I'm trying
I swear I'm trying
Not hard enough
But the best I can
These city streets
Are re-paved
All the friends
You've known
Gone
What does it feel like
To see your city
Your friends
Your family
Bought and sold
Under tourist banners
Ubers
Lyfts
AirBnBs
And city planners
I'll tell you a secret
If you promise to keep it safe
The city is bought and sold
Developers dictate the rate

Like war
Marching on
In and endless trudge
Towards an abstract end goal
Persevering through
Battling the insults and abuses
Stuck in the trenches
Fighting until you make it
To the end
And you retire from the life of war
Left with a fractured mind
Only able to take commands
Swift with knee-**** reactions
Contemplating a life sacrificed for another
Was it worth it?

When you think what you see
Is wrong and not meant to be
When you think what you feel
Is wrong and done stupidly
When you think your hair
Is not the way its supposed to be
When you think your eyes
Are the wrong shape making you funny
When you look at your skin
And question its color
When someone calls you one thing
But you know youre another
When someone calls you an other
And you know it hurts
When youre in a room
And you feel like youre alone
When you apply for a job
And know why youre ignored
When you try and find your place
But find theres no place for you

That man with the brain
Sits in a chair
That man with a chain
Sits in a cell
That woman with a drain
Cleaning all the dishes
That woman with a pain
Got a baby to take care of
Who's making this world spin
They know the ones who get broke
This world sits on their shoulders
While the dopeman peddles dope

What do you do
When you can't escape your dreams
Can't run from all the things
You never want to see
Can't hide from all the thoughts
That were never meant to be

Like a storm that comes down
Drop by drop

Fill up the liver
Fill it till it drowns
And eats through the organs
Fill up the mind
Turn up the tv and drown
**** off all braincells
Fill up the lungs
Hot with smoke
Until they collapse or disappear
Fill up the cup
Overflowing with coffee
Revved up 24/7 until heart attack

Next time someone
Asks again
For a Facebook that
Doesn't exist
I'll give them my
Hello Poetry
Address
So they can put my
Life together
Like a 10,000 piece jigsaw

It's what's happening

***

Is positive

Hate is negative

Sometimes that's just how
It feels
Walking down the street alone
There is someone sitting on the sidewalk
Who doesn't have their home
As you go to yours
Your mom yelled at by your
Father every day
Brothers and sisters beat up
By familial ties
Tying you down
Till what happens you get up and go
Turned around
Flip yourself upside down
Your friends kicked out of the city
As rich ones move in
Who cares about the people
Only the people
Who have someone to care about
Not some thing
Not this ring or that piece of land
Some person who they can share their heart with
Bring it back to the bottle
Drown it all out
As your bones get weak
Your body breaks down
Pour it down until you're nothing left

I've been trying
Trying trying
To become a better person
To do the things
I say I'm going to do
To do the things
That I think about
That I know I should do
Support the people
I should be supporting
Surround myself
With people that support me
I've been working towards
A better me
That helps people
The way I know I should
That organizes the community
That fights against bigotry
That tries to end oppression
That fights for the oppressed
Someone that thinks less
About themselves
And more about
Others
I've been trying so hard
For so many years
To be a better me

Waiting on this phone call
Waiting on forever
Waiting on this phone call
Till I lose my liver

Discarding fear
Coping with anger
Finding beauty
Choosing poetry

Accepting love
Rejecting hate
Embracing consciousness
Choosing poetry

Seeking warmth
Allowing support
Understanding another
Choosing poetry

If given the power
What would you do with it
Hold it close
Reign it over those around you
Abuse to your advantage
Or would you give it up
Cash out and disperse
Spread it out

Do you desire power
To hoard it
Or give it up

Up north
Where we held hands
And thought about fires
For us to sit by
I'll be yours on the west
If you'll be mine on the east
Peace and happiness
All we had

I guess you work
Until you die
In the meantime
Waste away on tablets
Sell yourself
Until you're dry
Only hope for life
The love of another
Rather than of all others
You work and then you cry
Because you realize
That all you ever did
Was make someone else money

In case we forget
It's all written down
Days go by
And by and by
Forward we seem to move
But forget
Forgetting and forget
As all things move
Forward
Don't forget what's in the past
It's all written down

Touching people's hair
Like this a petting zoo
Harassing people on the street
Like this your right
Taking everyone's ****
Like the world is meant for you

A stranger came in
The middle of the night
Stole all my things
Well not a stranger
A known theif
I let it all happen
So now I sit
In this empty home

Things start to fall apart
Eyes wet
With pressure building
The compulsion for perfection
In this anticipated moment
It almost seems surreal
In its reality
But as reality sets in
The dream starts to fade
Even before its begun

Letting it go
Free
Sometimes is good, it is better
In fact
Just thinking about
It
Watching it
Float out the window

It really does feel good

The love of your
Life
Is just one swipe
Away

Swiper no swiping
Now
Your love's gone
Away

If what separates humans
Is rational thought
And cognitive intelligence
Then why don't we cherish thoughts
Why don't we take the time to stop
And think
Instead of frantically running around
Off to work
Off to school
Time is money in this type of globalized economy
So where is the time
To sit
And think
Use the ability we were given
To ponder
Contemplate
Argue with ourselves
Instead of being taught
To aspire to the person who only shouts orders
Commands
Directs
But does not reflect
On their own thoughts

Even when it's late
Out waiting for you
All day
And I'll wait all night
Just to see your face
See you smile
To spend even just
One hour
With you
Watching you glow
I squint but never
Look away
I'll stay out in Oakland
For you
Past midnight
No way home
Just to be with you

That man
Eaten by the city
Ain't lookin pretty
Big limp
Bigger frown
Up late nights
Up early mornings
Assimilate
Smile
Or try
You will get eaten alive
Not to romanticize the country
Or the burbs
The city is beautiful
If it's for the people
Not for the profit

You catch your girl naked
She says why are you here
That's when you know
It's been five years

Scanning the language
To make sense
Of two different worlds
Propose
The interpretation
For one party
It translates
For the other
It is lost

The spirit it catches you
The interpreter desperately relays the message
But it does not translate
It has caught you
You are falling down
Yet no one seems to understand the message
Throwing pebbles
At a brick wall
Even when translated
To a familiar language
Those hardened in their ways
Fail to comprehend the meaning

Let my fingers
Dance
Up and down
Your neck
Feeling your smooth
Soft finish
Let me pluck
Each string
Gently, forcefully
Depending on the song
But please
I beg
Let me grasp you
With both my hands
Feel you against my body
Fitting like a puzzle
Let me play
That double bass
It's been so long

I can't even imagine
How it felt
What it felt like to be here
It must have been
Something like this
Above a bookstore
In a bar
Your mind can feel at ease

Where are the homeless politicians
The downtrodden academics
And the low-wage billionaires
In this society
?
They are living
Walked over
Everyday

Dancing in Target
Making sure everything
Everybody
Looks the same
Acts the same
Scan my retinas at the
Checkout

I climb
Up the Bay Bridge
From an entrance near the bottom
I climb
Up the sides of the bridge
Reaching the top ledge
As I close my eyes
I jump off
Towel stretched out behind me
I soar, gliding over the water
Weaving in and out
I start to lose speed
Too far from the bridge
I fear falling into the deep cold bay
As I lose speed
Heart racing
I barely make it
To the ledge again

Take a deep breath
The building is tall
Showing The City
I close my eyes
And walk towards the edge
Stretching the towel behind me
Eyes still shut
Someone yells no don't do it!
As if I'm about to commit suicide
And I lose my focus
Stepping back from the edge
Saying now I can't do it

Desperate
For something to push back
My hands are on the concrete
Trying to feel the weight of the world
Pushing back

You skate on by
I'm lucky to catch
A glimpse

I try and get near you
I doubt that
I'll win

So many nets in the air
But you float
With the wind

And that's what I love
A little thick
A little thin

The dulling force of
Reality
Weighs heavy on the mind
Of the imaginative
Captures their dreams
And wishes
Mixed in a pool of hope
Slowly drained as the night
Gives to day

I wait standing outside
You buzz me in
Walking up four flights of stairs
I catch my breath at your door
Talking clumsily
We end up at the piano
You pull the seat out
And start to play
Sitting there
I stare
My breath smells like alcohol
The air like ****
Yet the thing that makes my mind race
Is the sound your fingers make

Tangled up melodies
At least your song plays
Skinny arms and wrists
You're the girl I never kissed

Drinking up sorrows
For the songs that never play
Fill the void with cheap liquor
Easy escapes we should never make

I leave the light
On until I get
A good feeling
Then I turn
It off and go
To sleep
Watch as we turn
All by ourselves
Treasures on our shelves
While we wait for stronger
Sails to take us away
And let us be how we
Really want to be
Sometimes
That sounds ok to
Me

Sometimes
I am like water
Too scared
To go on land
Feeling safer
Surrounded by what is familiar

I waited away
For that time of day
Where you would disappear from me
Be on your way
The feeling of Fall
The leaf on the branch
The gusts of wind
The fallen dance
When will you be back
Like a dream never ending

What is your worth
What does it matter to you
Feeling useless, laid off

Does it matter to them
To see you happy
They never asked, if you have kids
To feed

What is your time
Worth
To you
To them

Can it be so easily spent?

Dance
By yourself
See how beautiful
Your steps can be
All by yourself
See how good
Your own moves can be
Then dance
With others

Stumbled through
People making
Superficial relationships
That crack like ships
Under the pressure of time
Forget who you are
Forget what it means
A dot in the past
Built on this foundation of quicksand

Meaning style and depth
In lines that don't seem very deep
In length we sputter
At length we stumble
In short we succeed
In what only needs to be said
Yet says much more