Is it possible to take it all back ?
To be without beginning ?
To bloom without a seed ?

We see them,
passerby with
courteous smiles.
They're trying to be nice,
to make a friend,
be an ally.
Is there any more to kindness ?

I wrote you a book but it burnt
from my memory,
you may have kept the manuscript
but I suggest you shred it,
let it go.

This feeling feels foreign
yet it's like a new nostalgia.
I'm in love with someone I don't want around,
someone I can't stand to see
but to see them would be relief.
Because every day
was joy with her,
and she destroyed what
I knew to be happiness,
like I didn't know what it
was to begin with:
the warmth of a sun ray
in a cold dark room,
a kind stranger
into the end of
a summer day.

She was a nursery

off the edge of dusk.

But like the night,

it all faded into

obscurity.

I stood at the fountain
  where they said there was
  a wish per finger.
                 Keep your thoughts and
                  hands together,
I'm not exactly a pretty boy,
      but there are miracle men
who always seem to make it right.
a blown candle on a special night,
I become totally affixed on who
I'll love next.
   I need more shotguns,
some form of defense;
     my mind was weak to your
affliction, my mind was lost to
time. I'll miss you by about a day,
but by then I'd have forgotten if I
ever loved anyone else.

"sounds like a member of the past;
nothing you can really change,
even if you tried."

the cat's beauty
was revered by kings
of lands far away-
but her majesty had passed
of old age.

they talked no more of her
as she was now gone
from this world.
still the mother's heart
wept on every day,
but the soldier kings
said it's best
not to dwell on it,
but that kitten would live
on within their mind..
taking up that silence
where there were once
purrs.

do you like me as an artist or as a friend?
was I a lover that called at the end of the night, or one that faded into the darkness?
am I preserving voice within your life or just a chiming ear across the bar?
a tongue spewing a string of meaningless profundity or am I a list drawn of striking profanity?
a professional handshake ?
or a charming smile ?
an awkward pause ?
do I swim in your mind like a diver ?
or do I pass like a wind ?

the people that cross paths
with me change,
for better or for worse-
I don't know.
I have an effect on people-
that's true.
it's hard to tell what
kind,
where exactly they diverge
alike to my path.
but I find myself in
each person that
cross that threshold,
but as they change,
I change too.
I change into something
I remember
from before;
something familiar,
but distant.

you watched me like a specimen
as I ripped myself open to you
in every inch
of my infected mind
without a word you gazed
upon something that had fallen
so far from grace with a curiosity
of a morbidly astounished
passerby.

you were better than you mocking me
like I'm just an excrement,
better than you playing pretend that you love me
and ensuring the most gain
of my ensured loss
from the plans of your getaway

I've called to God so many times
in maggot infested trenches and
the only answers were
ever in my prayers,
someone must be there
to treat me right
respect me
so that I may try to love
again.

For now it's a disgust
to try for anyone's lips,
a deep despair in the
theory of your embrace,
some shame like it a stain
upon my name.
but these old ways slowly
wash away with
each day,
my past of a broken love
drains down the drain.

and if you were here to stay
if you wanted to be by my side
and you were here to stay
to love me right everyday,
I'd take you to be- be you as you may.

ive looked different every season
a new face with a changed reason
picked up a new scar, that was once a lesion

it's hard to keep it straight
like a new task that im returning late
some will call it karma, some would call it fate

my past is a lesson, my past is a weight
it's golden, it's a blur
only some would relate

you looked happier in the past

I wonder if it'll last

life came quick, it sure was fast

changed the movie, changed the cast

I found my fears
and gave into them
I feared losing another
person I cared about
I didn't think I'd know
fear like that again,
I thought I mastered
it before
I didn't know how to
fight it like before
so it took everything
while making me feel
safe
I felt comfort while it
occurred, some part of
me wondered if I'd survive
something like that again
I felt safe and it was secure,
I had my own arms to hold
onto dearly
Maybe that means it was to happen, for sure
but a part of me wishes you still belonged here- to see if we could survive together this fearful storm and gloomy weather

I'm not worth much to you anymore.
a thrown out poem
a burnt letter
a scribbled note

is there an
are you sure ?,
a confirmation of your deletion,
atleast a reason for its completion ?

I miss it like snow in summer,
a longing for that season.
I'm lonely and tired and waiting
for it to feel like you are back
in my arms.

I'm too far gone
in my fallen
terrible poetry
to save you
any receipts

All the longing
that's been endured
to be back in
another's arms
just to now be so unsure
whether I'm ready for it

For it'd be nice but it'd
be wrong for me
to love you so deeply,
to pick you up, just
to let you down easily

I'm moving through life
so hastily, at pace
for my youth.
moving to each and
every block as new

When I'll stop no one knows.
but when I do,
when I arrive,
I'd hope to see you there
waiting on a park bench

I feel like I've lost some of myself.
In faded egos, one step back.
I lack.
Where I used to enjoy my skills in pride I'm now humbled by a better next.
I'm used to being human though, so I'm confident.
I fade again.
Who is this man you see ?
Does it matter to me ?
Who is this man before me ?
Through time my name is the only thing I keep,
the only thing that stays the same.
Yours fades, it goes away, but it stays, it stays just the same.

looking good at a funeral
but I'm still a mess
the wind has swept my hair
and what was left my
fingers have combed
a green death
what thoughts have I brought
to the altar of your demise
the bed of your rebirth

I don't care what they think of me,
I only care what you think.

Would you walk with me ?
The path before us,
allow us to hurt with eachother ?

What makes the world go around ?
Nothing but love.
Christmas is right around the corner.
and you and me,
the star on the tree-
make my little blue heaven
a reality

winter's death brings
a renewal
there's comfort in it
when you're under your blanket
watching the world fade to white

there's something on the
other side,
a life after your past;
it may be worse or it may be better.
time will tell

if you're gentle and kind
a harmful past will resign
a medic's touch
a trustee to fall into
a shoulder to cry
a name you can call upon
a love that you must

streetlight snowflakes
winter passages
icy gray
inviting shadows
a calm silence

cold days, heat by fire
falling leaves or falling snow
warmth of loved ones

thank you.
from the bottom of my heart,
thank you.
but the top of my heart hurts,
it hurts for it is healing.
it speaks before it discerns
before there is concern,
it may speak venomous words
in some vie to be heard,
it may seek to capitulate or the absurd,
to be under any of these terms.

it hurts, but it feels good
when you're here.
who knows,
maybe this will only be
half a lifetime.

take a drag from your spirit cigarette
a kiss on the filter, your lips of scarlet
the moonlit night, a chilled wind of air
a loving sight, your beautiful hair
amongst the felled leaves
with their purpose to fall,
slowly dancing upon
the brief hint of winter's squall

I dream of you by my side
and your name calls
as I look upon the sky
I feel you here yet you whisper
through silence
I wish you were here
to speak up to their violence
and although I turn cheek
to make it 'no matter'
visions of my creator
are hard to discern through
the chatter

I'd find any excuse to have you in the room
any excuse I'd find for me and you
your presence is a comfort
the loss within you is a gift
your tutelage is a resort
I find you where the divines' eyes meet

They had a long gait
and a perfect height.
I held onto their breast
and glided upon the surface,
each guardian at my side
guiding me to
serendipitous serenity.
I gently floated upon the waters,
I basked as if they clouds.
I rested and Heaven's dogs
took my burden freely.

Poetry comes in and out,
I barely rhyme nowadays-
my life isn't as sing song.

Yet I compliment something
that compliments life to
some rhythm
and I hope it aligns to you
people.
like a familiar song,
a familiar dance,
a familiar means.

maybe my words
won't ring true
(well, to anyone but me)
but they will
be written within
white backgrounds
in black text.
Good enough ?
I doubt it.

I want to write evil poetry
Where you are the villian
but I can't

the love I've lost
(Make it your fault)

We could have been high school sweethearts
Marriage with all our loved ones

(Dancing in our suit and ties)
(Ya right)

I wish that could be true
But our time isn't right

Maybe you'll come back
In another life

I await you
(In earnest longitude)

You're the poem
I wish to express
to the whole wide world
in intimate hours

I'm in drunk celebration
Wondering if it could have
been us..

But probably not.
Maybe someone else-
a different story.

I am a void to shout in.
If heaven or hell fails you,
I am the calm night of next.
To entice you out of your princess' tower.
I envelop like a blanket and yet suffocate like a snake.

dehydrated catharsis:
he's drying up by
roadside cabals and
lost in his longing and
harrowed halls


meet me in catatonia,
where my birds tweety tweet
and it's beautiful and sweet
yet it's not quite complete,
for it's sundown on the west side
and the trees' visage remind me of you
so I look at your pretty beauty
and you calm me and my mind
a last thing for the end
I'd lose every of thought to you
and your kindness

there was something or another
lovely and lonely
that was shared for a brother
ugly and only
that you could have called it his and yours
or yours and his.
it was, a boring hiss,
a submissive kiss,
like a leering lisp;
and there he sat,
and there he missed
missing with his last
goodbye wish-
for you ran,
you ran,
until you were
more than amiss.

Death is a peace,
love, its treatise.
followed by after-all
each soul to their-there;
to better-off.

falsities end by the wayside
bathing off by bayside
and the truth illuminates on
no ruminating song
letting go of anything
but the light.

I keep trying to let go of my ego
but it keeps holding me back
I wonder if she'd go
if it didn't happen like that

It seems we can't escape it
my mind is here for the time being
it seems we'll never sedate it
ill just listen to my heart beating

leave me alone
or leave me in company
either way nothing will be
solved, I couldn't even tell
where I should even be involved

Place me where I may
place me where I should
Place me where it's best
Where I'd be better misunderstood

Why does it even matter?
Just keep me in the throes
of this weird life
and hope I do good
along the way.

Stars shimmer in the ink-black sky,
A cosmic dance, a lullaby,
Eyes upturned, to heavens we glance,
In the universe's eternal expanse.

They're like dreams in the night's embrace,
Glimmers of hope, a guiding grace,
Diamonds scattered on cosmic thread,
A story of life, when they're overhead.

Oh, the beauty of stars that gleam,
Each a wish, a whispered dream,
Twinkling secrets in the night,
A canvas of wonder, pure and bright.

With constellations as stories told,
Ancient myths in the skies unfold,
They remind us of worlds unknown,
Infinite mysteries, yet to be shown.

A celestial ballet, they perform,
Upon the Earth's edge, they adorn,
like a necklace of pearl or twinkling
stones,
Guiding the sailors, the lovers, and the poets too,
Stars are always there, a connection between me and you.

In uncertainty's tender embrace I stand,
A flutter of wings, a whisper in the sand.
Love's essence, elusive yet true,
Bathing in wishes, our hearts renew.

Eternal longing, petals of ash,
Risking it all, for love's sweet clash.
Beneath dark skies, snow or stars,
A connection is formed through infinite bars.

Intimate moments, eyes that won't lie,
A hand on a heart, as passions fly high.
Through winter's black nights, you appear,
Snow and stars, a mystery set clear.

I am a lucky individual,
lucky to live, to have this life,
lucky to feel the sea breeze,
lucky to face the strife.
My life is in order
and here I am to face it.
I still feel that,
my past calling to me,
but the wind's at the front
and the before is no longer
needed, but 42nd street
is my home.
I am bound to this
fate, whichever I shall
face, lesser or a greater,
where's the difference?
And which shall be in place?

Some are fearful where I am pleased
and the skyline's aura calls me to new horizons.
The bird soars
where I am grounded
only thirst keeps me from
driving forward
driven forward.

Let's take a second for appreciation.
I kind of wonder where I'll go.
Will I go to the greats?
Do I even care about that?
You had your own destiny,
but I borrowed your sweatshirt,
doesn't it look better on me?
This beach is beautiful,
absolutely beautiful.
Not really much more I can say
but a lot more I can document.
A lot more I will breathe.

I've touched so many people deeply,
Good, bad, and better or worse;
I guess I'm glad to be of service.
(someone's gotta be ugly)

I've tried my best to do it right
(they like to remember my wrong)
and if not, try again.
(I love to try again)

Something about love
has always pulled me this or that way,
I'm sure alone.
(Better off for right now)

Better off ******.
Better off my friends
learn infamous lessons.
(I love to root for them from afar)

Lovers, leavers, leaders.
Poets, know-its, scholars.
Glad to be of service.
(A disappearing magic act)

I hope it was something healthy.
(maybe that made them wealthy)
stealthy-like: a secret link.
tell-me-like: a like-that (a free shrink).

I'll see you unconditionally
(As if I couldn't)
I wouldn't care if you were evil,
(who isn't just a little)
just be good where you can.
learn from every little moment.

Do you like them?

My little poetries..
My little penmanships..

Do you like how they sing?
How they dance, how they string?
How each has a bit of a different thing?

My little difference..
My little miseries..

May they save you from your sorrow?
Steal you from the dark?

My little riddles..
My little questions..

May I save you from the depth?
Would you relax in the shallow?

I miss you poetry..
(It seems I'll never have it good again..)(Ya right)
I'm just tired of waiting
for my next gold..
the genuine work
of my heart..
(I swear)

Am I a fool ?
Did I lose the point ?
Would it matter ?
I kissed you just to kiss you.

I need some beautiful poetry
The ones that write themself

Who's there to make it easy
Make it shine
To make it rhyme

Am I even worthy
of a poem of such magnitude?
Writing poetry can be so difficult..

someone to dance with,
I can't wait to make love with you tonight.
        Just watching you be you.
        We wanted some romance
   but all we've got is love.
Your eyes are like the stars up above,
   one more moondance,
  could I make some romance to you?
You're too good to be true
won't take these eyes off of you,
enchanted, entranced,
the top of my love list

why aren't my ends
amicable ?
my friends
understandable ?
my loves
accountable ?
these songs
irresistable ?

why do I
come short ?
ring flat ?
fall splat ?

you were someone I trusted

and that's all that mattered

I was a sucker for your name

and you helped me regardless of input

I went through Hell again,

still searching for Heaven

and I find my way

better each time

you were only once,
now you're never again.

Maybe I don't know Loss
aswell as I used to.
I prided myself in it-
knew its every feeling.
but I turned myself
from it to ensure
I wouldn't fall as
hard as I had known
before.
grief always ashamed
me but it also changed
me,
I don't even know how
to feel it anymore.

That's where
some pride gets you,
perpetual losing
in a state of perpetual
winning,
reality is the hardest
thing to work through
when stuck there;
like for better or for worse

sure I don't know everything
but I'll die before I say
"I've stopped searching".
In the face of many
obstacles
the poetry will come
sevenfold,
I just need to learn
to slow down or
whatever it is
I may still find
to learn.

fiancé music
a masked Frenchman
beer mugs
and Hallelujah
ice cream and gyros
ringing bells
carillon empassions
aquamarine capos
bug-bite hoverings
Follow me !
through haydream
daydews, to
songs out of
no where.
I guess that's
why they call it the blues,
because God only
knows what I'd be
without you;
Bethlehem.
Maybe I'd be a
breathless mess
or a hapless test
but flowers are for today
and toddlers are for tomorrow
there need no more poems
about sorrow.

oh mother of mine,
storm in my mind,
bring the thunder !
bring the rain !
I gave myself two
weeks of sadness-
that's all I can allot,
I promise;
        I'm sorry...

am I cool or whatever ?
           sweet or something ?
  annoying or not ?
prone to mockery ?
lovely or lonely ?
              clowning or frowning ?
    goodly or badly ?
                     what am I ?
a pink toast bubblegum ?
tough-toothed sleuth under-summed ?

am I smart ?
                                                   am I wise?
am I hurt ?
                                                    am I nice?
am I right ?
                                              am I alright ?
am I dirt ?
                                               or despised ?
am I him ?
                                                    am I her ?
am I sane ?
                                                 or besides ?
am I wrong ?
                                            I wish I knew !
I wish I knew !
            I wish I could know the known !
am I the walk ?
                                             am I the run ?
should I talk the talk ?
                         should I look at the sun ?
would it be that much more fun ?
                                       should I give up ?
should I give in ?
                                          should I let go ?
should I hold tight ?
                                    forfeit to the light ?
or sleep in the dark ?
                                    am I the monster ?
am I the mayhem ?
                                           am I the hero ?
am I the savior ?
                                        am I the friend ?
am I the enemy ?
                                           am I the rival ?
is this tribal ?
                                                is this libel ?
or liberty ?
                                           am I freedom ?
or captivity ?
                               am I love or nothing ?
hate or everything ?
                  is this too long for pleasure ?
too short for knowledge ?
                                           am I the view ?
am I the new ?
                                              am I the old ?
is this gold ?
                                              am I boring ?
too questioning ?
                                  too understanding ?
have you stopped reading ?
                           have I stopped writing ?

I have no idea what some of the stuff I write is supposed to mean,
I just write it to be honest.
It's not my job to find meaning that I've already marked.
Must be there somewhere,
I mean- I mean, don't I ?
Maybe I mean confusion,
delusion,
or conspiracy.
Elusion,
contusion,
or heresy ?
I could hardly tell.
English is fun
and that's all I know,
I speak to be spoken I guess.