You wanted me to meet you in the ocean but I forgot how to swim and I'm too busy drowning in you. You make me better but I still see everything as tragedy. I still don't think I'm ready to be human with you but I want to try anyway, which is saying a lot considering I don't know how to do anything besides write poetry about you. You tell me I'm special but I think you'll grow to hate that about me. I'll probably always feel safer laying in the grass than in your arms but I want to show you I can do this, I can want you as much as I need you and I need you more than coffee at 6am or cigarettes in the dark and I need you more than I need peace or identity. I always have the desire to ask you to run away with me because I don't want to find myself with anyone but you. Let me find ways to open my heart without scaring you, let me find out how to love you in ways that don't make sense. You make me feel like I'm dreaming and I'd rather not wake up without you. I like us more than I like the silence or distance or longing. I yearn to make sense to you, to be the answer to everything you've ever wondered about. I want to be so much more to you but I can't find the words to tell you. I'm drinking about you again, trying to figure out why you're such a big part of me. I love you and none of this makes sense to me but I don't care. Nothing needs to make sense as long as I have you.

My bones moan and creak. They tangle themselves within my grief.

I thought I understood who I was, I thought I knew why I was sad. I am stricken by my own actions. A deep haze replaces my soul, like an everlasting ooze. I am consumed. Tar flows through my veins. It weighs me down, drowns me in an untimely death.

I run, and hide. I would much rather chew my own leg off than face my problems. Refusal, denial. I do not dare get emotional.

I harbor a secret that is scarred in flesh, down to bone and it has burrowed into my heart.

everything is just dumb like the color white
on blue like my feelings for you
And the way you have higher cheekbones than
me
And your perfectly shaped lips that fits mine
like a missing puzzle
And your long fingers that's made for a guitar
and tracing my backbone with
And your hair that's so long but you refuse to
cut it
And those silly tattoos that doesn't mean
anything to me but to you it means the whole
world
and its true our eyes are the windows to the
soul it hurts like hell because you see through
my facade
Its like I'm standing naked in front of you and
your piercing eyes are scrutinizing every
dusty and dark corner of my soul
And the contrast of your skin fits mine
perfectly its like you're meant just for me
And I thank everything in this dark lonely
universe for sending you on my path
And you light it up like neon lights and lead
me straight into your arms.

There is a secret chamber on my crib
Secret enough to hide me when I want to leave behind the world
Secret enough to shelter me when I am alone

I usually go to the secret chamber
Sit there for hours
and hours
and plus some minutes, just to sit there
Sitting there I think about many things
Many things from world
and beyond world
Many things about horses of our world
and Unicorns which are beyond our world
Many things about rainfall in the monsoon
and Stars shower beyond our world
and many things which makes sense
and things that doesn't make any sense except to me

I love my secret chamber
For the peace it gives
For the turbulence it settles down
For freshness and the energy afterwards

And I noticed today, Since many days
Many things I think about, in my secret Chamber
has been all about you
many things all about you!

I was connecting you with many things
things happening and that has happened to me, around me
I was
drawing pictures of you, flying on my pet unicorns
My unicorn would take you above the clouds
and I would come there from the secret pass of my imagination
Just to see how happy you are
How excited you have been

I connect you
Making equations of your and my principles
your activities relating to mine
your necessities compared to mine
just to make sure
there is a balance of emotions and logic

Today, i was taking a nap on my chamber
where I had a dream
about you
you were gone
your weren't playing with my unicorn
and your parts were all gone from my equations

Terrified I woke up
I was drenched in sweat and
trying hard to find some air
My secret chamber gave me no more peace
I felt jailed inside
I felt I was under custody of my imagination
my desires and my own dedication

I cannot think of anything else
I am just waiting for you to
come back and hold me again

I was told then, by someone inside my head
you got reasons to leave

just like that, you leave! and reasons???

I have been hearing gossips about you being
imaginary
but you make sense to me
how can you not be real?

and I also hear
you being a bad dream

I don't know If it was supposed to be Good
I don't care if it is not good at all
All I know is I still care
All I care is if YOU are here!

because
Since many days, on my secret chamber
I have been thinking about many things
many things all about you
without you, I have nothing to do
Without you, I am who?