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We write to keep despair from eating us into nothing we scratch away at the itch between the paper and the pens tip until the air of our pain bleeds out of our lungs
We write to make note of our history of failed loves and plant seeds of blame and self loathing and then choke on the roots and hate ourselves just a little bit more
We write to paint a captured moment of hope that love is not done with us and listen for a kind word that rises the ghost of our heart into beating itself back to the world of flesh and blood
We write to drown out the constant ticking of the clock that threatens to remind us that none of us have enough time because none of us know when our time will come to have no time left
We write to remind ourselves it's going to get bad and bad can always get worse and rock has no bottom and we write to know its ok its ok to hurt and to feel pain and crawl and stumble through the dark lost and alone
Because when we write we also find that love has no bottom and as bad can get worse love at its best can get better and better and no matter how many times we fail at love when we are ready and when we are not ready love is always there to push us over the edges and into a fall
and all we have to do is inhale and let it consume us and drag us down and lift us up and all we have to do is nurture it and write about it
Memories come upon one
Like a sneaker wave
Dragging you under
And up into the spin cycle

Many moments
Many names
Many times through memories
Unchanged

The deepest loves
The most painful hurts
Never to be unchained

Emotional visions
Briefly three dimensional
And rushing back out
Into the riptides of
unconscious seas

It gives one pause
To remember
And believe
it really
Happened to me.
your words are pushpins.

pushpins that held my dreams in place
on the wall of lilac lies
that you built around me.

they left termite holes
in the gypsum board
that remind me

of how useless a promise can be.
Standing on this concrete step,
looking at the last light that shines from the sun set.
A fleeting feeling, Adapts into inner revealing.
I am letting go,
This moment,
I catch a glimpse,
this moment I repent.

Regret, a word that holds me like you did.
Embarrassment, caresses me.

I must gather the last bright light from the sun.
Memorize its radiation,
Memorize each spark reflecting validation.
I will take it with me, on the road of self discovery.
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