Back stage everyone was in a huff getting ready for the show
The critics were in the balconies
The understudies waited jealously in the wings
A fresh crop of new actors were about to take the plunge
To some this was just a pit stop to fame
To others this was their big break
And to the rest it was a moment where people would chew them out and pick at all their rookie moves
The actresses eye make up so rainbow-vibrant
Like oil spots
Popping Dramamine so they'll be able to stomach the ride
The men putting brill cream in their hair
Looking like quaffed oil slicks
Like they ran their fingers down an dip stick and applied generously
They all had great, even sun tans
Melanoma was of no concern in the tanning beds
And the burnt skin was just picked away
Sunspots

Here it comes curtain call
"Places everyone"
Time for this debacle
Everyone take a lap at the salt lick for luck

Take a bow
Not a dry eye in the house
They cast recedes back stage
Crying, hugging
They congratulate each other
But now live in paranoia of what the reviews will say
The applause outside is nonstop
They're all gonna need Melatonin to sleep and end the excited squeaks

They all get in their cars
Their SUV's
4 doors
2 doors
Hummers
All terrain vehicles
Taxis
Buses
Trains
And get rest for the next show tomorrow

As I'm left here driven to madness by guilt
Because I paid off the crowd to clap and the pundits to write rave reviews
That was the act for this evening, a tor de force production

We went to the park to sit on the orange bench and devour ripe peaches
And sweet olives
We saw the man who would always be out on his deck admiring his own yard work
And the kid with the bulbous head who sat on his stoop and stared at passersby with a deep-rooted curiosity
The sky became pink
As a girl with a septum ring walked passed us
Is that sanitary?
Then we saw the mother of the boy who was just put in the sanitarium
And wife of the man who works in the bio dome planetarium  
As we're leaving we stepped on a manhole cover that read "CoMmUnIcAtIoN "
And unbeknownst to our backs and behinds were now colored orange
People began to ogle us, whisper to their friend and laugh

Shes's got her work cut out for her
She sells patio furniture with a hairline fracture
And puts the pain aside
She eats pulled pork sandwiches for lunch
But stays neat as a pin

It can get repetitious for her
So some nights after her shift she gets down at a bar in town
Amidst the drifters and prodigal sons
And tickles the ivory's
The whole bar gets to a stand still
When shes tells them all to get with it

But then without mention she stopped showing up to work
And no one at the bar hadn't seen her in a long time
She left for North Carolina
She left went to search for a new life
As the people she left behind simultaneously searched for her

Methuselah went gallivanting around town with some *******. When a mysterious person with a bag on their head with the word "Yuck" on it crossed their path. The person began to inform them all about the dark arts and practical black magic.
And attempted to peddle stolen his and her towels to them. Passing it off as homemade genuine hand crafted cloths . When they were just used rags with faded embroidering on them.
Neither Methuselah or his ******* had the wherewithal to purchase the lousy linens.
Methuselah showed the Bag-headed person his empty pockets.
The person shook their head in affirmation and took the bag off to reveal the face of a woman with no eyebrows and the number "96403" on her left cheek.
She put the towels in the bag and went on her way. The ******* and Methuselah went to a motel that night to get busy .
The young man at check in said he was sorry because there were no towels in their room.
To both their surprise two bags were there hanging on the rack instead.
One said "Odium", the other said "Pang".
 
       -Tommy Johnson

The ingrate is chewing on his ungrateful cud
But he isn't a liberty to say what's in it
He spits fire at social drinkers
And goes slow mo in the fast lane
Just to ******* those he considers wastes of life
He'd curse them out but that be a wasted breath

The milk maid's dunlap is protruding
But she doesn't give 1/16th of a ****
Or 1/4th of a ****
She has gunk in her teeth
But all the *****, ***** old men are all aboard The Desperate Express

The polygamist is off to the races
Then the roller rink to inject misinformation into the grapevine
He gallantly gives his consent to take a lie detector test
As they try to get past his veneer and get a confession compromised of cul-de-sac secrets
With their monocle and chronic swamp-*** they contracted while waiting on line at the concession stand

The spy's identity will not be compromised
He needs to investigate this world's nation wide arms race to the red button that will undoubtedly end us all
That's why hes undercover in the vineyard
His beliefs correspond with mine
He thinks the planet will be fine but its inhabitants are doomed
And I concur

Aborigines in the Australian outback  
Among starving dingoes

A drug deal going on behind the bowling alley
And a butterfly knife waiting to be put into someones gut

Show some skin
Then maybe you will get somewhere at the customer service desk
Buyer beware, consumer keep cautious
Lay waste to that place and get your money back

They sold you an amphibian and told you it was a marsupial
The clerk wrote your inconvenience off as null

Off in Puerto Rico there's a cockfight
Pass the bug replant
Dos cervezas por favor
It's a steel cage grudge match
Brought to you by the courtesy of some man who's name I cannot pronounce
I got my invitation to this thing in a basket of tropical fruit
Someplace near substructure homes

I see a man in a bandanna looking at me
He turned out to be a free lance astronomer who has a thesis on starry quadrilaterals in the sky
He thought by betting on the bigger rooster he would hit pay dirt
But it was I who met pay day when I bet on the smaller, faster one

The astronomer had so much hate in his eyes I thought his corneas were going to burst
Be pulled out a blade and chased after me and all my winnings with the intent to puncture my torso and pillage my pockets

But had to go see a man about a horse named "Nunya"
Luckily I got away clean to tall the tale

Are you ready for the main course?
Prepare the condiments
Thin oven mitts
Teas cozies
Lace doilies

It's just a decoy
Here lies the kid who was left home alone while is parents visited The North Pole

Try to consolidate the front door
And here's a laxative called LSD to aide your constipated mind
Now go on with the insurrection
And fight Parliament for the sake of the proletariat
Who's names are always written in lower case lettering

The limousine drivers
The skrimpers
The savers
The single mothers with bad habits who have to dance off skimpy clothing to buy formula for their babies because they're milk is tainted with junk

The weary recipients of justice obstructions
And catch 22's
Who have been singled out because they have monetary deficits

Console them
Until Eureka!
Grab some Q-tips and clean out your ears
Stop gritting and grinding your teeth
A new realization  is in bloom

When did be aware turn into beware?
When did alertness become fear?

Forget and get over your
Remanding-accursed-sweet-tooth-fatigue-that you let in
Because it's all in your head along with the idea that hyphens make things look more important and scary

I contest all that *******