"i'm okay"
so automatic
but definitely not sure
a new coping skill
for when i feel i can't share

i have never been a liar
so when did this start
afraid of something
afraid of nothing
AFRAID OF WHAT?
abandonment most likely

but i'm okay
in case you ask

sometimes
i question whether this state of mind
is real or even unkind

but then i fall
into the dark pit of darkness
and i see it all

all the lies i was told
about myself
my trust so easily sold

happiness
a fleeting wish that flew through my mind
i think

happiness
bright bubbly something
i think

happiness
the expectation for existing
i think

happiness
a realistic reality
i think?

they say
to take in this moment
because next year nothing will be the same
but i didn't realize the truth in that statement
till i arrived at next year
and realized that time is fleeting
so i will hug every moment close
till arrive in next year

i'm breaking faster than i can heal
and it's going to get to a breaking point
that i cannot heal

a great barrier
holding back how i really feel
i've been happier
but it's so hard to heal

hold up the shield
just for the day
keep your heart concealed
don't put it on display

the shield is cracking
a fear of mine
brace for the impact
then you can draw the line

my greatest fear
is that i will wake up
finally
to the reality i have been looking for
and still wish i wasn't here