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8.8k · Dec 2012
Railway station.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
My life is a railway station
In so many different ways
For there are many many trains
That I could take

I do not know all the time
Which train will bring me
To the place I want to be

There are people all around me
Also looking at the trains
Comparing time schedules, destinations

2.7k · Jan 2013
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
Chaos echoes all around me
And I hear the nations raging as they fall
Still my hands are steady
Still my heart is sure

I should be shaking as the world crumbles
I should be ready to stumble
For it seems inevitable
But for now, I do not fall

And this is a great wonder, so surprising
Running through me in untold ways
I have been made strong
And as bold as a lion

So I strive to use my new strength
Though unsure
What caused it to come
Or what gives it the will to continue.

2.0k · Dec 2012
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
My heart hangs
On the buzz of my phone
In the small chance
That someone important
Might be checking up

My eyes well up
When I hear a song
And speaks of something
I feel I should know
Midst piles of notes
I cannot help
But be overwhelmed

My joy rests
On the response I get
From the words I type
Just for the chance
To share my story
Another time

I want to be alive
And matter
I want to live a life
That is more than just a small spark

I believe
That I was created for something
So great
And so overwhelming
That I cannot stand it

I just want my story to fall
Out of me
I want it to matter
I want it to mean something

I often pretend
That I am in some great film
That the poor view I have
Makes sense in another lens
With the right melodies
Playing at the right time

I like to imagine
That the friends I have
Desire to know me more
But I do not know this is true
So I look for small signs
And hang myself
On little failures.

1.4k · Dec 2012
Stacking stones.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
Two men under a moonlit sky
Stacking stones

With heavy hearts and tired limbs
Stacking stones

Others slowly passing by, look and wonder why
They are
Stacking stones

The men know, though others question
That they have good reason
For their enduring habit of
Stacking stones

Their journey to here long has been
Trial marking and marring their way
Still they use the last bit of their strength
Stacking stones

The benefit they get
From their laborious task
Is worth the price
Of fortitude
That they pay
Stacking stones

The men finish
And turn
Finally going to their homes
To rest, if only for a time
From what seems like the ceaseless work of
Stacking stones

A small child
Young and innocent
Questions the men as they pass by
Returning home, no longer engaged in
Stacking stones

The men turn
And manage some few words
To the one questioning
Why they are
Stacking stones

For these stones they say remind them
Of how far they have come
For many many many years each pile represents
To them a reminder
Of a victory won
And so when all seems lost
They look upon the hill
Where their have toiled
And then they
Cannot help but remember
What they have accomplished
To drive them to go on
Stacking stones

So as long as they can lift
These rocks from the rushing river
They will carry on
Stacking stones.

1.3k · Feb 2013
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
I am hurting
And I know I should pick myself up
But I have not the strength
Not even a little bit
Please come and save me
For I am broken.

1.1k · Feb 2013
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
I am losing
You are winning

I am faltering
You are conquering

I am speechless
And you have the right words

I am not strong
You have no weakness

I need someone like you
In my life

And be here
With me

1.0k · Dec 2012
Flooding in.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
The kindness of a friend
Is like rain
On a land besieged with drought

It fills the soul
And wets the eyes with tears
It brings hope to a hopeless place

The love of a friend
Is like a thousand lights
In a dark room without windows

It floods with new light
And now made whole
Overwhelming joy in a place of great fear

The words of hope, spoken by a friend
Are like the fire of a lighthouse
To a ship on a stormy night

It opens the heart
And breaks sadness apart
In its place a new song.

1.0k · Dec 2012
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
Our love isn't illicit
Or secret

Your parents and mine
Are friends
Is that okay?

I love a good story
With a happy ending

But right now
I just want you in my arms
Our own problems
Less dramatic

You and I
Will not be on a TV screen
Or a magazine
But a photo album
Smiling at each other
Is that okay?

I hope so
Because outside of all this fuss
I just want you
For you

For your smile and your laugh
Your quirks
And inconsistencies.
866 · Dec 2012
Final no.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
A final no
Phrase complete
With tongue and lips and mouth she speaks

And I am gone
A black hole of pain
With nothing here left to gain
Everything I hoped to be
Was bound in her; and not in me

The dream collapsed
And I am done
From now on I shall just be one

A flicking hope
Now shut out
My heart has no strength, it cannot shout

The words I utter
Seem to be
No longer wholly part of me
Just empty phrases
Parts of past
A stranger here; alone at last

I feel strange peace that hope is gone
For now alone, I carry on

My body broken
My spirit crushed
Alone in chains of past and fear
My heart no longer whole is here

I battle and rage
But when I cannot go on
I do not fall apart
I simply go away
A ghost of another day
If all I feel I do pen here
Why do I need another ear?
Their life more pertinent then mine
It's for their sake, I pen this line

I still do tarry among the past
Because I hold so very fast
To hopes and dreams of days gone by
When I had hoped to try to fly
I still do want to rise above
Rising strong, in hope and love

But I know this faltering dream
Is nothing more than something unseen
Unseen in heart
Not in the plan
I hold until I cannot stand

By why I rise?
For 'er I fall
A lone warrior in an empty hall

With mouth and lips and tongue she speaks
A final no
Phrase complete.

772 · Dec 2012
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
A saw a picture of a child
Sleeping peacefully
And thought to myself
Oh how to be that son

But then I had another thought
And it surprised me so
For I did not want to return to when
Life was calm and stress was low

For though there is more difficulty
When the years start to add up
There is a certain beauty
In living a life complex, with intricacy.

734 · Nov 2014
Taylor Stein Nov 2014
You know
I'm not quite sure
About the love of princesses
Satin gowns and evening *****

I've dreamed of it all for so long
I'm not sure I believe it anymore
Because all I found in the arms of a woman
Is hurt, heartache, and sorrow

But I have found the love of a brother
Is richer than a thousand kings
The arm of a friend
Stronger than a thousand warriors

It seems so strange
For we chase and we chase
Happy endings, summer love, and romantic kisses
And value love above all other ends

And love is higher
It overcomes all
Gives strength like no other
And is in itself an end

But what I am starting to believe
Beginning to find
Is we are wrong
About what kind of love we really, truly need.
718 · Apr 2013
Falling in love.
Taylor Stein Apr 2013
The laughter of a friend is sweeter than the purest sugar
The comfort of brother cannot be measured in price

I have fallen in love with those around me
I never saw it coming
Not the love of secret whispers or stolen kisses
But love all the same

I want to fall in that other kind of love someday
With a woman who causes my heart to skip a beat
Every time she walks past

Before I find on myself bended knee
Or have to share my bed
Before my happy endings and ride off into the sunset
I want to fall in love everyday
With everything

I want to fall in love with the way the morning sun hits the trees
Every morning on the way to my busy life.

717 · Feb 2013
Locked door.
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
I tried to open the door to your heart
But you held it shut
And I do not know quite why you did
Which hurts

I wanted to peer inside you
Enter into your life and give you aid
Win you over and show you all was well
Make at least some sort of difference

But right now
It seems that I will not be

I hope it was not selfish
My desire to help you out
Though sometimes I fear it was
But still, I am not sure

I do not wish to again
Smash myself upon the rocks of repentance
Unless I need to

I know this for sure
That in my heart I hope, I desire
That I wanted this for you

So for now I will love
In whatever way I can
From outside the door I will show you I care
For you
Not just for me.

706 · Mar 2013
Taylor Stein Mar 2013
We pursue happiness constantly
Bliss more desired than gold

But we are merely chasing a daydream
To a place that here does not exist

We also have a higher calling
We were made for more

To stand and fight for truth and justice
And born to mourn all is not well

For the devastation all around
Should not go unnoticed

This blindness would mock the majestic earth
For beauty is shattered, merely a shadow

So let us weep at all is broken
For we were not made merely to laugh

But also to know there is more.

636 · Jan 2013
Breaking free.
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
I am a ship
That has been iced in to arctic chains
For many years
Cold and blowing winds have frosted my sails
And encased my keel
For countless decades

But this long winter
Dark and dreary, with no time for Christmas
Has begun to become spring
Even though the first time I felt warm breezes
I was convinced
It was a deception

Despite every latent chill
When I lose my faith
These mild, lengthening days
I cannot deny
Nor disregard
The dawn breaking forth

My mast and bow are thawing
My hull starting to shift
The ice and snow falling into the sea
Now just chilling water
But no longer an icebound prison

I cannot wait for the day
When the last ice melts from my decks
And I can set sail on the open water
To voyage new seas, fresh tides
No longer just avoiding
A frost-bitten demise, threatening to lead me to my grave

These warm days
Have broken into my cabin
My maps and charts now colored
With budding trees, birdsong, and warm water
For someday, I do not doubt
I shall sail free, unbound in pleasant wind.

624 · Jan 2013
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
I need words
And not empty phrases
To convey
What my stumbling mouth cannot

To show love
And not forth hatred
In words that tell truth
That is difficult
To receive

I do not have these words
And hope they will
Be poured into my mind.

623 · Dec 2012
Breaking in, to reality.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
One winter day
I felt my skin grow cold again
Against the old, familiar wind
So I prepared to descend
Into the dark and dreary street
I had taken so many times before

But this time
I was wrong

For though I turned toward the alley that led
Me always into my sadness
I found that I could not go far
The block had become impassable
By strength not my own
And this, was to my great surprise

Many times had I dreamed
That I would be unable
To wander down the dark lane
But for many years I had
Been disappointed

But now to find, the alley closed
I felt an enduring heat
Not a bright hot flame that often leaves
But a burning ember, steady

I do not know how long the passage
Will be blocked and impassable
But for now glad am I
The dream I dreamt, for time unmeasured
Has broken into reality.

620 · Dec 2012
Connected, apart.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
Lonely people
In a lonely world

Surrounded, yet walled off
By so many things
And more

How strongly we make sure
We stay alone
Which is so strange
Because that is
What tears us down
What breaks us apart

And yet, ironically
It's the thing that we all share

It's sad and its not
In our heads, but all around us

And the spark, the idea
Of being perfectly intertwined
What a unsettling
And captivating thought.

616 · Dec 2012
Cardboard box.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
Cardboard box on an empty street
Snow lightly falling
A small figure, huddled inside

I hear her begging
Just for a light
Her hands are blue
Her hope all run out
Nothing left in her
No more will to go on

I want to move on
Enough cold already in my heart

A small timid whisper
Comes from her mouth
Not more than a breath
Nothing close to a word

A streetlamp shine nearby
It lights up the box
And hearkens the sky
The small face stares up
Timid and frozen

I do not know what I have to give
But I open my heart
I reach out, and.

594 · Feb 2013
It hurt.
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
It hurt like hell
When I walked away
But I am glad it was me
And not you

For if it was you
It would have killed me
For sure.

592 · Dec 2012
The key I hold.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
I hold the key
To a lock I should not open
But one
That needs so desperately to be opened

I don't know what to do with the key
It lays there in my palm
The solution to a problem
I cannot be the one to solve

I run it through my fingers
Feel the cold hard steel
That holds
So much power

I have tried to give the key to others
And they use it for a while
But the key seems to always
End up back in my hand

I am glad that I can hold the key
For it is a blessing
But anymore
I know it cannot be mine

I hope someday
One comes along
And unlike I
Able to use and hold the key

But until that day
I will open the lock
When I can
And wait.

580 · Nov 2014
Quiet love.
Taylor Stein Nov 2014
I used to think love was all in the dramatic
Life films made from memories found in the attic

But now I'm not so sure
And I'm hoping that means I'm just more mature

I don't want to lose the allure of love
But I also wanted to see it in reality, not just from above

Love can sometimes be screaming matches and passionate kisses
Running, hunting for each other like the church for Salem witches

But now I'm finding what I want most
Is quiet afternoons, long bike rides, and morning toast

For I've had enough drama to last a lifetime
And I haven't been on this earth for a long time.
579 · Jan 2013
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
What I do
I do not for the end
But for the journey
And the wisdom

Sometimes it's hard
When I feel that I have failed
But I must remember
I have not
If I have learned my lesson

Others think me strange
And hold their trophies

I have no prizes
Simply kind words
Spoken to me

In the end
The honor shall fade
But the wisdom
Will endure.

558 · Mar 2015
Taylor Stein Mar 2015
I feel the pain too brother
In my bones, I feel it as you fall
Lash for lash and scar for scar
My head smashes down the stone steps
Crash for crash and drop of blood for drop of blood

But what runs between us, brother
Is more than those red splatters on the filthy ground
For you, time and time again
Have proved water is in fact thicker than blood
And bonds chosen closer than those of flesh

Water carries your pain to me, brother
Lost joy from palaces of princesses
And despair from dungeons of ******
New scars from those thought to be friends
And wounds from laughter of enemies

I hope when we and not just you brother, bear the load
Your bleeding stops a little sooner
Water cleaning and cleansing the wounds
I hope weight shouldered together
Will fight back stronger against all that is destroying you

And we, lash for lash and blow for blow
Will fall twice on the murderous brows against you
Bound by water, our mighty weapon
For when you fall, we fall together
Because you've taught me brother when I fall, you will too.
557 · Feb 2013
City lights and chaos.
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
Up among the eaves and rooftops
I am searching
I am seeking
But I have yet to find

My eyes wander
Hoping to discover a rhyme or reason
In this constant turmoil and disarray
This is my one desire

Though my search has been fruitless, I wait
For in all the confusion and chaos
I am certain
There is an overarching blueprint, a master plan

I rest, and then stand tall
Looking out at the bright city lights
A mess of colors and sounds
All coming together into one.

544 · Dec 2012
Cascading words.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
It's not just the words
But the melody
When a song cascades into the air
It is glorious

It resounds off the walls
And rushes into hearts
More than the simple stanza heard
But the origin, the meaning

Voice reveals heart
The majesty of it
Fills a room
An enduring journey to be truly seen

What is longed to be screamed
Like a rushing waterfall
Bursts through
And saturates everything

Oh the astounding thrill to be alive
And know what it is
To feel, to love, to hurt
To be lost and then found.

541 · Dec 2012
Old street.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
I see a street
One that I used to know
I remember the days
When walk down its bright path
Lights twinkling, homes shining
A small hope filling me

But now
That street seems so far away
A small memory
The hard, dark reality
Has hit that street
It snuffed out the lights
And blew open the doors of warm homes

I thought that path would lead me one way
It has taken me another
A way that I joy in
Yet I still see that other path
And I wonder
If I shall reach that end
Stretch to the dreams I once had

I still have those dreams
Saved in old boxes
Under piles of dust
A shining face
A full heart
A warm, rich love

I close my eyes
And I walk down that old street again
Pull my coat tight
Watch my breathe turn white
And I hope again
For that old street
Is not so different from the one I walk now

The lights still sparkle
The snow is still cold
There is still stunning end
The face has changed
I cannot see it clearly
But I pull myself together
And my soul is renewed.

533 · Dec 2012
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
I worry that my demons will
Come and then consume me
Then throw my body to the ground
Rendered lifeless

I do not want their dark ways
Their tales of hopeless woe
I want to rise victorious
But I do know not how to go

They take me, piece by piece
Each time they push me a little further
My eyes they pour, twin waterfalls
They cannot express all my sorrow

I need an escape, a path
How long will I wander?
I am a train on an endless track
I cannot see the end

Why do my demons come?
Why do they want my soul?
For I feel a poor beggar
Not worth my salt

All I want is peace
And release from this danger
I beg and plead
By to my dismay, they will not let me go

I feel so all alone
I do not have a friend to turn to
All my need has used my goodwill
The love now I want, I used

My greatest concern
Is that I will embrace the dark
And not look back
I do not want this

I cannot shake the feeling
That this is what I have coming
Where shall I turn?
What shall be my harbor?

I am a cup
Turned over, poured out
A little hope trickles in
I sigh and press on.

531 · Feb 2013
Time and myself.
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
I often feel that time is ever my foe
For it continues to steal everyone one I love
And only allows them into my life
For moments that seem much too fleeting

But time does not stop, instead a two-edged sword
For my days of sorrow and moments of regret
Time seems to make them more
Turning mere seconds into what seems like eternity

And as the days of joy pass, running from my eyes
The deepest love departing before I can rest
My soul tears, for I cannot regain what is lost
I constantly struggle for the most of every moment

But should I suddenly be able to conquer time's speed
I do not believe that this would be wise
For the bitter and sweet moments of this short life
Seem all the more beautiful in their haste.

528 · Dec 2012
You are my joy.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
A mother looks on her sleeping child
Nestled away
Resting peacefully in bed
So sweet and innocent
And she whispers quietly
You are my joy

The old man sits with his wife
At a small booth
Her face and hair weathered
Yet still so beautiful to him
He looks at her and says
You are my joy

The young ******* her wedding day
In white and song
Her fathers eyes
Fill with tears
And he mumbles below his breath
You are my joy.
527 · Jan 2013
Here. (II)
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
I cannot speak enough of how

When you strode into my life
Instantly, my chains and vices shattered
You taught me how to stand unbound
And healed my many scars

My new strength let me
Prevail against all that before had felled me
Unimaginable was the change you brought

But I still feel pain, still struggle
New trials still pierce my heart

I thought that if I shed my old scars
That I would feel less pain
And walk though the world, unharmed
But you have revealed
My heart is ever open, exposed

This new hurt shall again become my strength
But for now

I long for you to be here.

509 · Jan 2013
Behold, wait, wonder, rise.
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
There is a great darkness
But behold
The light of day does come
It will shatter the night

There is a great pain
But wait
Relief will flow freely
And overwhelm the sorrow

There is a great fear
But wonder
Joy will rain like a storm
It will cover over the terror

There is a great *******
But rise
Chains will fall away
And restore the dejected.

508 · Dec 2012
Taylor Stein Dec 2012

I am
An empty cup
A broken cistern
Run out
Dried up

I am
An empty room
All but gone
What will I be?
Where will I go?
My hope it fades
The darkness rolls
Why another mountain?
Why another storm?

I don't know if I can run again
My legs already weary
My heart already weak
A hear a song
It sings out loud
Through my tears
Hope will come
But now I hurt
Now I break

I need a guide
A light for my path
Before the demons come
Before they steal my soul
Devouring all I am
Let me stand
For 'ere I fall

A high cliff
A broken mountain
Fight, fight, fight

Run for the hills
Run for freedom
Tears streaming down your cheek
A hole in your heart
No plug for the leak
No words to speak

Let the sun rise
If it can
If I can stand.

470 · Jan 2013
Yet. (Anew)
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
I woke one morning and could not see
My eyes were shut
I tried so hard to open them, but I was unable
I wept and waited for my sight
I now do live in darkness and cannot bring light
I’m blind and lost, but I won't always be

I rose and tried to fight my demons
But I was weak, so I faltered
My spirit broke and my eyes filled with tears
This defeat was too much
I am dejected at my failure, for I cannot be victorious
But someday I will conquer

I tried to scale a mountain, despite my chains
I never thought to take them off
The locks stood open with the keys inside
But I could not be free even if I had tried
I slipped and fell, my body crumbled
But I know one day I will make it to the summit

I tried to sail away, but had no map
My sails filled in the blowing wind
Yet all my rowing did not take me far
My arms faltered, and I broke apart
Some tomorrow I will succeed
Uninhibited, I will race from this lonely port.

468 · Dec 2012
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
Someday I wish
That my strength could be transferred
That I could cry the tears for another
And lift their burden

For the inability
To change another's mood
Or give them joy
Gives me pain

I see the look
And know there is a story
Sense the world feels like it is crashing
All around them

Oh to be strong enough
To lift them up and let them soar free
I will never get over
This unquenchable desire.

Taylor Stein Jan 2013
I woke one morning and could not see
My eyes were shut
I wept and waited for my sight
I now do live in darkness, and cannot bring light
I’m blind and lost
But I won't always be

I stood up, fought for healing
In my weakness
My mind raged, my spirit woke
How can I?
I am angry at my failure
Will this poor traveler take any ground?

I tried to scale a mountain today
In chains
The locks stood open, keys inside
But I could not take them off
I slipped and fell
One day, I will make it to the top

I tried to sail away tonight
I had no map
The sails unfurled in the steady wind
Yet all my rowing did not take me far
My arms faltered
Some tomorrow I will succeed, and race from this lonely port

Challenged on every side, hoping in a single glimmer of light
Trust no one. Yet
The few and the bold, slide their way past my gates of steel
Desperate surrender is all I have
I toss and turn
Waiting for freedom.

466 · Jan 2013
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
I was utterly broken
Unconscious on the floor
Broken bottles all around me
Lying in a dark room
The last bulb smashed out
And shattered in a million pieces beside me
I was hopeless

But then you came into my dark room
Walked through the broken glass
And picked me up
Though I had not sought you out
You found me
With strong arms
You carried me out of a labyrinth of lies
My stone cold prison cell

You carried me into a place without walls
Fresh winds blowing
Set me down gently under the open sky
For the first time, in a long time

I came to slowly
Not knowing at first I had been rescued
For I had not the will to open my eyes
While I thought I was still bound
But you spoke truth to my battered mind
Started to bandage my wounds
And ever so slowly, I started to see

When at last I had the strength to stand
I walked over to the room
That had bound me captive
And looked inside
For a moment, I was afraid
That I was back and rebound

But then you touched me
And I saw that I was only
Standing in the doorway
And the iron chains that once held me captive
Were no more, now only a memory

You showed me a new way to live
And as the wounds on my body healed
You helped to release my mind from captivity
You showed me that the past was gone
And I was new

You handed me new weapons
And trained me for the next fight
But did not ****** me into battle
Until I had time heal
Under the open sky.

463 · Dec 2012
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
My wounds are bleeding
But still I pour salt in them
Why do I continue this way?

I am past the point of healing
Without ugly scars
I think

But right now
I would settle for just
The smallest bit of relief
From my aching body
Would be a welcome gift

There is something that
Keeps me at the knife
That threatens to take my life
I cannot break it's bind
On my own

I am not all alone
My only problem is
My voice grows small
When I want to call
Out for the help I so desperately need
My pride stops me

But my small heart
Beats on
At least for now.

458 · Feb 2013
Broken and furious.
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
Your words fall so quickly
And I feel so alone
I do not want to admit there is
Something wrong
But I, I am furious

I have tried a thousand times
And you, you have made me feel foolish
I have tried to play it down
Let it go
But no more

My mind wrenches in pain
I have followed you
Built you high
And now

Another came and sought me out
Asked for my advice
They opened up
Showed love to me
Something you do no more
And never much before
If at all

I feel so wounded by your lack
Of care, of love
For scarce I feel that I have been
The object of your pursuit
And only an inconvenience

I hurt so much
And all the time
You know this, and know it full well
But now again you let me down
And leave me alone
So I can barely stand

I have tried a thousand times to stand alone
I cannot
And will not

I often feel that I have been
Used and then abused
Not with words, or deeds
But with your callousness

So fine
I scream
Just have your way
Toss me aside, again
Shown me how you've grown to be
A man of carelessness

Now my heart feels warm
For in this new light of what I have long held inside
I have found a path to a new place
Where maybe someday, someone might know my name
But it now again it beats fear
That I shall be crushed should I rise again

Grief and sorrow
Sadness and sickness

A poor beggar in the mud
I feel I am
And as time does pass
My heart only beats a quiet thud.

457 · Dec 2012
Sorrow's end.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
Someday I will see the end of my sorrow
I know it will roll right off of me
Falling to the ground
I will leave it and walk away

No longer bound
Not enslaved
Its bitter scars erased

I know that I will walk
My sorrow all forgotten
I have this hope

In an open space
With a glorious sky

The ones I love
They see my face

And yet they do not know
They do not see
My hope

I will be free
Walk among the living
My sighing gone
And I will be overwhelmed
With joy.

451 · Dec 2012
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
We have shrouded ourselves in apathy
For our protection
From the vulnerable nakedness of our hearts
It is logical yet deeply troubling

We live in a world
Who has chosen not to care
Why do we pretend not to love with deep affection?
Why must we hide a joy for each other?

The romantic love for and of another
Seems to be the only release
Of this deep seeded desire
To love and enjoy, and live among

A vast crowd is all around every day
Their souls and stories so very grand
We long to know each other better
To understand the lives around for all they are

But for now
A fleeting thought lights hope
Someday the axis of the world might move
And our apathy will disappear.

445 · Dec 2012
To be caught.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
Sometimes I grow unhappy
With my insufficiencies
And then I am reminded
That someone values me

A small word to my character
Brightens my whole day
And though this desperate seems
I know I was made this way

For I do lack much
And need desperately to grow
But still I know that I have
Been given things unique

Sometimes I struggle
To resist the temptation to just let go
For this becomes so desirable
To just let myself fall away

But I know a hand will catch me
Should I try to fall
So even when I have not strength
I will not even start to lose at all

And so I still continue
Whether in joy or pain or both
And know that someday this dark battle
Will finally make me whole.

442 · Jan 2013
Yet. (III)
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
I woke one morning and could not see
My eyes were shut
Then to my astonishment
My sight came rushing back, surprising my hopeless life

For a moment in time, after my new outlook
Darkness came back
And I was much afraid
That it had returned, forever to bind me again

This burning question
Then possessed me
Can those in darkness truly come to light
If they still have flashes of their night?

I turned this over and over
Finally concluding they could
For Stockholm Syndrome
Is a reality

Those who live in darkness
For so long, are bound
To be shortly plunged back, inconsistently
Though they are free

I then realized
My fear in this troubling return
Had only existed for a time so short
And that I need not be afraid

For this is the cunning of the darkness
To make minutes, days
And hours, centuries
To twist the mind in an effort for control

For the darkness runs in deep rivers of the heart
And when light overwhelms
It is not eager to relent
But reluctant to loosen its grasp.

424 · Feb 2013
Weeping willow.
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
In an open field
For ages upon ages
Against the winds of life
There stood a lone tree
That had stood tall
A weeping willow

A tribute to sorrow and sadness
An enduring figure entrenched in mourning
Under the open sky

And so the willow wept
Mourning for the broken earth
Crying many tears for the land
It stood in for all of its life

The sorrow it felt
Was so deep
That though the willow could not see nor speak nor hear
It still knew of this great travesty

Then at last the thunder came
And rolled in with the mighty power
Pouring rain on the earth
Rain that cleansed
It washed away the *****
And made all clean

The earth was no longer broken
The skies had split in two
And the world was new

Yet still the willow wept
But now
Now for joy.

419 · Dec 2012
Two hearts.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
I have two hearts
Within my chest
And though they are so close
In proximity
They beat so differently

One heart bursts with love
And yearns to be whole
It strives for peace
Works to hope
Plans a future

The other one
Acts less nobly
And makes me ashamed
Of the hate and pain it harbors

I hope one day
To rip out
My second heart
For I do not
Want it anymore

But for now
I know that I
Have not the will nor ability
To slice myself open
But someday.

399 · Dec 2012
Growth and wisdom.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
I one day decided
That I would try
To race to higher ground
And as soon as the thought
Had left my mouth
The ground grew higher
Thickets and brambles seemed to grow
In a matter of mere minutes

But still I went
With brave heart
And delved into the thicket

The more I ran
The more I hurt
And feel and bruised my knees
But carried on

I found my legs were growing weak
Much too quickly
My calves burned
And I fell
I cut my face

I kept on for a long time
Though it was rather painful
And then I realized I had gone
A very short way

And so I cried out
Why, oh why?
Does the land fight back when so hard I try?

And a voice
Inside my head
That is not my own

It said
Do you not see?
Are you so blind?
When you struggle so
You are made strong
Though you have not gained miles
You have grown
Grown more than you can see
From your current state
Now you are as you should be

You spend your time
Searching and seeking
For wisdom you do not have
You see you are not the end
Not should you be
And so
You have grown.

398 · Dec 2012
Only you can go.
Taylor Stein Dec 2012
There often is
An idea that it is the best
To open your heart
And give the inside away
And I agree

But sometimes
The inverse is nice
Small joys, secret pleasures
Can be delightful

I love the way the sky looks
Above a parking lot
When the fog is besieging the night
A brilliant, orange glow

I relish it to myself
Not needed to share the moment
Though it is not a secret

The idea of secrets
Is they hold darkness

I think is only true
In some cases
For I believe
That in some places
The best moments
Are relished alone
A place where only you can go.

393 · Jan 2013
Defining moments.
Taylor Stein Jan 2013
Lying in my bed, my mind begins to stir
Glowing lamplights of reminiscence

I can still remember all the moments
In my life
That defined me
Shaped my being

I still can picture them
And I treasure them
Bright jewels in the dust
Not all good, still none bad

I can still see the lights shining, thoughts rushing
Through my head

I wish you were with me
I'm falling apart
I love you, even after what you did.

389 · Apr 2013
Taylor Stein Apr 2013
I am running
From you to them
And back again
Sorry I am
But running all the same

For I am too filled with fear
To let myself close
I tend to get hurt

And this is just as much
My own fault
As it is yours

My expectations are vast mountains
To which you cannot even begin to measure up to
And I recognize this

But it also can be you
Who rips my heart, apart

I found myself so dark and bitter
For I was trying
To find everything I am in you

So let me quickly race
Pausing only momentarily
With those I love
For they are many

But mostly, I am trying to protect myself.

388 · Feb 2013
Taylor Stein Feb 2013
Denial lingered
Like an old friend
Unwilling to go

Then anger came
Storming in
And ripping apart my soul

Bargaining then arrived
For it bore a painful price

Depression I fear
Is setting in
And permeating my soul

Acceptance is a flighty bird
I have yet to catch
But when I do, what then?

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