let your heart long
for what you don’t have
experience what you want
feel as you do
but some day, try to find peace
with what you don’t have

a flood of emotions
but i will only catch the hopeful
another day, another way
i can look for the better version
of myself
yes, there is hurt
but one day at a time
a few good words on my mirror
and we will see
what happens

coping
isn't it supposed to be temporary?
how much more loss
can i endure?
it's never ceasing
just like the thoughts
within my head
oh my heart.
waiting for the days to end
loyalty seems like a good thing
but it is also shattered in the end

just breathe
trusting seems unthinkable
but what other option is there?

i will not break
as much as my heart screams
i will continue to push forward
because what other option is there?

i woke up feeling okay today
usually i would be nervous
waiting for the next unfortunate event
but today
i’m going to embrace this feeling
cautiously optimistic
and accept that i might always be existential
i’m going to breathe in this
present picture moment
and let the extreme
be itself

welcome to my soul
it’s quite extreme in here
mostly just to experience something
more than the feeling that overflows
more than the aching for something
i’ve never had
facts and feelings are blended
in a whirl wind of thoughts
maybe i need to learn
to accept myself
and all the non existing things
i am looking for
maybe i need to accept the fact
that i will feel forever

welcome to my soul

~ a letter to myself

did i ever live in my head rent free?
i'm starting to question
what the expectation is supposed to be

was i ever carefree?
i genuinely don't recall
have i always been held by a wall?

i sit on that mountain top
my scream didn't even echo
i don't think my thoughts will stop

but maybe a little less cruel?