Y’all inspire me honestly
a spark created from understanding
lately I ain’t had none
recently lost, GPS receives no signal
an abundance of mirages in the distance
all that’s left is scattered footprints
fading with the sands of time
look at me now, god I ask what’s mine
possessions all material, in a decades past that’d be fine
but a decades past and im left searching for meaning
a little substance with each meeting
a somber thought, that it took till the 18th to reach 2
lines [11] that meant any **** thing to me
my momma told me once, your name is the only thing you own
and family is everything
hard to believe seeing how my abode was shattered
before I had the age to maintain a substantial memory
in time I was interested in some concept called love
held strong by the idea of monogamy
so I searched for someone special
something like a song in ‘04 called “Follow Me”
the melody did me good, my therapeutic remedy
word to confessions,
word to lessons taught to a confused adolescent
dreams I once had shattered by my peers
so my once booming voice grew gradually quiet
so it’d never reach their ears
but I forever remain sincere
even when laughter and ridicule is all I hear
my goal in 13 is to banish my fears
my vow this year is to make this blurred vision clear
reconstruction of the confidence that was once lacking
step up with the school work because I've been slacking
and becoming the individual my true friends are always backing
because it's time I reach my potential.

I remember the night we tried and tried.
And woke up with a silvery glow because despite
our trying there was too much there for us to deny.

I remember carving ourselves into the city streets.
We were the space between the moon and the sun.

I remember ignoring the warning burns and creating sparks anyway.

I remember the sleepy songs, and how you never used to sleep.

I remember how we laughed and walked and lay and ate hot food and bit and scratched and flew and wore no clothes and ached and healed and loved.

I remember trying to imagine a world with no air.

I remember learning how to be still, and I remember how when I’m in your arms I feel at home.

She came barreling into the room,
riding the back of a burnt out star,
her energy crackled and flickered
like flint against steel.
Blue half moons
where her eyes should have been,
simple constellations marked across her face
like maps of emotions and the truth behind her
lazy smile. Her energy took the breath out of me,
and mingled with my own galaxy,
reaching wave lengths of unknown mathematics.
I wanted to say something,
I wanted to touch her,
lightly, a whisper of skin only our
hearts could translate.
I knew something would soar between us,
sparks or maybe even a shooting star.
But she was gone as soon as she came,
an eon of stars following her out the door,
and I was already ten light years behind,
I knew I would never reach her in this lifetime,

but maybe in the next.

"happy"
As I lay in the puddle of tears on my bed
I feel so alive
My mask has been taken off
It's truly me
The words I speak are so me
Almost too me
There so unclean that hurts my ears

When I wake up from my bed and head out to school
I turn around and grab that "happy" mask right off the shelf
Just hopping no one notices it's a mask
I look so calm
So collected

You could never tell that on the inside are scares so deep
So alive
That I relive them everyday

But when I get home I open up your stories and feel so alive

How can I ever share myself with anyone
When can I trust people to love me for my scares
For my scares make me
But at one point they broke me

So when I close ur book
I take off that mask
Smash it to pieces
I tell myself tomorrow I will be myself

When I get up I make a new mask
A better one
One that can't be broken
One that can hide anything

Maybe one day together we can break it
But for now I'm fine with always being "happy"

Three years later
And I still can't bring myself
To  walk that dirt driven path

With every secret,
Every whisper you spoke
Shoved under cracked rocks
And faded footsteps
Waiting to resurface

I'm half stumbling my way
To your name
And  You see,
this whiskey
It tastes like hell
But I can't help sipping
The memory of your lips

You are the rain
That drenches my paper heart
Just enough to tear
With one touch

Look into my eyes, tell me, tell me
Don’t you know? Don’t pretend
The fire, the fury, the pain
Drunken calls for help, all truth
Drugged pleas for you, all real
Help me, you’re the one
Not the one that I want, but I need
Only your savior can release me
Release me from the pain, the AGONY
The terror, the tears, the trials
Everything unpleasant, anything awful
Death, blood, dreams, lies
Lies to myself, to you, to everyone
Lies about me, you, everything
You know the truth, tell me the truth
Why won’t you tell me the truth?
It can save me, it will save me
Because the lies are sending me away
Deeper and deeper into the dark abyss
Where monsters can grab me, strip me
They’ll infiltrate me, my soul
I will be destroyed externally
Almost as destroyed as I am inside.
A destruction so pure, so thorough
That I’ll never be fixed – no, not ever
I’ll be gone forever, forever
And not even your memories, your pleas
Can bring me back, because I’ll be strong
I’ll finally be strong, I’ll be invincible
And you’ll never be able to find me
Never able to bring me back.
Now is your only chance,
Your last chance, for good.