i. He is going to break your heart and you'll try to put the pieces back together but you'll never be back to you were before you met him
ii. When he says "I care about you," don't listen to him.  Months from now you will find yourself falling apart while he embraces another girl & gives her the world, when it was supposed to be you
iii. You will often see him with a bunch of other people & he will be laughing & smiling a lot more than he ever did with you. But you have to learn to not care & just worry about yourself first
iv. You will see him walking alone & when he sees you, he won't say hey as he usually does but instead walk past you like you never existed & you will feel the burning flakes in your lungs. But don't let him get to you
v. There will be other boys who resembles his smile & you think that maybe they could fill the void & make the heartache go away, it won't & will just make it worse
vi. Months will pass by & you can finally tell yourself that you can go on without him
vii. It is still going to hurt & maybe for a long time, baby girl. And you wish that you could go back to who you were before your first heartbreak, but you will thank him for this experience. And one day you'll find someone who will give you the galaxy & share every sunrise & sunsets with you

~Things I wish I knew before you broke my heart ~

If you were a museum you'd be a gallery of new beginnings and hopeful dreams
A masterpiece of an unforgettable smile and dazzling eyes
You're the type of art that will touch people's soul by just looking at you
Some may be puzzled and may not be able to understand you
But there will be people who will appreciate and comprehend what you were trying to paint
You're the kind of art that has your mother's brilliant mind and your father's defined looks
Both a deadly combination
For you are the off spring to carry on your parents' goal
Your words are poetry filled with sincerity and wisdom
Your lovely face and cheerful personality makes people drawn to you
But you are still learning, everyday
Trying to draw out the biggest and most amazing masterpiece there is
You are still trying to find your muse and your inspiration
Little did you know that you are your own muse
That is why your art is pure and raw and real because it comes from within your soul
Your art is spreading love and kindness throughout others
And through years of being painters block or writers block
You've managed to block out the negativity and spread out the positivity
Because if you were a museum your artwork would be filled of a promising future and lively dreams
For you carry the genes of your mom's sadness and recklessness
And your dad's happy attitude and cautiousness
Maybe that's why you've always been reserved and detached which makes you woe
But I hope one day you open your museum that is your heart to share your art to others and let them in so that you could seek happiness and this adventurous side of you that has been hidden all these years
Because you yourself is the most beautiful piece of art work that is yet to be discovered.

All I want is to make you happy
Turning all your tears & sadness into shooting stars & galaxies
And the times you'll feel like you're drowning, I'll risk my life & pull you back to shore, despite the fact that I can't swim
And when you feel like darkness has took over you, I'll be the moonlight that guides you through
I'll be the sunrise to help you get up & remind you a new day is coming
To make you look forward for the sunset, to see how lovely it is just like you

I'll do these all for you because you are my sun on which my world gravitates to
You're my whole night sky & the whole reason why I'm twinkling all the time because of how much you make me happy
You're that sunflower that makes my day a whole light brighter
You're my whole **** ocean, the deeper you swim is knowing how much I adore you
You're that beautiful rainbow I always look forward to see after the bad rainy days I'm having
And you are that shooting star that only comes once in a life time, because I was blessed you came into my life & that is a wish I'd never regret wishing

But all these things just weren't enough
Because it seems it were all the reason to make you leave
For you have found someone who's presence you can't describe in any of the alphabet
Someone who's voice reminds you of the peaceful serene sound the ocean makes
A girl who gives you tingles all over your body, while I was the wasps you have mistaken for butterflies
Someone who's got you thinking of metaphors about love and got you singing all these love songs

So now here I am a hurricane mess
A tornado of destruction
The girl who used to have stars in her lungs, but I've burned them with all the cigarettes I was smoking
And those flowers that were growing in the bottom of stomach are long gone, because you can't water flowers with *****
For I had the sky in my brain, but I've been shattered apart the day you said you were leaving & now it's just a stormy weather up there
And I had the ocean in my eyelids to show you that we could sail together through this cruel world, but now I'm just left crying a river for you
That taste of fresh picked strawberries in my lips, now tastes like broken promises & wrecked expectations
And my hands that used to fit with yours, are just plain empty just like every **** part of me
All the beautiful things that were in my life are gone in that instance just like how you left just like that

For the weeks you aren't feeling yourself, the hours you spend with anxiety, the months that you've been stressing, the years of hating you, the  days you're just out of the blue, here is a reminder to you:

You are a ******* queen doesn't matter who you are, you've built yourself a castle with all the struggles and pain life has thrown at you. Every time the universe hands you heartache you have manage to stand up no matter how much torture it was, you made yourself stronger than ever before. You started like a seed, then growing into roots and every single time anyone has ever misunderstood and underestimated you, you've grown into this big beautiful tree. So I hope you know you can build an entire forest with your self confidence and self love and once you learn to fully love you and be content with your own being, you wouldn't want to be anyone else but yourself. So remember this you are the sunflower in a garden filled with roses and tulips, you aren't just a fish in the sea you are the whole **** sea. You aren't just a star in the sky, you are the whole galaxy. There's more to you than shining bright and looking lovely, you are capable of being both the moon and the sun. For you work so hard day and night. Only you has truly known the battle of facing your demons, you have stood up and saved yourself from that misery and toxic. So next time you ever feel bad for yourself over things and people who do you no good and does not help you with your mental growth, I hope you know you are royalty and you shouldn't ever have to settle for less than you deserve. Your self worth and value is so important, I hope with all my heart that you don't let people walk all over you. Please take time for yourself and get a break from people once in a while, so you could fully appreciate and adapt to loving yourself and your own company.

I hope by the end of this poem you realized that you've got potential to turn into an amazing human being. I wish one day that your self-esteem is as high as the tallest tower in the world and that your journey will be as smooth as the ocean. It will be a long way to be there but it's a trip of a lifetime, with stories about sorrow and happiness. And no one in the world could ever paint, draw, or write everything you have experienced. Your story and your presence is worth than anything.

Poems I write
things I say
stories I make
books I read
quotes I quote
lyrics of songs I hum
is just another combination of 26 letters
of ways to make you fall for me

And I hope
that someday
I'll find
the right words
a flawless sequence
to say such
serene, sensual, splendid
delightful, amazing, and intriguing
things to you

For it will blosson a smile in your face
give you goosebumps
echoes in your mind
makes your heart skip a beat
tingles all over your body
to get you thinking through the twilight
until the sunset kicks in
and think of
every sappy
hopeless romantic movies
it will be like a movie you'll watch over and over
your favorite quote
the song that gets stuck in your head for days
poems that make you go awe
stories that makes you want to know more
books that you can't stay from
and these sweet things I'll say
will only be for you

twelve am - those conversations worth staying up start to flow
one am -  another sleepless night, with thoughts featuring you
two am - the demons come out at night to haunt you
three am - i'm starting to miss you again, missing you more than i should
four am - making up scenarios in my head, of things that we could be
five am - time where I hate myself most & sadness starts to kick in
six am - sunrise is coming, heavy eyes, where sleep is awaiting
seven am - another morning with fake smiles & laughter, pretending to be happy
eight am - only looking forward to seeing you
nine am - a real smile comes along with the thought of you
ten am - telling myself to not break down & cry
eleven am - wandering off having daydreams

tick tock tick tock

ten pm - in my bed, ready to sleep
eleven pm - tossing & turning, just like the usual
twelve am - the same routine everyday

heartbreak is a feeling I don't ever want to feel again.
heartbreak is abandoned, betrayal, uncared for, forgotten, misunderstood,  depression, physically and mentally hurt
all at the same time
it's like someone stabbing your heart multiple times
someone ripping out your lungs and you won't be able to breathe
getting your ribs opened and broken
every part of you won't be able to move
your hands shaking
your legs trembling and forgetting how to walk
your body is numbed
your brain only has thoughts of hopelessness
your heart, your precious and fragile heart
is shattered into pieces that will take a long time to reform to its old self again
heartbreak is a mixture of breakdowns and wanting to sleep for eternity
it's when even in your dreams you find yourself crying
cause the pain is just too real and too much to handle
and when someone is asking you if you're alright, you can't even speak for it seems like he took all your words away from you, even the words "I'm fine" he took that too and you can't lie or hide away your feelings from anyone anymore cause they see right through you
I made myself feel all these emotions for a boy and then the next thing is I got my heartbroken
it all happened so fast and I still don't know how it went downhill
but if I could and trust me I would absolutely trade that heartbreak in a millisecond with no hesitation
after a few weeks I've started to express my feelings to a few people
and of course at that time I still felt so much sadness in me
I remember saying "it's the remembering, the memories, all these little things you know about them will be in your thoughts even if you try so hard to hide them away there will be times where something will remind you of that person..." trying to not to feel the depth of what I said back then, I couldn't and I promised myself I wouldn't get that low ever again
I think about it now that heartbreak helped me grow as a person and truly made me realize my worth
I guess you have to go through the lows to enjoy the high.

She was not satisfied with herself
thought she was not too skinny
not so smart
and was never good enough

But she did not know of how he saw her through his own eyes
he thought about her magnificent beauty
of how passionate she was when she talked about her favourite things
the sparks in her eyes when the littlest things could make her happy
he fell in love of how she could make others smile, when she was sad
how she doesn't sometimes try her best, but could still look so stunning
her giggly laugh
that song she would constantly repeat
about how she has the need to quote from her favourite books
having to re-watch a movie that explained her life
her bad habits, ****** expressions
he knows all of that like it's his favourite song
and has got it all memorized

So he told her about all that
and taught her
to love herself more
just like how much he loves her

I fell for your mentality
just like the way you said my name
full of life & positivity

I wish to be able to read your mind
get to know your every thought
hear about your life long dreams, desires, & darkest secrets

I want is you here right beside me
have your arms embrace me
as you whisper sweet dreams into my ears, so I could get a good night sleep

Because I'd rather have you lying down next to me
instead of me missing you daily

It was then I had realized
why people listened to sad songs
stayed up all night waiting for late replies
they would get insecure when they see their person with another
how their world would stop when they see them
would get the butterflies whenever their lips touched
their day incomplete when they don't see each other
couldn't sleep when a big argument comes up
but become lovers again the very next day
how down they would be if they can't cheer them up
get all giddy when they hold hands
smiling like a fool when a thought of them comes up
how their life is complete when they are together
it was then I noticed
this silly and delirious emotions
are the great effect of loving someone

This different new kind of feeling
  is really quite appealing
  deep within it wants it to be revealing
  for later I'll have to be dealing

With these thoughts and emotions
  right now my head is like an ocean
  over thinking going back and forth motion
  I'll explode and cause a big destruction

Is this fate?
  and will it be worth the wait?
  thoughts like a foreign language and feelings I can't seem to translate
  but these feelings feels so great
  I'll make my own path and go straight
to you

So I'll take a chance
  with this brand new romance

I think that the scent of a blunt all over me will always remind me on those late nights and early mornings we spent on the rooftop of a building, you rolling a joint and we're smoking it up until our lungs gave up on us. It will remind me every time people hot box a room and it is filled up with smoke and in those smoke clouds I will forever see you lighting up that blunt and you give me that smile in your face and you offer me some. I might just be hallucinating with the fact that your face is still clear but everything in my surrounding is becoming a blur. Whenever I see a person about to light up with a spliff, my mind wanders off and looks for you even if you aren't there in the very moment. Pretty sure this has become your signature scent because no matter what I end up thinking about you. Some people may not be able to appreciate and cannot withstand of how it smells, but to me it means everything. Cause with the months of hanging out together I've learned to love it and I know whenever I am with you I breathe in the smell of happiness, because with you that is what I truly feel. With all the memories shared and made, I learned to have a liking for this scent and this is how I've also learned how to love you. I got to know that this is how you sometimes coped with problems, how you bonded with friends, and how you spent your free time. Hence to when I smell a blunt it reminds me of home and your sweet embrace, for you are my home and your arms is where I feel most safe. The hours between 1 am to 4 am have never felt so high and amazing and it is truly an amazing feeling. A connection I've never had with anyone before. I smile when I get to smell a blunt because the thought of you brings joy in my life and I hope that I'll never lose my home.

You left me, but parts of you are still here
That smile of yours stuck in my head
Your scent is the air I breathe
Twinkling eyes still shine bright in mine
Your embrace all over my skin
The hands that still could fit into my hands
Your lips touching mine permanently yours only
The favorite things you say, is the one that I can only utter
All these things about you, I've got it memorized
Just in case one day you'll leave me
And of course you did

and it was all over
in that moment
you said you were done
and grown tired of me
I don't blame you though
I'd get tired of me too

and ever since you left
it's been pretty hard
just like the season changing
you did too & left me hanging
So I wasn't surprised when you had decided to go in this season
leaving me in the coldness

and my question is
did you even care
did you even get to know me
or was it all just fun and games
was it all real or was it just pretend to you
because you leave a trail of broken hearts without knowing that you do or not caring at all

and when you told me that you wouldn't forget me
I know that was not true
because in honesty boy
since the day you went away
I have thought less & less of you

and I've given up
given up on trying to make you stay
given up on trying to make you come back
given up on trying to change your mind

and I don't know why I've given up
maybe because a new season was coming
but I sure don't feel the same way anymore
I've moved on & continued to live happily

and then one day we met again
you looked at me with deep uncertainty
I looked at you as someone who was once a big part of me
but as seasons changed
I learned to look at you & didn't feel hurt at all

I know it's been months since you left
Somehow parts of you will never fade away
Like that time when you told me you grew tired of me
That I know will never leave my mind & will scar me for life
Now I have to pretend that I didn't see you & I don't think it will ever stop hurting, but I'll just get used to it

And last night I called you just to hear your voice again
The least thing I had expected you to do was answer my call
So then I asked you how you were doing
And I could feel you shaking your head with confusion
So you sat there quietly on the other line, hesitant to tell me
In that very moment it was like you forgot I even existed & that I once part of your life
After a few minutes you finally replied, saying "alright" and at that I made sure to let go of you
I smiled as I hung up the phone
And that was the last conversation I had with you

Fast forward to the present time
And yes I still wonder how you are & what you've been doing
I still wonder what you & your friends are up to, and if you've seen any concerts recently
I know that if you heard me ask you these things, you'd have that big smile on your face like you used to
Every time I said something thoughtful

So you'll probably still think that I need you
That I still want you
And in this moment, no.
Not at all, not in this case
Because nine months ago I was doing everything I can just to impress you
To make sure & check up on you that you were happy & content
And to make sure I was the person causing happiness & that smile on your face
But no, it isn't nine months ago
It is the present time
It is now
In this moment
I remember you as a person I shared my secrets to at 3am in the morning & ****** to feel a sense of closeness
I remember you as someone I shared special moments with, like laughing at something at 5 in the morning
I remember you as someone who made me happy through the dark moments in my life and that I'm always grateful for
But you see it isn't nine months ago
It is the present time
It is now
And in this very moment
I miss how you messaged me unexpectedly just to ask me what happened throughout my day
I miss you how you cared, even at things that weren't so important
I miss our friendship, our secrets, our stories, our dreams & goals
So maybe one day things will be alright again
It will be different, but it will be better
And maybe we'll run into each other
Catching up with our lives
But right now you're a faded memory
Someone I used to know, but all that is a blur

I'm broken
shattered into pieces
never will be full again
torn apart
crushed so deeply

Everyday I try to be happy
but my day always ends up ******

Still can't let some things go
so I end up feeling low
but I try my best though
to not let my feelings show

With unanswered questions
consistently looking for suggestions
of why I'm in depression

There's no hope
I can't even cope
of my own self
this is no good for my health

Really got to stop feeling down
maybe I should just go away for awhile & get out of town
before I let myself drown
with all my thoughts that'll just make me frown

I should start fresh
and forget about how my life's a mess
dismiss myself from all that stress
but be grateful instead of how I'm truly bless

You say you like me
But I see you falling for her
You say I make you smile
For she can make you happy
I can make your day
She can make your life
You say I'm great
We both know she's way better
You say I can make you better
But she can change you
You say I'm the newest chapter in your life
Her, she's the **** whole book
You say I'm no nightmare to you
But she's your dream girl
You say you think about me sometimes
But I know she preoccupies your thoughts all the time
You keep saying I'm the one
But really she's your only one

In this world we live in
everything is temporary
nothing really last for a lifetime
friends, happiness, problems, love
even our existence
and pretty much everything else in this world
it all ends anyway

We may think it will last for eternity
but eventually friends becomes a stranger once again
happiness turns into pain
problems will go away
love turns into hate
us, we'll rot
and this world we live in
will nothing but be a dead place someday

So  why?

Why do we try so hard for these things?
for it may be taken away from us
*forever

He told me that we both can still remain as friends,
What he really meant to say was that
We can be those type of strangers that share all these silent memories together & smile at one another, once in a while.

He told me that he would never forget me,
But I knew once he saw her walking through the crowd
I was just some other girl to him
And she was that special girl he'd dream of

He told me that he was no good for me,
I didn't listen to him
So I took a chance on him
But I was left with a broken heart
And I hear his words "I told you so"

He told me he liked me,
Happiness it brought upon me
Giggles & smiles on my face
But his admiration
Had an expiration date

He told me all these things,
And I hold onto every words he say
I kept them locked in my heart
And it shattered me apart
Yet he never seemed to know
How much I cared & adored him
And now I just watch him leave
Loving another
With my heart broken into pieces
I could never hate him though
And I'm left with the broken promises & wrecked expectations & it starts to burn into my lungs
I gasp for air
But the only thing I could utter for help was your name
You weren't there anymore
Leaving me with unfulfilled hopes
And love I could never seem to give to another

Have you ever found that one person, not different from any other person out there
but **** they make you feel alive, happy, and treat you so well
and you start to think to yourself that this person might actually be so good for you
that you give them your attention
they start to be part of your daily routine
you tell them things about yourself that you never really told anyone else before
so you take a chance of them
risking your heart and every part of you
and then one day
they decide to just walk away
leaving you out of nowhere
like a dog losing it's owner
they rip your heart out
pieces by pieces
and you let them anyways
because of how much you care for them
and do you ever think
why? why did they even take interest in you?
like why you out of all people?
so were your motives was to get to know me
breaking my ribs, have my lungs ran out of air
to having my heart raise just for you to shatter it apart
and so that they can **** you dry of all your tears you could ever cry?
and I wonder what it was or saw or felt that made them lose interest in you
because it's not fair how they can make you different and just leave
they give you all these memories and pretend that it never meant the world to you
and it ***** how I can't do anything about and how they don't know how I feel because they will never truly understand how you cherish them
as they just took you for granted
and all you can do is to be happy for them
hoping that is even enough
so do you just find that one person, not different from any other person out there
who gives you hope about love, life, and full of positivity
all to be crushed in the end
feeling so much pain
that you never wish upon anyone to feel this much heart break
but you would go through all that pain again
just so you could experience & be with that person
but everything is just a memory in your head
in time it will fade away
and you wonder how it was so easy for them to move on
while you're stuck with a goodbye you never gotten
and their favourite song replaying in your head over & over again
remembering all the promises they said, but it's all broken now
still dumbfounded how they can let you go just like that
but those what ifs, should have been, and could have been
are better left unanswered
because knowing the answer will tore you apart
and you wonder why? why did you ever let this person be part of your life?
why didn't you just leave it with the simple casual "hello"
and why did you let them break the walls that you built?
why did you even took a chance on them?
and that's because you saw potential in them that you never did with anyone for a long time
and they just **** it all up

So what that other people chose someone else over you? Remember you are the whole **** sky, you are your own sun to outshine all the bad rainy days you're having. You are the moon and the stars you guide yourself through the dark times. You are the roots that grow into this big beautiful tree, it may take time for you to reach maturity and self love, but once you master this, your mental growth, I swear you could build an entire forest with so much confidence, love and kindness. Don't ever limit yourself in the ocean, you are out of this world and destined for greatness. The galaxies are within you and you are capable with so much more. You are capable of loving, of laughter. So forget about them. Choose yourself, choose you. Make yourself the first choice, prioritize you. It's the best choice. Don't ever hold yourself down on the ground, someone like you with so much potential can do so many amazing things. You do not need other people's approval to know your own worth. So tell yourself "I love me", and I hope one day you truly believe it.

Quite a number of people have told me that the people I meet in my teenage years, especially in high school will just be temporary people in my life. That I will get attached to them, make bonds, share memories and that I will feel miserable when they walk out of my life. They said "they come and they go."

I didn't think this would actually happen to me in reality, I thought what they had told me just a myth. Some sort of fairy tale that cease to exist. Until I had graduated and realized who I still remained friends with and whom I do not associate myself with anymore.

Some friendships I didn't feel as much of them walking out on me, but there were certain people whom I deeply felt so much agony when they left me with no goodbye, no explanation and no closure what so ever. There were also friendships that I was so relieved that I didn't have to talk and deal with them in my life again.

So to the ones who had caused me pain and left me in the rough times and to I had thought that I would remain friends with for a very long time: you didn't deserve to know important pieces of me. It's your lost for not being to see me grow into this beautiful butterfly who is able to fly and spread her wings that is filled with so much love and joy. Too bad you couldn't see me grow a garden that is made up of all the aspects of me both the good and bad. Because you only saw my flaws and not see my blooming personality, which have charmed a whole new people and they bring out they best in me. You did not deserve to see me paint the sky with my amazing smile, but that is alright cause I've got people now who watch over me and they couldn't be more proud of me. To anyone who feels or felt the same, don't you ever say to yourself they didn't want to keep you around, say you are the greatest piece of art no museum could ever compare and they never got to keep you.

How could such girl like me
Who's future is ahead of her
Feel so much misery already
Pain that will never go away
Who could do a perfect fake smile
Be so broken and torn apart
And feel such self-loathe towards herself
How someone like me
Could ever have thought of killing her own self?
Have such emotional breakdowns all the time
Who just simply hates everyone around her
For vanishing herself would be the only cure
To all her dilemmas in life
Who thinks it's better to end it all
Instead of having anxieties and depression
Killing her softly
Pieces by pieces
Until there's basically nothing left of her
Until she's empty and can't turn to anyone
For it might be too late
But it is already too late
For she is still physically alive
But emotionally dead

i am so happy
not long ago i hit rock b
                                          o
                   ­                          t
                                                t
             ­                                     o
                          ­                           m
all the odds weren't in my favour
i was on the verge of giving up on e v e r y t h i n g
that i ever worked hard for
i simply did not feel like existing or living
it was like darkness adopted me as her child
and depression was my evil step sister who owns me like i am her possession
i couldn't breathe and there was always this overwhelming feeling in my chest
and of course i couldn't get out of this so easily
darkness and depression are both in the same blood line connected into one
while i am an outsider, a child they took over because of the failure and sadness i have felt
i thought, i really did, that i belonged with them
there was no turning back now, this was it

then someone tapped my back
asked me, "do you mind accompanying me for a while?"
in that moment everything that i ever thought of harming myself was simply adrift and gone
it was like they had saved me from making a very big mistake
they had reminded me there is more to life
that sadness and failure was just a part of life
they didn't have to say it out of their mouth
but to me, it felt like they spoke with their mind
and thank goodness i got the message

later i looked up the sky that day
it was raining heavily
and with that person beside me i think this was a gift from God
my own angel
who had helped me to show and save my own self
they were like the role model for me to acknowledge my own worth
and to love my own self as well

all i know is that life is just life
it sometimes punches you in the stomach
and every time you try to get back up
it punches you over and over again
but this doesn't mean you should give up
there must be a reason why you were given this experience
and in every lesson i know it will make you be stronger
have the knowledge to over come it the next time
so i am happy even throughout the hardships i faced
that i am alive
i am well
i am loved
i am cared for
i am living
i am existing
in this very moment
the worst has occurred
but the best is yet to come
be glad you're still here
better days are coming
i assure you that

The question that comes up often to my mind is,
when will I be good enough?
the answer to this is quite tough
for everyone is always leaving
and the heart aches I'd have to be dealing
sobbing for hours to finally releasing
the agony it's causing

When will I be good enough?
for someone to stay by my side
and somebody I could confide
to wipe away all my tears
from all the tears that I cried
who's got their arms open wide
and embrace me tightly as I sigh

When will I be good enough?
for someone to love me as much as I love them
to take me for who I truly am
face all the mayhem
and stays ups with me until the AM

When will I be good enough?
for a person to accept me from all the things from my past
while they can share my present & future, to have a blast
have memories made that can outlast
reminisce it one day so it can surpass

When will I be good enough?
where my flaws are something that'll make them love me more
where my worst days will be the days they want to stay & listen to know what's wrong
where the happy days would be days we could treasure together
where my mean attitude is not the reason for them to go away
where my dark side isn't just an excuse to leave me astray

When will I be good enough?
for  *you

Happiness starts with letter the 'h'
but I'm most certain that it starts every single time he walks into a room
with that beautiful oh so lovely smile on his face
it starts whenever he strikes up a conversation with me
or when I feel so much excitement for the next day to come for there will be a whole new set of adventures with him
when I have thought of him and I've got this grin on my face that I can't take off, I swear he permanently put his mark into my brain that whenever I had a thought of him it would make my heart turn into a smiley face
and my god the thought of him, the thought of us
makes the word "happiness" into shame
for it's a feeling way deeper than that
a whole lot of feelings that just can't be describe
that no letter in the alphabet could ever spell
magic tricks? spells?
can't ever compete how he lured me into falling for him
the word happiness starts when he remembers the little details about me
knowing me inside out
happiness is when you know you found this bond with someone that you thought would take you a lifetime to find
a bond so strong, the way we connect
is definitely something like no other
happiness is with him
the way he moves, the way he says my name, the way every smile of the seven billion people in this world
is formed by one person, him
because happiness starts with him

In times of trouble and struggle,
I pray to God to send me an angel to watch over me
He did that before I was even born into this world
Before I even asked him to do so
It took me a long time to realize that I was my very own angel
I was the angel who picked up the pieces every time life knocked me over and it was my own wings that I was able to fly and my own two feet to stand up again every single time I stumbled down
My wings are made from the perseverance and the things I've endured
God made me as my own angel because he knew that I was out of this world and destined for greatness
My halo glows and shines brighter each time I go through hardship
That itself makes me a stronger person than ever
God believed that I could guide myself through whenever I got lost
Cause sometimes angels often wander around the world,
Flying through cities and countries
But he always believed angels knew how to make their way back
Sometimes they just have to get lost to be able to learn more of themselves
I believe this to be true because whenever life puts you through a tough time who is the one that heals the wounds? It's you.
For I believe that others can't truly help you, if you aren't making any effort to helping yourself
So if you ever feel like you're failing and everything is falling
apart
And I know there will be times where you think you can't survive another heartache
But you've got wings and you can soar through this pain and yes you will get over this misery
Every time you are ever to spread those wings, it means you are still very much alive and you were able to cope from all of that
With that much confidence in yourself, no demon would ever try to come near you because they know what you are capable of
Don't let the sadness consume you, happiness and smiles is much greater and better
Trust me seeing the smile of angel is truly what God has sent from above

You are an angel for yourself and as well for others, you might not even know it. I know the path isn't always smooth, I know you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember you have a halo to help you see through darkness. Your wings to help you back up. Don't think low of yourself because you are of God's beautiful creations.

Everyday she puts a smile on her face
all for a boy who'll never care
she puts all her effort to impress him
but his attention always seemed somewhere else
she hopes and waits
that he'll look her way
she wishes that it was back to the way before
full of bliss
just the two of them happily
with no other people in the way
for she longs to have those moments back
but for now she just replays those memories in her head
and maybe one day it'll be back to normal again
she misses him so
looks like he has moved on though
forgotten all about her
and acts like she doesn't even exist
it hurts her a whole lot
but she rather be seeing him
than not seeing him at all
because he has become
the air that she breathes everyday
the oxygen that she needs
in order to survive

My dream was like a blur
It has become something that was out of my reach.
It was like those nights where I cannot remember anything
For I have drowned myself in alcohol that tasted like failure and disappointment.
With the amount of ***** I have consumed
I have damaged my liver
Just like how every friendship and relationship I've ever encountered with.
And all those blunts that I was smoking made me think deeply that my dream was just a silly, foolish dream.
I laughed so hard at the thought of me having a purpose in this life
When everything I touched turned into fire.
And maybe that is why I turned to drugs and alcohol so the only person I'll be damaging is myself.
In that moment I could feel the ambiance of my dream fading and I could feel detachment within my own soul.
It is crying out loud to get out of me
Isn't that such a tragic thing when even your own self is tired of you.

But then a euphoric light happened
This corner inside my mind with such a soft, quiet voice showed me a glimpse of my hopes and dreams that I thought was long gone.
In that little tiny hope and a voice that has calling me for a while, I didn't hear or notice it for the days I was intoxicated and high.
It has made its calling
In that moment I found myself wishful thinking.
Which I haven't done in so long
Ever since I started to believe in myself again,
My dream wasn't so blur and I think that I could reach it within my palm.
I know that I could reach my full potential
This time, this time I know I'm going the right path
I was lost and got off track.
Now I'm going on my own pace and I guess you have to lose yourself to find what it is you want and know that you deserve the best.
I've found my purpose. I am acknowledging my worth and my dream is so bright and clear, ready to burst out of me to share to the world.
I never thought I'd unravel this part of me.
But I am so very glad that I am slowly but surely loving myself more to be the best that I can be.

According to the world book of record, the strongest person in the world is someone who can lift the heaviest weight.
In my opinion, I think it is someone who wakes up every morning and smiles everyday even though everything else in their lives is in shambles.
I think it is those immigrants who starts up a new life from scratch to be able to provide a future for their family.
It is the soldiers' who leave their love ones behind to protect their country.
It is the people who have lost a loved one, to be able to move on from such a tragic moment in their life.
It is the people who have poverty, who is doing their best to survive and make a living.
It is the people who face racism and judgment, for they have this amazing persona to tolerate ignorant people.
Someone who has mental illness and is looking for ways to be happy.
It is those people have experienced horrific and catastrophic situations such as: bombings, terrorism, natural disasters, genocide, etc.
Their innocence and hope for humanity has been washed away.
The people who face struggle and difficulty everyday of their lives, but manages to stand and look at the world with no fear.
I acknowledge their strength and their courage.
I think that these type of people are the strongest and no book could every list them all.
Through the rough times, you get stronger everyday and that makes you as strong as the person who could life the biggest weight in the world.

Someone asked me what it was like loving you
I said it was like loving a hurricane
You came unexpectedly in my life
I got no warning or signs that you were on your way to me
You were this beautiful spiral disaster
Who was out of control and a complete mess when we met
You were like a carefree child who had no care at all at the world
But you didn't know the damage that you have done
I knew from the start that you were messy and complicated
I guess that's what attracted me to you
I have this thing where I want to fix things and people
But all you did was destroy everything
Everything that I ever put all my effort into
And in the process you destroyed me too
I thought I could be the one to help you
Help you manage your anger and your fears
And bring the sunshine in you
Because I know that you wouldn't be like a hurricane without any reasons or cause behind it
Throughout the time of getting to know you
I've seen your dark side and your past and what had triggered you to be this way
That's when I thought that you needed someone to save you
So I volunteered to be that person
But really I was the one who needed saving
Because you drowned every part of me
Leaving me with emptiness and a broken heart
Then I thought to myself:
Maybe I broke my own heart too
Cause I walked myself right into this situation
When I knew from the beginning this wasn't going to be easy to get through
I should have left it at hello
But it was all my choice to stay and get attached
For I have given you the opportunity too
I just thought you could have proven me wrong
So loving you was like loving a hurricane
It was intense and grimy
You came on too strong in the start
Eventually you were calm
People say hurricanes caused them sadness
I'm pretty sure I felt the same as well

In life you will get hurt a lot
and that's inevitable
but it is within your own self
of what you do with that pain
will you let it make you bitter
or will you transmute this agony into love & nurture it so that the suffering doesn't happen once again?

But just know that you are stronger than you'll ever realize
the obstacles you go through are lessons in life that needs to be experienced
in able for you to mature & nurture into a person you'll turn to love

Just recognize that positive changes don't just happen overnight
but don't ever let yourself lose hope
stay optimistic & always try to see the silver lining for everything
if you mess up, accept that fact & don't let it happen again
if anyone messes you up, learn to forgive, theirs a weight that will be uplifted from your chest

Trust me, things will get better, eventually
but it won't be perfect & it won't be fixed as how you'd want it to be
so learn to live through the small happiness in life
and smile at the little things

Lastly, take care of yourself
remember that you mean everything to somebody
and you are everything to yourself
and that alone is enough
don't let yourself get trapped in the past
live in the moment & seek into the future
because things are brighter on the other side
filled with surprises & happiness
that will come along your way

You will see that rainbow after the rain
how the stars shine so bright, just like that smile in your face
flowers will grow into your lungs & make a garden filled with hope & new chances
oceans will help sail you through all the hardships in life
that sunrise will remind you a new beginning is coming
and that sunset to tell you that you've made it through the day without giving up & you moved forward

13.20 ♡ pt. i

you know that pain when you love someone so much, it physically hurts in your chest to be apart from them.

there are moments you wish they didn’t do things that made you the happiest person alive, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much being away from them.

but you don’t wish that, instead you welcome and take in every emotion that comes to you. because that’s what makes you human. because being able to feel those emotions means that you once experienced a very special and significant moment in your life.

yes, there may be aching to missing someone you love so much, but being able to say that you’ve missed that person should be taken as a positive way sometimes. because you got the opportunity to have them in your life, even if it was only for a little while.

i am beyond thankful
i am the happiest
all because of you