on memory lane,
just walking in an
opposite direction.

the waterways
and slim heat
are a confession,
a resolution to my
mind,

quiet dancers
for my mind's
ears,
sub silent soliloquies
saunter on in
forevermore.

was it basking
in some hot wax
or was it soothing on a
sordid stone
that we never acted?
did we miss eachother
by a minute ?
took times out of our day
to disappear disappointed,
or did we discover it just in time ?

if need be,
let yourself break to your
lowest number,
be comfortable in your indecisions
and embrace your faultlines.
you're safe,
you're alright.
you're every piece,
every part,
there is
to love.

I've been in a series of doubt and belief.
I hear so many different things
but they're spoken on low volume, I couldn't be away from them if I tried, and I tried. I'll never be alone.
Conjecture and logic with a little sprinkle of hope and conviction,
I'd like to think I know anything about you.
You're a figment of my mind, a touch of my spirit, I sense you through grapevines and dreams.
I conversate with walls and windows and I wonder if it's truely you, if you're truely there.
He says that you are, and I trust that, even if it may be lies.
It's all for a purpose.
It has praise and it has shame,
sometimes it hurts to have a little faith.

I want to hear the silent soft sayings
that are said under your finest breath,
to know the nuanced minutiae of your mindset.
I want to give into the power of your voice, be under your command and your heart in leadership, embrace the embrace of your humility, efface the face they make of you in vility.

You make me a slow burn in desire,
a brisk hike in Morning July,
with each step I take
I can take you higher,
stoking this promise that is my fire.

she bounds in
vivacious curiosity,
confounds with
hidden sweetness,
and has surprises of
endless mystery.

she is a conduit
of marginal talent,
a paintbrush given
to the immaterial
levees.

a childhood friend,
a silent (but spoken)
trusted individual.

you'd be lucky to
pass her any day.

Immersed in your story,
   you can't see outside,
rehearsed in this glory,
what does mine hide ?
you wanna believe
you're broken,
  you'll be broken.

Just because it feels normal
does not mean it is.
I couldn't desribe
my reality, I've tried.
Why do these
images keep popping up in
my mind ?
Who is trying
to tell me
something,
why,
and which
are lies ?

I wish I knew it all,
to know how to
handle anything best,
I try to stand tall,
I'd still give it up
to be just anything less.

I wish I knew anything.
I wish I knew anything.
I wish I knew anything.

when you're in the room
i cant help but breath ***.

hot air and hot skin,
you heat me up.

there's a tingle that is hidden
in my spine that awaits your
touch, a wave of ease that
you drain over my body.

you are my shower,
my ecstasy,
you are enlightening.

my cleanse, my baptism,
you are a holy touch.

there i should
see you
in the end to the beginning,
holding hands,
id see you in
your purest grace,
exorcised of every demon
and in the picture of every angel.

you think you can't
but I feel you can.
I know what it's like
to be human,
it's surprising how
similar each of us
really is
at the core.

I hear you in between
life and death,
hear the words you
won't use around the
ones you will.
I'm not crazy,
I'm what I want to
be within,
when your mind is
more than your own
God blesses us
with his love.

I don't care if
you logically
understand
my poetry

I just want you
to feel it.
you're
doing that,
you're
doing it right

he said,
she said,
a whole lot
of things

there's a promise
under each word
we strive to live

we are true
and truth has
change

there's guilt in
what we said
that we can no
longer hold,
it's hard, but
we carry on

we only desire
to know certainly,
but certainties
hide their face
to the future
we wish to secure

if only you could see what I see/
pyramids by sweet sands/
under moonlight, now/
we sway to the sound of someone
you love who's going away and
it doesn't matter/
it's all just a figment of your mind/
can anybody see the light?/
where the moon meets the dune/
where the tide is rising/
I realize no one can see inside
my view/

do you ever get anxiety putting your whole self out there?

I wonder if you'd love the small me -
those little moments in my fixed self,
how I spend my time alone,
my little lonesome moments,
and what makes a man or woman.

Is it scary of me or are we scared
of what we hear of what
we can be ?
Little notions guide me
in my soul represented;
I hear it in the corners of my mind,
what has been said of what charms
and leads me. I wish I
could say I'm not a part of some of
what
they say of me, but we are
everything that has been made
and unmade of us: and this may come as a surprise, but it for sure is
good.

We are complex like that.
Every story, every line, and
through time.
We could write it together,
we could write it apart,
we could even write it against;
let emotion guide us
or logic lead us
or neither
or either or
neither and
either between.

Loving one does
not mean you hate
the other.

I care only for this dance,
however we shall dance it.
It need not matter how.
You matter to me.

I'm a
small town
petting zoo
goat,
a gentle
domesticated
farm animal
leashed loosely
to a pole for
no real
reason

just standing
there,
waiting for
the right
little girl
to scratch
behind my
ears
or pet my
whiskery
snout
just to earn
some much
needed rest.

you can sit
next to me
if you're nice.

find it
in the touch of skin
that connects my fingers
to your beating heart
and to your mindful eyes

finding my lies,
sheding the disguise
that I bear
everywhere.
uprooting
the nihilism
of what was
deemed an
ugly sight.

a feel of flesh,
you are the true
sight of beauty.
I can tell this
is love in
the making,
you are something
that is
impossibly real.

in the land of enchantment
    and poison
I don't need your prayers
    I need your voice in
a place where it is no longer.

Some people keep the good,
some people keep the bad,
don't hold it against me if
I can't quite keep track anymore.

love is an expression
I would never deny
myself.

it is relief to
say what it
is that has
been in my heart,

I would never not
regret to say it
to whomever
may be in
my mind.

what it'd be to be loved by you.
you could press my cheeks,
and press me with purpose.
what it'd be for it to be true.

i'd fall for your affection,
stay golden in your attention,
i'd be complete with
your weight upon my chest.

my heart it'd be steady,
or a rippling river ready,
and it'd be so good,
all because of you.

could you hold your
words as genuine
the day we met ?
when life fails
and shatters
and grief leafs
fall on splintered sticks ?
would you kiss me then
tenderly and sweet,
or atleast hold me
until i weep ?

i've not had an other like it,
one that'd stay after that.
i'll find peace one day
in the aftermath, and
then peace
shall be your likeness.
i'll be your forever
grace,
your forever,
lover.

nothing makes
me feel better
than writing
new words
in new ways
pretending
they're not
unique in
some way.

i cope
in every letter.
but sometimes
it can be more
a hard drug.
something
detrimental,
less fun.

dont feed
off my words
like they
are your
high.
it's a waste
of your own
talent,
your own
supply.

your name used
to rock me asleep.
slowly but surely,
id sleep so sweet.

this was a list of
lovers, each so
unique.
the list has been
lost, in time,
it did deplete.

to find my relief,
i dream; i glide.
a warm summer
sky above scattered
clouds so high,
I feel the wind
like an embrace;
effaced upon
the glory of
freedom.

I could use
a true touch,
sure.
but i don't
want much
more.
ive been
gone enough
to not expect
anything more,
ive been alone
enough to survive
myself.
i dont necessarily
want to fly, no,
im more rather
one to glide

you see something in me ?

i'd like to know, just to
know what you see

your eyes, they
reveal all i could
want in a millennia
of stars

your beauty, can
you see it in me ?
i want to be beautiful
i want to be a man
of great example

everything i
see internally
is just an extension
of what others
have given me,
a word amongst
a sentence spoken
by another,
yet there's something
so unique and
perfect about
a placement of
one word

i need a gift
lord, i need
your gift.
i need a lift
lord, i need
a lift.
only if i
deserve it
lord, only
if i deserve it

you seem disgusted by it all
and all is a lot to be disgusted by

overwhelming,
feeling it
like every pixel and pixel between
on a white screen

it washes around in your
stomach
like an exuberant
decay.
the genocide,
the exploitation,
of your mother earth

I wish I could wash you,
but it'd be just another
illusion or ideal
to be behind

adrift in each my sleeps
i've been caught
in summer afflictions

sounds and collections
of music and stories,
people and palindromes,
a Rollercoaster raceway
through time

is it better to know what
you've lost along the way
or to never have had it to begin
with?

i've been searching for answers
and i've been seeing them
in some eternal escape,
some savant survival,
railways and roads
i don't know the name of

it warps and it wanes,

when I'm with you.

time becomes a black sand,
a grainy but flowing
sloeberry melanin river.
time becomes as soft as
the Sun's beach and
like a hot humidity
upon sickly lungs.
it warps and it wanes,
when I'm with you.
The mountains could
hug and
the sky could comfort,
the storms are
alive with every
thunder strike of
tempestous grace.
time runs in
the forests until
its breath couldn't catch,
it flies until the wind
won't carry it longer,
it sits and rests
in a lover's embrace
for eternal days.

Ruin me there, love
and build me back in
your unwavering compassion

See me as enough
and dress me there in
some of that similar fashion

Shed our human hearts
and bathe in our waves
that we are destined to crash in

There's a place where
the lights illuminate
their beauty upon the
ocean's pool in dazzling
ships' splendor

take me there,
up in your holism,
to the very definite,
the poetry Supreme.

I'll kiss what's there,
so don't allow me to
be alone on that bay-
else the salt air will
recieve all my love.

I'd say you believe you are innocent
but no one stays that way forever.

I'd say you've changed for the worse
but you've only shown me the monster.

I'd say I have been in a bad spot
but you would have heard wrong.

I'd say you treated me like some horrid business
but you believed you knew me enough to treat me well.

I'd say your words actually meant
something
but you gave that up awhile ago.

I'd say that there's not that feeling I knew deep in the past
but I'd be lying.

I'd say all these things
but you'd have to
leave all your prior convictions
behind;
everything you've grown
to know.

I couldnt ask you to do that for me,
I couldn't ask that of you.

I couldn't ask that of you,
but maybe you will ask that of yourself.

your body is a temple
adorned in black fabrics.
adored, my eyes gaze
upon it like the first precious stone.

to lay my hands upon your altar
I would be given
essential,
a touch of divinity
that I'd be nervous
to handle.

I just know that you'd be an excellent lover
between the sheets, you'd be alike to no other
my heart it soars, my heart it flutters
a burn from your fever, this love
I would gladly suffer

I'm convinced love is a series of fleeting events brushing up against your cheek

Is it possible to take it all back ?
To be without beginning ?
To bloom without a seed ?

We see them,
passerby with
courteous smiles.
They're trying to be nice,
to make a friend,
be an ally.
Is there any more to kindness ?

I wrote you a book but it burnt
from my memory,
you may have kept the manuscript
but I suggest you shred it,
let it go.

This feeling feels foreign
yet it's like a new nostalgia.
I'm in love with someone I don't want around,
someone I can't stand to see
but to see them would be relief.
Because every day
was joy with her,
and she destroyed what
I knew to be happiness,
like I didn't know what it
was to begin with:
the warmth of a sun ray
in a cold dark room,
a kind stranger
into the end of
a summer day.

She was a nursery

off the edge of dusk.

But like the night,

it all faded into

obscurity.

I stood at the fountain
  where they said there was
  a wish per finger.
                 Keep your thoughts and
                  hands together,
I'm not exactly a pretty boy,
      but there are miracle men
who always seem to make it right.
a blown candle on a special night,
I become totally affixed on who
I'll love next.
   I need more shotguns,
some form of defense;
     my mind was weak to your
affliction, my mind was lost to
time. I'll miss you by about a day,
but by then I'd have forgotten if I
ever loved anyone else.

"sounds like a member of the past;
nothing you can really change,
even if you tried."

the cat's beauty
was revered by kings
of lands far away-
but her majesty had passed
of old age.

they talked no more of her
as she was now gone
from this world.
still the mother's heart
wept on every day,
but the soldier kings
said it's best
not to dwell on it,
but that kitten would live
on within their mind..
taking up that silence
where there were once
purrs.

do you like me as an artist or as a friend?
was I a lover that called at the end of the night, or one that faded into the darkness?
am I preserving voice within your life or just a chiming ear across the bar?
a tongue spewing a string of meaningless profundity or am I a list drawn of striking profanity?
a professional handshake ?
or a charming smile ?
an awkward pause ?
do I swim in your mind like a diver ?
or do I pass like a wind ?

the people that cross paths
with me change,
for better or for worse-
I don't know.
I have an effect on people-
that's true.
it's hard to tell what
kind,
where exactly they diverge
alike to my path.
but I find myself in
each person that
cross that threshold,
but as they change,
I change too.
I change into something
I remember
from before;
something familiar,
but distant.

you watched me like a specimen
as I ripped myself open to you
in every inch
of my infected mind
without a word you gazed
upon something that had fallen
so far from grace with a curiosity
of a morbidly astounished
passerby.

you were better than you mocking me
like I'm just an excrement,
better than you playing pretend that you love me
and ensuring the most gain
of my ensured loss
from the plans of your getaway

I've called to God so many times
in maggot infested trenches and
the only answers were
ever in my prayers,
someone must be there
to treat me right
respect me
so that I may try to love
again.

For now it's a disgust
to try for anyone's lips,
a deep despair in the
theory of your embrace,
some shame like it a stain
upon my name.
but these old ways slowly
wash away with
each day,
my past of a broken love
drains down the drain.

and if you were here to stay
if you wanted to be by my side
and you were here to stay
to love me right everyday,
I'd take you to be- be you as you may.

ive looked different every season
a new face with a changed reason
picked up a new scar, that was once a lesion

it's hard to keep it straight
like a new task that im returning late
some will call it karma, some would call it fate

my past is a lesson, my past is a weight
it's golden, it's a blur
only some would relate

you looked happier in the past

I wonder if it'll last

life came quick, it sure was fast

changed the movie, changed the cast

I found my fears
and gave into them
I feared losing another
person I cared about
I didn't think I'd know
fear like that again,
I thought I mastered
it before
I didn't know how to
fight it like before
so it took everything
while making me feel
safe
I felt comfort while it
occurred, some part of
me wondered if I'd survive
something like that again
I felt safe and it was secure,
I had my own arms to hold
onto dearly
Maybe that means it was to happen, for sure
but a part of me wishes you still belonged here- to see if we could survive together this fearful storm and gloomy weather

I'm not worth much to you anymore.
a thrown out poem
a burnt letter
a scribbled note

is there an
are you sure ?,
a confirmation of your deletion,
atleast a reason for its completion ?

I miss it like snow in summer,
a longing for that season.
I'm lonely and tired and waiting
for it to feel like you are back
in my arms.

I'm too far gone
in my fallen
terrible poetry
to save you
any receipts

All the longing
that's been endured
to be back in
another's arms
just to now be so unsure
whether I'm ready for it

For it'd be nice but it'd
be wrong for me
to love you so deeply,
to pick you up, just
to let you down easily

I'm moving through life
so hastily, at pace
for my youth.
moving to each and
every block as new

When I'll stop no one knows.
but when I do,
when I arrive,
I'd hope to see you there
waiting on a park bench

I feel like I've lost some of myself.
In faded egos, one step back.
I lack.
Where I used to enjoy my skills in pride I'm now humbled by a better next.
I'm used to being human though, so I'm confident.
I fade again.
Who is this man you see ?
Does it matter to me ?
Who is this man before me ?
Through time my name is the only thing I keep,
the only thing that stays the same.
Yours fades, it goes away, but it stays, it stays just the same.

looking good at a funeral
but I'm still a mess
the wind has swept my hair
and what was left my
fingers have combed
a green death
what thoughts have I brought
to the altar of your demise
the bed of your rebirth

I don't care what they think of me,
I only care what you think.

Would you walk with me ?
The path before us,
allow us to hurt with eachother ?

What makes the world go around ?
Nothing but love.
Christmas is right around the corner.
and you and me,
the star on the tree-
make my little blue heaven
a reality

winter's death brings
a renewal
there's comfort in it
when you're under your blanket
watching the world fade to white

there's something on the
other side,
a life after your past;
it may be worse or it may be better.
time will tell

if you're gentle and kind
a harmful past will resign
a medic's touch
a trustee to fall into
a shoulder to cry
a name you can call upon
a love that you must

streetlight snowflakes
winter passages
icy gray
inviting shadows
a calm silence

cold days, heat by fire
falling leaves or falling snow
warmth of loved ones

thank you.
from the bottom of my heart,
thank you.
but the top of my heart hurts,
it hurts for it is healing.
it speaks before it discerns
before there is concern,
it may speak venomous words
in some vie to be heard,
it may seek to capitulate or the absurd,
to be under any of these terms.

it hurts, but it feels good
when you're here.
who knows,
maybe this will only be
half a lifetime.