My heart is bound tightly in knots made of razors
No bows or bunny ears to make this bond easier to untie
Pain confined to a pit in my stomach, and a hole in my soul
To painful to keep, and to painful to let go
So I sit in the middle plateau
The "how are you's?"
Answered behind a crooked smile of "i'm fine, how about you?"
I look better, I seem happier, I seem healed
But these cuts were closed with ugly scars to bare

To wrap up my year with Christmas cheer sounds like Hell.
And you can take my word for it too
I know what Hell is like now
I’m no grinch, I mean carols starting after thanksgiving is interesting but I’ve always felt that way.
This year the holiday is bleak, and grey
The spark that was there is gone
Tainted traditions, filled with great memories
There just memories that arnt coming back
Our bed beside the ping pong table in the basement that grandpa fashioned from random wood to make a frame.
Finally made into a bed....... but no way will I rest my head there anymore.
I’ll stay away instead
I want my peace back
I want my heart back

i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone, i think;
i love you in a way that feels important, wide open and vulnerable.
there’s a hole in my chest. gaping,
but filled all the way through.
like the stars i have purpose, i am radiating, so intense my bones rattle.

i wish you could see.