Lonely joy is the only cup
I drink from
I search and seek
And come up empty

I wonder why
I have not been granted
What I so seek

Someone to give love
Unconditionally
Who joys to see me
Consistently
And not just
Infrequently

Who seeks me company
Who wants to know
And understand
And care

I have given up hope
That my search will yield results
A small hope flourishes briefly in my soul
But then it is gone

And I think
That is the hardest part
To hope and have it die
For I feel a divide
Between those around
And myself

And I am confused
I don't want to act
But be
Genuine
And that to be evident.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I am desperate for the whole
For now I regard only in part
I need to find a map, a chart
For I am a lone ship

My sails are tattered
Mast cracked, oars broken
The nights has come
And the sea is so dark

I do not know how to press on
But endure I shall
For I know there will be harbor
A port to call my own

The sea is not all
And though I know its waters brilliant in day
The sun has not risen
For a long time

But when the rays
Of warm sunshine
Flood my face and kiss my skin
They will fill my being

Then the sea will be light
And turn deep black into emerald green
I will cry out to the land
And it will answer back in song.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Sometimes I wish I had
A looking glass
That I held it my grasp
Able to do my bidding  

For I would use it, all the time
To look just down the road
To see the path that I shall go
Before I take my steps

For many times I wish to know
If I should give a thought
The concern I do
Or if I am but foolish, worrying about the meaningless

That which I would strive to learn
I think would give me direction
For many things come my way
And I cannot win them all

But I think if I
Could know which way I will go
It would change my life
I might be better off

But though this thought is in my head
I do not think I truly want it
For how the joy of things unseen
When they do arrive.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I am losing
You are winning

I am faltering
You are conquering

I am speechless
And you have the right words

I am not strong
You have no weakness

I need someone like you
In my life

Come
And be here
With me
Forever.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I think the thing
That hurts the most
Is a friend lost
That you cannot rescue

You cannot call
And have them hear
Love on
The other line

But still you love
And hold in your heart
An ache
For their well being

And watch and wait
And hope they see
That all is not lost
And they can be free.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

There are
Small moments in time
When despite the world
All is as it should be

Often times we struggle
But ever surprising
Come seasons of peace
Delighting the soul

We learn to stand
And face life's trials
But if we forget to rejoice
What was the purpose?

Rest until the next day
Until the next storm
But face it with joy
For your heart, it will reform.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

We pursue happiness constantly
Bliss more desired than gold

But we are merely chasing a daydream
To a place that here does not exist

We also have a higher calling
We were made for more

To stand and fight for truth and justice
And born to mourn all is not well

For the devastation all around
Should not go unnoticed

This blindness would mock the majestic earth
For beauty is shattered, merely a shadow

So let us weep at all is broken
For we were not made merely to laugh

But also to know there is more.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

For many years I have heard my heart
It sings a song
A quiet one
That is beautiful
And yet haunts me

This wordless melody that it sings
Is so breathtaking
It brings my eyes to tears
For my heart
Longs for so very much more

My heart I have found
Has not learned
To let go
Of its desire for perfection
At least
It has not yet

I have spoken to my heart
And told it
Its goals are much too lofty
My heart ignores me
And continues to dream
As if it had not heard me

Waiting for a miracle
For so long
My heart alone
Traverses on
And I have not the will to stop
This ever-present hymn.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

My mother
Is a wonderful woman

Sometimes I forget
Til I call
And she knows just what to say

Her words
What I need to hear

And that's the beauty of it
It's just that simple
And wonderful.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I heard it said one day
That in our history
A name used to be
More than just a name

I wondered what
My name would be

But I pondered
For a very short time
For I think that I do
Know my name
Instinctively

To know my name
I merely look at
Myself
And my travels

I think that I have been given
Two great gifts
That do rule my life

One is great
And makes me whole
The other I fear
Might tear me apart

The first gift I believe I received
Was the gift of joy
In everything

For sometimes I feel
All the joy I feel
Cannot be bound
In my body

It bursts through my pours
Spills out of my mouth
Falls from my eyes

The other gift
The darker one
I believe is pain

And though I detest it
I believe that
It too is a gift

For my joy comes not
From a life of ease
Without a thought or worry
But it triumphs over the death
And despair I feel

And so my name
Though I know not the word
I believe would mean

There is great pain
And great joy
But behold
The joy triumphs the pain
And is all the more beautiful
Because of it.

The autumn leaves
Understand me
I am not quite sure why
But when I see them
Cloaked in all their glory
I feel as if they are speaking to me
And my eyes fill with tears

The winter plains covered in snow
Can comprehend my woe
In a way others
Cannot
I don't understand why
But when I see them
Spread out under a winter sky
I feel whole again

The warm rains
Of the spring
Burrow into my deepest parts
And can explain
What goes on inside my head
I do not understand it
But I know it full well

And when the joy of summer
Comes splashing though the streams
My hearts sings
And I see how
Life bursting forth
Climbs inside of me
Dispels my sorrow
And makes me new again.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Some day, all die
But not all need
To grow old
Not in years, but in desire to shine
For old is not a number, but a lack of luster

Strive against losing the taste for life we presently hold
But still without fear of what comes next
For it
Must surely be
Another great adventure

But here
And now
The greatest dark thought we might employ
Is to one day lose all of our joy
And all that matters

The grandeur of the sky after a rain
Tied like a package, with a bow
The desire
To live loudly
Running, jumping, and lingering
To let ourselves run free

The frightening idea
Of losing hold of who we are
Our guiding lights, northern stars
To forget what we most enjoy
For small comforts of little true value
And endless pursuits not worth the gain

So we shall laugh much much too loud
Raise our voices above the crowd
Love vastly beyond reason
Open our hearts time and time again
So they do not close.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I cry
I scream
My hurt is so deep
I cannot hide it much longer

Those around me ask why
My heart is heavy and eyes nevery dry
I have not reply

For what I seek
I cannot find
I search and search, nothing I seek can I make mine

I stumble around
Like a drunk in the night
Yet my mind is sober, and all around is light

I hear words of joy
But they seem so false
My self is waning

For I feel I am gone
And what I had is gone
Regret my only friend

One and just one
Forgotten I feel
Forsaken, dejected, no way to heal

How can I escape?
Yesterday has past
My choices are done
No way to turn back
Sorry to no avail

All that I see I made for myself
Now I look ahead
Darkness I see

Full of fear
Undone in my core
No longer full
Empty and more
Any light would change my life
Raise my spirits
And shatter my night
Life evades me

Melts my will
Around and around, I am tossed
Ready to break
Cold to the bone
Hardened to joy, no fuel for my song
Ever so small
Shall I forever live this way?

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I see a street
One that I used to know
I remember the days
When walk down its bright path
Lights twinkling, homes shining
A small hope filling me

But now
That street seems so far away
A small memory
The hard, dark reality
Has hit that street
It snuffed out the lights
And blew open the doors of warm homes

I thought that path would lead me one way
It has taken me another
A way that I joy in
Yet I still see that other path
And I wonder
If I shall reach that end
Stretch to the dreams I once had

I still have those dreams
Saved in old boxes
Under piles of dust
A shining face
A full heart
A warm, rich love

I close my eyes
And I walk down that old street again
Pull my coat tight
Watch my breathe turn white
And I hope again
For that old street
Is not so different from the one I walk now

The lights still sparkle
The snow is still cold
There is still stunning end
The face has changed
I cannot see it clearly
But I pull myself together
And my soul is renewed.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

There often is
An idea that it is the best
To open your heart
And give the inside away
And I agree
Usually

But sometimes
The inverse is nice
Small joys, secret pleasures
Can be delightful

I love the way the sky looks
Above a parking lot
When the fog is besieging the night
A brilliant, orange glow

I relish it to myself
Not needed to share the moment
Though it is not a secret

The idea of secrets
Is they hold darkness

I think is only true
In some cases
For I believe
That in some places
The best moments
Are relished alone
A place where only you can go.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

It's over
And somehow
Someway
That is a relief
The thing I feared most
Has brought me peace
I am okay now
Feel whole again
Hurt
A little bruised
But over all
Just okay.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I used to think love was all in the dramatic
Life films made from memories found in the attic

But now I'm not so sure
And I'm hoping that means I'm just more mature

I don't want to lose the allure of love
But I also wanted to see it in reality, not just from above

Love can sometimes be screaming matches and passionate kisses
Running, hunting for each other like the church for Salem witches

But now I'm finding what I want most
Is quiet afternoons, long bike rides, and morning toast

For I've had enough drama to last a lifetime
And I haven't been on this earth for a long time.

I see
In front of me
A raging storm
And I am afraid

But in the midst
Of rain and thunder
There is
A small shelter

I find myself
Running tirelessly
Toward this hope
Now close

I push inside
And to my delight
Find it is
Safe and dry

Though the sky
Is breaking
I am still
Safe and protected.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

My life is a railway station
In so many different ways
For there are many many trains
That I could take

I do not know all the time
Which train will bring me
To the place I want to be

There are people all around me
Also looking at the trains
Comparing time schedules, destinations
Constantly.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Rain soaked the windows while I barely held on
And then on that night, I broke wide open
I was unable to continue, so I simply fell apart
Not quietly, but tear-soaking my bed

Rain then spoke, on that fateful evening
And in the same moment that
I was torn me to pieces, it
Now told me to rest in my sorrow for a little while

Relentlessly my brokenness continued to pour, like the storm
All truth of myself, that I never seen before
I was taken aback at what I myself revealed
New knowledge made all come into focus

Right after, my eyes still wet
A strange peace grew
Inside my chest for just a while
Nothing had changed, but still I was renewed.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I was utterly broken
Unconscious on the floor
Broken bottles all around me
Lying in a dark room
The last bulb smashed out
And shattered in a million pieces beside me
I was hopeless

But then you came into my dark room
Walked through the broken glass
And picked me up
Though I had not sought you out
You found me
With strong arms
You carried me out of a labyrinth of lies
My stone cold prison cell

You carried me into a place without walls
Fresh winds blowing
Set me down gently under the open sky
For the first time, in a long time

I came to slowly
Not knowing at first I had been rescued
For I had not the will to open my eyes
While I thought I was still bound
But you spoke truth to my battered mind
Started to bandage my wounds
And ever so slowly, I started to see

When at last I had the strength to stand
I walked over to the room
That had bound me captive
And looked inside
For a moment, I was afraid
That I was back and rebound

But then you touched me
And I saw that I was only
Standing in the doorway
And the iron chains that once held me captive
Were no more, now only a memory

You showed me a new way to live
And as the wounds on my body healed
You helped to release my mind from captivity
You showed me that the past was gone
And I was new

You handed me new weapons
And trained me for the next fight
But did not ****** me into battle
Until I had time heal
Under the open sky.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I am running
From you to them
And back again
Sorry I am
But running all the same

For I am too filled with fear
To let myself close
I tend to get hurt

And this is just as much
My own fault
As it is yours

My expectations are vast mountains
To which you cannot even begin to measure up to
And I recognize this

But it also can be you
Who rips my heart, apart

I found myself so dark and bitter
For I was trying
To find everything I am in you

So let me quickly race
Pausing only momentarily
With those I love
For they are many

But mostly, I am trying to protect myself.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I screamed at the sky
Begging for the battle to end
So I could rest, and find a home
For I have fought for many years
Yet still I walk alone

But as soon as the words had left my mouth
I knew what I asked
Was not a wish that would come true
And in this moment I should not desire it to
Though I do endeavor
To see it come and make me new

For though I long for home and peace
That is not what my lot is
I must battle on my land
But not do it only for the end
But also for the honor I hold
And the call I have been given

For the fight is a call much higher and greater
Than just to rest in temporary feeling

This revelation made it harder and nearly broke my heart
But then my eyes fell on some words, written long ago
They spoke of the great desire
Of each man's heart
For home, for rest, for love
And I was overwhelmed; for I knew I had never been alone

My beating heart is not the only one
In what it yearns
This knowledge made me a able to stand
The battle now more bearable
For though it shatters the bones and pierces the flesh
Is there not a greater glory?

For men do not write tales of those who sat
And rested in the quiet
But pen tales of those who raged
Against all that would surely destroy them
So I will fight for many, many years

I believe someday my call will change
My battle will end, I will rest
But should I fight only for that end
I would fight in vain
So I fight for the honor, the subtle joy
That comes in the present struggle.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I search for home
My heart so desperately longs
To be where I am loved
And I love

To find a place
To rest my eyes and my mind
For I feel I am in a twilight
Never truly at peace

The more I search
The more I find
That such a place is not in my reach
At least not now

For those I love
And all that bring me ease
Does not exist in harmony
Though strive as I do

But someday I believe
I will find a far off country
And there I will be filled
And be complete

Those I love will be all around
I shall run, completely free
My eyes dry and my joy complete
And I shall be whole.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I am not perfect
But I will be someday
My rough edges sanded off
My blemishes removed

Like an old piece of wood
Washed by the sea
I will be made clean
And more beautiful than I could have imagined

Knowing this sometimes
Makes it harder to
See the marks and still know
They will not be permanent

But I raise my eyes
Set them toward the sun
Rising clear
Bursting forth on a cold winter's day

And as the sparkling snow
Hits my eyes
I feel some of my burdens
Slowly rise.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Shatter
Crumble
Burn
Break

I am
An empty cup
A broken cistern
Run out
Dried up

I am
An empty room
All but gone
What will I be?
Where will I go?
My hope it fades
The darkness rolls
Why?
Why another mountain?
Why another storm?

I don't know if I can run again
My legs already weary
My heart already weak
A hear a song
It sings out loud
Through my tears
Hope will come
But now I hurt
Now I break

I need a guide
A light for my path
Before the demons come
Before they steal my soul
Devouring all I am
Let me stand
For 'ere I fall

A high cliff
A broken mountain
Fight, fight, fight

Run
Run for the hills
Run for freedom
Tears streaming down your cheek
A hole in your heart
No plug for the leak
No words to speak

Run
Behold
Let the sun rise
If it can
If I can stand.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

A saw a picture of a child
Sleeping peacefully
And thought to myself
Oh how to be that son

But then I had another thought
And it surprised me so
For I did not want to return to when
Life was calm and stress was low

For though there is more difficulty
When the years start to add up
There is a certain beauty
In living a life complex, with intricacy.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Small lights against an endless sky
Snow softly falling, all is quiet
Pines hold against the winter winds
The world is peace

And joy dances
From heart to heart
It leaves a smile on every face
No lone soul out of place

Those who had been lost
Are no more
The world has rejoiced
In this small season

For this time our land is well
Our souls filled
The young and old alike
Dance through these precious nights

The sorrow of our present days
Covered with the delicate snow
It's marring scars forgotten
Even if for just a time

The beauty of it all
Is the surprising and surpassing peace
Though many are sad
Their hearts are filled with glad.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I am a creature of sorrow
And my heart is surely downfallen
But that does not mean
That I am falling apart

Is this true?
I wonder often
And cannot find an answer.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Someday I will see the end of my sorrow
I know it will roll right off of me
Falling to the ground
I will leave it and walk away
Clean

No longer bound
Not enslaved
Its bitter scars erased
Someday

I know that I will walk
My sorrow all forgotten
I have this hope

Clean
Free
In an open space
With a glorious sky

The ones I love
They see my face
Downcast

And yet they do not know
They do not see
My hope

I will be free
Walk among the living
My sighing gone
And I will be overwhelmed
With joy.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Two men under a moonlit sky
Stacking stones

With heavy hearts and tired limbs
Stacking stones

Others slowly passing by, look and wonder why
They are
Stacking stones

The men know, though others question
That they have good reason
For their enduring habit of
Stacking stones

Their journey to here long has been
Trial marking and marring their way
Still they use the last bit of their strength
Stacking stones

The benefit they get
From their laborious task
Is worth the price
Of fortitude
That they pay
Stacking stones

The men finish
And turn
Finally going to their homes
To rest, if only for a time
From what seems like the ceaseless work of
Stacking stones

A small child
Young and innocent
Questions the men as they pass by
Returning home, no longer engaged in
Stacking stones

The men turn
And manage some few words
To the one questioning
Why they are
Stacking stones

For these stones they say remind them
Of how far they have come
For many many many years each pile represents
To them a reminder
Of a victory won
And so when all seems lost
They look upon the hill
Where their have toiled
And then they
Cannot help but remember
What they have accomplished
To drive them to go on
Stacking stones

So as long as they can lift
These rocks from the rushing river
They will carry on
Stacking stones.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

The beast tore through the forest
His breath running ragged
He had been running for days upon days
Not even pausing for a drink

Suddenly the forest became thinner, the darkness less deep
He heard a thousand birds calling
Colonies of small rodents
And before him, a great river

He rushed to the banks
And drank deeply
He aches and pains eased
And he felt like he could catch his breath

When finally he quenched his massive thirst
He lifted his head
And beheld a sight so wonderful
He lost again the breathe he had just found

For on the other side
He saw a creature
So beautiful
It made his head spin

Then he mourned
For the river was deep and wide
And he knew not how to swim
Despite his strong body, and massive limbs

But he also knew
He had to reach her
Knowing no other way
He rushed into the river

He was ready to be tossed aside by the forceful current
But to his surprise, his feet still touched ground
Lying just under the surface
It was a miracle

The beast did not like the feeling of the riverbed
And if he shifted right or left, his feet dropped into deeper water
He could see small monsters he did not understand
Just under the surface of the water

But he pressed on
And somehow, he made it
And he rejoiced
For now his prize lay in his reach

Now he knew why he had been running
For so long
For though he had not know what he had been chasing after
All along, it had been her

He heart roared in contentment
His body came to life
He looked into her eyes deeply
And never looked away.

We are
The How I Met Your Mother Generation
Like it or not
We are

We are all
Chasing a yellow umbrella
That will lead us to a new beginning

For in our lonely lives
We are constantly searching and seeking
For those warm arms clasping that blessed shelter from the storm
Hoping it will spare us from the rain in our own lives
Wishing that then
It will finally all make sense

The sad part is
That heart is not the end
And our tears will still flow

We know our lives are not all that they should be
You can see it in our eyes
Hear it in our voices
But what can we do?
So we chase after the One
Hoping they will bring us new life

It's sad in one way
For we are not made of some mysterious person, future lover
But in another way
It brings hope
For we have learned
That we cannot acquire and buy our way to completeness.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I hold the key
To a lock I should not open
But one
That needs so desperately to be opened

I don't know what to do with the key
It lays there in my palm
The solution to a problem
I cannot be the one to solve

I run it through my fingers
Feel the cold hard steel
That holds
So much power

I have tried to give the key to others
And they use it for a while
But the key seems to always
End up back in my hand

I am glad that I can hold the key
For it is a blessing
But anymore
I know it cannot be mine

I hope someday
One comes along
And unlike I
Able to use and hold the key

But until that day
I will open the lock
When I can
And wait.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

How amazing the smallest moment of cheer
For it can cover
The dead, the ugly

For each fraction of a second
Adds up
And makes the view more and more majestic
Forever

It is like the winter snow
And not
It does cover in the pure, the white
But will not melt from sight
Nor disappear

It covers the woods
Yet still brings them life
Drifts onto the hills
But makes them all the more welcoming

For these precious flakes of the times of warmth are
Of such slight size
So their strength is in their force
Together.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Do new beginnings last?
Do triumphant battles always start in the upper hand?
Are heroes born from on high?

Or is it the opposite?

Do flash beginnings end more swiftly?
Do battles overturn in a moment?
Are heroes made to stumble?

With these questions
I face a new day
A sun rising
Pink and orange bursting above the horizon

My heart is new
My mind clear
But I do not know
Nor can I see
The end

But this, my peace and rest
That I know
All I do
I do not in vain

And so whether I rise or fall
Live or die
None is without purpose.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

The winter
It will not be
Eternal

For now it is
Always
Cold
And Christmas
Never seems to come

But someday
Spring will arrive
Summer bounding after
Fall sweeping them both away
Laughing all the while

And then the winter
Will come another time
But this time
The winter
Will have the joy
Of celebration
And the beauty
Will not be bitten by the cold

This new winter
Will take its due time
And then move
Into the distance
So spring again
Can dance in sight
Her companions not far behind.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I often feel that time is ever my foe
For it continues to steal everyone one I love
And only allows them into my life
For moments that seem much too fleeting

But time does not stop, instead a two-edged sword
For my days of sorrow and moments of regret
Time seems to make them more
Turning mere seconds into what seems like eternity

And as the days of joy pass, running from my eyes
The deepest love departing before I can rest
My soul tears, for I cannot regain what is lost
I constantly struggle for the most of every moment

But should I suddenly be able to conquer time's speed
I do not believe that this would be wise
For the bitter and sweet moments of this short life
Seem all the more beautiful in their haste.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

Sometimes I grow unhappy
With my insufficiencies
And then I am reminded
That someone values me

A small word to my character
Brightens my whole day
And though this desperate seems
I know I was made this way

For I do lack much
And need desperately to grow
But still I know that I have
Been given things unique

Sometimes I struggle
To resist the temptation to just let go
For this becomes so desirable
To just let myself fall away

But I know a hand will catch me
Should I try to fall
So even when I have not strength
I will not even start to lose at all

And so I still continue
Whether in joy or pain or both
And know that someday this dark battle
Will finally make me whole.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I have two hearts
Within my chest
And though they are so close
In proximity
They beat so differently

One heart bursts with love
And yearns to be whole
It strives for peace
Works to hope
Plans a future

The other one
Acts less nobly
And makes me ashamed
Of the hate and pain it harbors
Inside

I hope one day
To rip out
My second heart
For I do not
Want it anymore

But for now
I know that I
Have not the will nor ability
To slice myself open
But someday.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I am so torn
Between myself
What I feel
What I know
What I hope to be

I want to hold all
In my hands
Manipulate situations
But I cannot
For I hold not all the power

I find myself
So concerned
In search of a solution
But the unfolding plan
Is not immediate

So I will wait
With bated breath
My heart in my stomach
For in the end
All will be well.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

In an open field
For ages upon ages
Against the winds of life
There stood a lone tree
That had stood tall
A weeping willow

A tribute to sorrow and sadness
An enduring figure entrenched in mourning
Under the open sky

And so the willow wept
Mourning for the broken earth
Crying many tears for the land
It stood in for all of its life

The sorrow it felt
Was so deep
That though the willow could not see nor speak nor hear
It still knew of this great travesty

Then at last the thunder came
And rolled in with the mighty power
Pouring rain on the earth
Rain that cleansed
It washed away the *****
And made all clean

The earth was no longer broken
The skies had split in two
And the world was new

Yet still the willow wept
But now
Now for joy.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I stand
And fight

Walk away
Count it lost
And not worth the strain

Then turn around

And fight
Again

I often think that half the battle
Is knowing when to fight.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I'm not sure where to go
Would you help me?

I have no where to run
Will you show up in my life?

I just want a face, a friend
Can you help me out?

I know I have been running
From others

But right now
I just have a hole in my chest

I cannot fill nor know how to
Can you show me someone cares?

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I am so sick of the game
Being the bigger man
I have had enough
And I am over
The pressure to pretend
And lie
To act like I love to be drained dry
To smile though my ache
When just more pain is all I see

I am
Supposed to be kind
And deal with this all in stride
But I have no desire to

For why do I
Have to be the one to step up?
I have not desire to open this door with you
Or to deal with more

Life was fine
I already had enough stress
But please, add yours
Ask for more
For I am overflowing
From the few drops I have left

Please, use me
And then drop me
Again
That's my favorite part

I don't understand why
This is the exact opposite
Of what I want
Another time.

(theinkthatspeasks.blogspot.com)

I woke one morning and could not see
My eyes were shut
I tried so hard to open them, but I was unable
I wept and waited for my sight
I now do live in darkness and cannot bring light
I’m blind and lost, but I won't always be

I rose and tried to fight my demons
But I was weak, so I faltered
My spirit broke and my eyes filled with tears
This defeat was too much
I am dejected at my failure, for I cannot be victorious
But someday I will conquer

I tried to scale a mountain, despite my chains
I never thought to take them off
The locks stood open with the keys inside
But I could not be free even if I had tried
I slipped and fell, my body crumbled
But I know one day I will make it to the summit

I tried to sail away, but had no map
My sails filled in the blowing wind
Yet all my rowing did not take me far
My arms faltered, and I broke apart
Some tomorrow I will succeed
Uninhibited, I will race from this lonely port.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I woke one morning and could not see
My eyes were shut
I tried so hard to open them
But I could not

My blindness lead me down a sad road
And nearly tore me into pieces
I wept and cried for many hours
Until I had no more tears

But then I found light
One I did not expect to see
And it gave me great joy
Joy I had never experienced before

I held this joy like a flame
Scarcely believing that it was real
Afraid the wind might blow it out
And take me back into the dark

But then I realized a strange phenomenon
Should the light of joy be snuffed out
It had proved one thing
I was not blind, but all was merely night

This thought broke through me like a song
For night is not eternal
Yet now my all was not in the flame
But in this new knowledge

Right now the flame is lit
So I will keep it
For as long as I can
Ever hopeful.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I woke one morning and could not see
My eyes were shut
Then to my astonishment
My sight came rushing back, surprising my hopeless life

For a moment in time, after my new outlook
Darkness came back
And I was much afraid
That it had returned, forever to bind me again

This burning question
Then possessed me
Can those in darkness truly come to light
If they still have flashes of their night?

I turned this over and over
Finally concluding they could
For Stockholm Syndrome
Is a reality

Those who live in darkness
For so long, are bound
To be shortly plunged back, inconsistently
Though they are free

I then realized
My fear in this troubling return
Had only existed for a time so short
And that I need not be afraid

For this is the cunning of the darkness
To make minutes, days
And hours, centuries
To twist the mind in an effort for control

For the darkness runs in deep rivers of the heart
And when light overwhelms
It is not eager to relent
But reluctant to loosen its grasp.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I woke one morning and could not see
My eyes were shut
I wept and waited for my sight
I now do live in darkness, and cannot bring light
I’m blind and lost
But I won't always be

I stood up, fought for healing
In my weakness
My mind raged, my spirit woke
How can I?
I am angry at my failure
Will this poor traveler take any ground?

I tried to scale a mountain today
In chains
The locks stood open, keys inside
But I could not take them off
I slipped and fell
One day, I will make it to the top

I tried to sail away tonight
I had no map
The sails unfurled in the steady wind
Yet all my rowing did not take me far
My arms faltered
Some tomorrow I will succeed, and race from this lonely port

Challenged on every side, hoping in a single glimmer of light
Trust no one. Yet
The few and the bold, slide their way past my gates of steel
Desperate surrender is all I have
I toss and turn
Waiting for freedom.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)

I want to be your all
I want to save you now
I want to spare your life
From the dark

And someday
I want you to die, knowing
You had a long and full life
In my arms
And by my side

Will you open your life to me?
Will you let me into your secret space?
And break down your glass walls?

Know you cannot truly hide anyway

In our hearts we both know
There is not a chance you will not say no
For you were mine and I yours
A long, long time ago

Come home
Down the sacred path
It was made just for your feet
Let tears stream from your eyes
And finally, fully release the pain

Then I will find a way
To make all right, to light your soul.

(theinkthatspeaks.blogspot.com)