The incessant twang of complexity against my ribs
Accompanies the unwanted phantom touch on my hips
But the gentle caress of healing only barely brushes my lips
This is a beginning, but it feels like an ending with no postscripts

The things I used to find comfort in are futile
Against the battering of emptiness against my chest; it's brutal
But physically, I'm intact. Selfishly, I'd feel better if it was gruesome
However, only my mind is in disarray, if I'm being truthful

Do you know what it feels like?
Sometimes it feels dreamlike
More aptly nightmarish, but lifelike
A distant reality, objective, almost businesslike

It feels like a sordid, shameful affair
Although I played no part in the cause of my despair
I am the one who has to deal with it, so I send up a prayer
My soul hopes for speedy repairs

i breathe in and uncertainty fills me
suddenly i’m questioning everything, really?
in this space i can’t even speak freely
always a gaze on me, steely

uncertainty;
the poison of the weak is the medicine of the arrogant
the ***** of the debator makes for the downfall of the eloquent
it really depends on the situation, that much is evident

with youth, undeniably, comes uncertainty
so many mistakes made inadvertently
the words thrown around carelessly
now i’m just begging for some normalcy

so many priorities, so many people to please
too many watchful stares to be appeased
in the midst of this battlefield, i don’t know how i can be at ease
surrounded by people who seem to know something i don’t, i look around dazedly

so i guess i’ll have to find my own way
through winding paths, i’ll make it out someday
but what will i find when (if) i step out of the archway?
i’m uncertain, but i know one thing:

i’ll never betray my soul on the way there

i see him
painted into orange skies,
but also clear, sunny days
grey storm clouds represent him
like chocolate
he's sweet, sometimes dark
too much of him will give me a headache
because i'm sensitive,
he's like alcohol and i shouldn't drink
shiny, tempting, restricted
he's like the crown jewel
but do I really see him?
he's nothing but a mirror
a reflection of what i want to see,
what if he's bitter
he's not the sky, but the rain
not alcohol, but marijuana -
acrid, calming
either way, the headache will come
the sorrow will be pain,ted on your soul and visage
a reminder
assumptions are, by nature,
human,

okay um now read it backwards? im not sure if it makes sense