It's strange,
the way my mind works.
Come tomorrow
I won't remember the
math problems or history books,
but I will never forget
the way
you looked at me.

I'm the girl no one wants to be
I've always been to afraid to speak
So I can't hold myself up
When you knock me down
I just keep getting further in the ground
It seems like you're trying to dig me a grave
But I don't want to die
I've been counting day
Till I can get away
Far enough away
You'll never see me break

breathe in, breathe out
you're *so ugly,
no wonder he/she doesn't like you,
why would they anyways?
you're fat,
not pretty,
not smart enough,
not tall enough.
you're just not enough.
you're never enough.
and you never will be either.

breathe in, breathe out
my heart beats faster,
my saliva gets harder to swallow,
i start to choke on my own air,
my lungs tighten up,
my head starts to spin,
tears start rushing down my face,
there are too many people in here,
are they laughing at me?
they probably think i'm pathetic,
actually, you know what?
they are right, i am weak
i can barely even go a week without
relapsing and having some sort of
mental breakdown.
i cant, i cant, i cant.

breathe in, breathe out
help please someone help me
mike ashley amy anybody please
i need someone help me please
i don't know what to do anymore
i'm drowning in my own mind please
just someone help me!

breathe on, breathe out
just look at mike, he makes things better..
right? god, his big, beautiful blue eyes really
do make things so much better.
wow. i never realized his hair was so curly...
must be nice to be his fiancée, i'd do anything to
play with his hair. but, i'm not, of course,
i'm not good enough, too young, not pretty enough,
just..... not enough.

breathe in, breathe out
it's your fault you know.
you let him touch you.
you let him do those terrible things.
you let this happen.
you ******* ****.
great ******* job.

breathe in, breathe out
finally my breathing becomes a bit slower as my friends ask if
i'm okay. then i start to get back on track. i think about my
grades, friends, mike (in a more positive way) and i simply just
*breathe.

Maybe I'm more than they think
But maybe I'm still less than what I ought to be
Potential going down the murky sink
But filling the street to where the people see
Here I stand a mirror of a man
A man who can be more than on par
Just because the crowd loves the band
Doesn't make you the biggest star

it was so easy to
sit next to him and
grab a donut. too
easy to say hello and
to pat him on the shoulder.
and yet, i wanted to stay there,
because he makes me feel so
comfortable.

then i left and walked towards your
door. i put a smile on my face and waited patiently
and then bam you came through the front doors and
hit me so hard with that smile of yours. i didn't realize how
much ive missed you. ive missed the way you talk and walk
and smile and just everything you are.... I missed you.

but, when you stopped to talk to some other guy i then
decided that i wasn't worth talking to because all i do is
flirt with you and that isn't okay, you're engaged and you don't
want me, no matter how much it seems like you do...

it wasn't you that made me feel non-worthy, it was that single factor
in the equation of us that kept me slowly backing away from your door,
into the hallway, and then out the door to my next class.

i wanted to talk about how i have a math test next period,
how i am taking two college courses and that one of them is
starting tomorrow! how even though my panic attacks are getting
worse, i havent cut in awhile. how my dad bailed on me once again,
and yet im kind of... okay. how i miss you and what i see in you isn't
just kid love. its real love....

it was so easy to talk to you too, but realizing how much i
needed you in my life compeltely ruined my confidence
and once again, i am back to ignoring you..

oh how i wish i could turn it off.

They give me a reason to fight further into the fire
And let the flames of pain and rage lick my veins
Until my skin sizzles and pops.

They started the heat, of course,
But the fuel is all my doing, my head,
It is what makes me worse.

The heart clenching coldness
The part of me that needs the fire, the burning,
To make me feel warm again.

It is makes the numb dwindle away,
That started from no understanding in the West
And the unjust judgement in the East.

So douse me in your words
And set me afire with a nudge and a push.
Then, watch me grow and thrive amongst the flames.