When the sun is shining its brightest
The world still seems so black
And the little light that escapes through
The shaded window sets flames
That burn and boil skin.
Tears cant put the fiery blotches to rest.
Cemented in position, I sit and listen
To the crackling of the burning rose,
And feel nothing but excruciating pain.
Remembrance of pleasure no longer exists.
How long have I sat in the shadowed room
Cooking like a pig on an open fire?
I no longer fear Hell because I am
The dangerous place that brings nothing but
Distaste and torture to those weeping souls.
I am Hades trapped in my destiny of colorless
Conversation with myself and those who
Also burn for eternity.
Acceptance will never travel through these veins
Of mine when it comes to looking inside my mind.
This depressing space owns me,
And I will never be okay with the scent of
My burning skin.
I've been away for a while battling myself. Please forgive me for the depressing poem. This is my mind and has been for a long moment.
One minute I'm dancing with angels
And the next I'm crying on the shoulder of
I'm a double spy,
One who doesn't even know which
Side she's on.
No, I won't answer any questions,
Because I don't know;
I simply don't know.
Look away, don't dare try to
Take a glance inside my heart.
It's gone somewhere, it's being pulled
To pieces by the heavens and
They have it, you don't and
Neither do I.
I'm a heartless ***** who's dying
To love and be loved and who's dying
To be a someone,
To be a real person.
My body is not some pyramid
That you can ransack,
Abolish and steal anything
In your path.
It's a temple that requires
Soft thought and gentle footsteps,
Sacred prayer and silent understanding.
My body is meant to be worshipped,
And held in highest regard.
It is not a something, but so much more.
It's a place;
One that will keep you warm
Through the winters, my heart lighting
The wood the keeps the fire burning.
It's a being;
More than some lifeless toy
That you lie on top of
And **** ruthlessly.
It's everything in between.
From the heavens above that bring
The deserving wonderful pleasure,
To the Grand Rapids that keep
Life dangerously fun.
My body is the tree that releases
The oxygen you breath,
And the small rabbit that you want
To pet and coddle.
It's capable of anything and everything,
So I expect you to treat it
As if it were the sky,
Something endless and always worth
Exploring and excitement.
My body is me.
If I died tomorrow
I'd not only leave behind notebooks and pens,
Pastels and chalky handprints on walls,
But entire worlds and emotions stronger
Than the winds that make skyscrapers dance.
I'd leave behind scribbled screams and
Sacred secrets blurred together with
Reds and pinks that passionately slur into
Truths that have never been told.
I'd leave behind dragons that exhale purrs of wisdom that can be harmlessly crafted
Into beautiful cat eye shaped diamonds,
Which would decorate the neck of
Each breathing creature.
And children born with a thousand unshrivable
Hearts that beat for every being,
And hold nothing but compassion
That burns smile shaped scars into every mind.
If I died tomorrow,
I wouldn't leave behind anything special,
Just the worlds I'd hope to greet with
Arms held high and a happiness that will
Prance across fields of sunflowers.
Like a flame to a cigarette,
You set my body on fire
And it slowly burns,
Releasing the smoke that is my desire.
Like the nicotine,
I crave you almost hourly
And you make me insane
When you refuse to give me my proper dose.
I want to feel your lips
Dance around the filter
And I want your lungs to
Inhale my pleasure.
But like all my cigarettes,
You've burned out
And have left me to go madly
The greatest moments ever
Were strung together by arguing over
Who would get to play with the most
Beautiful Barbie and the smell
Of an innocent, sleepy morning.
When the day was new and the excitement
Of choosing what to wear,
The purple leggings with a Harley
Sweater that would growl when
We would push on the center.
When all of the neighborhood kids
Would meet on top of the hill that
Held our imaginations greatest creations.
The greatest moments ever
Were when our mother's would arrive home
From being gone for far too long and the
Scent of the night would consume our nostrils
And just remind us that she'll always come back.
When security wasn't an issue, we always had our
Beds, even if monsters threatened to steal
Us from our lives, we'd hide under blankets.
The greatest moments ever have now escaped.
What are we supposed to do, adulthood is
A neverending nightmare that refuses to
Let up on its smothering hold.
Our mothers are no longer able to remind us
That they'll always come back, the
Mornings aren't innocent and
That hill was torn to pieces.
The monsters aren't afraid of blankets anymore,
They actually walk among us.
I don't know how to end this one.
What do you do when the body
Lying next to you has become just that?
This body was once the future that erased
The past and made the present so real.
He was your home that you never had,
Complete with a beautiful garden
And the white picket fence.
What happens when that all melts away
Into a black ball of nothingness?
You worked so hard making sure that this
World was so perfectly manicured,
But you were just painting over old paint.
What do you do when you have lost everything
That made you normal?
This is all I ever wanted, needed.
And tonight I woke up not able to breath
Because all of a sudden, my beautiful home
Has become just an empty box filled with
Sorry about all of the poems tonight. I have so much on my mind.