much of your pain.
Let yourself feel weak
Let yourself push others away
Let yourself be miserable.
The greatest disservice
You ever did me
Was never showing me
Who you were.
And now my brother
Has pushed you aside.
You deserve to be alone
But that's not what you need.
You raised me to help others
So I'll keep on helping you.
No matter how much I want
You to hurt.
No matter how much I want
You to die alone.
I can't.
I can't because
I choose love

how many more nights
will i
let the anger and
hypocrisy
living in my heart
guide my actions?

Seething and
Brimming with
The whisky
Out of a glass
Too full

blurry faces
emaciated bodies
The sound of waves smashing into your nose
The salt water
clearing out your ears
seaweed choking down your throat
The grit of the beach moving through each pore into your blood stream

clarity

dreams fading and
The anxiety shifting
from death to life
to kissing a person you just met and
reeling
from
The joy
and distaste of
The situation.
another night with a new person who could be her
or not
a bed too small to hold
you both
but too big to
be close enough

breathingsnoringsleepingcringingclawing
pushing
more and more
aware of each hand, muscle

The eyes go soft
The joy isn't there
it never was.
and
The allure of
The written word
doesn't feel
The way you thought
its incarnation would
feel

a fan

The whir
spins our breath
pushes like she pushes
strains like her breath
catching in her throat
The dogs know it's wrong
you don't face it
she worries she's
crazy
you've been crazy your
whole life and
The eyes are still
soft.

soft

dead

best to move on and start
again
break a new person's spirit
launch her
into a man she needs not
The one
who's there.
know the difference
show her
she matters
even to a stranger
grabbing at her body
grinding into her.

her smile
is more than a turn on
that high pitched squeak
of a laugh isn't to be shamed.

you're just as ticklish
as she

know
The difference
don't be afraid
even if she doesn't want
you
show her you've got
her
safe
and sound

A tiny glass bulb done up in the air
A miniature sun that matches her hair

It's not that our hearts beat a samba
Neither of us knows the other too well
But she's one of those broken beauties
That are destined to drag me to hell

Not another, please not again
It's far too rough to want all these women

Still sitting in silence
Beneath this blooming bough
I think of a soul
I'm afraid to have found.

You know,
I've got these cat like
Reflexes
From spending
Long *** days
Lying next to you.

I long for you most when your face
Lies hidden in the darkness of the stars.
Our secrets meld together in the night
Without fear, without judgment, without shame.

We sit beside and fingers long to trace
The curve of your body, to know your scars,
From your heart, your body, your very plight.
With you, I'd create a new world, new name.

One fine and glorious day we'll interlace
And play each other like worn out guitars
Take the time to enjoy the other's sight.
In the darkness we'll both cry out, exclaim:

"Oh darling, I think you might have saved me
From a life alone; don't you agree?"

When you cry yourself to sleep
I lay awake knowing every ache
The deep breaths and sobs
Loneliness no mortal could take

Monsters haunt your dreams
I fight them off nightly
Protecting you from the brunt
Worth it when I see you smiling

Park benches at night
My favorite place to find you
A slight chill and our bodies close
In this we learn what's true

I'll tell the truth to you
From now until the end

Welcome to the thought.
Simple and secure,
Wrought in reclusivity,
Hidden behind hardness,
Passed over by people,
Never entrusted,
Minuscule and mighty,
Full of feeling and flight
Barely brought to a heel.

You know.

How could you not?

The sun's up but
I don't care for it
I wasn't made for daylight
Shadows are my home

That's not your life
I've been pulling
Prodding, almost
Forcing

Let's strip away the masks
The clothes
Any pretense at
Decency or decorum

I want your body
Your legs wrapped
Tightly against my
Flesh

Your thighs
Your stomach
Your *******
Your arms
Your eyes
Your heart

They all need to be kissed

I want to take it all
But I can't
I need to
Keep you out of the
Shadows
Out of the dark

When you leave the shadows
Take me with you
Let me be reborn to
Light
Let me be as you were
Meant to be

I see you the best
As your face is shrouded
In darkness

I know you the best
When you breakdown helpless
Searching for love

I love you the most
With every opportunity
I'm given

That's what the night
Has come to mean
To broken hearts

A promise of a kiss
Stolen at the last possible
Moment in time

Lovers finding the other
A hand following a thigh
Following pleasure

Your lips are soft
My hands are strong
Both go searching

The night holds much
It gives out love
Gives out hope

Right now, I need someone
I need someone to hold.
I need someone to keep safe.
To keep another safe makes me
Safe.

Feeling another's head lean,
Brush up against my cheek.
Noticing the tickle of an eyelash
Gliding, whimsically over my skin.

I don't feel secure
I don't feel lost.
I'm trapped in a limbo:
Peace holding me in stasis,
Sorrow reaching for my heels.

I need someone to hold
I need someone to keep safe.
No.
Not someone.
You.

Don't think I don't need you.
I need you in the morning
I need you at the sunset

You, more than anyone.
More than a father's love
More than a mother's

And when you ask "Why?"
I think it's obvious:
You're everything
I want to be.

In your dreams I see
My own desires
My own needs

Your eyes hold a glow so intense
I wonder that the stars shine
Through their petty jealousy.

If you still don't understand
I'll say it one more time:
You're everything
I want for me.

Hit your peak at 28
Looked at me like I was meat
Licked your lips and cocked your head
Moved your hand across my leg
Leaned in close
Loved your nose

Warmth of your breath
It made me blush
Couldn't hear a word you said
My heart had stopped, thought I was dead
Nodded dumb
Felt like ****

We're on the street
The night's pitch dark
Pulled me closer to your car
Bodies acting out our scars
Bodies marred
Kissed you hard

The stars, they hung
The moon, she sung
And still you cried
As I held you tight

Into your car you pushed me down
And hoped to lose what we had found
Yet, now sprawled out on the couch
Clinging hands and searching mouths
A bang went off inside my head
I found myself inside your bed

The stars, they hung
The moon, she sung
And still you cried
As I held you tight

The sun rose high
You let out a sigh
Your demons passed
But mine remained
So there I left you
Sleeping off our pain

The stars, they hung
The moon, she sung
And still I cried
As I held you tight

Please
Take my love for granted.
It's what I have in abundance
and freely give to you.
Keep in mind
I love deep.
Deeper than seas or
The vacuum of space

My love is a vein of silver
Buried in the earth
Like all things deep and vast
There comes a Conqueror
To destroy the illusion
Of endless infinity

Please
Take my love for granted
I will always give it out.
Remember that I'm still a man
With a fragile heart.