Faith is but an interval,
A momentary interlude
During the tragic theatricals
Of life
While we don the mask
That conceals our sadness,
Wear the make-up
That hides our fatigue,
Dress up in our costumes
To cover what lies beneath,
We forget the inevitable
ending scene to this tragic tale.

So we bask in that small sliver of faith
Like the limelight,
and we shine until **the final curtain falls.

It felt good just to be held, to feel wanted.
I hadn't felt that way in so long.
Someone just holding my hand
Without me asking
A touch that needn't go any further because it was meant for its sweetness
It felt good to be the reason he was ignoring his texts, the girl he wasn't afraid to ***** and hold in front of his friends or tell them he would marry me
His hands said everything through my clothes
It felt good to keep my clothes on for a change and still be turned on
He made me feel good, I felt wanted again

Today I got a new sketchbook with an embossed leaf on the cover-
saying-"Nature's Best."
And the inside was so white and clean
I was scared to draw in it
to mar the beautiful pages with the unforgiving
mark of a pencil.
Thinking that I wasn't worthy enough,
I didn't deserve
"Nature's Best."

The most beautiful song I've ever heard was sung by a German Choir,
and I remember thinking-
that maybe, German is a beautiful language after all
hidden only under the angry tones
of fighting and ugly
hurtful words.
Vogel im Kaff, it was called.
I'm not sure, but when I used Google translate-
it said-
"Word not found."
Maybe it wasn't in German after all.

And the people who tell me-
"Ugly."
"Fat."
"Why do you even live, anyway?
It's not like you deserve it."
I know. I know that I'm not worth anything
But sometimes, I actually catch myself in the mirror and think-
I look nice
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for thinking that. I'm sorry for hoping,
for believing.
I'm sorry.

And you know that feeling?
When you're in public
frantically searching for the right chord
on a piano song.
Sitting a spotlight undeserved
Playing for people who don't need to hear this
"music"
Like cracking open a egg and accidently mixing the yolk with the white
when you're trying to make a crème cake.
A desperate feeling that's sort of scary
because your brain knows that there's no way out.
I wish all minds had a delete button.

Throwing myself into learning different languages-
I thought that if I could speak
German, French, Italian-
then I would be exalted.
That somehow,
all of that would change my personality,
Who I was.
Guess we all have a "no refund" tag when we're born.

The type of people who-
"Belong everywhere, but don't fit in"
and the type who
"Don't belong anywhere-but fit in anyway-"
Which type am I?
A leafed page of the book,
folded over to conceal ***** words.

You know, if you look at a picture long enough,
what you once thought was beautiful will begin to peel and fade
exposing its unperfected innards.
If it's that scary to look at something already "satisfying"
what would it be like to look at something not even close to perfection?

You are lovely in you own way
Special as the month of October
I know you don't eat hay
And you are not bothering me today
Let's have lunch. I'll let you pay.

Chuck it out the window
Hide it
Under the seat
Change the cd before we're caught
Kicking it to Milli Vanilli