time usually heals faster than this
I must be stuck in some sort of time lapse
in an alternate dimension like abyss
my realitys been about to collapse
but none of it feels real to me
cause where can I go if I can't go back
and all i know is an illusion, a dream,
a black sky-what I discouragingly lack
is myself and all its esteem
my having fell victim to a strange hijack  
I go through the motions like a machine  
you see me functioning but im under attack
I need some fuel, some gasoline
or whatever will help me stay on track
cause I can only get so far on moon beams
and I care about progress, not you, not syntax
just the nightmares and the screams
that continue to haunt and entrap
my existence with their extremes
I need to hurry before I end up a maniac
tho I am kinda programmed for this routine
if someone would just get a ***** a map
i'd be gone and life less obscene
instead i get variations of prozac
with my misfortune..but i’ve seen
glimpses of my destiny and now I know that
the pulse of my heart, of my bloodstream
will guide me to the end of my suffering

We need not count on fate
on the battlefield
where windows reflect our dreams
when we find ourselves crawling
as we laugh.  
It is merely an invasion
from which I will not flee
no matter how hot
I find the essence
stained by my other half.  

Life’s best moments
will not make you famous
so don’t be anxious
or make empty promises
to a world
which remains the same.
Stay weightless
within your spirit
and keep the salted seas
from turning you bitter,
left behind….
in shame.

A day consists of 24 hours
1,440 minutes
86,400 seconds
That average person takes about 20,000 breaths a day
Every second of every day is based around my recovery
Mind games
Distractions
How many times I can look in the mirror and tell myself no
At least 4
Maybe 5
3 on a good day
A person blinks almost 28,800 times in 24 hours
But sometimes I just stare
So I can focus on something other than my recovery
My addiction
My need for something other than what I can't have
I can hear my thought process
Sometimes it's quiet
Like when I'm asleep
Other times it's the only thing I hear
So I call her because she knows how to turn down the volume
She is my recovery
Because even for a split second everything is perfect when I see her
The amount of breaths I take double
The number of times I blink goes down rapidly
My need for recovery increases exponentially
She is the calm that flows over my body
The rush of oxygen to my brain
When she talks to me my number of bad days plummet
Because she loves me and I love her
So by hurting me I hurt her
My recovery is an ongoing process
That consists of 24 hours
1,440 minutes
86,400 seconds
Of me trying not to hurt myself
1 day turns into 1 victory
And when I tell her that over the phone I can sense that she is smiling
So 1 day really turns into 2 victories

heavy sigh escapes
minutes become lifetimes
eternity to infinity
and still I wait
to hold you near –
eyes cross with boredom
wishing even to need a toilet
but nothing breaks the monotony
but the passing thoughts
of your sweet embrace –
bad food sends a distended belly into fits of gurgle
slight sweat smell wafts down the corridor
2000 inmates pass by my wire-laden windows
their footsteps
pounding in my brain long after count has cleared
leave me longing for the quiet of our shared bed –
broken lead ends my distraction
giving me pause, long enough to sharpen my tool
thinking about what this moment brings in your office
or if you, also sit thinking of when we are together again –