Oh mother of all that has been
Accept me into your warm embrace
And keep me above the water
For I cannot swim

Drag me from this thick, thick mud
Before it pulls me way down
Like it did all of the rest
I can still hear your voice

Lift me please from this chaos
To the place of everlasting forgiveness
I wish to undo the wrongs
Of a forsaken continent upon my people

**"La historia me absolverá"

I once got lost,
In the depths of time,
Where the fire was my friend,
And as the light of the flame guided me,
Through the dark alleyways of the maze they call history,
I came upon a watch.
And on the front of this watch
Was inscribed a quote,
Telling of the misfortune of the lands from which it came.
I called it the shadow game,
And,
As it lured me further into the depths of the invisible labyrinth,
It became clear that it was not true.
It had all been a rouse,
One which I had been naive enough to believe,
With all my heart.
And as I cried for help,
In the darkness of the maze,
I realised I was alone,
Lost,
In a puzzle never to be solved.
And I looked to the front of the watch again.
Only in the darkness can you see the stars
So I looked up,
And sure as sure,
I saw the galaxies of our ever expanding universe,
Floating above my head,
And I realised I was not alone,
And never would be.

I don't remember who it was, but I remember someone once said
That life is fragile and that that in itself
Has an admirable beauty,
That just as a butterfly lives little more than a few days
Or how a glass smashes when dropped,
So does a human life, in it's own time.
And for a while, I believed that person.

I believed that the idea that we could lose it all at once was romantic
Because I had never experienced it myself.
But she did.
And now I know, it's not a beautiful sorrow
That is passed along,
Like the last song of a dying bird,
But it's painful,
It's blood-red
And it rips you apart from the inside out
Until you can't see ahead anymore,
Your focus left stuck on the scraps of what once was,
What you used to have.

It traps you and reels you in
As you drown,
Not only in your own heartache and grief,
But that of those around you
And it makes you it's slave.

We humans have the strength to pull ourselves from it's cold grip,
Until that moment,
That last breath, groan, cry of pain,
Not a song with a melancholy melody,
And she whispers

I love you

As you tell her

It will be okay,
It will be okay,
It will be okay

And then her eyes grow cold
And her grip loosens,
And you see the life leave her body
As doves do from their cage
And you feel the cold, wiry fingers grasp at you again,
The metallic point of the nails
Clawing at you, digging into your skin
And this time,
You let it consume you
Because what are you without her?

Made of a biodegradable material,
You asked her to put her shoes back on
But she wouldn't,
So you pulled her arm
And she got upset and started shouting
And you couldn't understand.
We are all made of biodegradable materials
Not made to stand the test of time
And it hurts;
You've been dying from the day you were born
Stuck in a plastic world
Where bad things don't die.
And you were pleading with her
As she threw her shoes at you;
You couldn't leave without her,
But she didn't want to go.
You've been counting down the days
Every second is precious,
As you lay in bed, staring
Watching the walls decompose
She didn't come with you
And you think she's lost her mind
When in reality,
She just can't find her shoes.
You're the one with the real problem,
Countdown timer in your pocket
As you watch and wait
For the day this will all end.
*(It's never going to make sense,
You do understand that...
Don't you?)

you're lying
lifeless
on the floor
your head flat
on the ground
your hair
golden
spread
like a mane
you lie like a queen
crown in your
limp
cold
hand
but you have no dignity
of which to speak
you lost it all some time ago
and you haven't found it again
not very regal,
are you?

I looked at you and I saw my world
My hopes, my dreams
The life I wanted to lead
And yet you seemed
So ungrateful, so ignorant
To your beauty, your glow
Everything I want,
So I want you to know
That you are perfect
In my objective eyes
You’re all that I love
And all I despise.

i don't know how to express this poetically
so i'm just going to say it straight up,
i am completely and entirely stuck.
drawn in by the allure of the meaningless beauty,
the simplicity and the dead-end,
i don't know how to get out of the circle,
find the real truth or how to transcend
above the endless ******* hurled my way
to distract me from what really matters
i want to know about the real world's existence,
not the riches, but all of the tatters
ignored by a society completely apathetic
to all that these numbers need
just because they don't fit your aesthetic,
because your eyes they cannot please

it doesn't matter what i say now
i am but merely a child
i don't think you'll listen to what i say,
whether i praise you,
or your views i revile

i want to know what i can do to change,
this all seems too trapped in tradition
of leaving behind you a wake of lifeless bodies,
as you were so ignorant in your blind ambition.

i know you're not there to do what you should,
you only came for the power
you only came to be paid a lot more,
and to live high up in your tower
away from all of the '****'
you pretend to represent,
but whom you secretly chide,
you're only there to fuel a growing ego,
your heart will explode from your pride.

if i was religious, although i am not,
i know that God would scorn you for your greed,
and however forgiving your God may be,
i am sure that your ears would bleed
upon learning He thinks you were a terrible person
not what you were cracked up to be
and soon enough the bleeding would worsen
until there was nothing left to leave

I don't know much,
but i do know this:
i will strive to never be like you
for all the bad you have brought to this world
far outweighs any good you could do
so, someone out there, please teach me how
how to make a change in this life
for although i may have it easier than others
my heart will never relax while such strife
continues in the world
ignored by the masses
all but a couple times of the year
and i will fight for your rights
your right to survive
until my own end is near.

From your door to the gate,
He followed you.
From the gate to the road,
He followed you.
From the road to the park,
He followed you.
From the park to the school,
He followed you.
From the school to the town hall,
He followed you.
From the town hall to the post office,
He followed you.
From the post office to the river,
He followed you.
Down the river to the bridge,
He followed you.
Across the bridge and into the woods,
He followed you.
Through the woods and into the meadow,
He followed you.
And then it was just you and him,
And he thought you were still unaware of his presence.
And as you slowly turned to face him,
You drew in a deep breath.
"It's not funny."  You told him. "Go away"
"Oh." Was his reply. "Sorry."
And he turned and walked back home.

You were always a fan of comedy
Right from the day I first met you
We were lost to the giggles
Howling and snorting
We made fools of ourselves, and happily so
I'd never laughed so long in my life
Before you came along.
And you showed me the videos of your favourite comedian:
Eddie Izzard
And the lego dramatics
And we cried and coughed and spluttered
Over cheap red wine
And oven pizza.
Your laughter was contagious
It brightened up my days
But as the nights grew longer
And the light left quicker
You left too.
I think you got lost along the way
And you found yourself at a service station.
You parked yourself at the bar
And ordered yourself a pint

And then another one.

You told any stranger you could
About who it was you used to be
So free
So spirited
As you watched yourself turn mean
And your sweetest of souls fermented in that barley swill
And then you ordered another pint
And another one still.

You know, I haven't seen you since,

And Eddie Izzard's lego figures
Lie lifeless in a box somewhere
Collecting dust in a dark corner.
You've brushed them to one side
Like those little voices which speak to you
Directly from the cavity in your chest
Just near your left lung.

You order one more pint.

Only while Izzard's personality and charm
Are what overtook those little blocks of plastic
And had us howling
Your own ego threw those small voices aside
Locking them in a jewellery box
And hiding the keys
You never knew I'd find them.

So you draw back
You closed your eyes to the world around you
Where the people sing and dance
While you nurse a fast leaking bottle
The drink doesn't drown out the whispers that follow you
It just drowns your mind enough
To numb you from the pain.

And it's only when you've ****** away your last three quid
Shat and drank and then some
That you finally open your eyes again
Only to realise
That you don't belong here
That you weren't made for this life
In this grim, empty service station bar
Stuck alone in the middle of nowhere
Where years spin by like days
And minutes last for centuries
Where your only escape
From the impending sense of doom
you can't seem to shake
Is down the eye of a glass needle
Or reflected in the brown swill
Left in the bottom of a glass.

And Eddie Izzard is still up on stage
Velvet dress and rouged lips
And the roar of the audience
Mimics the waves that crash down in your brain
After the floodgates broke down
Only this time,
No one's sending any rescue teams.

'Tis but another day I have not slept,
As I traipse aimlessly through these baron halls,
The shadows enveloping me, luring me further and further.

I remember in the days of the living,
When the moonlight was my friend,
And in her rays of light she would cradle me,
As she sent a sweet lullaby through the night sky,
Sung softly by the light of the stars.

It took me three years to remember how;
How to close my eyes and let the dark carry me away,
Lifting me up on a cloud of dreams
As I breathed in and out, in and out.

For those three years I wandered,
Writhing in the breath-taking agony
I would not have thought those like us were capable of feeling
Enduring as I wished and prayed
I could once more
Feel the dark close around myself and carry me off
On an adventure I wouldn't remember.

But when I finally managed it,
The wisps of the shadows did not encircle me,
Lifting me lightly in my slumber,
But they wrapped themselves around and around,
Suffocating and trapping me,

And the light of the moon did not reach out,
As she watched on from above
And the stars screamed and howled,
Possessed by an evil I had never seen before.

When I finally awoke,
I was lost, confused, and dazed by the piercing light
From the endless source.
And so, I will never again know
The warm grasp of the moon's rays as I am carried away;
The soft singing voice of the stars that I no longer see above my head.
I will never again know
What it is to dream
Other than the nightmare I am currently trapped within.

That child isn't real
It's just a doll in the corner
The porcelain catching dust
While its eyes roll back inside its head
The curls of plastic hair lie limp
And the bow in her hair has come untied


The child can't hear me
Or the shouting in the next room
It won't feel the shudder of doors
Slamming in my face
Reverberating through this cave of a house
It won't hear me wail in the night

The child can't see me
Or the mascara running down my cheeks
It can't see you turn your back
And leave me to my sorrows
Wallowing in the empty rooms of this dark shell

The child can't speak
She can't tell me what she's seen
She can't tell me what to do
Now that I'm abandoned in this wasteland
She can't tell me who she is
But I know she'll keep my secrets

The child can't move
From that spot she found in the corner
The cobwebs bind her limbs
And she is lifeless, stuck
The mirrors in this house are all shattered
And every window has been boarded up
All but those staring glass eyes of hers

That child isn't real
It's just a doll in the corner
Its porcelain is catching dust
While its eyes roll back inside its head
The curls of plastic hair lie limp
But I've retied the bow in her hair

Long beaks point skyward
Gleaming red and orange in the cold winter sun
Each of us in the midst of the harsh metal spikes
The beaks pick mercilessly at the sandstone walls
they built in glory
They built in blood
They constructed the veins which run through these fingers
A tight fist enveloping us in vice grip
While we cling tight,
Each too scared we might fall off

One day, I will know them,
The words I have been looking for,
For all my life.
It will happen to me,
That great unknown,
And I will understand.
But I will not speak those words,
No,
I will cry them,
I will wail them
And scream them
Until no breath remains.
And I will not cry for my own sake,
No,
I will cry for things bigger than me,
Bigger than this little life I lead.
I will cry those words for
That continent,
Bled dry by centuries of greed and violence,
For those people,
Who have no tears left to speak of,
Let alone to weep
I will wail them
For the centuries of suffering
Imposed unwillingly upon so many,
Trapped in a man-made maze of pain.
I will scream them
For those who remain in that labyrinth,
For those with no faith left in a 'Great Perhaps'
After too long of being told
They weren't worth it
And when I have finally finished,
And I too am devoid of tears,
I will look to the stars,
As he did,
And I too will laugh.
Not for my pain,
Not to restore my own faith in the 'Great Perhaps'
And never to leave this labyrinth,
But to show that it cannot
And I will not
Be defeated,
And I will call the people,
And we will fight
Until we have no cause left to fight for,
And we will make it known,
That they will not succeed.

I didn't mean to shout at you,
I'm sorry,
It wasn't meant to be this way.
I didn't want to hurt you,
And I still want you to stay.
I need you here,
I swear it,
To keep me out of my head,
You're the only thing I can think of,
To get me out of bed.
Each morning when I see you,
Only then can my heart relax,
Cos I'm scared I'm going to lose you,
And that's when the panic attacks.
I shouted because I'm scared,
I don't love you any less,
But when you're not here I'm petrified,
I can't sleep,
I cannot rest.
It's because I don't deserve you,
You're too perfect to be true,
Even your imperfections
Endear me to you.
So please, my love,
Please listen,
When I apologize,
Because losing you,
I'm positive,
Will lead
To my
Demise.

I don't know why you wrote it down
But you made it concrete
What you said was
You love me more when I'm asleep
Because in my peaceful slumber
I am beautiful
Yet I remain unaware of the fact.
But I would like to clarify for you
The true meaning behind your words
And the only sentiment I can understand
From what you wrote that night
And what you told the world.
You said you love me more when I'm asleep
But you only love me more
In my rest
So peaceful and pure
Because I cease to exist.
In my quiet unconsciousness
I am an empty shell
You are blind to the workings of my brain
Reminded only of the doll that exists outside of me.
You mould me into all of your fantasies
Assigning characteristics to a lifeless body
You create new people in my image
New women
New lovers
A new me
A perfect me
A version of myself I could never truly be
Because my brain is my own
And I cannot read yours
I will not shape my person to your needs.
So please don't ever say it again
That you love me more when I'm asleep
That I look more beautiful lifeless
Than when my brain is running
Than when my life shines through my eyes
And my heart sings from my lungs
Don't ever say again
That my only beauty rests
In my nescience
Because all I hear
Is that you don't love me at all
And I don't want this to end

Yet.