My words aren't  graceful or eloquent
I've never been a good writer
And everything I want to say sounds inadequate
I can never find the right words to say
I could write volumes about you
But everything just comes out as a cliche
So I'll just listen to a love song
Because everyone's better at saying what I think
It's not unusual that you leave me tongue tied with no response
And everytime I try to string letters in a coherent  thought
I just get your name
Only your name

You pointed at the door
And told me you were done trying
And that I'd be out of the house pretty soon
I realize that was supposed to be a threat
But I looked out the window
And found myself hypnotized
By the snow rising and falling
Performing a dance in the wind
And I thought about walking outside
With only the clothes on my back
21°
And as my hands turned blue
I'd realize how tired I was
And make a pillow in the snow
And curl up and go to sleep
And maybe, just maybe
I'd wake up in a better place

Her mother pushed religious ******* down her throat
But she refused to listen
Her mother pulled her hair and took away her hope
But she had accepted long ago her mothers love had conditions
Her mother always let her get caught in the crossfire of her anger
But she just locked herself in her room to forget
Her mother constantly called her a failure
But she didn't need her mother to remind her of her regrets
Her mother was fed up with her passive aggressive behavior
But she knew she deserved better than this neglect
Her mother always yelled at her for never talking
And she let hollow silence be her reply
It wasn't until her mother said "You should **** yourself."
That she happily complied

Dear Nick,
I'm really quite sorry that I'm bad at this relationship thing
Please realize that I expected to never be loved and live with 75 cats
And I half expect you to start laughing and say "This was all a social experiment!"
But for you, I'm trying to be better at this relationship thing

Dear Nick,
I'm sorry it took me so long to call you back
You see, I have a crippling phone anxiety
and whenever I have to call someone I have a panic attack
But even if it takes pacing for 30 minutes, I'll always call you back

Dear Nick,
Sorry that I pulled back that day you tried to kiss me
And then made a dumb excuse how your breath smelled like popcorn
It didn't, and even if it did I wouldn't have minded
And now the only time your lips are on mine are in my dreams

Dear Nick,
I'm sorry I'm bad at expressing my feelings
And I can only tell you 'I love you' in cryptic rhymes in written word
And I'm writing you this poem you'll never see
But just know, you've been a huge inspiration to me

Dear Nick,
I'm sorry I say sorry for everything
I'm just so used to ******* up things
But I must be doing something right
Because you still loved me through anything
Maybe I'm not too bad at this relationship thing

I made a comment about jumping off a building the other day
And you looked at me and said "You shouldn't joke about suicide."
And I completely agreed, suicide is not a joke
But little did you know, I wasn't joking
And even though I smiled as I said it,
I silently begged you to see behind it
And pull me far, far away from the edge
Before I fell where no one could reach me
Because their is a huge difference between wanting to die
And wanting to **** yourself
It can make the difference between life and death
And I'm afraid I've gotten to the point
That I might just want both

If our love story were in photographs
You'd see two socially awkward teenagers
Completely candid and unchoreographed
Quick little snapshots of two people who slowly became friends

You'd see moments of a girl falling for a boy with black curls and skinny jeans
Her depth of field was shallow and she couldn't see she was obsessing over the wrong person
Her mind was muddles by her crush and she couldn't see clearly through her lens

You'd see her slowly lose affection for the boy in skinny jeans
And her f-stop finally let the light in
Her brunnette best friend started occupying her dreams
Oh no, she couldn't be falling for her best friend?

You'd see time lapse photography of a girl who couldn't admit the truth
Every girl thinks of kissing her best guy friend, right?
She knew that in a game of love, she would always lose
He occupied her brain like works of modern art

You'd find a picture of a girl who finally accepted how she felt
And stopped seeing things in monochrome
She took a chance at love
And captured the best picture of them all

The first thing I saw on my schedule was Photography first period in Room B22
My first photography class started with me rushing in tardy with tears
I sat far away from everyone else trying to disappear
I had no friends in that class and I didn't think i'd like Room B22

There was a boy in my class in Room B22
I didn't notice him at first but he seemed kind
He was scrawny and cute with brunette hair just a few shades lighter than mine
I still didn't know anyone in Room B22

That boy talked to me one day in Room B22
And I tried to remember his name
I think it was Nathan...or Nick....or may be James
Wait! James was his brother and he was Nick, one of the many things I learned in Room B22

I started a friendship with Nicholas in Room B22
He'd always show off his pictures in the dark room
And I'd flick water at him while the other students fumed
I was glad I formed a friendship in Room B22

Our friendship began to grow outside of Room B22
We would talk in the hallway and exchange words
I grew fond of him and when we said goodbye, I missed him afterwards
I thought about how I never would have met him if it weren't for Room B22

I developed a little crush on him in Room B22
I tried so many times to tell him but the words got caught in my throat
I was concerned about our friendship and lost all hope
I held a lot of things back in Room B22

I fell completely in love in Room B22
I told him things I couldn't confess to myself
And he never treated me any differently, like I was someone else
I met my best friend and my first love in Room B22

She remembers when she was little
In school they'd warn against using drugs and smoking
Used to scare us with statistics and facts
She promised herself she'd never smoke or do drugs
Why would anyone ruin their life like that?

Fast forward 10 years, she kept her promise so far
She's obsessed with another kind of self destruction though
She cuts her skin, purges, and starves
She feels sympathy for people who do drugs and smoke
After all, they're just numbing the pain

1.Sight

Beauty looks like protruding bones
Photoshop, and makeup to cover tired eyes
Girls in magazines who emanate elegance
Even though the perfect girls are only a guise
That's what beauty looks like

2. Hearing

Beauty sounds like that girl you hardly know saying "*** you've lost so much weight!"
You feel happy for a split second even though you don't see it
It's standing up a little straighter when hearing someone call, "You look really great."
But the voices still say "It's not enough."
That's what beauty sounds like

3. Taste

Beauty tastes like diet coke, since it's the only thing you'll drink
Tastes like bile and the salty tears running down your cheeks
After you just puked
It tastes like binging food that you bought really cheap
That's what beauty tastes like

4. Smell

Beauty smells like febreze mixed with *****
In a pathetic attempt to hide what you just did
It smells like a million foods vying for your attention
But keeping self control even though you want to quit
That's what beauty smells like

5. Touch

Beauty feels like running your hands across your collar bone
Because it gives you the illusion you're thin
It feels like your stomach releasing an overdue groan
Because you've been eating as if there is a famine
It feels like grabbing the fat on your body while your mind complains
Beauty is feeling the knife in your back reminding you
"Beauty is pain."

There was a boy who loved a girl
And that girl adored that boy
The boy was happy and loved himself
The girl was full of self hatred and couldn't feel any joy

He didn't understand why she hated herself, couldn't she see he loved her even if she was depressed?
She couldn't understand why he liked her, couldn't he see she was a mess?

"You're such a narcissist." She'd laugh but she was secretly jealous
And she wondered how it felt to like yourself

She was amazed at how he always seemed to overestimate her abilities
He was stunned at how she always seemed to underestimate herself

She knew he deserved better though and tried to retract
But they were too in love and this is proof that
Opposites really do attract

I woke up breathless and perplexed
The veil between reality and dreams hazy
I felt the ghost of your lips on mine
And then remembered they were never there to begin with

The thing I hate most about you isn't what you'd think
Sure the abuse is horrible
And you never could take a hint
But that's not what I hate most about you

I hate how you insult and bruise me
And then call it "love"
How you always compare me to my friends who I can never be
But there is still something more that I hate about you

I'm terrified that one day
I'll wear a ring on my finger, bound to someone I hate
And I'll have a girl who still has faith and prays
I'm scared that she'll become me and I'll turn into you
And that's the thing I hate the most about you

She wasn't a religious girl
Lost faith a long time ago
She had been disappointed one too many times to believe
Told herself she'd never go back

And then she met a boy
Who shared her lack of belief
Every time she saw him it felt like heaven
But she reminded herself he'd eventually leave

This boy was more of a saint really
He was too good to be true
She waited for the inevitable heartbreak
Which was far overdue

He stayed by her side though
And she began to think about how
He was there when God never showed and
If it was possible to be an atheist who believed in angels

Her thoughts during her first date mostly consisted of
Is he going to kiss me?
Should I kiss him?
Oh God, please don't let me **** this up

Is he going to kiss me?
Girls can make the first move, right?
Oh God, please don't let me **** this up
If anyone could ***** it up, it'd be me

Girls can make the first move, right?
Socially awkward girls can't though
If anyone could ***** it up, it'd be me
She couldn't mess anything up, no not tonight

Socially awkward girls can't though
Wait, he's leaning in!
She couldn't mess anything up, no not tonight
She's like a deer in headlights and doesn't know what to do

Wait, he's leaning in!
If she could rewind time, this is the part she would pull him close
She's like a deer in headlights who doesn't know what to do
Why doesn't someone write an instruction guide on this ****?

If she could rewind time, this is the part she would pull him close
But no, she pulled away
Why doesn't someone write an instruction guide on this ****?
"Your breathe smells like popcorn." Is the lame excuse she chose

But no, she pulled away
Is it too late to kiss him?
"Your breath smells like popcorn." Is the lame excuse she chose
Her thoughts during her first date mostly consisted of

I had my first kiss late last night
While I laid down in bed
You pulled me closer
As my heart beat faster
I didn't have time to pull away
or to think about what was happening
or even if my breath smelled okay
But I felt your lips pressed against mine
And nothing else mattered
It didn't last long
And I yearned for more the second our lips parted
You smiled at me
I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling and realized
My first kiss was but a dream

I thought your love would save me
I thought your hugs would replace my medication
You kisses could be my therapy

I thought you could fix what had been broken
I wanted so badly to believe so
But I was wrong again

I thought it would be like the movies
And you could be my Prince Charming
You’d take away my disease

In real life there are no perfect endings
You can’t shield someone from hurt
Won’t protect them from everything

You can’t unshatter a heart
You can only put bandages on the bruises
You can’t put back what’s been ripped apart

I thought your love would save me
Wanted it more than anything
Thought it would be a cure
So why do I still think these things?
I’ve learned that how you feel about me,
Doesn't change how I feel about myself
And not even a sea of love
Can make my love myself

Oh how quickly my view of food has changed
I honestly believe i'm going deranged
I used to be happy in my skin
Now whenever I eat I feel I have sinned
Ads in magazines showing me what I should be
My disgusting fat gone is what I want to see
I've been eating less and less each day
Yet my unsatisfaction with my weight always stays
May be you'll notice me when i'm thin
This deadly battle I will never win
The number on the scale has taken over my life
I don't know how much longer I can deal with this strife
They say "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
So I decided to skip all my meals
I'll just continue starving myself to death
My self hatred will surely take my last breath

There were once two sisters, two girls
With perfect bodies and beautiful curls 
Ana & Mia, anyone who was anyone knew their names
I wanted people to start noticing me and stop thinking I was plain 
I was told they would help me that was a guarantee
I was told they could work wonders on me
My friends told me they were deadly, told me to stay away
But they promised me beauty at such a small fee to pay
After a while I knew I wouldn't make it without them guiding my way 
I ignored everyone telling me I was just easy prey 
 
Ana & Mia 
The deadliest pair alive
Commited more crimes than Bonnie & Clyde 
More decietful than the Mendez brothers
A casualty rate like no other
They prey on girls with low self esteem 
Just one chat with them and you'll fall apart at the seams 
 
This is the story of how I fell into their trap 
I don't think I'll ever go back 
 
This is how the two of them became my masters 
I was just a plaything for the Nervosa sisters

When I was little, every Sunday I’d go to Church
I was a child drunk off of fairy tales and day dreams
And I loved the idea that we could go to heaven when we died
And the pastor looked me in the eyes and said
"God is with you."
And like any 5 year old would, I believed him

My family bowed our heads and prayed before every meal
But halfway through dinner they’d start yelling
And I remembered what the pastor told me
So I covered my ears and asked God to make it stop
But I felt all alone
And that’s why I’m an atheist

At school the kids would pick on me
I didn’t understand why they didn’t want me as a friend
And I prayed to God that they’d stop
But I also prayed for them too
Because I was a good Christian
And good Christians love their enemies
But nothing changed
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I remember the first time my mom hit me
One time during a fight
She told me I was stupid and worthless
And after a while I started believing what she said
I started to wonder
How could someone so hateful
Call them self a Christian?
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I prayed that God would make me beautiful
Because I wasn’t skinny
And I knew I wasn't good enough for that boy I liked
But every time I looked in the mirror, I felt the same
So I stopped kneeling in prayer
And started kneeling in front of the toilet
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I haven’t prayed in 5 years now
I have only one request of God if he exists
That he end the pain right now
But nothing happens
So once again, I will have to do things on my own
And standing so close to the edge
I think about how I used to love the idea of life after death
But now I’m obsessed with the thought that when I do
They’ll be nothing coming after
And I can have eternal sleep
And that’s why I’m an atheist