There was once a time
When I thought you were smart
So brilliant and beautiful
But now I know how dumb you truly are
Stupid, even
You lied and rejected my unconditional love
It brought out your true colors
Ugly

i was in one of my horrible ******
suicidal moods, that I seem to
have more often than not
and although I took all my anger
and pain, out on him, he wasn't
angry or upset. he simply said
"I love you, it's all okay,
I need to sleep, I'm not upset,
I'll talk to you in the
morning love."

and I wonder
how he can
love me
and how I
don't deserve it

I feel terrible and sick
To know that you wouldn't care
If I simply disappeared
Into thin air

Sleepless nights spent missing you
Wishing you were by my side
I can't stand my life without you
You were my light
And now you've burned out
I wish I could have you back
But I know there's no hope for reconciliation
You're selfish
You can't forgive me
You can't even see me for who I am
You don't look at what's in my heart
And what's in my mind and soul
You just look at my past and my wrongdoings
And you judge me based on so little
I always look at you fondly
I've never judged you
However
I don't even know why I want you
You're only interested in your own personal gain
I'm so exhausted of occupying this trap you've set
I suppose only time can help me out of it

I feel like you can't trust anyone any more.
the people you thought would always be there for you and have your back
end up always being the one to betray you.
now you're betrayed
with nothing left
just shame and guilt
that's all you feel
having someone you can tell everything to
that you think is mature enough
to keep things to themselves
tell the people who hate you the most
everything just makes you feel so stupid
makes you feel so empty alone
they know the worst feeling to feel is alone
and that's exactly what they do
make you feel alone
like you have no one
that one person that says they'll be there for you
you cant trust them
makes you feel so good and welcome
makes you feel like family
because your actual family just hates you
turns around and stabs a 12 inch butcher knife in your back
is the worst thing that could ever happen to you
and it happened
to you
all these feelings are inside
tearing you apart
eating away
all these feelings that they knew it would have caused
caused all of them
they knew it would all make things worse
they knew it would make you upset
what they may not have know
is that it would make you want to die
but they did it all
by betraying someone
who "meant so much" who they "loved"
but did they really?
no
because if they did
they wouldn't' have said anything.
-cd